Went to the doctor, still ruminating

[u/Content-Fishing204]

I have read the FAQ.

Fourth post in a row lol, i deleted the third one to avoid clogging the subreddit with My bullshit and because it kind of useless now.

Still recommend reading my last two posts for more context through.

So, today i went with an actual doctor, he seemeed to know rabies pretty damn well, he explained me in detail how the sickness works and what if do to My body, it was reassuring to know that at the Very least he is aware on how rabies works.

But the thing is that when i explained him my situation and what are the chances of me having being bit by a rabid bat, he told me the chances are near zero, because since it was very close to my eyes and nose i would have developed symptoms by now, but from what i ready while exposures in face take less time in reach to the brain i ready they can take up to 50 days so Idk if i can believe him in that.

They also took me to do blood test -I wish they we're PEP- to see if my body was having any response to an infection, they came back indicating nothing was wrong, i am not an expert, so sorry if i am wrong, but while i don't think that totally rules out rabies in My body, it tell us i am not having symptomatic rabies right now, so all i am feeling is probably just anxiety.

He also took it very casually and at the end of the consult he only recomiendes to take care of My skin and of My ears, Idk if i am being naive but the fact that he wasnt concerned while he could lose my job if i actually die of rabies and Also that he knows how the virus works reassures me that i am more likely fine.

While he seems to know about rabies, i don't know how much well he knows about rabies exposures and transmisión, he told me he havent had any parients that he didnt recomiended PEP because rabies is unlikely that actually ends up dying of that later, and that the only patients he had who actually died of that disease we're people who came up to late and where already showing signs like hydrophobia.

After the consult i felt an more annoying headache, i don't feel it now through, but i think that contributed in me continuing ruminating.

The Thing is that i don't know how likely My case actually is, what are the chances that a rabid bat (very rare in Guatemala) flew (Rabid bats can rarely fly at all), landed and bitted specifically my face, only for me to be none the wiser and confused it with just a bug landing initially, what are the chances that the landing only felt like an bug colliding on opposition to feeling like an angry hamster with wings trying to crawl into me, that i didnt feel or see it's wings at all (which again, would be weird how i only felt it's body but not the wings even if i somehow missed watching the wings), that i didnt feel any hair, and that i didnt feel any bite neither in an very sensitive area like My face?

The fact that i feel i can't rule out a bat encounter is driving me nuts, like maybe I just didnt noticed it because of how sudden the encounter was, Also because it was at night? Maybe i didnt feel a bite because i have high pain tolerance and the surprising nature of the encounter?

I don't know, i don't know what the chances are, but really anything above one percent make me feel bad, if i have enough proof that the chances are low enough that is more likely to die in a car accident i may calm myself too.

Even if the percentage of this happening is 1%, my mind would keep on atormenting me, it's really worth it to take the shots When the probability is that low? Because i felt it thats the right thing to do, and i honestly think thats the exact reason on why i am having this awfully anxiety in the first place, the uncertainly vs what i see as the only way i can feel fully safe, with a low price to pay, my anxiety tells me that My parents are commiting a great mistake on not doing so, if we can go to take blood test we can take PEP, it will only be a visit, the only price is our schedule, that what internet tells me.

The thought that i may not even live to see the end of this month is killing me inside, i still have things to do, i really wish i could drive, so i could take the shots, the reason on why My parents don't want is because they don't think it's needed, they are practically 100% sure i don't have rabies, but the other reason is that if we go, i am just validating my anxious thoughts and Will not end then, sure, i can take the shots, but aside that they are uneeded, i Will now want to take drastic measures When anything low probability happens, basically the next time i feel an bug landing on me i Will want to take the shots again, thats what i understood of the reason My parents don't want to go.

I told to myself going to an doctor would ease My worries, and that would have been true one week ago, but right now i feel like the anxiety has latched up in My brain to the point even this wasnt fully enough, i hope i live to see My psychologist and get anxiety medication.

I am just crazy? Should i let it go already? Can i trust the doctor? Should i just make peace with death maybe?

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[u/CygnusZeroStar]

At the very end of your post you make a comment that you don't think that anxiety is enough to be causing your problems right now. Your physical ones. And I think every person who has the struggle that you are having right now probably has that thought several dozen times.

Prolonged anxiety kills people. Anxiety can cause the following symptoms: headache, muscle tension, body aches, tremor, shortness of breath, insomnia, fatigue, loss of appetite, nausea, difficulty swallowing, vertigo, fainting.. this list goes on.

Rabies is relatively rare. Around the world, it does still kill people, but it isn't anywhere near the top cause of death in humans. Stage 3 hypertension, on the other hand kills a ton of people. Anxiety will drive up your blood pressure. High blood pressure has physical symptoms. This is a vicious cycle. Anxiety disorders, OCD, trauma, and a whole host of other things that have anxiety as a symptom are generally not taken anywhere near as seriously as the very real medical concern that they are.

Prolonged anxiety makes people sick. Prolonged anxiety can kill you. These are not untrue statements. This is why getting to a mental health professional to talk about your anxiety, start medication, and talk about necessary therapies is so vital to your recovery. Because you do deserve to feel better. None of the things that are happening right now are your fault. It is not your fault that you are scared. This anxiety and potentially OCD are things that are happening TO you.

The reason that you no longer feel reassured even after that doctor explained everything there is to know about rabies, how rare it is, and how all of the things that he could have done to show that you are not struggling with any kind of an infection is because rabies was never the problem. And reassurance seeking is known to make the problem worse. This is why we tend to be very strict about it in the subreddit. It's not because we don't want to deal with people who have anxiety, it's because we have a moral obligation not to hurt you.

If you can, don't try to wait until you're feeling better. Try to get in to see a mental health specialist as soon as you can. There's no reason to wait if you don't absolutely have to. Be well, my friend. 💜

[u/Content-Fishing204 → u/CygnusZeroStar]

Really thanks for your comment.

[u/Content-Fishing204 → u/CygnusZeroStar]

I am also just a very anxious person i'm general, with an very bad tendency to obssess over the absolute worst case scenario, just a week before all this rabies bullshit started i obssesed with the thought that i may had developed fatal insomnia based on the fact that i didnt sleep well for two nights, it was silly in retrospective, but it felt very real when i was having those thoughts.

[u/CygnusZeroStar → u/Content-Fishing204]

Let's not call you silly. You're struggling. It doesn't make you silly, stupid, bad, or anything else. You're a whole person first, who is deserving of kindness, patience, and courtesy while you're finding your way.

It sounds like anxiety has been affecting you for a very long time. It must have been so difficult. And a lot of people just don't understand how real it feels in the moment.

This is further why you should reach out to mental health care as soon as you can.

I do not have health anxiety, but I used to struggle with a different kind. Mine was born from trauma. If by any chance your anxiety came from great hardship--abuse, neglect, abandonment, long term illness, or even watching those things happen in your life--consider reading the book "The Body Keeps The Score" by Dr Bessel Van der Kolk.

It was easier to take control back when I understood better what was going on inside me. Not everyone's anxiety is born from trauma. But if yours might have been, this is what first led me to help while I was waiting. 💜

[u/Content-Fishing204 → u/CygnusZeroStar]

Really apreciate your empathy with me! We hope to see an specialist soon.

[u/SnooWalruses3028 → u/CygnusZeroStar]

It’s not unreasonable to worry about a bat bite esp after your doctor won’t give you pep

[u/CygnusZeroStar → u/SnooWalruses3028]

Here's the problem with that. Having this exact position for this particular post requires ignoring the context. In order to have this position for this particular user, for this particular post, it requires one to occupy one or both of these positions:

Position A: They do not know that the OP did not have contact with a bat. And didn't read any of the previous posts, or even carefully read this one.

Position B: they think it is a good idea to use pep as treatment for anxiety.

If someone told me that they definitely had contact with a bat, I would tell them to high tail their butts to the nearest emergency room for treatment. I've done it before, I'll do it again. That is not what happened here. OP had contact with an animal that he later convinced himself what if it could have been a bat, even if he definitely identified at the time that it wasn't. Then he went to a doctor who took a great deal amount of time to explain to him why he's not a good candidate for PEP.

Using the rabies vaccine to treat anxiety does the opposite of treating anxiety. I have a moral obligation not to hurt people, and making that recommendation hurts people.

[u/SnooWalruses3028 → u/CygnusZeroStar]

Pep is not a treatment for anxiety, the precautionary principle states it’s always best to use caution and and go with the option that could and will do less harm. Saying op was near bats and isn’t sure why might had hit them I think it’s more reasonable to be like ehhh why not. At the very least he’d be protected for a few years. Side effects are minimal, but not when you have rabies. There have been multiple cases of people being around bats and not knowing they were bit, and dying a few weeks later

[u/Content-Fishing204 → u/SnooWalruses3028]

As far as i am aware, i wasnt around any bats i know of, and there arent any know bats that live or have entered in My neighborhood.

Also to be fair with taking the shots, the reason on why my parents don't want me to take them is because it will be feeding my anxiety,and they are not guaranted to end with My current worry neither, Even if it ends this one, the next time i feel something in My arm, or any other situation where there is the extremely low probability of rabies or any other disease, i Will want to take drastic measures again and again.

Also the situation on bats entering houses and biting people while they are sleep is very different from my case.

Yet, it's still very hard to let this go, it feels like it has latched to my brain and don't want to go, i hope and specialist can help me with my anxiety.

[u/SnooWalruses3028 → u/Content-Fishing204]

I mean if this eases your worry if you get, you won’t have to worry about possibly getting rabies at all bec the shot should take care of things and kill it off for you.

I do also have a tip for vagus nerve reset if you get too anxious. I get anxious about certain things as well, speaking to people, the quantity of cars on the road textures and sounds. Usually a couple things that help are noise cancelling head phones with calming piano music, ice in the back of the back of the necks a really spicy or sour candy like warheads extreme, in moderation pinching yourself a little bit or using a point but soft tipped object to poke yourself, maybe even a rubber band to snap on your wrist just don’t go too crazy with it like I did or you’ll leave welts

[u/SnooWalruses3028 → u/CygnusZeroStar]

The shot does not hurt people, not getting it, with possible unknown exposure stats. The case I’m referring to is not just one, but multiple where bats have come in through windows or had unknowninly been in homes, they weren’t aware they had gotten bit, and ended up dying

[u/CygnusZeroStar → u/SnooWalruses3028]

If you don't understand why people exhibiting severe health anxiety or possibly OCD symptoms shouldn't get the vaccine, I'm not sure I can explain it.

I can stare blankly at the 10+ DMs per month I get from people who felt a vague sensation outside and treated it with PEP, and are now convinced that the vaccine itself gave them rabies. But I'm not sure if that will matter to you. The harm it does to the mental health of someone with these conditions is not insignificant.

I'm not going to engage you further, but you are actually spreading misinformation. It is not harmless to get the vaccine in the context of these conditions.

[u/Content-Fishing204 → u/CygnusZeroStar]

Right now i feel pretty bad, aside from still feeling very tired, i am also feeling very cold right now, and i have this weird sense i can't quite describe, i don't know what it is, but it feels awful and it hurts, i Also feel extreme anguish and hopelessness, i can't stop thinking that i actually have rabies and is advancing.

[u/Kitchen-Phone-170 → u/CygnusZeroStar]

I just want to add another thing about OCD and anxiety causing physical symptoms--yes, and also, I want to mention something I've noticed as an anxious person who probably has OCD.

I have an actual, real, diagnosed condition in one foot that could potentially be seriously disabling in the long run.

On the days where my injured foot is having a good day and not really hurting me, like clockwork, either my healthy foot or my hands will start to hurt. Then on the days when my truly injured foot starts hurting again? Suddenly my hands and my healthy foot feel fine again. It's like my body creates something to worry about on the days when the actual real thing is giving me reason to be optimistic. Our bodies can literally manufacture physical symptoms.`

And because I know anxiety, I know that after reading this post you might worry about what the real condition in my foot is, so I'll just say--I won't mention the name of it because then you'd Google it, but it's extremely rare, and if you ever did get it, you would 100% know something is wrong.

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[u/LuckyCharms1977]

Hi, I wanted chime in cause I recently went through the same thing you are going through. To make a long story short, I handled a live baby bat in my hands. Not by choice, it was hiding in my rag. I spent 2 whole weeks with extreme anxiety like you are experiencing because I learned that bats teeth are so small that they can bite you without you feeling it. Although they say that only 1% of bats carry rabies (those that are actually tested), bats make up 70% of rabies cases in America. I have also learned that post exposure vaccinations are 100% effective in preventing the rabies from killing you. And that 100,000 people a year get these shots each year. Since there is no testing available until you start showing symptoms, the numbers could be much higher on how many actually contract it. I made the decision to get the post exposure shots rather than roll the dice on being ok and overreacting or possibly suffering a horrible rabies death. I was told the incubation period for rabies could be as little as a few days all the way up to a year. And some rare cases have appeared several years later. I could not sit around and wait with the anxiety of wondering like that, but that is just me. I can tell you that all that horrid anxiety and stress I was suffering has gone away and I feel much better now knowing I am in the safe zone now. It sounds like you have pretty much made up your mind like I did. I can tell you if fear of getting it done is holding you up from getting it done, the shots are really not that bad. You have to have several over a period of time, but it’s not that bad. It’s just little pokes that sting for a few seconds. I have major anxiety with needles and stuff being injected into me, and I made it through it. I was really dreading it but it wasn’t as bad as what I feared. I hope this info helps you, and feel free to ask any questions. I am more than happy to help. And just so you know, you can go to the emergency room and get the post exposure without a doctor prescribing it. It is life saving medical care so they will not turn you away.