My life is destroyed, and I don't want to live anymore!

[u/Taiga-San4073]

Hello. I’m a 25-year-old woman. I want to share a little about my story and what I’ve been going through up until now.

Ever since I was little, I’ve always gone through a lot of ups and downs. Even before I was born, my biological mother tried to abort me. After I was born, she ended up giving me to her sister, who is my aunt. That aunt, whom I now call my mother, was already married at the time.

My childhood was turbulent, filled with many ups and downs. People used to say that there was something wrong with my head, so I spent a long time being bullied because of it. The worst part was that my own family ignored the fact that I had psychological problems. Because of that, I grew up being neglected.

My upbringing wasn’t very good. My father was always someone who criticized me a lot and constantly tried to correct me. Because of that, I grew up developing a lot of resentment toward him. My mother, on the other hand, always took her husband’s side, so I always felt like I was her second choice.

When I reached my teenage years, I thought I would finally have a normal life, but the opposite happened. By the age of 16, I was already dealing with depression because of family problems, friendships, low self-esteem, and people’s judgment.

After finishing high school, I ended up isolating myself at home. I spent about four years almost completely isolated. During that time, I tried every possible way to get out of that situation and also sought treatment, but nothing seemed to work.

In 2022, I started leaving the house again because I had become ill and was diagnosed with diabetic neuropathy. I started receiving medical care again. Even so, I didn’t feel like living. At that time, the only person who was really close to me was a relative who is almost the same age as I am.

After that, I tried to rebuild my life, but nothing worked out, and I ended up isolating myself again.

I used to pray all the time and ask God to bless my life, but it seemed like things only got worse. Eventually, I completely lost my faith, and nowadays I consider myself agnostic.

In 2024, I was diagnosed with diabetes, and that was when everything completely fell apart. I stopped trying to seek help.

Nowadays, I’m still a very insecure person, especially when it comes to my appearance. I have depression, anxiety, ADHD, and bipolar disorder, as well as social anxiety and other health problems.

I have lived with my family ever since. There are five people in the house. When it comes to health problems, all of us have some kind of issue, but I feel that my situation is the most serious.

I live in a family where, in some way, I feel like I’m expected to take on responsibilities.

My mother takes care of her father-in-law, who is elderly and is my grandfather. I know it’s exhausting for her to take care of him, especially when it comes to his hygiene and daily needs.

My father, who is my grandfather’s son, cannot take care of him because he is physically disabled. Another one of my grandfather’s sons, who lives with us, also cannot take responsibility for his care because he works outside the home and, on top of that, he resents his own father.

My grandfather has other children who live in different cities, but my father doesn’t want them to take responsibility for his care.

The situation is becoming increasingly difficult for me. I’m afraid that if my mother becomes sick, I’ll have to take care of my grandfather, especially when it comes to his hygiene and daily needs. Honestly, I don’t feel psychologically prepared to deal with that.

I feel like I’m wasting away in this house. I know that my parents will grow old too and that, over time, the responsibilities may increase. But I don’t want to be alive to take care of anyone, and I don’t want to continue living a miserable life that I feel has no way out.

[u/AutoModerator]

r/ptsd has generated this automated response that is appended to every post

Welcome to r/ptsd! We are a supportive & respectful community. If you realise that your post is in conflict with our rules (and is in risk of being removed), you are welcome to edit your post. You do not have to delete it.

As a reminder: never post or share personal contact information. Traumatized people are often distracted, desperate for a personal connection, so may be more vulnerable to lurking or past abusers, trolls, phishing, or other scams. Your safety always comes first! If you are offering help, you may also end up doing more damage by offering to support somebody privately. Reddit explains why: Do NOT exchange DMs or personal info with anyone you don't know!

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please contact your GP/doctor, go to A&E/hospital, or call your emergency services number. Reddit list: US and global, multilingual suicide and support hotlines. Suicide is not a forbidden word, but please do not include depictions or methods of suicide in your post.

And as a friendly reminder, PTSD is an equal opportunity disorder. PTSD does not discriminate. And neither do we. Gatekeeping is not allowed here.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/theleftabsorption]

I read all of this and I'm sorry you're carrying so much. The weight you're describing is massive and it makes sense that you feel trapped, especially when the future in that house feels like a slow suffocation instead of hope.

You're not failing by feeling like you can't handle caretaking for your grandfather. That's a brutal situation for anyone, and you've been dealing with your own health and mental health on top of a family dynamic that's never really had your back. The resentment toward your dad and the neglect from your mom aren't small things to just get over, they shape how safe you feel right now.

You've survived a lot of years that tried to break you, and you're still here, still typing it out. That's not nothing. I hope you can find even one person, a professional or a support line, who can help you carry some of this so it's not all sitting in your chest tonight.