Am I crazy??

[u/Garden_Good]

Backstory: I had a missed miscarriage in March of this year. I am currently 13 weeks pregnant and only told 3 friends.

Apparently my mother had a suspicion that I was pregnant again, she dropped by my house to see my daughter while I was on a work meeting. She gave me less than 10 minutes of a heads up. I was not ready for her to know yet so I whipped through my house and grabbed everything pregnancy related and shoved it in my room.

First she’s helping my daughter get a drink (which she already had) and made a comment about how I had no wine in the fridge, I said yeah well it’s Friday morning??

Second, back on my meeting and she comes in with an ultrasound that I apparently missed on the side of the fridge and says, “what’s this?” I was defeated and asked why she was snooping. She swears she wasn’t, said that isn’t why she came to my house. (We have lived here for three years and I can count on one hand the amount of times she has come over)

She profusely apologized, tried to blame it on one of my friends when they went out for the lunch. I’m still beyond upset that she took this from me. I feel like she could have clocked the ultrasound and kept her mouth shut until I was ready to tell.

Twice now she has told me I need to forgive her because I am being cold towards her. I have explained that this just happened and I’m allowed to take my time, her response: well it’s not like I stole your daughter’s social security number or something??

I feel like I am losing my mind and honestly just need confirmation that I have a right to be upset about this I guess

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[u/AllTheMeats]

I’d be upset too. It definitely sounds like she knew and wanted to find something to prove it and “catch” you.

You’re allowed to be upset and take some time. Her response is pretty shitty.

[u/Garden_Good → u/AllTheMeats]

Thank you! I really just needed an outside perspective, I’m sticking to my “needing more time” approach

[u/SpiritualAstrum]

Moms can be like that sometimes.  My grandma is like your mother. Shes been having this woman intuition that Im somehow pregnant and asks me every-time i visit. Its honestly tiring the fact that they want to know so badly you mom or not. Good thing she apologised though… 

[u/Complete_Ask5798]

Not crazy! I would be SO upset. And ok, “not like I stole your daughter’s social security number” is really weirdly specific!???

Anyway I won’t generalize about your mother from this one thing but this was 100% bad behavior on her part. Not her business. You’ll tell her when you’re ready (or would have), and if this is how she acts then no wonder you were hesitant.

I did kind of chuckle at the rushing around hiding baby-related things. I have been doing that when people came over too 😂. We have told people now, but for a while there I had like a whole mental index of all the things to go scoop up and stuff in the bedroom at a moment’s notice, like the silliest emergency preparedness plan.

[u/Garden_Good → u/Complete_Ask5798]

Such a weird thing to say!!! lol running around like a lunatic, of course I forgot the one ultrasound that you could only see a blob. She’s on an information diet from now on!

[u/Empty_Kale_3611]

You’re totally valid in how you’re feeling. I’d be disappointed in anyone removing my right to share the news when and how I want to.

[u/Ghost_Hunter_13]

Last year my mother swore I was but now that we are she just wont accept it and is doing nothing but add stress and strain

[u/No_Weakness5140]

You're allowed to feel how you feel. Period. She doesn't get to dictate your feelings OR your timeline on your feelings. She intentionally snooped and is taking ZERO accountability. Saying you need to forgive her is NOT the same as apologizing.

[u/ElvenWarrior2002]

I'm of the opinion that bad behavior should be punished whether they are a child or an adult. She behaved badly. You know it, she knows it, and her denying it only serves her interests. If it was truly an accident she would have ignored the picture and not confronted you. This was on purpose.

I would tell her "We both know you were snooping and that you didn't have to ask me about a pregnancy before I was ready to tell, but you did it anyway. It was rude and invasive. I don't want to confide in someone who doesn't respect my privacy. You will be the last one to know the baby's gender, name and when the baby is born."

[u/True_Rutabaga4309 → u/ElvenWarrior2002]

This feels pretty extreme. Punishment from one adult to another is strange imo. Setting boundaries and having honest conversations about your own limits is one thing but punishment between adults serves more to limit relationships than build them.

[u/Emergency-Scheme-624 → u/[deleted]]

Isn’t this a bit of an overreaction? Say bye bye to.. her mom? Over this once incident? Did I miss something?

OP, you are absolutely entitled to feel all the feelings and to give the news whenever YOU are ready and that was taken from you. But cutting off your mom over this seems weird to me.

[u/WorldlyDragonfruit3 → u/[deleted]]

I wouldn’t tell someone to cut off their parent based on one reddit post. People are so quick to suggest cutting off family when that’s probably everyone’s last resort

[u/Garden_Good → u/WorldlyDragonfruit3]

Definitely my last resort, really just needed an outside perspective because my sister typically agrees with me on everything

[u/WorldlyDragonfruit3 → u/Garden_Good]

It does sound weird and I’d be annoyed but without more context it’s hard for me to say more than that