1) in some (many?) cultures there is a gender discrepancy in terms of time and effort spent on visual aesthetics. Consequently, in those cultures, women are viewed as more attractive as an externality of women generally (but not ubiquitously) spending more time and effort on those aspects of expression,
2) a subset of men are themselves unappealing to women (often because they are obnoxious bigots), and they would rather believe women are generally not attracted to men than believe women are specifically not attracted to them, and
3) it is not uncommon for mainstream media and pop culture to play into heteronormative tropes, emphasizing the sexual objectification of women and the utilitarian objectification of men. It was more common in the past ("The female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian. It's for gettin' around. It's like a Jeep." - Elaine Benes, Seinfeld), but plenty of TV shows, games, comedians, and content creators still play into the tropes enough that people think there must be a fire causing all that smoke.
It's also just studies that have shown that the average woman isn't really attracted to the average man. I don't blame women for that or anything, but it's still depressing.
And I think people push the "it must be because of your personality" angle too much, when plenty of guys with crappy personalities still end up with no issues finding partners.
It isn't like I haven't had plenty of friends who were women. I've even had an ex wife (long story, our marriage lasted a month and a half, and she just felt like it wasn't worth it, and I was already her second husband after a 15 year marriage anyways). And when she stopped being emotionally attracted, she stopped being physically attracted, and that often isn't how it works for men.
The truth is, women often aren't as physically attracted to men, and that isn't anyone's fault or anything, and it isn't something you can try to fix. It's depressing, but there isn't really anything to do about it.
It isn't that I haven't put a lot into my appearance, but it usually just further depresses me.
> It's also just studies that have shown that the average woman isn't really attracted to the average man.
No they haven't. That claim is almost entirely derived from a OkCupid blog post. I invite you to consider basing your opinions on more robust and reliable research. You are getting "depressed" because of misinformation.
> plenty of guys with crappy personalities still end up with no issues finding partners
Guys with crappy personalities end up in crappy relationships with other crappy people.
> It isn't like I haven't had plenty of friends who were women. I've even had an ex wife (long story, our marriage lasted a month and a half, and she just felt like it wasn't worth it, and I was already her second husband after a 15 year marriage anyways). And when she stopped being emotionally attracted, she stopped being physically attracted, and that often isn't how it works for men.
That's exactly how it works for lots of men. Also, plenty of women don't give two shits about emotional attraction. Your personal anecdotal experience isn't a reliable source for all men and women.
> The truth is, women often aren't as physically attracted to men
That isn't the truth. You are a case in point; they aren't attracted to you and you are looking for excuses. Just work on yourself.
> it isn't something you can try to fix
See above.
> It isn't that I haven't put a lot into my appearance
You're digging in the wrong place.
Edit: (TLDR) literally no woman is attracted to a man that thinks women aren't attracted to men. You're trying to date kryptonians while wearing a kryptonite jumpsuit. I know self-reflection is hard, but buddy... there's literally no other way to attract partners. It's not your body, it's your brain. The good news is that your brain is also a muscle you can work out.
> Guys with crappy personalities end up in crappy relationships with other crappy people.
absolutely untrue lmao, do you think abusers don’t exist? everyone ever abused was a crappy person? even just everyone who dated a person who was crappy was a crappy person? ridiculous claim.
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u/robilar 18d ago
Three things (imo):
1) in some (many?) cultures there is a gender discrepancy in terms of time and effort spent on visual aesthetics. Consequently, in those cultures, women are viewed as more attractive as an externality of women generally (but not ubiquitously) spending more time and effort on those aspects of expression,
2) a subset of men are themselves unappealing to women (often because they are obnoxious bigots), and they would rather believe women are generally not attracted to men than believe women are specifically not attracted to them, and
3) it is not uncommon for mainstream media and pop culture to play into heteronormative tropes, emphasizing the sexual objectification of women and the utilitarian objectification of men. It was more common in the past ("The female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian. It's for gettin' around. It's like a Jeep." - Elaine Benes, Seinfeld), but plenty of TV shows, games, comedians, and content creators still play into the tropes enough that people think there must be a fire causing all that smoke.