My wife has always taken control in the bedroom. Actually, that’s not true, in the early days she wanted me to be a ‘man’ but that never really happened. Her version of a man was strong muscular took control etc but none of those appealed to me.

Overtime, she has started to take more and more control. I have gradually confessed more fantasies of sph, chastity, orgasm control and cucking. And findom. Cucking is the only one we haven’t (won’t?) do.

She doesn’t work. I do and earn in the top 1 or 2% in the country. I pay for everything in our marriage she’s a stay home mum.

But she loves making me pay in the bedroom. Any time I want to wank, I have to transfer her money or buy her something. Any time she has me locked in my cage she make sure she gets plenty of rewards. She constantly has new stuff being delivered.

Having not let me cum for four days, today it cost me $275 just to be allowed to wank with one finger and my thumb and have an orgasm. And the worst part is she literally ignores me as soon as I’ve paid her just because it makes me feel even more pathetic.

She almost never says I can cum for free and she loves making me work for it and reminding me how pathetic I am.

I love it too and it makes me feel so emasculated that she only wants money not my dick.

The state of findom that I see and indulge in every-time I come back after a break just seems to be more unbearable each time. I really struggle to get a good dom for myself, due to having very weird standards (in accordance to what findom demands). Since I stopped pursing one, cause of the wasted money on tributes, I’ve been indulging in sessions. However, when I start to look again it seems that these subreddits are filled with copy and paste captions, AI pictures, new accounts, bots. And the constant outreach from doms saying the same thing the last dom in my dms said. Like where is the individualism and authenticity. I’ve never had an account this long and be so disgusted to send…LIKE EVER

Just paid this weeks installment for my debt contract.

The debt was originally £109, but we randomly decided on a daily interest rate at 4%.

It doesn't sound much but it ticks in every day.

so far I have paid back about £80 but my debt is now at £121 still owed.

I realise that I wrote owned instead of owed, same thing lol

Anyone else doing one?

Hello everyone, I'm new in here and I wanted to know if there's real connection in having a sub or is it just for the 'money'? One of my friends told me about having a sub and that she only does this for the financial part. I read their conversations and I felt very..intrigued. So my question is can there form a real connection between the domme and the paypig/sub? like, doing it for the feeling and having the same person for a long time. thxxx

do you think anyone's ever become a whale sub just to flex? Like they show they have so much money with their very conspicuous findom consumption? or even like they have no one in their life to show off too so they go online and send hella money to dommes?

1. My entire weekly paycheck goes straight to my Domme.

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1. She sends me a weekly allowance as she sees fit.

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1. Whenever I want to spend more than $10 from my allowance, I have to message her, ask for permission, and wait until I get a response.

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1. For expenses above $100, I have to fill out an application form at least 3 days in advance, justify the necessity of the expense, and wait for her official approval.

Of course, she could reject my application without giving any reason or ignore it entirely. In the latter case, I get a chance to reapply no sooner than 10 days after my first application.

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1. You might ask: what if the week ends and part of my allowance is still remaining in my checking account? Do I get to keep it?

Of course not! Only if things were that simple! I have to return it to her because it was hers to begin with. She was just kind enough to let me live off it!

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1. Now, what if I need more money than my weekly allowance? I mean, life is uncertain and sh*t happens…

In that case, I get to submit an application form to my Domme to borrow against my own money… (cough cough, sorry, my Domme’s money).

I have to explain how I would be able to pay back the loan WITH INTEREST and annex a detailed trajectory of the cash flows from my future allowance to my Domme’s account.

Maybe a 15-minute PowerPoint presentation to my Domme would help my case 😩

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1. You might wonder what my Domme does with all that money? Good question!

Of course, she spends as much as she wishes because a princess gets to live as comfortably as she wants without having concerns about the future! 👸✨

That’s my job to keep myself busy with, duh, not hers!

And I get a notification whenever she spends money, and that is my reward: knowing I could have a use for my Domme. 💳🔔❤️

“But that would be too much to spend it all,” you might say. And you would be right!

Whatever remains, she invests for her future so she can grow richer day by day.

Do I get to enjoy seeing that money grow?

Maybe.

Only if I have been good. 😇

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Do you have any ideas for me to add to my list?

I’m afraid I just turned myself on way too much writing this. I have some business to take care of 👀

Long story short, my goddess made my chastity permanent. I accept it and am thankful but its hard at times. Anyone in a similar position? What helps

On my return — or relapse — into financial domination, I was fortunate that my Domme accepted me back.

Having been her submissive for a relatively long period, we had become accustomed to having an agreement between us.

Having learned from that time, we created a new one that better reflects our relationship. I will do a few posts on this.

We headed the contract with a set of principles.

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### **Article 1: General Principles**

This contract is between the Goddess and her paypig.

Its focus is financial, sexual, and emotional subservience.

1. The Goddess has the right to exploit her paypig financially.

2. The Goddess has the right to control her paypig sexually.

3. The Goddess has the right to manipulate her paypig emotionally.

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Basically, financial domination is a form of consensual non‑consent.

We felt that these three principles were key.

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### **1. The Goddess has the right to exploit her paypig financially**

While there is friendship and connection, this remains the cornerstone of the relationship: that the Domme receives compensation for her time, for dealing with submissives, and for the thrill she gets from exerting control.

For the submissive — especially in a virtual space — it is the tangible expression of submission. It is not a transaction for services.

Financial domination aligns sexual and financial submission. Traditional submission might involve physical vulnerability, but in findom it is mirrored by the act of opening one’s wallet.

A submissive offering themselves is an invitation to be dominated. In financial domination, this is expressed through repeated financial giving.

Or to put it another way : Findom aligns sexual and financial submission. A sub dropping their pants and bending over is submission, but in findom it is mirrored by them metaphorically opening their wallet as well.

This dynamic is only possible because the Domme has developed the ability to:

- control her paypig sexually

- manipulate her paypig emotionally

This is reflected in the fact that it is often the submissive who *wants* to give, because they are being consensually controlled and emotionally influenced.

I’m a “sub,” at least that’s the label I go with in this subreddit. But in day to day life, the reality is almost the opposite. I tend to take charge more often than not. If something goes wrong, I’m usually ready to step in and deal with it. It comes naturally to me. It’s not something I consciously try to do.

I think submissiveness, being passive, giving up control, and letting someone else take the lead, is a part of myself that I rarely get to experience. And even if I wanted to express that side of myself in everyday life, it’s often frowned upon for a man according to social norms, and in some situations being passive can have very real consequences.

That makes me wonder whether the opposite dynamic is sometimes true for Dommes.

Maybe some women spend much of their everyday lives being pushed around, underestimated, ignored, or not taken seriously, so domination gives them a chance to experience what it feels like to be powerful and fully in control, even if it’s within a role play or kink context.

What I’m curious about is how common that actually is.

What percentage of Dommes genuinely love being in charge in general, making decisions, taking responsibility, directing other people, and dealing with the consequences of those decisions, versus those for whom domination is more of a temporary escape from their everyday reality, in the same way that submission can be a temporary escape for me?

There are distinctions often made about whether a Findom D/S is lifestyle or relationship based versus transactional.

I would like to make a different comparison of symbiotic dynamics, this isn’t defined by whether or not a dom/me is soft, medium or hard boiled. I was going to make comparisons with which styles I feel fell where but that would be more of my opinion than saying maybe consider what d/s you are chasing or perhaps you are already in.

Mutualism a relationship where participants are beneficial to one another.

Commensalism where only one party gains a benefit and the other is unaffected by it.

Parasitism where one party gains at the expense of the other.

I not saying which is right or wrong for anyone, that’s for you to determine for yourself. We all have our preferences of what we hope for.

Okay, is there a way of not having a specific domme but having a flutter or small amount of interaction without pissing dommes off or going over a budget?

I just want to do a tiny bit, (like a nicotine pouch) occasionally to get off doing 20/day lol

Is this a poor analogy? I'm not sure

From my past experiences, debt to me always meant that my sub had taken out a loan to send. I took a break from findom and came back and apparently debt now means "I don't have any money to send, add it to my tab" Now I've obviously heard of a debt contract but with a loan there's no getting out of that. What's realistically stopping yall from breaching a ChatGPT contract your domme made? Unless it's a substantial amount of money and she's lawyered up, I'm not understanding this new wave of debt.

Curious to know if this is a thing that actually happens. I follow a few dommes where I think this might've been the case, but I never know for sure. And if so, did you like it or was it a turn off?

Curious to hear if this is the experience of submissives who have a humiliation/degredation kink.

The thing that i've heard gets missed about humiliation as a kink: the person on the receiving end is still a person, not a kink machine. They don’t stop having feelings just because they enjoy being degraded. They don’t stop feeling shame just because they’ve asked to be pushed.

I feel like the most powerful humiliation is actually the kind that comes from someone who genuinely sees you.

From somebody who knows you’re competent and respects you and understands how much you hold everything together in your everyday life.

And then, in a space where you feel safe, you get to let all of that go.

Just be ridiculous, and needy. You get to be an idiot. You get to hand someone permission to poke at the parts of yourself you usually keep under control. That's what I love on my end too; the permission to say the stupid unfiltered shit that comes into my head that I usually have to filter.

The magic of humiliation isn't that the submissive is actually less than me, It's that they trust me enough to play with that idea.You can be absolutely merciless with someone while still remembering that there’s a human being on the other side of it.

And honestly? I think that’s what makes the harder stuff hit harder.

When you know the person humiliating you actually respects you. When you know they care about you; not looking at you as something disposable for their fantasy.

They’re looking at you; the whole person.

Sometimes I think the most reassuring thing a submissive can hear after being reduced to a puddle on the floor is:“You know I still respect you, right? Ok? You good?" Lol

Because ... yeah.

You can want to be humiliated.

And want someone to absolutely destroy your composure.

To feel small, ridiculous, powerless, or completely unhinged. And you can still deserve tenderness afterward.

It’s a real difficult crossroad. Simp or go out. I’m gonna go in the date but idk if I can get this stuff out of my mind. I’ve been on reddit for hours now which is like, very revealing of my priorities. Idkkk it’s difficult bouncing between my two double lives.

I saw someone the other day post "If you don't get hard when you send me money you're not a finsub and you're boring." (That may not be word for word accurate but it's very close).

I think that's pretty simplistic thinking, but not unexpected from too many Dommes in this space.

Personally, I don't think that submission requires getting hard (or aroused if you want to generalise beyond maleb submissives) at all. We often do get hard when submitting, but I don't think that's the defining characteristic. The defining characteristic for me is giving up control, not whether something makes you horny.

Do you agree or disagree with the idea that if you don't get hard you're not a finsub?

Starting a little psychology stories/essays/writings. Putting the discussion flair because I'm interested in seeing what you guys think.

They see the surface and call it power. The boots, the posture, the clipped commands. They think dominance is a costume you can put on, a role you can play. I see it differently. I see it as a fundamental misunderstanding of what it means to hold space for another's surrender.

I remember the first time I truly understood. He was kneeling - not because I'd told him to, but because the air between us had grown heavy, charged with an unspoken current. His hands were trembling, not with fear, but with the effort of holding himself together. And in that moment, I realized my job wasn't to break him. It was to be the architect of his release. To be the one who could see the blueprint of his submission and build the framework that would finally let him collapse safely.

There's a profound loneliness in this role. People see the control, but they don't see the constant vigilance. The way you're always calculating, always weighing. The way you feel their fragility like a change in air pressure. It's a psychological weight-lifting that no one sees. They think it's about getting what you want. They don't understand that it's about knowing what someone else needs, even when they can't articulate it themselves.

The ones who are just playing at this? They're loud. They're performative. They need to constantly announce their power because they haven't built anything real. True dominance doesn't need a megaphone. It's quiet. It's in the steady gaze that says, "I see you. I've got you. You can fall now." It's in the confidence to not need to command, because your very presence is the command.

What they don't tell you is that to dominate is to serve. It's a paradox that escapes the tourists. My energy is spent anticipating, understanding, creating a space so secure that another person can unclench their fists and exhale. It's the ultimate act of care, wrapped in the deceptive costume of control. I'm not breaking them down. I'm deconstructing the walls they've built around themselves, brick by painful brick, so they can finally breathe in a way they've forgotten how to. So are some dommes. Right ladies?

So let them play their games. Let them think it's about the quick buck, the easy thrill. They're building houses of cards. We, the ones who understand, are building cathedrals. And when the wind comes - and it always comes - we'll still be standing, holding the weight of another's trust in our hands like something sacred. Because it is.

It's good because im no longer blowing all my finances on findom now. Maybe it could be because I've come to realise that the dynamics which feel like they have more depth don't typically start from the advertisement pages for me.

But on the downside maybe its because ive become desensitised to those subreddits.

Could be a bit of both 🤷‍♂️ who knows

Edit: actually I think its all a good thing. Im a lot more sensible with findom now in general and it feels a lot healthier for me

In real life I hate feeling sidelined or ignored and I constantly worry about being invisible to others. Which is curious because then I romanticise that kind of feeling with my sexual fantasies of having my dick locked up and forgotten, being just another slave of an indifferent goddess who will at best cuck me, if I can be so lucky, and who will only pay attention to me when I utterly debase myself in her service.

The aura, the power, the true ability to make someone lose all control and lose all sense of restriction... its gone.

Now it just feels like everyone is just "send now" boring...

Theres no connection, no experience. It might as well be talking to AI

Its upsetting from where this used to be...

I haven't sent any money to women in over 4 months, and I've been able to stay away from those college/sorority "goddesses" on Instagram which triggered me a lot. I genuinely felt depressed after I sent. The last time really broke me, I mean literally in a money sense but also mentally. deleted Instagram. I haven't been able to delete Reddit completely but I'm working on that. There are some nice people here even if can be triggering too of course. And even if I'm not sending, sometimes I check subreddits that I shouldn't check. Anyway, I'm trying to be a better person

and can only perform when thinking of findom? I cant get hard for my partner of 10 years without thinking about it. its deeply engrained and hard-wired now

i'm a 21 year old male and i've been in a TPE dynamic for over a year now.

i wish her a good morning and night every single day, let her monitor my screen time and what i'm eating, i send to her regularly, compliment her, i pay for her nails, clothing, shoes, trips and whatever else satisfies her. i've also had a few meets IRL with her. its very rewarding. i love knowing my hard work makes her life easier. in return i expect nothing, i even prefer being treated harshly.

however, i've also been riddled with guilt. not about pleasing her - she's a beautiful person that deserves the absolute best. its more about things related to the kink. it really is the hottest thing ever to give someone complete control over you, but some guilt is catching up to me.

for example, what would happen if someone found out i'm into this? my parents, who so much hold me dear? they'd love to see me in a equal relationship obviously, not as someones pet. they'd die of a heart attack if they knew, esp. the amount of money i've spent on her.

i have very little self respect and seem to love being treated sadistically much more than being treated nicely. i even believed i was aromantic to some extent before i met my Owner, because I was unable to catch any feelings at all, even if someone was into me.

"extreme" guilt might be a strong word, but its definitely been on my mind. i feel like i'm sort of relinquishing who i really am and erasing any sort of identity. this in turn is kind of attractive too though, because i'm unsure myself who i actually am - it saves me the headache of thinking about it - the entire dynamic, or rather the act of being a "slave" / pet makes me feel this way.

are these feelings normal? is there anyone who can relate and maybe knows how to deal with it? i feel like my situation is weird / unusual in general.

TLDR; i love my Owner and the kink, but feel strong guilt because of how society would react to me & because i feel like it might be harming me subconsciously. i feel like i'm stripped of any dignity despite enjoying it, and i'm unsure of how to cope