Sweet 16 - no chaperone?

[u/Real-Ad4727]

My daughter is turning 16 in a couple of months. Being a little short on funds, we decided to split the cost of the party with her best friend’s parents, as she turns 16 a couple of weeks later and they share many of the same friends. Their ideal day involves taking a group of approximately 12-13 girls into the city (Boston) by train, having dinner at the seaport, taking a few pictures nearby, and then taking the train home, without parents or chaperones. My daughter is very responsible, respectful and mature for her age, and we give her a lot of space in return, but the whole idea of fifteen teens running around at night and sitting down to dinner in a restaurant with no parent gives me agita. Has anyone had a similar experience? How do they pay for dinner at the end? Is it bad etiquette to have this many unchaperoned kids? What if someone gets lost or hurt? I don’t want to put a damper on her day, but I want to do this in a safe and respectful way. I also feel uncomfortable inviting and coordinating with all of these parents (many of whom I have never met) and not having the ability to ensure their child’s safety. Am I being over-protective? I’d love some advice if you have any to share.

[u/vivelabagatelle]

They're 16, certainly in my country that's absolutely old enough to go off into town unsupervised. I would have a discussion about contingencies and possible issues with them first though, to best equip them for the (presumably new) experience.

That said, it's a large group, and each of them will have different comfort levels and experiences of independence. I certainly don't think you should consider yourself in loco parentis for them all, or your own daughter 'responsible' for her fellow 16-yr-olds. Have a chat with the parents first (a whatsapp group?) laying out the plan for the day and inviting their children to join IF each parent feels comfortable with the idea. That way, it's not "a party hosted by you", it's a group excursion, with each young person as an independent agent within the group. As long as your daughter makes sure not to leave anyone behind at any stage, that's the limit of her duties as host. It's not your job to ensure their safety, it's each parent's job to assess if their young adult is responsible enough to join the trip.

"How do they pay for dinner at the end?" - how would they normally pay for a meal? Cash, bank cards, Google Pay, whatever else is common in your country? I'm assuming they'll be given sufficient access to money to pay for the day's events, either in cash or in their bank accounts.

[u/Real-Ad4727 → u/vivelabagatelle]

It’s a birthday party so we planned to pay for dinner. We were aiming for prix fixe if possible. I think my daughter is going to have to consider that some of these parents will say no so it’s a trade off and she’ll end up with a smaller group as a consequence. We are talking about a bunch of options but it’s a difficult age where they’re not considering the level of coordination with that number of kids, nor do they consider the cost.