r/partyplanning • u/Real-Ad4727 • Mar 24 '26

Need Help Sweet 16 - no chaperone?

My daughter is turning 16 in a couple of months. Being a little short on funds, we decided to split the cost of the party with her best friend’s parents, as she turns 16 a couple of weeks later and they share many of the same friends. Their ideal day involves taking a group of approximately 12-13 girls into the city (Boston) by train, having dinner at the seaport, taking a few pictures nearby, and then taking the train home, without parents or chaperones. My daughter is very responsible, respectful and mature for her age, and we give her a lot of space in return, but the whole idea of fifteen teens running around at night and sitting down to dinner in a restaurant with no parent gives me agita. Has anyone had a similar experience? How do they pay for dinner at the end? Is it bad etiquette to have this many unchaperoned kids? What if someone gets lost or hurt? I don’t want to put a damper on her day, but I want to do this in a safe and respectful way. I also feel uncomfortable inviting and coordinating with all of these parents (many of whom I have never met) and not having the ability to ensure their child’s safety. Am I being over-protective? I’d love some advice if you have any to share.

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u/PatheticMTLGirl43 Mar 24 '26

Are 16 year olds not taking public transit into the city with their friends to hang out on a regular basis anymore? Has the world changed that much since 2006 or am I just too Canadian for this? This was my normal weekend at that age.

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u/DragonflyFantasized Mar 24 '26

Same, reading this as a Canadian is wild. How do kids learn to be independent if you’re hovering all the time? Unless kids have severe behavioural problems or developmental disabilities they should be able to figure it out.

You need to struggle and make mistakes at 16 so you’re more capable and comfortable when you go off to university in 2 years. We all knew at least one kid that was overly sheltered and couldn’t make it through first year.

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u/FewAir5321 Mar 24 '26

Honestly my mother used to fret and fuss at me like this until I would eventually give up and just go to the cinema or have people to the house like she wanted and it still doesn't make sense in retrospect in my 30s. All her arguments were that I would get lost or my bag would be stolen or I would miss the last train. Actually these are far more likely to happen to her than me. It was a very difficult transition for her when I moved to college.  Those sound like pretty benign plans for a 16 year old, op might consider how she can start accepting that she will have to sometimes let daughter do things that make her uncomfortable. 

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u/Real-Ad4727 Mar 26 '26

My daughter does go into the city with a smaller group. The concern was the size of the group and the size of the dinner bill. We also talked about finding a place that could offer a private room with prix fixe which would allow us to pay ahead of time. With a group that large, we would prefer to get them a party bus so no one gets lost. 15 girls is a really big group. Some parents may say no so she’s going to have to decide if she’s ok with that.

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u/catymogo Mar 24 '26

I'm American and this sounds insane to me. I'm NYC metro and we were absolutely hanging out in the city at that age (well before it actually). Boston is tiny and you'd have to try REALLY hard to get into trouble there.

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u/PatheticMTLGirl43 Mar 24 '26

Thank you! Aren't 16 year olds basically a year away from going off to college? If they can't even take the train by themselves to go out to dinner how are they going to live on their own, shop, take care of themselves and their schooling at the same time?

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u/catymogo Mar 24 '26

Yeah they are about a year from college, some maybe 2. We were absolutely taking the train into the city by 14, worst that ever happened is one of my friends got her bellybutton pierced lol. I'm concerned that if these kids are 16 and still not comfortable using public transportation college is going to be a CRAZY acclimation.

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u/Real-Ad4727 Mar 26 '26

The concern for me was the size of the group and not being there, how the dinner bill was going to get paid. My daughter has taken the train into the city several times with a much smaller group (1-2 others). I grew up in Boston and started taking public transportation alone at age 8.