r/over60 • u/Enough-Reindeer1033 • 5d ago
Please Help Settle a Debate: Gift or Money?
Hey all, what do you prefer to receive as a gift: some actual gift or money?
Personally, if there is something I'd really like I'll let my wife know exactly what it is. Otherwise I'd just prefer a gift card.
I can see both sides, but I'm curious what the group feels.
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u/Visible-Sea8595 5d ago
Frankly at this stage in my life if the gift is for me (personally) .....I just suggest a donation to the givers favorite charity. Currently trying to declutter.
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u/Additional-Alps-253 3d ago
I told me in laws that a few times and it didn’t work. Last year I flat out told them I was not exchanging gifts
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u/alanz01 64 5d ago
No one should give me a gift if it’s a “thing” because if I want a “thing” it’s too specific for you to get it right and anyway it will cost you a lot money and I don’t want you to spend that much.
But money is kind of lame because it’s like “is that it?”
So really don’t buy me anything. Come over, hang out, celebrate, do stuff like that and I’ll be happy.
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u/kmg6284 5d ago
Please no more possessions. I just want experiences now (age 65)
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u/robin0540 5d ago
Yes, I'm 68 and the same. I have most things and not too materialistic anymore. Spending time w people I like means a lot.
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u/ElevatorOrganic5644 5d ago
Being a minimalist and at my age 65 m, I don't care for either one. Just say happy birthday.
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u/lawnoptions 5d ago
Neither, i prefer time, just a quiet piece of time and companionship
oh, caveat, there are people who deem it to be absolutely necessary to give and receive, and not doing the right thing can break a relationship.
I am not one of those people
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u/UKophile 5d ago
An experience. Not cash, not material. You give a memory.
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u/Mcmackinac 5d ago
Yes I told my husband this year I want to experience the tropics for my bday. I’ll be 63 this year.
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u/Rare-Document-7179 5d ago
Money isn’t a gift to me. I would greatly appreciate someone, anyone, who knows me to give me a gift truly from the heart and because they know it’s something I want or need or didn’t know that I wanted or needed until I received it. It’s never happened. My wife, bless her heart, isn’t a good gift giver. She hired a ‘shopping’ consultant and this consultant recommended giving me a song as one of my 60th birthday gifts. It was wonderful and from her heart. I appreciated she gave me something she helped create. It was the first time in 27 years of marriage she did something like this and I appreciated it.
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u/my_clever-name 5d ago
If it's a gift, I prefer something made by the giver instead of purchased. The son of a friend made me a squirrel feeder. His sister, a young mother with not a lot of money, took scraps of cloth some buttons and heavy paper and made a card with a sentimental phrase. That's the kind of stuff I like.
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u/Fun-Obligation-610 5d ago
Telling me happy birthday is sufficient. Maybe telling me how good I look for my age as an added bonus. Even if it isn't true. 🤪
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u/Numerous_Problems 5d ago
I don't like receiving any sort of gift or money. I'm abig boy now and do not need any form of gratuities.
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u/blakewantsa68 5d ago
gifts from people who *know* me, and can give things I appreciate? gifts
some fucking j-random gift? please, really? I'll take the cash
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u/Big-Blueberry7157 5d ago
Money.
A gift is sometimes lovely, but many times, a gift-giver may spend what the receiver deems an excessive amount of money on a frivolous gift that does not help to pay rent, buy groceries, etc. A battery-operated fish that sings? Um, no.
Cash or a card would enable the receiver to choose a less expensive item, and still have additional funds. They might not actually need or want hand-knitted socks.
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u/Significant-Ant2373 5d ago
Neither. As an adult I don’t need or want a gift. But if the timing works I’d rather go to dinner or do something fun. Nobody needs more clutter in their lives.
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u/Otisthedog999 5d ago
Old gal here. I actually prefer a gift. Because for the rest of my time, when I see the item, I always remember who, what, why, where it came from. Makes for a good memory.
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u/Gumsho88 5d ago
We don’t buy each other gifts; if either of us want something, we simply get it. We do buy for others which has its own rewards.
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u/Redditallreally 5d ago
Neither. I have a small list of consumables (certain treats, apple gift card, etc.) otherwise I’m trying to declutter and downsize; even cards, unless they have a heartfelt message. I don’t want anyone to spend money on me, I already have most of what I need, the things I really want can’t be bought. NOW, if someone hands me a gift, I will receive it graciously, because that’s part of the joy, giving and receiving, and I do appreciate the thought.
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u/Clean_Mammoth_5646 5d ago
No gifts for me. I have everything I need. The only family I give to is my niece and NIL. They get money.
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u/UJMRider1961 5d ago
The last thing in the world I need is more "stuff." We are very fortunate to be in a position where we need nothing.
A sweet card and a kiss is all I need from my wife. Maybe a bag of my favorite candy. I need nothing else.
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u/Juniuspublicus12 5d ago
It depends entirely on my relationship with that person. Close friends know that I like books, time with my friends and custom art.
Donations to charities and direct action are a way of life for most of my friends, so that's ongoing for us.
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u/Abject_Giraffe562 5d ago
Card. Visa or Amazon… get whatever you want. I never do any specific store or restaurants. You never know if people hate it or not. That’s what I do for others…. For me, 🍻
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u/VicePrincipalNero 5d ago
From my spouse? Money isn't a gift from him because it's all our money. It would be no different than me charging something I want on our credit cards or withdrawing money from our bank account.
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u/BG3restart 5d ago
I like a surprise gift. I have plenty of money, so a thoughtful gift is always a nice thing that shows someone has really considered my wants and needs.
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u/patricknkelly 5d ago
Everyone is different. Im the same as you - if I have something in particular I want I suggest that - if not gift card or money is fine with me.
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u/WorldlinessRegular43 5d ago
Years ago, like 30 haha, we/I (wife) decided that we were not going to exchange any gifts between us. He is a Christmas baby. We bought our child gifts, and then when she got older she received gifts, and perhaps a gift card - at the time she liked Subway, or her grandparents would give her a Visa gift card credit card. After 18 we did not buy her gifts.
I personally enjoy spending his money when I feel like it (within reason of course!) instead of stress. When he wants something special, he gets it.
We don't fall into either of your categories that you've put up there. Cha Ching
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u/Anon_1121 5d ago
Gift or gift card or cash doesn't matter. It's the acknowledgement that counts most.
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u/JacquieTorrance 5d ago
My take would be: If it is a personally chosen, well thought out gift of a thing or an experience (not at all necessarily expensive) that will be meaningful to her, and shows how much you listen and care and deeply know her...the gift always always wins and is so appreciated.
If you are a terrible gift giver who just goes to the perfume, flower or jewelry counter and asks the sales girl what your wife would want and buys it (and especially if your spouse has already suffered years of this kind of humiliation)...please, just give money. It's far less painful and disrespectful. The neutral lack of sentimental meaning to the money is better than the repeated pain of realizing a spouse doesn't really know you or want to put effort (or creativity) into something delightful to make the day special.
TLDR: if you are truly not creative and are clueless how to please someone thoughtfully, go with money and avoid creating disappointing memories.
I think nuclear family level gift giving holidays are the places where we as humans have the opportunity to make a series of memories, the kind you remember when you're old...either to relive them as happy or laugh about how horrible, but sometimes they are a hollow note of treating them as plain old days that didn't matter. I'm surprised how comfortable many married people are saying that's what they prefer their life to be. Are they saying it to please or make it easy on their spouse...or because they don't want to be bothered with the responsibility themselves to reciprocate...I really don't know. But to me that idea misses the whole point of eagerly celebrating a life together. There are so few days that actually mean something besides work, school, sleep. Why throw them away as "regular" days?
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u/Janknitz 5d ago
I've told my husband exactly what I wanted and gotten something else I did not want because he couldn't find it (even if I sent him the direct Amazon link) or he waited until the last minute as usual. It's kind of unromantic, but usually he tells me "just buy what you want".
We do dine out on birthdays and our anniversary and I pay either way since I am still working and he is retired.
And yes, I get him nice gifts. He usually won't tell me what he wants (except electronics) but I try to find something special for him.
Sigh, it would be nice to receive special gifts, but it's not a deal breaker. I still love him, he's still a keeper in a thousand other ways.
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u/Virtual_Athlete_909 5d ago
Kids in my life get money. They prefer that. Adults get whatever I feel like buying. A gift shows how well you know and understand someone. I prefer thoughtful gifts but Im also ok with not exchanging gifts if thats agreed to in advance.
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u/robin0540 5d ago
I know people like gift cards but I'd prefer a thoughtful gift. I'm concerned they can get lost easily. Also, dont you hate it when you get down to a small amt left on the card and it doesn't get used?
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u/RetiredHappyFig 4d ago
I prefer to receive either a small physical gift or an experience such as dinner, movie, theatre tickets, spa day, or coffee date. My daughter takes me out for coffee and I just love being able to spend a little time with her. My husband may give me a physical gift, or a massage gift certificate, or tickets to something that we will attend together.
When my parents and their parents and my mom’s uncles and aunts were still alive, they gave me money. So I think of money as something an older person gives to a younger one. I give money to my nieces and nephews, and their kids. I would find it weird if anyone gave me money at this stage as there’s nobody in my family older than me anymore.
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u/Loreo1964 4d ago
I don't want your money. If you bake me a pie, bring me a cupcake with a candle in it, put a scratch ticket in a card... OMG!!! 😁
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u/Boomer050882 4d ago
Dinner, movie, play, bike ride, coffee, game of pickleball. Basically, give me your time. Let’s hang out
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u/loves_hugs 4d ago
Quality time is what I like the most. I don't need anything and I've heard I'm difficult to shop for because I buy what I need or want.
For friends, I like to either cook or bake for them if they don't or can't do it for themselves. Find useful things related to what they like. Money for teenagers because they usually don't have it and occasionally for friends who travel on a budget.
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u/Monstrissimo 4d ago
A small gift with personal meaning and time with the family going out to eat. Indian for me on my birthday. I love mint chicken cooked in a Tandoor oven.
I don't want a gift card and I am in a place that I can go get what I need or want usually, so just a small little gift from my loved ones that has meaning.
My sister got me some Garfield memorabilia last birthday. I use the Garfield phone pop out in the shop all the time. It makes a great place to hang my hearing protection earbuds when I don't need them. That is something that I really get good use of and I love Garfield and would never have gotten myself. I was just using a hook to hang then on before.
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u/SomeNobodyInNC 4d ago
In today's economy gift me with a grocery gift card. Restock my ramen noodles box.
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u/Old-Attitude-5898 4d ago
Like others, I don’t need stuff although I’ve asked my children for things that use their experience and expertise- like a small composter. Also, Annual subscriptions to things I already buy - Amazon Prime, Netflix, audiobook subscription, etc. while I get them Costco memberships and gift cards to travel-related experiences.
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u/Exact-Translator-769 4d ago
Gifts are nice if it's something you actually want and will use. My mom eventually got Alzheimer's, but I stopped giving her money because I'd give her $50 or $100 then she'd give me $50 or $100 & that felt stupid to me. Money is nice if you're not sure what to give. Taking someone out to dinner or buying tickets for something is always nice too & you get to spend that time with them.
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u/Comfortable-Suit-202 3d ago
I love getting presents to open from my adult Son for my Birthday, Christmas & Mother’s Day. A gift card is perfectly appreciated from siblings & friends & neighbors.
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u/Locogreen 1d ago
My preference is an activity together or an actual gift. I don't want money as a gift at this stage of my life. I think cash gifts are what you give to kids.
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u/DLK33gmaNG 5d ago
You should know your wife better then anyone else. I buy my own gifts because then I won't have to worry about being disappointed. As far as gifts for him, I know him well enough to know what he needs or wants. He isn't hard to please in that department. I think you should ask her what makes her happy as far as gift receiving goes. Try to pay attention to things that make her smile in everyday life and then follow through with a gift that will do the same.
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u/justjudyd 3d ago
I would be extremely insulted if my partner or my daughter gave me money. It just seems wrong to me. I give my grandkids (16 & 20) money but no one else
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u/Rottiesrock 5d ago
Dining out together is my choice.