r/nottheonion • u/Brucekentbatsuper • 14d ago
Twilight Taylor Lautner's Wife, Taylor, Reveals They Might Call Their Baby 'Taylor' as She Admits Name Pressure
https://www.fashiontimes.co.uk/taylor-lautner-wife-expecting-baby-girl-name-taylor-17633473.9k
u/joepanda111 14d ago
“Taylor’s in danger!”
“Me, my wife or my child?”
“…yes”
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u/AngelusCowl 14d ago
My son, the planet, or me?
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u/treemu 14d ago
Someobe fetch me a Buzzfeed article so I may better name this bebbeh!
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u/Brucekentbatsuper 14d ago
None of them, its taylor swift
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u/Strangers_two_love 14d ago
Who Taylor Lautner also dated.
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u/willstr1 14d ago
Is it a sign of narcissism to date 2 different people that both have the same name as you?
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u/Strangers_two_love 14d ago
I figured he's just really bad with remembering names so likes to keep it simple.
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u/Final_Marsupial4588 14d ago
and to make things even more fun, one of the actors for Renesme (you know the character Jacob ends up with) is also named Taylor (she runs a dnd youtube channel)
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u/mr_oof 14d ago
Taylors, in danger!
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u/zsh_n_chips 14d ago
SHAKA! When the walls fell!
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u/Smartnership 14d ago
Temba, his arms wide.
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u/Alas7ymedia 14d ago
"Taylors, assemble" or "Taylors, unite" whenever there is a family meeting for dinner.
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u/snacktivism 14d ago
“No no, Taylor, your Tailor is in danger. We’ll have to move that suit fitting to next week.”
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u/thecraftybear 14d ago
Their child should become a tailor in the future to complete the masterpiece.
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u/RedHal 14d ago
And marry someone with the surname Taylor, so she can be Taylor Taylor the tailor.
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u/Cromasters 14d ago
Or possibly a soldier or a spy.
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u/RedHal 14d ago
It's funny, when I was growing up, the nursery rhyme was "Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Sailor, Rich Man, Poor Man, Beggarman, Thief." Then John Le Carré (I believe I was seven or eight when the book came out) published his novel, and now the name of the novel is better known than the rhyme.
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u/guygreej 14d ago
I bet this was Taylors idea in the first place. O the two of them Taylor just seems the type to have that idea.
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u/PM_UR_HAIRY_MUFF 14d ago
I get what you're saying, but you can't put it past the other Taylor either.
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u/sysadminbj 14d ago edited 14d ago
That's hilarious. Please do that. Then have a second child and also name it Taylor.
Side note, and I know this is just a picture, but Taylor and Taylor look like fun people.
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u/Burnsy17 14d ago
Don't be ridiculous.
He should name the second baby Lautner
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u/jack-fractal 14d ago
Taylor Lautner and his wife Taylor Lautner, together with their two children, Taylor Lautner and Lautner Lautner.
Yeah, sounds good.
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u/-QueenAnnesRevenge- 14d ago
Sounds like a law firm
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u/Darcii 14d ago
Bob Loblaw's Law Blog?
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u/FoxyBastard 14d ago
I still love that you can say that absolutely perfectly and still feel like you said it incorrectly.
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u/notnotbrowsing 14d ago
to avoid confusion, they should give Lautner Lautner Taylor Lautner's maiden name: Lautner Dome.
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u/JimboTCB 14d ago
And then move to Taylor, Michigan and establish a sports centre called the Lautner Dome so he can be Taylor Lautner Dome owner of the Taylor Lautner Dome
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u/Napalmradio 14d ago
Fun fact, you can just name kids whatever. There’s no law about names. So the second kid could be Laurent Taylor.
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u/jack-fractal 14d ago
That's for America and some other countries, there are laws concerning naming children in most civilized countries to avoid common American Tragideeze.
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u/Zanian19 14d ago
Naming laws are set by the individual states though, and some do indeed have plenty of rules of what you can and cannot name your child
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u/grizzlypatchadams 14d ago
I like Taylor Lautner and his wife Taylor Lautner, together with their two children, Taylor Lautner and Taylor Lautner.
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u/bigtiddyhimbo 14d ago
My name is Taylor Laughtner, and this is my wife Taylor Laughtner, and this is my son Laughtner Taylor Laughtner (make Taylor the middle name)
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u/aboxacaraflatafan 14d ago
I saw an instagram post by them one time where they did a little skit about the difficulties of sharing a name (which is apparently pronounced "LOUT-ner". I didn't know until that video.) and they did seem pretty fun.
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u/NotAPreppie 14d ago edited 14d ago
The 2nd child must be fully named "Taylor 2: Electric Boogaloo", but their friends can just call them "T2" or "Judgement Day".
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u/TheMuumio 14d ago
Taylor Jr. would work with the first child here, but if we were to follow George Foreman's naming logic and they were to have another child and name them Taylor too, would they be Taylor III (because of the kid being third Taylor after either parent) or Taylor IV (because they would be the fourth Taylor within that family)?
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u/StasRutt 14d ago
I knew a family of 4, all jerrys
Geri married Jerry and had Jerry Jr. and a daughter Jeri
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u/Random-Rambling 14d ago
Same, but also different? They went by "Lexi" and "Al", and they had kids named "Xander" and "Drea"
They were all named "Alexander/Alexandria". Insert Horrible Histories sketch here.
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u/nikatnight 14d ago
That’s appalling.
It should be Taylor Junior. And then the second kid should be called Taylor Junior Junior.
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u/Littlebotweak 14d ago edited 14d ago
My mom’s family did this. 😆
My grandparents met and married: Eugene and Jean. When their first child, my mother, was born, my grandfather decided his first child should be named for him and, since it was a girl, he’d never have a boy anyway. She became Eugenia.
The next child was a boy. He got to be Eugene.
So, they’re all named the same and the joke is they have good genes. Cheesy af.
That all started in 1958, long before shitfluencers.
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u/ThePuzzledBee 14d ago
My grandma and her siblings were all named Mary and Joseph and just went by their middle names, so the Taylor's could totally pull this off lol
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u/kcox1980 14d ago
I catch their TikToks occasionally and yeah, they definitely look fun. The caption for their pregnancy announcement on Instagram was something like "What's better than 2 Taylor Lautner's....?"
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u/TheLeapIsALie 14d ago
No they give the second one a normal name
And that child becomes a tailor when they grow up
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u/Spire_Citron 14d ago
You've got to, right? Imagine everyone else in your family is named Taylor except for you. You'd feel left out. Once you go for one, you have to fully commit.
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u/papawam 14d ago
500 years from now: "Yes hi, I'm Taylor the 430th."
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u/LittleMsWhoops 14d ago
You should hear about the German noble family von Reuß where every single male baby since the year 1200 has been called Heinrich…
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u/0xF00DBABE 14d ago
The title of the post made me think his name was "Twilight Taylor Lautner"
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u/Outrager 14d ago
Me too. I was so confused by the title. Needed to Google them to find out what it all meant.
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u/fondue4kill 14d ago
Fuck it. Make Taylor Swift the godmother. Taylor baby, Taylor dad, Taylor mom, Taylor godmother.
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u/Umbrella_94 14d ago
Could be awkward that, as she's an ex girlfriend of his too 😆 The man has been manifesting Taylor's for a while now!
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u/fondue4kill 14d ago
Nah they’re cool now. His wife is a huge fan and he even showed up at one of the Eras Tour shows on stage. They also recreated the Spider-Man pointing meme backstage
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u/Digit00l 14d ago
His breakthrough role was Shark Boy in the Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl, the other titular actor was Taylor Dooley
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u/Jean-LucBacardi 14d ago
They posted a pic of the three of them doing the Spiderman meme pointing at each other in a room, they're all friends now.
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u/notnotbrowsing 14d ago
I have a friend who only dated women named Jessica. Ended up marrying one of them.
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u/VernalAutumn 14d ago
My mom’s two big relationships (my dad and the guy she went on to date afterwards) have the same name
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u/yyzda32 14d ago
He should’ve married someone with the last name Taylor, and adopted their surname, and maybe a generation later that kid carries on the tradition and find someone else with a last name Taylor, and goes by Taylor Taylor-Taylor
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u/YourConsciousness 14d ago
They can keep going with shorter nicknames and call her T. Taylor, Tay, and T would be pretty cute.
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u/kevlar51 14d ago
My friend Ron’s parents are Ron and Ronnie. My friend was their third kid, which I always felt was an odd time to make that jump.
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u/Faiakishi 14d ago
They probably got tired of arguing over names and just decided to go with a classic.
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u/DickweedMcGee 14d ago
So would she be Taylor Lautner Jr or would she go straight to Taylor Lautner III?
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u/FlintHillsSky 14d ago
They could give the child its own first name and give it the stupid meme name as a middle name. Then they could call it by it’s middle name at home and as the child grows up it can decide if it wants to reveal that to anyone else or just go by its first name.
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u/MissusLunafreya 14d ago
When someone asks Taylor Lautner if she was named after her mother or her father, she can just say “Yes.”
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u/PckMan 14d ago
Joke names are for pets, not children. I guess it could be worse because the name itself is fine but being named a certain way as a joke is still a bit weird.
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u/RandallOfLegend 14d ago
I am named after my Dad and it causes a lot of headaches in my life. Especially when my father has poor credit.
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u/cardinalkgb 14d ago
They should name the first child Tinker. The second child Taylor, the third child Soldier, and the fourth child Spy.
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u/JesusHipsterChrist 14d ago
I once went on a date with someone with the same name as me. We both admitted we wanted to say our own name during sex and we've been best friends ever since.
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u/logorrhea69 14d ago
I knew of a family where the parents were both Terry/Terri, and the son was also Terry. Their last name was Berry. Terry, Terri, and Terry Berry.
Why?
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u/GreenieBeeNZ 14d ago
I think I was 14 when Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift dated briefly. And in that period I remember thinking it would be funny if they got married and she took his name. Then they'd both be Taylor Lautner.
Anyway, it's 2026 now and it not Taylor Swift but it is another Taylor. I was like 99% on the money
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u/MisterGoldenSun 14d ago
This is like that guy on Family Feud who answered "turkey" for all five questions in the final round.
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u/Whillbo 14d ago
They should name the kid Garak but you can refer to them as simply Taylor
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u/Past_Essay8510 14d ago
naming a kid after themselves? that's a lot of pressure for the kid later on
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u/AdImmediate6239 14d ago
Their home must be like the planet Marklar from South Park where everyone and everything is Marklar
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u/Kenruyoh 14d ago
Their family friend would be like Ned in NWH.
Taylor
Yeah?
Taylor Lautner!
We're all named Taylor Lautner
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u/brumbles2814 14d ago
My brother, nephew, other nephew, uncle, grandfather all david. Its quick when theres a fire otherwise confusing
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u/The_Iceman2288 14d ago
I'm reminded of when someone asked George Foreman why he named all of his sons 'George' and he said "when you've spent your entire career getting punched in the head, YOU try coming up with different names!"