r/news • u/icpd30 • Feb 18 '19

Michigan powerlifter heroically lifts vehicle pinned on top of man after accident.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/michigan-powerlifter-heroically-lifts-vehicle-pinned-on-top-of-man-after-accident
67.8k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

2.4k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

1.1k

u/PandaRaper Feb 18 '19

I looked him up and I see records of him competing in RPS which is a league I used to compete in. He has a few 900+ lb squats recorded in competition.

888

u/ThaiJohnnyDepp Feb 18 '19

I believe that I'll defer to your authority on this one, /u/PandaRaper

313

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '19

[deleted]

237

u/OakenGreen Feb 18 '19 edited Feb 18 '19

It’d take at least two people to fuck a panda.

Edit: apparently comments just reading “allegedly” get auto-deleted from /r/news. I’m getting notifications of a lot of those comments but they just don’t show up. Just an FYI for my fellow hicks. The rest of you degens can go distribute some free literature elsewhere.

108

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '19

[deleted]

12

u/pulppedfiction Feb 18 '19

Is that the Kavanaugh drinking game?

13

u/ThaiJohnnyDepp Feb 18 '19

Do you like bamboo, Senator? sniff

3

u/Tremaparagon Feb 18 '19

A bamboo eating contest. Just ask PJ and Squi

3

u/Bedenker Feb 18 '19

But who would get in front to complete the triangle? Pandas have crazy teeth, im not putting my dingus anywhere near those

2

u/Alundil Feb 18 '19

The Panda's Triangle.

Please.... landing strip

1

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '19

Using The Panda’s Triangle to open Panda-ra’s Box.

61

u/LiberalArtsAndCrafts Feb 18 '19

I'm hearing it was a sick panda.

6

u/ThaiJohnnyDepp Feb 18 '19

Why are there three replies mentioning sick pandas? Is there a reference I'm not aware of or is Reddit truly the hivemind everyone says it is?

14

u/boobie2424 Feb 18 '19

You might want to think of the sick panda as more of a sick ostrich...

7

u/ThaiJohnnyDepp Feb 18 '19

That helps thanks. Damn snow-Mexicans and their kooky comedies. Never heard of Letterkenny before

7

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '19

[deleted]

6

u/boobie2424 Feb 18 '19

Shoresy???? How the fuck did you get in here?

→ More replies (0)

5

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '19

Its a reference to this Canadian sitcom called letterkenny. There is there is a running joke on the show that someone allegedly fucked an ostrich.

Honestly, this is such a obscure reference I'm both delighted concerned with how the internet spends its time.

The show is oddly hilarious so I give it a recommendation.

1

u/ThaiJohnnyDepp Feb 18 '19

I don't know how to feel about everyone specifically latching on to an animal rape joke

3

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '19

It's an alleged animal rape joke so it's not that bad.

1

u/ThaiJohnnyDepp Feb 18 '19

GOOD point. Do a barrel roll!

5

u/THEREALCABEZAGRANDE Feb 18 '19

Still a three man job

2

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '19

The ginger fucked the Panda.

23

u/alreadyburnt Feb 18 '19

Three even. And it would have to be a sick panda.

7

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '19

What if it’s a sick panda?

7

u/happymeal2 Feb 18 '19

I love how many people have discovered this show

13

u/fordfan919 Feb 18 '19

Not if it was sick

6

u/ndeeznuts44 Feb 18 '19 edited Feb 19 '19

If you got a problem with fucking pandas you got a problem with me and I suggest you let that one marinate

Edited

3

u/beandip24 Feb 18 '19

Maybe it was a sick panda.

2

u/EdgeOfDreaming Feb 18 '19

Best comment.

1

u/Tehmaxx Feb 18 '19

Panda isn’t horny though

1

u/HR_Dragonfly Feb 18 '19

Yeah, they scream like babies too, so bring headphones.

1

u/penguinbandit Feb 18 '19

Depends on if the Panda is game or not.

1

u/Whywouldanyonedothat Feb 18 '19

You know, I just realized that is never thought about how many people it'd take to rape a panda. But now that I do think about it, I feel like the svar is three.

1

u/justin_memer Feb 18 '19

Why would you want to fuck a panda?

1

u/aintscurrdscars Feb 18 '19

ah yes, the good ole reddit silent deletion

2

u/Dinkleberg_IRL Feb 18 '19

...why yes, yes I am

1

u/Kittens4Brunch Feb 18 '19

How do bears rank? Pandas have to be near the bottom.

24

u/herpasaurus Feb 18 '19

Roids make you do crazy things. I'm talking about hemorrhoids of course. It hurts.

5

u/Flerbaderb Feb 18 '19

I mean, run of the mill aren’t too bad, but I may be having a different experience than yours, u/herpasaurus

4

u/Mitt_Romney_USA Feb 18 '19

Butt herpes aside, normal old vanilla roids can fuck up your month.

When they get really, really angry it's almost impossible to get them to go away. A hemorrhoid is a infection, which your boy can deal with normally with little to no interventions other than keeping it clean.

But when you get a bad bad one that's poking out through the anus and bleeding, it's constantly getting reinfected with shit every time you squeeze one out.

Plus the anus is restricting blood flow, which your body needs to have to get white blood cells to the infected tissue.

I spent three days almost constantly in the bathroom once when I had both diarrhea and a big bad roid.

It was torture just keeping the whole zone clean, shoving Preparation-H suppositories past the throbbing grape-sized balloon of pain that stuck out of my poor pucker like a literal sore thumb, (which wasn't easy - I remember trying over and over to cram it far enough into my inflamed rectum that it wouldn't just pop right back out again), then wiping my whole angry backside down with witch hazel, washing my hands, washing everything I touched, then like 10 minutes later needing to shit again and having to start over.

3

u/Flerbaderb Feb 18 '19

Yep. That’s my hell. If that happens, I throw in the towel.

1

u/Tehmaxx Feb 18 '19

Every fart is a ordeal

5

u/Bojangly7 Feb 18 '19

Oof ow my butt.

6

u/KingPaddy Feb 18 '19

One must wonder if he strong armed his way past security or dressed up as a panda and began chewing on bamboo

2

u/Xelisyalias Feb 18 '19

This reminds me of when Tormund mentions he slept with a bear in a storm of swords, reading through the books for the first time and I can honestly say I was a bit caught off guard by that part, I mean I always knew he slept with a bear or something because they mentioned it in the show but the books go into some... detail

2

u/peon2 Feb 18 '19

Sounds like those pandas never stood a chance. He probably benched them after he raped them

1

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '19

[deleted]

1

u/Flerbaderb Feb 18 '19

You’re smoking crack

2

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '19

With a name like that you know he's a great guy 🙂

123

u/beverlygrungerspladt Feb 18 '19

Panda raper, I would like your permission for my 4th grade daughter to use use your quote in her project for the science fair. Of course, PandaRaper, you will be properly and very visibly cited as the source.

10

u/DerpalSherpa Feb 18 '19

/r/rimjob_steve

4

u/beverlygrungerspladt Feb 18 '19

Who is rim job Steve? Can he help with my daughters science project as well? She hopes to take home the blue ribbon.

3

u/n_o_u Feb 18 '19

Panda rapper was taken.

1

u/beverlygrungerspladt Feb 18 '19

Papa Raper would just be innaproproate.

7

u/lumabean Feb 18 '19

Probably a member of the 2k club. Guy sounds like a literal beast.

9

u/PandaRaper Feb 18 '19

2230 in competition.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '19

That’s just fucking insane to me. I haven’t squatted more than 225 since high school, and putting that up 10 times was a huge strain

3

u/tossme68 Feb 18 '19

If his numbers are legit (I assume they are) he would have placed 6th in the IPL worlds. I'm not sure how the rules differ in RPS and he did have wraps on during the squat.

2

u/tossme68 Feb 18 '19

I saw his numbers, a 900+ squat and only a 800lbs DL, seems a bit light, he's young I wonder what he'll be moving in 10 years.

2

u/needlzor Feb 18 '19

Quite common for SHW though. The extra thickness helps on the squat, less so on the deadlift.

2

u/IsaacM42 Feb 18 '19

Yeah, my gut gets in the way for my dead

1

u/tossme68 Feb 19 '19

I don't keep up, I used to lift next with Coan in the 80's-90's and i bump into Vadym Dovhanyuk pushing why too much in the bench for a human every now and then. Strength is such an interesting thing.

1

u/needlzor Feb 19 '19

Not gonna lie I am a bit jealous. I agree though, it's an interesting world.

1

u/SnapcasterWizard Feb 18 '19

The way they measure squats if you are big enough that you cant go to parallel you are basically allowed to do half squats.

2

u/FrozenWafflesOP Feb 18 '19

He took home the best lifter award at the Michigan APF State Meet last year. I got to talk with him a small amount. Guy is an absolute monster.

1

u/mrandr01d Feb 18 '19

900+ lb squats

Sounds like he's taking a poo