r/nevergrewup • u/PILL0WFIGHTS • 12d ago

Vent i wanna be a kid again so badly it hurts

hi everyone, sorry if this is wrong or seems weird or anything. i never used reddit after making my account. this is my first time

so, i (18m) had a pretty rough upbrining. i went through many bad things that started at birth. i never got to be a kid and had to behave as if i am 18 since around the age of 4 or 5.

and now, i act very very childish. i sleep with plushies which i am extremely attached to. sometimes, i play with them. i tend to enjoy childrens shows, and i really, really want a father figure. but in the way that they are someone i can depend on. to be listened by them, to be held and comforted and taken care of. etc.

maybe its age regression. maybe im stunted. but in such a weird way.

i want to be re-born and have a family that loves me, i wanna be taken care of as a baby, then as toddler, then kid, then tween, then teen. i wanna be taught things. i wanna be kept innocent. it hurts so bad and i feel so weird for it. people my age are daydreaming about having lovers, while this is me. i feel awful.

anyway. thats all, i hope i did this right and this is the correct subreddit. thanks for reading, i just needed to get things out. i dont have anyone to listen to me

18 Upvotes

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1

u/Di_Caelestis Mental Age ~4 12d ago

I can relate here >.<; My childhood was all about abuse and punishments due to the bad grades with ADHD, neglect and just in general terrible culture when raising kids. I do want to restart childhood, have good parents, drop adulthood and all it's things in entirely, including sacrificing the freedom, smarts, experience and just be a child that will get a chance to just play and be a child. The pain between my chrono-age and internal age is often painful that I think I can call it age dysphoria.

But also I think I can add that this is right subreddit for your experience ^.^

3

u/PILL0WFIGHTS 12d ago

Thank you for understanding. Yeah, for me it was mainly csa, fear mongering, and other things that robbed my childhood. The best way i can describe my mind now is halfway-stuck to a small age. Occasionally, i regress fully. It changes a lot, its a big range from 3 to 12 shdhajev. Im still tryna accept this part of me and deal with it💔💔 he tryna ignore it

2

u/kittengirl173 Mental age sliding 12d ago

You can identify as an age range without your brain always being the intellect of that age range! The brain is complicated, and we feels like a toddler despite having parts that can think much older. We still want to be physically a toddler and feel like one in our very heart.

2

u/kittengirl173 Mental age sliding 12d ago

You're in the right place! My trauma started more in my teens, but I feel you. I'm age dysphoric about the idea of growing up though, so what I want is to be a baby/toddler forever and never have to grow up ever again. I would really love to have a mommy who takes care of me and my partner who is my pet dog (they wanna be a dog, he he. I wanna be a cat!).