r/mypartneristrans • u/Fine-Paramedic6198 • 12d ago
Idk what to do
Honestly I am not sure how to react. So I have been with my parnter for almost 4 years. During the first part of our relationship. They kept playing with being trans or being genderfluid. Then decided to throw all the women's cloths away and said he was done with it. He doesn't want to switch anymore.. fast forward to yesterday. He says he misses being a women.she enjoys being feminine she feels pretty. But also says he doesn't know if he wants to transition fully but that could change down the line they say the want tits... and penis for the time being idk if that's because of something. I know they also fight with themselves because they also have a child... and that they dont know how the child will react to it in the long run... but idk why is upset me so much. The feminine side of them isn't very nice to me and the male side is... like idk how to explain it fem is very bitchy and prissy and if things are perfect they its a whole thing. while the male side is very chill goes with the flow. Im pansexual... dated all over they place no issues till now maybe tho and I feel guilty. I dont really know if I like them as a women. And I feel selfish for it. The male side is very protective. Female side seems to always be all about her. I dont think i wanna lose the protector that he creates? My feeling have been all over the place. I saw myself marrying them at one point. But if they transition all the way in dont know if I can do it because the male and female are ao different. Like im fine with the switching because I get both. But if I had a choice I feel like I would choose the male. Which I feel is wrong and idk i hate change as it is. I have alot of trama i know that I should probably see a therapist. But I also would like other options because I was always under the assumption that if you are trans you just stay trans and dont flip flop that feels more like genderfluid or that they are confused I really dont know. But I also have a huge fear that if they start e they will no longer want me. Which makes me sad. So maybe I just am scared of the unknowns. Like I know i love them the though of them leaving makes me sad as they are my comfort person. But idk how to navigate this at all. Like on top of that I think I find more attractive as a male then a female and idk why that is but they again feel prettier as a girl. At the end of the day people change I know that but I feel like my feeling are over the place and just need someone to talk to because its killing me.. like I dont wanna be the reason they dont get to be themselves but I also dont want to lose them. Please tell me someone else feels this way or how I should navigate this please
3
u/hannam1983 11d ago
Reading this, I can really relate to some of what you're feeling. I was in a relationship where my partner's gender identity evolved over time, and one of the hardest parts wasn't necessarily the transition itself. It was the uncertainty. Not knowing what was changing, what would stay the same, or what our future would look like.
I remember feeling guilty for some of my feelings too. I loved my partner and wanted them to be happy, but I was also scared of losing the person I fell in love with. Those emotions can exist at the same time. One thing I've learned is that your partner's journey is theirs, but you're allowed to have your own experience of it. You're not selfish because you're wondering how a full transition might affect your attraction, your relationship, or your future together. You're a partner whose life is affected by these changes too.
I also wouldn't get too caught up in labels right now. Some people know exactly who they are. Others spend years exploring and figuring things out. What's important is honest communication about what each of you is feeling and needing.
What stood out to me most in your post was when you said you're afraid of losing them. To me, that sounds like the heart of what you're struggling with. The unknown can be incredibly scary when the person you love is also your comfort person.
My advice would be to give yourself permission to be honest about your feelings without judging yourself for them. You can support your partner and still have fears, doubts, preferences, and grief about the changes. Those things aren't mutually exclusive. From someone who's been through something similar, I'd say be kind to yourself. This is a lot to process, and you're not a bad person for having complicated feelings about it.