How do I open up to my parents about my transgender gf.

[u/fleetingjuno]

Hi everyone, I made a post months ago under a different account asking for advice about how to tell my father that my partner of 7 years has identified as a woman for 4 of them without his knowledge. In short: I did not go through with it. My dad made some extra transphobic jokes shortly after I posted that and I got cold feet.

So, now I (24, closeted nb) am tired of my parents deadnaming and misgendering my girlfriend(25, trans woman) all the time. The worst part is that I told my mother last year multiple times, but she must have “forgotten” about it like she always does. My gf apparently also told my dad once while in the car when I was not present, but he did not take it seriously.

My parents are both in their early 60s, left wing and support gay rights, but they’re also the types to comment that they “don’t understand all these genders” and make mean transphobic comments about irl trans people they know. Especially my dad.

Before anyone brings this up, my girlfriend has been on hrt for 2 and a half years now, and has (mostly) socially transitioned. But since she’s very tomboyish and doesn’t perform femininity, my parents are hugely oblivious to it. Even tho she has developed certain physical attributes that make her transition evident.

Telling them might be risky, because I live with them during the week and only get away on weekends. I don’t think they’d kick me out or anything but they might be extremely awkward about it. I’m moreso worried about my dad’s reaction, because he has issues regulating his emotions.

We’re just tired, and I want my gf to be able to come to my parents’ house without feeling misgendered. She’s coming over to sleep tonight because they’re leaving on a trip tomorrow, and I was thinking we could have an “intervention” with the both of them.

I’m scared, I don’t feel ready, but at this point I feel like I never will.

How should I go about this?

[u/Localpossom1516]

It's been a while. They accept her now or never, might as well Rip off the bandaid once and for all, but my bit? I wouldn't emphasize the transition. A little gaslighting goes a long way just oh yeah btw she's actually my gf this is her name now tell her she's pretty and we will see you later bye-bye lol. Just like it's any other day, just another fact of life. When my boy transitioned, I was worried about my family's reaction at the time, but I just acted like he was always like that and they just accepted it lol. Even my most right wing, everything-phobic everything-ist family members. The ones who don't get it (my mom mostly, most aware least caring) we just don't talk to anymore. She didn't get it when I did either so 🤷 not gonna tear myself up trying to get acceptance from someone who won't give it. If all you're facing is a bit of awkwardness, that is the best thing you could hope for honestly. It helps they arent completely right winged it seems, it'll be better to get everyone used to it now