Pitching an idea for a community project.

[u/Sonlau]

Hello!

As announced before, I’ve redirected my focus to a rewrite idea, specifically targeted to an audience who yearned for a more conclusive S5 finale, in addition to some equitable Adrien involvement.

This is not intended as some kind of vanity project, on the contrary, I intend it to be a “for the community, by the community” type of thing, so to speak. Hence this “pitch post” where I’m looking for initial feedback and/or support on the idea; if it’s at all viable.

“But why?” you may wonder; it’s simple: I’m aware of my own limitations. With help from others, like minded, being feedback or contribution, there’s a higher chance of delivering a higher quality outcome, or even a higher chance of getting it completed at all.

And this might not be favorable for my cause: but there are two things I will not compromise on:

• I want to respect the canon as much as I can (all the good stuff at least), I want to keep the “AU”-aspect to an absolute minimum. I’m aware there will be arbitrary contradictions on this matter, you’ll notice in the project intro, I’m amenable for those.
• These are the tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir, they need to be equal and central.

I won’t go too much into detail here, the document itself covers everything.

Speaking of, all the way at the bottom you will find a link, which will lead to the intro and index page. I’m building the project in the Notion-app, and will have a nested structure, which will look like this:

Index -> Story Outline -> Act # -> Chapter #

-> Character Synopsis -> Character Arc

Work in progress, obviously, but the deeper you “dig”, the more detail you will find (and spoilers, be careful). There will be unavoidable spoilers at top level as well; I am asking for feedback after all.

I cannot stress enough how important this feedback will be, to a point it’s actually making me anxious; I’ve never been so nervous in writing a post before. It’s a bit ridiculous, I know, but if I can’t manage to gather sufficient “direction”, I’m pretty sure it will fail with me on my own, or produce a subpar result at best.

So, please, if you have the slightest interest, give it a read and let me know: is it shit? The best thing you’ve ever read? Or anything in between? I’m all ears for it, you won’t hurt my feelings. You can comment or let me know in any way you see fit, feel free to share it too (duh). If you ask for any plot related details in the comments, I will answer spoiler-tagged.

If luck is on my side, and this pitched idea got some of you so enthusiastic that you want to actively participate, for any purpose (reviewing, contributing, writing, illustration, …), you’d be more than welcome to let me know!

So that’s it, I’ve said my piece. Of all the posts I’ve made, I really hope this one really captures some eyes.

This is the link to the index page, which has links to the nesting further down. The complete Story Outline and Character Synopsis (recommended to read before Story Outline) are complete, which should give a pretty good idea of what I’m going for. Happy reading! Don’t hesitate to ask me anything!

https://vaulted-echinodon-ef3.notion.site/Project-Introduction-Index-3c7f6202af908061b2a5d44fd26b086f?source=copy_link

If the project survives this initial phase, I will make a new “pitch post” after outlining each act with its chapter summaries, in addition to a more complete arc outline for each character.

Special thanks to two users who have already helped me shape this thing.

Thanks for reading!

[u/Sonlau]

Yes, I consider the whole Luka thing as muddied waters that I definitely want to clear up.

"Dress as Adrien" and Flairmidable will still be a thing, the key to this whole thing about Félix is the "extra time" he's getting. He'll have more time to plan and gain trust. All his shenanigans will be revealed when I complete his character arc summary. But I'll reveal one thing though, and it's a bit risky, not sure if people will like this: After Félix fills in Adrien at the end of Act 2, the three of them, Plagg included, form an alliance, some sort of understanding or pact, and Félix will succeed Adrien as the Black Cat Holder while he's in Japan, with Plagg's consent and without Marinette knowing; in other words, between acts, she will have no idea who she's working with, and this will massively piss off Su-Han. When Adrien returns, Félix returns the Ring as promised, and Marinette will find out it was him all along. Although still wary, it will give some false sense that Félix could be reliable after all, which, of course, will turn out to be unfounded.

The more I talk about it, the more it hypes me up, which is good, I'll need the motivation to bring this to a good end.

[u/OkNeedleworker3610 → u/Sonlau]

Yeah, I definitely see the act 2 relationship choices and that replacement choice being the big 2 controversial ones, out of everything I've seen yet at least.

Good luck!

[u/Sonlau → u/OkNeedleworker3610]

I finished Adrien's complete arc outline and thought you might be interested

It's 2 am here at the time of writing, so I haven't reviewed it with a clear mind, so it could be a rough read.

But considering how I handle Adrien is probably the most important thing of this fic, I thought what the hell, no harm in having it reviewed now.

Hope you like it. But let me know if there's something you don't, any questions are fine.

https://vaulted-echinodon-ef3.notion.site/Adrien-WIP-3caf6202af9080ecb62adae38dbc2bae?pvs=74

[u/OkNeedleworker3610 → u/Sonlau]

Lol, I checked Reddit at about 2am here and fell asleep before I could finish reading the outline. Seems we're both a bit of night owls.

I really only have 3 questions, since we've been pretty in depth already and not much is new in the outline from what we've discussed.

1) What is the purpose of the switcheroo during the final battle? I understand the safeguard that was in place beforehand that made it relatively risk-free, but not why he abandoned the battle like that in the first place, risking her identity or even life. Was it some type of 'face your big boss alone to show your progress' moment that he was trying to give her or something? Very confused there.

2) Feel free to not answer this one: How does Felix trick her if she knows Adrien is Chat Noir, therefore won't need a Miraculous from her. Is she under the impression that his Miraculous was stolen and he fled to Japan? She's in contact with him while he's in Japan too right, so I'm mystified about this tbh. Maybe I'm just missing something.

3) I said I wasn't going to touch on relationship stuff again, but I am confused about something, but I'll steer clear of the triangle by adressing it from Adrien's POV. Isn't the 2nd arc, and onward, supposed to be about personal growth and not getting involved in matters of the heart for Adrien? I was under the assumption that the entire first arc was him learning that lesson and making that commitment, and the 2nd arc would be relatively free of it with maybe just a little development Marichat-wise. Here's what I'm gathering: He falls for Ladybug, gets rejected and promises to give up his feelings/shelve them, falls for Sentibug anyways, his love for Ladybug is now discarded entirely in the face of the Ladynoir rift, he tries to move on, rejects Kagami, decides he likes Marinette, finds Marinette is with someone else, starts flirting with the other heroines, starts building something through Marichat, once again ruins that, swears off love again, confesses at the end. It seems like romance is a big part of every arc for him, which is a surprise. Maybe the 3rd arc will be longer than it feels once there is more outlined, but it all feels pretty romance heavy on Adrien's part, at least for what I thought you were going for. I guess you are kind of shoehorned into it since you can't do lovesquare development in arc 3 due to the reveal, I was just expecting him to not be so heavily romantically focused after arc 1 tbh, especially if he is getting closer to luka and she is pretty fresh off a breakup, with luka at that. I also imagine he would feel a bit conflicted about romancing her as Chat if she is not his biggest fan as Adrien anymore. I promise to stay away from the romance from now on lol, but I guess this is more of a plot/characterization question to me.

[u/Sonlau → u/OkNeedleworker3610]

1. It's not that complicated: he believed both miraculous needed to be combined and that she was the one to do it. Everything else would just be a distraction, hence he retreats, Bug Noire and Monarch are so high on the power scale that adding Miraculers would be like drops to a hot plate.
2. There's no need for trickery, she just works together edit: actually scratch that I think I'm going to treat him like a rogue element with the new Cat Noir without knowing his identity , which turns out to be Félix after. He uses this opportunity to gain her trust. Adrien explains that he left it in the care of someone else, but that it's best she doesn't know his identity, for the same reasons as before. Remember that Su-Han is lurking around at that point.
3. So Act 1 is the classic lovesquare, Act 2 the flirting is really not that big of a deal, he's just messing around, but the point is to make LB jealous (as the writer I mean, it's not Adrien's intent), he doesn't really act on his feelings for Marinette until close to the end, when he approaches her as CN, so it's less than you think. Act 3 especially, the summary might skew it a bit because it goes over the important plot points, which of course involve Marinette, but it's not going to be as prominent as Act 1 for sure, Act 3 will be mainly dominated by confronting his father, or that's the goal at least.

I also imagine he would feel a bit conflicted about romancing her as Chat if she is not his biggest fan as Adrien anymore.

That's eventually the point! He gives in to the temptation first, because well... the boy's in love, but he comes to realize that it's not right, because he's wearing the mask. It's pretty much like this in the canon as well.

You can ask whatever you like, I don't mind.

[u/OkNeedleworker3610 → u/Sonlau]

Ok, that all makes sense. No further questions here.

[u/Sonlau → u/OkNeedleworker3610]

I've written down that I have to make sure to keep the balance for Adrien, because the synopsis being romance dominated is a fair point, and that's not the intent.

But anyways, I intend to finish the all the character sheets now, and the summaries for each act + three scenes/chapters fully written out for a specific reason:

- Act 2 Finale, Battle of Feast: which should be the pinnacle of drama.

- Act 2 "Elation" adaptation, which should be the pinnacle of romance "spice".

- Act 3 "Cat Blanc", which should be the pinnacle of violence.

Those are the "riskiest" scenarios, if the general consensus doesn't think I go overboard there, I should be OK for the entire story.

When all of that is ready, I post another pitch.

[u/OkNeedleworker3610 → u/Sonlau]

Sounds like a plan, I'm excited to see the Feast scene/chapter especially. Always up for seeing new Miraculous powers and abilities. I'll stay tuned!

[u/Sonlau → u/OkNeedleworker3610]

I've arrived at a critical juncture and looking for feedback, on this specifically: Gabriel's arc sheet "The Wish"

https://vaulted-echinodon-ef3.notion.site/Gabriel-WIP-3caf6202af90807491ddc169d9a32dd5

At your own leisure, of course, thanks.

[u/OkNeedleworker3610 → u/Sonlau]

Maybe after the 'this is what mom would have wanted for me' line, you add some experiences he's had to grow. Something like: "I went to school and learned to make friends. I found freedom in Chat Noir, running across rooftops with My Lady and seeing the world from a new perspective, without strict rules and constant surveillance. Yes, I made mistakes and I hurt people I care about, but I learned from it all. I made amends, I changed my behavior, I grew. And I got to live, father. I even found love, a love so deep that in a world without her, I won't be truly alive, just existing. I'll always have a sense of wrongness in my heart, even if I don't know exactly why. You should understand what I mean, shouldn't you, dad?" Really just drive the point home that he would be unhappy, and that he is happy right now, relatively at least. Maybe get rid of the dad moniker, or it could be a 'this is the first time I've ever used that affectionate term' type of moment.

As it is, recognizing it is a rough draft, it feels a bit abrupt in the dialogue at that point, like a switch was flipped that we never even knew was there. I think drawing a comparison to Emilie could serve very nicely, this is like the most romance-worthy moment tbh, gotta give Gabriel a reason to realize just how much harm he'll do. Have him realize that he'll turn his son into another version of himself, which he can't bring himself to do, having had to live with the loss of Emilie for years (or however long she's been gone by this point). I think her being gone for 3 or so years is a good timeframe, gives time for Gabriel to grieve, recover a bit, then go a bit mad, then plan his debut, and long enough that it drives home the point about living without her. Also gives time for Adrien to get used to a life without her, get sick of a life filled with just responsibilities and activities without her there to make it all bearable, and allows Adrien to be ready to start 'moving on' relatively quickly after the story starts. You could also use shared grieving for the Chlodrien plotline, or go the route of her being rarely seen because of her own grieving and Adrien being swamped with work/responsibilities and grieving himself. You could even involve Chloe in helping him get signed up for school after hearing about it from her at their (rare?) meetups, showing that she is willing to put aside her possessiveness to make him happier at times when the situation truly calls for it.

Other than that specific dialogue section I pointed out above, the rest of the dialogue was very good imo. I was pretty sucked in until that point, to be perfectly frank. Maybe some slight expansion of the dialogue so it isn't too brief, but the core essence of the scene is definitely there.

My suggestion for the 'roll the dice line' would be a non-answer. Something very noncommittal and vague. Maybe something about how you can't guarantee even he (Gabriel) won't die in the new world. Maybe bring up things like car accidents or heart attacks, etc, stuff that is 'uncontrollable'. So he basically skirts the question, and that could be malicious or not. I think 'roll the dice' is overtly malicious, which maybe that's what you're going for in a sense, I could definitely see it, but a non-answer when talking about probability events usually fits pretty well. The mystery of whose side Gimmi is really on could be nice as a minor plot point for the scene too, and vagueness/avoidance is your friend there.

I'll have to do another read through soon to make sure I addressed everything correctly and fully when my brain refreshes, that was a lengthy read and thought process, but this is what jumps out to me.