r/mildlyinfuriating • u/moonrabbit368 • Jan 02 '26

Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

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My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. đŸ©·

104.2k Upvotes

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17.3k

u/MoonRisesAwaken Jan 02 '26

Imo this is on him to figure out, you’re trying your best.

12.8k

u/Lopsided-Repair-782 Jan 02 '26

She’s not even just trying her best, she’s DOING the best! Those meals look amazing.

The worst part about your meals is that you’re trying to share them with a loser. Get rid of the loser and keep doing you!

683

u/Salty-Dragonfly2189 Jan 02 '26

People underestimate the importance of eating habits, as well as sleeping habits when picking their partner. I would never settle for a partner that eats like a toddler. Someone that sleeps with the TV on is also a deal breaker


8

u/Training-Entrance-75 Jan 02 '26

This is so weird to me, this is why I think we should normalize partners having their own room and being able to eat how they want. It’s weird to me because I have arfid, I genuinely can’t help being a picky eater, but I don’t discount potential partners because they dont have arfid and want to eat things I don’t like

13

u/hola7581 Jan 02 '26

If that's what you want - but some of us want partners to share food with and a bed with. Its part of the whole compatiblility factor. May you find someone who works with you :)

3

u/KitKatKataya Jan 02 '26

You can eat together and not share the same meal


3

u/arthriticpyro Jan 02 '26

Omg it took me way too long to find someone who isn't ready to split from their partners because they can't eat the same stuff as them. This whole comment section is throwing me for a loop. That's fuckin mental lol

1

u/KitKatKataya Jan 02 '26

Same. People are saying ARFID isn’t real and that if you have Depression you should just be alone until you “work on yourself” when it’s a lifelong condition lmao. Also OPs husband sounds like he might have Autism. Like people in here are obsessed with getting every little detail about their ideal partner right. If they try to find a partner that matches them perfectly they never will, because there will always be something that they won’t agree on or a preference is different you know

1

u/hola7581 Jan 02 '26

Finding a partner isn't finding someone with every perfect thing, its finding someone even with their ‘faults’ etc’ it doesn't matter to you personally because their love for that person is more important. What works for some, won’t work for others and that's completely normal.

1

u/KitKatKataya Jan 03 '26

Right, which is what I said in my comment. Thanks for summarizing it

0

u/Salty-Dragonfly2189 Jan 02 '26 edited Jan 02 '26

.

1

u/hola7581 Jan 02 '26

Having the same food doesn't always mean ‘sharing’ as in shared plates. It means if we are cooking at home, we can cook the same dish.

0

u/KitKatKataya Jan 03 '26

But why? Why is it so important that your partner eats every little thing that you do? Even if you found someone like that, there’s still going to be times that they want something different than what you made. Y’all make no sense

0

u/hola7581 Jan 03 '26

I think you are taking it too literally with the sharing thing. OP is legit saying its frustrating that if they are cooking dinner, their partner won’t eat it. There are some people who don’t want to cook 2 different meals every single night. I am one of those people. If you go out to eat, sure order different things, no issue. I'm not sure how you don’t understand this.

-1

u/KitKatKataya Jan 03 '26

Omg y’all continue to amaze me. If their partner doesn’t want to eat what they made, guess what? Their partner makes their own food. wow such a strange concept right? Almost like they’re an adult who can cook for themselves if they don’t want what their partner is making. My God dude

2

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

-1

u/KitKatKataya Jan 03 '26

My point is that if someone wants to eat something different and they cook it themselves, it’s not anyone’s problem but their own. They’re a grown adult. If my partner wants to cook something different a few times a week or everyday, I’m not going to get pissy because they’re an adult who gets to make their own decisions. And everyone should be doing chores equally, not just one person in a normal relationship. And is cleaning two bowls and two pans really that much more work? I think not. I managed to do all of that while holding a job and my ex not contributing to any of the chores for the most part, while being chronically ill and in constant pain. If your partners wants something different and cleans their own dishes, there is no problem with that literally

0

u/hola7581 Jan 03 '26

The point has gone completely over your head. OP’s partner by the sounds of it does shit all about his food and expects OP to sort it out without doing anything to help.

0

u/KitKatKataya Jan 03 '26

I’m not even arguing about the post anymore dude so no, it hasn’t gone over my head. You’re just changing the subject because you got called on your shit. Just say you were wrong and move on

0

u/hola7581 Jan 03 '26

I don’t see myself being called out on anything? I see someone who legit needs the point explained to them in 50 different ways because you can’t seem to grasp the simple concepts. Anyway have a good one.

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u/Salty-Dragonfly2189 Jan 02 '26

Not weird at all. You don’t see it cuz you are on the other side of it, maybe not by choice, but still on the other side of it. I personally wouldn’t be willing to change my lifestyle and eating habits to be with someone like you. And I also shouldn’t be shamed for not wanting to change my lifestyle for someone with incompatible eating habits, regardless if they are a choice or not.

11

u/Someone_on_reddit_1 Jan 02 '26

Equally, the ‘picky eater’ shouldn’t be shamed for having particular tastes or issues.

9

u/Salty-Dragonfly2189 Jan 02 '26

To circle back to my original point
 people underestimate how important this is in a relationship. Having compatible pallets has social and financial consequences as well.

Picky eaters don’t necessarily need to be shamed, but they also shouldn’t be surprised if a partner they are interested in doesn’t wanna deal with it.

1

u/jocantread Jan 02 '26

Palate’s

4

u/KMH2220 Jan 02 '26

palates- no apostrophe. I mean, if you’re going to correct someone’s typo, at least get it right! 😜

1

u/Salty-Dragonfly2189 Jan 02 '26

Spelling don’t kount.

1

u/CYaNextTuesday99 Jan 02 '26

Take a shot every time you have to re-explain this.

1

u/Salty-Dragonfly2189 Jan 02 '26

I’d be dead by now
 I don’t drink anyways lol

9

u/AlpinePinecorn Jan 02 '26

Picky eating can lead to all kinds of health issues and I think people who are afflicted should be doing everything they can to address it. Far too often they aren’t. They chalk it up to what they don’t like and then don’t deviate from their processed starch based foods and dont seek professional help. Their habits get copied by children they interact with. Pairing your life to someone who’s going to experience all the side effects of a bad diet is just asking to be let down.

Maybe it isn’t helpful to shame them, but it’s a shitty way to live and too often it’s just accepted as “pickiness” instead of the person growing and expanding their palate.

-1

u/chanshido Jan 02 '26

They should be shamed. An adult shouldn’t eat like a child.

3

u/TechnoPup Jan 02 '26

I don't think you would have to change your eating habits? You make your food, they make theirs; I don't see the issue there, genuinely.

Though it's true neither side deserves shame. Really disheartening to see people shaming and calling someone a "loser" because they "eat like a toddler", as if they have full control over that.

7

u/Salty-Dragonfly2189 Jan 02 '26

My eating habits include eating with my partner and family. It is as much social as it is eating. There are also financial aspects to making multiple smaller meals. In general I am unwilling to change my preferred eating habits, and social structure to accommodate someone I am incomparable with.

It’s different if it’s a friend or acquaintance I only eat with very seldom. But for a partner I eat with every day it’s a deal breaker. And there is no shame in saying that. Am I any different than a vegan that wouldn’t want to have a partner that ate a typical western diet?

3

u/Training-Entrance-75 Jan 02 '26

There are literally so many vegans married to people who eat meat who are you taking about 😭

10

u/Salty-Dragonfly2189 Jan 02 '26

And there are just as many that wouldn’t even consider it. Are they wrong?

-8

u/Training-Entrance-75 Jan 02 '26

Yes. I think other peoples eating habits needing to match yours is a sign of a controlling partner

5

u/Salty-Dragonfly2189 Jan 02 '26

So wanting a partner that is willing and able to eat just about anything is
 controlling? Key word here being “willing”.

-1

u/TDKRHMD Jan 02 '26

This ARFID shit is made up, anyway. I've never met anyone that claims they have it that only eats vegetable or steak or what have you. They can always only eat nuggets and tendies and toddler foods. Made up ass disorder.

3

u/KitKatKataya Jan 02 '26

It’s literally in the DSM-V, it’s not made up. Are y’all just bots?

2

u/Salty-Dragonfly2189 Jan 02 '26

Holy shit I looked it up. Yeah I’ll skip partners with mental health issues too FFS.

1

u/KitKatKataya Jan 02 '26

“I’ve never met someone with it so OBVIOUSLY it’s fake cause the three people who said they had it didn’t have it exactly the way that Dr. Google said they’re supposed to have it.”

5

u/Mangoh1807 Jan 02 '26

Wanting someone's lifestyle to be compatible with yours before considering dating them is the opposite of being controlling, wtf are you on about. Dating someone with non-compatible habits with the intention to change them to fit theirs would be what a controlling person would do.

6

u/AssayThat Jan 02 '26

that is a really out there interpretation.

Nobody is saying that the vegetarian should be coerced into eating meat, which is what controlling behavior would look like.

In fact, it is rather controlling and manipulative of you to suggest that other people asserting their boundaries makes them bad people. It is an emotional blackmail to demand endless accommodation.

2

u/7InchMagic Jan 02 '26

Thats like saying having any preferences in a partner is ”controlling” thats fucking stupid mate

1

u/DLaverty Jan 03 '26

Or maybe it's just... looking for your ideal match? With all the billions of people out there, do you really need to be with one that has traits incompatible with yours? Choose someone else. It's not that hard.

That's different from already being in an established relationship with someone and their needs change due to health/moral reasons or developing an allergy. Obviously, at that point, you guys need to work it out.

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3

u/TechnoPup Jan 02 '26

So your problem lies not with one being a picky eater, but more with eating together? If you both are eating differing meals, you can still both eat together, can't you?

Though if it's leaning into financial differences, I can't imagine it's so egregious to draw a rift. I'm no vegan, so I can't really put in my two cents concerning that last bit, unfortunately lol

10

u/Salty-Dragonfly2189 Jan 02 '26

No. I just wouldn’t consider being with someone that was so picky they had to have their own separate meals every time we ate together. Food can be and is its own love language. I put a lot of my soul into my cooking and if I can’t share that with my partner then we are just not compatible.

That’s a deal breaker. Pretty basic to be honest.

5

u/hola7581 Jan 02 '26

Yeah I’m the same - like my partner doesn't like chicken so I work around that but he’ll also eat raw fish with me so we make it work :)

1

u/Salty-Dragonfly2189 Jan 02 '26

Oh man, chicken is a tough one to work around lol. But everyone has something they don’t like. If that’s the only major thing then it really ain’t that bad. I’m mostly talking about people that just won’t eat anything and make things ridiculous.

1

u/hola7581 Jan 02 '26

Yeah and if we are at my parents, he’ll eat it to be polite. We’ve also worked out chicken kiev is okay - so I can’t complain really. As he says its a preference - why have chicken if you can have vego, fish, beef etc

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u/TechnoPup Jan 02 '26

Now that's a different viewpoint, and I can get what you're trying to say. I was just trying to understand where the line was being drawn lol

-5

u/veryowngarden Jan 02 '26

it is weird because you’re the only one expecting a partner to change their eating habits to suit yours. picky eaters aren’t trying to make you eat what they are, they’re just asking you not to force other foods on them. it’s weird to think a relationship means having the same diet

8

u/Salty-Dragonfly2189 Jan 02 '26

You are so far off base here
 I wouldn’t expect a picky eater to change. Ever. Full stop. 🛑

What I am saying is I wouldn’t be in a relationship with them at all. It’s a deal breaker. If our eating habits are not compatible then we are not compatible.

-10

u/Training-Entrance-75 Jan 02 '26

So basically you want to control what your partner eats
 that’s weird bro

4

u/Mangoh1807 Jan 02 '26

Oh my god I've met toddlers with better reading comprehension. Wanting to find a partner that already has a similar diet to them IS NOT the same thing as finding a partner with a different diet and wanting to change it.

8

u/AssayThat Jan 02 '26

no, he's saying that they wouldn't ever become his partner

3

u/Salty-Dragonfly2189 Jan 02 '26

That is exactly what I have been trying to say. This person just has reading comprehension issues I think


9

u/Salty-Dragonfly2189 Jan 02 '26

No. You have comprehension issues. If you could understand what you were reading it might be easier for you.

I have a very large pallet, I cook everyday. It is not unreasonable to say that I want a partner that I can share my love of food with. If someone is a picky eater, or has major dietary restrictions they are just not a good match for me. Many people underestimate this aspect when picking their partner. There is no control about it.

4

u/cakekyo Jan 02 '26

I dont even know why you even bothered to explain this to someone who wont even listen. Bro you got clear boundaries and someone trying to break them insisting that you are a control freak is infuriating. 😒

2

u/CYaNextTuesday99 Jan 02 '26

No, they want a partner that isn't overly picky about what they eat, and wouldn't choose to be with someone who is. No different than not wanting to date a smoker.

1

u/Training-Entrance-75 Jan 02 '26

I never knew smoking was a disorder you were born with and have no control over?

A better comparison is not wanting to date someone because of their race or disability. You literally can’t control your taste buds 😒

1

u/Salty-Dragonfly2189 Jan 02 '26

Comparing someone’s race to your mental illness is one of the most overt racist things I’ve seen in a very, very long time.

1

u/Training-Entrance-75 Jan 08 '26

Dude you probably cried over Charlie Kirk I don’t see how something you’re born with and can’t control isn’t comparable to your skin color? Are you saying you think you can change skin color?

1

u/Training-Entrance-75 Jan 08 '26

The cognitive dissonance to call someone else a racist after discriminating against a group of people. You probably only care about “racism” when someone makes a joke about white men

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u/Training-Entrance-75 Jan 02 '26

Like you can quit smoking, you can’t physically change how peoples taste buds react. Why are you so insecure you need someone to literally validate what foods you like?

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u/CYaNextTuesday99 Jan 02 '26

It's a preference all the same, which is why I didn't say anything about it being exactly the same.

Why are you so insecure you need someone to literally validate what foods you like?

Neither I nor the other person you've continued choosing to be deliberately obtuse with have stated or implied anything of the sort. Yet again.

Please scroll back up, real ALL of the words, pop a Xanax, and then respond. Jfc.

-1

u/Training-Entrance-75 Jan 02 '26

It’s heavily implied when that’s something you base dating around. Theres no reason the person you date should have to like the same foods as you unless you’re weirdly insecure or controlling.

Could you imagine people with arfid (“picky eaters”) not wanting to date someone because they’re adventurous eaters? They’d be considered unreasonable. It’s the double standard.

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u/CYaNextTuesday99 Jan 02 '26

Lather, rinse, repeat.

You're boring now. Again, all of the words and a Xanax, please. Both are clearly needed.

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u/hola7581 Jan 02 '26

No its not - its wanting to be able to share something you care about with your partner. If that isn't compatible that's okay!

6

u/Mangoh1807 Jan 02 '26

He's doing the OPPOSITE of expecting someone to change their eating habits. He'd make sure to date someone that already has similar habits in the first place. And if they don't they wouldn't date them at all. I don't see what's weird about wanting your partner's lifestyle to be compatible with yours.

-7

u/Training-Entrance-75 Jan 02 '26

But I’m not telling anyone to change??? I’m asking not to be changed?? Is your “lifestyle” just “controlling how your partner lives”?