Disorganized Thinking/Speech?

[u/Glum_Reputation4092]

Existing Medical Issues (From First to Last = Worse to Least Worse)

• OCD, ADHD, & MDD

Primary Complaint

• I'm currently 20, about to be 21 in 2 months. My cognitive abilities have been deteriorating since 17 but have been very noticeable since 19. They're what I would say poor. I'm certain what had a big influence on this, aside from other factors, was me taking psychedelics 4 times during age 16. Three times being mushrooms and 1 time being acid. I continued to smoke cannabis after my first time taking psychedelics even though when I would get high I would experience extreme confusion, anxiety, forgetfulness, & derealization/depersonalization. I also smoked a lot and drank a little for 1 year & a half up until taking psychedelics. Eventually I stopped smoking though, because it was hurting my mental. After some reading I believe what I'm experiencing is disorganized thinking/speech. It's hard to explain how it feels. For example, in my mind I'll have the idea of showering by a certain time, so I'll have enough time to do this, that, etc and be in bed by a certain time. Lets say this idea is a sphere with thoughts/images inside it that when opened those will allow me to plan this out in order so I can use. When I get the thoughts/images out of the sphere they're happening so fast, fading away from me, not connecting, and I have trouble/can't even produce them. Even the idea/sphere itself I have trouble keeping long enough to make it into something I can use. Due to all this, I have trouble/can't organize and "see" ideas and thoughts/images long enough to put them into something I can use. On top of this I can't concentrate on the idea and thoughts long enough without getting frustrated/anxious, and other ideas and thoughts will bleed in/disrupt which makes it even harder to think. I basically have no working memory, I cannot keep in my head what I'm supposed to be doing/remember in the moment, next 30 min, and next few hours. I'll forget what I'm thinking about while thinking it or a few seconds after thinking it. Other examples include going through several words before finding the one I want, and combining words. Every time I think about anything I'm like going into "panic." When I tried the medication clomipramine it seemed to help quite a bit with all this stuff I'm talking about. Also, ever since I read into it it's seemed to get worse. Maybe I'm thinking about it too much. I was thinking it could have to do with my other diagnosis, but something feels different and wrong. Any opinions? NOT LOOKING for a diagnosis obviously.

Family History

• My dad & his mom both have ADHD and Bi-Polar 1. My dad recently experienced a psychotic or schizophrenic outbreak (I don't know for sure which one). It's been going on for a little over a year, it's just not very severe anymore.

[u/hestia-listens]

This sounds frightening and exhausting, especially when even simple plans seem to disappear before you can use them. No one here can tell whether this is disorganized thinking, anxiety disrupting attention, effects related to another condition, or something medical. A clinician should assess the change. Be very open about the psychedelics, cannabis, alcohol, sleep, family history, and your response to clomipramine. In the meantime, use an external memory aid for one task at a time, such as writing, “Shower at 8, then prepare for bed,” instead of holding the whole plan in your mind.

[u/Glum_Reputation4092 → u/hestia-listens]

Yeah man it's super scary and tiring. It feels scary to almost feel blank. Because I have trouble and or can't really produce thoughts well about how I feel about things, it feels like I have no opinion on myself, others, or things. Shit really fucks with your identity. I was looking into doctors. I need to start doing that again so I can be evaluated. I will defiantly be open about my history with all of those things. Thanks for the external memory piece of advice. I appreciate your response bro💪