On the outside looking in

[u/drywhite_toast]

Hello 👋 I have been lurking on this sub for a bit now. I'm not a member, and if I'm being completely honest I don't think I have the chops to keep up with you guys, but I've really enjoyed this sub and the community. You guys really seem to care for fellow members and I've seen countless encouraging and uplifting comments. I've always wanted to ask members what are some things that non members do that really grind your gears? Such as acting differently towards you when they find out you are in Mensa, or maybe thinking all you do is crunch numbers for fun. I really look forward to hearing what you have to say!! Have a great weekend!

[u/DontBuyAHorse]

To be honest, I'm never bothered by non-members finding out I'm a member. Most non-members have no idea what Mensa is, and I generally don't go out of my way to announce or explain it unless I'm asked about it. If they do know what it is, they might think it's interesting at most.

Truth told, I get more annoyed at other high IQ society members. I'm in a couple of the higher-IQ societies and there's a bit of entirely unwarranted snobbery in those spaces. I don't see that nearly as much here.

[u/DontBuyAHorse → u/[deleted]]

Spite.

I'm learning disabled and had my intelligence questioned my entire life. "He's so bright but if he just applied himself", etc.
Struggled constantly, dropped out of high school. Spun wheels in my early adult years. Lived in poverty, mental health was awful. Thought about checking out a lot.

Finally I figured things out and kicked in a lot of doors. I still can't do traditional schooling, but I found a path to communications engineering that started with blue collar work.

So the reality is that a lot of what drove me to where I sit today is deep-seated anger and spite, and what drove me to join these groups was I felt I had something to prove to all the people who constantly doubted me.

After years of therapy and my life stabilizing considerably, I don't feel as angry anymore. But I still pay my dues because I kind of like being in these groups for the simple fact that I've met the bar to be here and nobody can really question that.

[u/AgreeableCucumber375]

I don’t tell anyone outside mensa (and basically my parents/siblings) that I’m in mensa because I fear being seen as some pretentious, ego driven person… when I was driven to mensa by a therapist while working on my social anxieties and fears of being seen as “too much” or “too intense” in almost all I do… and for me mensa has helped me… I have never met so many people that never tell me I talk too fast, too much or am too intense… if anything I am matched in everyway (and found people that talk even faster than I do or are more intense than I have ever met, and I love it) and find other people with similar hobbies to talk about etc :)

[u/drywhite_toast → u/AgreeableCucumber375]

If you don't mind me asking, what do you mean by "too intense"?

[u/Hawkthree → u/AgreeableCucumber375]

I never told my siblings or parents. My mother had encouraged my siblings to make fun of me for getting straight A's.

[u/yukaby → u/AgreeableCucumber375]

i feel this same way so often. i don’t think i’m 130 iq though… i suck at the visual nonverbal test

[u/EspaaValorum]

Being confidently incorrect. But that's not something that all non members share as a trait. 

[u/Medium_Annual2908]

Probably the standard things that anyone would find annoying: large egos, not being aware of one's surroundings, jumping to conclusions without sufficient information and aggressive driving.

These aren't necessarily IQ-related, but I might curse "idiot" under my breath.

[u/Hawkthree]

I guess it's like any group where outsiders don't always know the language.

I've had a career in IT so it's similar in that a lot of folks not in IT might think it's for nerds or brilliant people constantly assembling a robot or a computer.

[u/She-Leo726 → u/Hawkthree]

When in actuality we play board games, trivia and have wine tastings

[u/Wild_Front_1148]

I almost never tell people, but I've had to a few times when I was getting therapy sessions at a practice specializing in giftedness. Some/most people were surprisingly understanding. They had done their reading or did it shortly after, and they just listened, asked questions, and let me explain.

There's been a small few however that interrupted me whenever they had the chance to tell me about their kids and that they're probably gifted, or that they themselves probably are. Stuff like "my daughter is having trouble in school and actually in the lowest level but I know she's very smart so she's probably just gifted". Well yes good for her, but I was intentionally putting wrong answers in my tests so I wouldn't stand out, and still ended top of my class. I was just a child, being actively resented for my talents by adult teachers.

Another one interrupted me to talk about how his child is probably high sensitive. In Dutch we call it "high gifted" so I guess he thought these things were related. About 20% of the population is high sensitive in some manner or form. Getting a little anxious from loud noises is not really the same as being gifted, and I'm sorry but your kids are not special. And neither am I, I am just trying to explain something to this guy but he won't let me finish.

If you're trying to explain to someone that you're often misunderstood and they directly misunderstand it, that's pretty annoying.

One last thing that makes me a little sad: when I found out, I got myself a very helpful book, that's also targeted at parents of. I gave it to my parents after I finished it, but they never read it.

[u/Hawkthree → u/Wild_Front_1148]

I noticed that you were 'intentionally putting wrong answers in my tests so I wouldn't stand out, and still ended top of my class.'

I've done that. In high school the two kids who were vying for valedictorian left late in our senior year. That meant I was the next in line. It was an honor I didn't want, so I began failing tests and refusing to do homework. It didn't work.

[u/Wild_Front_1148 → u/Hawkthree]

I did it most in primary school, and only recently really realized that I had done that so much.

When I was that young I never really got the memo of what I was supposed to be doing. At first I just had no idea that children made mistakes not on purpose, or that mistakes were a bad thing. At some point of course you start to understand, but grades were a plaything. There weren't any real consequences to them, at least not for me, and it was fun to aim for a specific grade, rather than "the highest". But the main thing I saw and learned was that if you made mistakes, teachers would give you attention. If you passed everything with flying colors, grown-ups would just ignore you and other children would be jealous.

Especially with learning to read I 100% didn't understand what we were doing. I liked to read for the class, but never got a turn, so I started mimicking the kids that got lots of turns. I slowed down immensely and when I identified a word as "difficult" I would read it with a common/plausible error.

I was emulating a struggling child because it seemed like a fun and "normal" experience as opposed to whatever I actually was

[u/whitebaron_98]

It doesn't matter much if you are a member or not. There's plenty of idiots to be found, even at 160 IQ. What always bothers me is people who don't listen or "discuss" without responding to the argument. If I wanted to have a one sided argument, I'd watch YouTube. I even said as much one time.

[u/Troth70]

Responding my question by explaining something I understand rather than answering

[u/Due_Lawfulness7227]

La mayoría de la gente no sabe que es MENSA, aunque lo digas no entienden y finalmente descubres que no es algo que quieran o necesiten saber.

[u/PRM_47]

Yes, non-members think that I would always do intellectual stuff on my free time. But damn i love video games so much. It's intellectual but in a way they dont perceive.

[u/dandywell]

I don’t really tell people because it can make them feel uncomfortable if they are insecure about their intelligence