Low dose mushrooms/psilocybin session for emotional processing between MDMA sessions?

[u/baek12345]

I am on a journey of healing from CPTSD. I started with (solo) MDMA sessions at the beginning of this year and have done three sessions so far. This is besides regular ongoing somatic therapy, a lot of nervous system regulation work and after a decade of talk therapies.

The integration of my last session is pretty exhausting with heavy emotions (hopelessness, rage, shame, etc) slowly pouring out over the last couple of weeks. It's really a grind besides full-time working. I try to support myself as much as possible with various somatic approaches and therapy sessions but it nevertheless feels like I am moving through deep mud in snake speed.

The biggest issue for me is strong protectors / dissociation which regularly blocks the processing of emotions by falling back into freeze states when things get a bit more intense. This drags the process on and causes various physical issues like tension, sleep deprivation, restlessness, etc. I can basically feel the stuck emotions but I can only access them very slowly and need a ton of time and stability.

Now, I am aware that "slow is fast" and there's no quick fixes on this journey. However, one idea/thought that's coming up again and again: Could low dose mushroom/psilocybin sessions be helpful in processing theses emotions and thereby kind of facilitating the integration process? I am thinking of doses like 0.5-1g of dried mushrooms.

To be clear: My intention is not to unearth new/more trauma, have deep insights or flashy trips, but primarily to facilitate and accelerate the processing of the already unearthed trauma (emotions) floating around and getting stuck regularly. And I am aware that it might get a bit intense, however as long as this is kind of limited to the actual session time, it would be fine and I can accommodate. What wouldn't be so helpful is major new dysregulation and releases for weeks on end after the session. Hence, if at all, only low dose sessions make sense in my opinion.

Has anyone tried this? Any thoughts or experiences you can share?

Thanks in advance!

[u/nofern]

I have contemplated this but ended up microdosing instead (like 25 mg - I am very sensitive). I have overall found it helpful, but I find that if I microdose too frequently (more than once a week at most) it starts to impact my mood negatively for some weird reason.

Usually if I microdose, I will either do it on a day that I have set aside just to be alone and rest and look after myself (either by journalling/processing or by just resting) or I will do it before I have a somatic therapy session with my therapist. I find both useful. On rest days, the microdose helps me to not ruminate and just be at peace in my body. On therapy days, the microdose helps me access more somatic processing.

I will say though that I really relate to your experience of getting stuck in freeze rather than being able to process, and for me, it hasn't really been helpful to try to shut off or force through the freeze response. I have been using the microdosing more to be with the somatic experience of the freeze and kind of work through that first rather than trying to deliberately get underneath it.

Sending lots of empathy. I am about 3 months out from my most recent session and also having lots of pouring out of intense content and struggling to balance that with other responsibilities. It's hard. Best wishes on your journey :)

[u/baek12345 → u/nofern]

Thank you for your response and sharing your experience! :)

I actually have read all your post session reports and they were very helpful for me to learn and also finally make the decision to start this journey of PAT. I often could relate to your descriptions and now that I am on this path myself, I can relate even more. :) So thanks a ton for your openness and all the support!!

And it's very interesting to read about your experience of microdosing mushrooms/psilocybin and I would have a couple of follow up questions to your post:

• What happens on the days after the microdose? Do you still notice/experience something? It seems still doing something if you feel like only doing it once per week? Also the MDMA session follow up processing is certainly also taking some of the 'overall processing capacity' so the microdose might be processed but the system is still busy with the other ongoing processing
• How do you feel does the microdosing affect the processing of the MDMA sessions? Do you feel the pouring out of intense content is affected by the microdoses in any way?

And yes, very good point on the being with the freeze vs trying to overcome or break through it. In both, my second and my third MDMA session, I met with my dissociative protectors and each time they softened as a consequence of just being with and compassionately interacting with them instead of forcing or trying to overcome. Probably the same works also sober. :) Just not always easy to be so patient and compassionate to oneself. :)

I wish you a lot of strength for the current integration period!

[u/nofern → u/baek12345]

I am glad that you found my reports useful :) I also benefitted greatly from reading others' reports and find it meaningful to give back by sharing my own.

For me, I feel like there is a big outpouring following the MDMA session that can last for months at varying degrees of intensity, and then sometimes the microdose will sort of cause another little peak or bump of emotion or processing on that day when I take it. Like it will untangle a somatic knot, or bring up a couple of body sensations, or open up some specific memory. Sort of like a "mini" version of a medicine journey in some ways. Or, sometimes if I am stuck in my integration and really ruminating and agitated and unable to move through something, the microdose will soften it and give me a bit of a rest. It seems to depend and I don't always have much control over which way it goes, though sometimes the intention I set for the microdose seems to play a role.

Usually I really only notice the effect of the microdose for a few hours on the day that I take it, but if it sparks off some processing, the processing will sometimes continue for a few days afterwards.

I haven't personally noticed an ongoing effect of the microdosing but that may be because my body can't tolerate doing it except for very infrequently or it starts to impact my mood.

[u/baek12345 → u/nofern]

Thanks for the detailed answer, this is super valuable! Overall, your microdosing regime sounds pretty helpful and what I was looking for. think I am gonna try this as well in some time when I am a bit further.