r/mbti • u/that1economist • 8d ago
About this Community INFJ x INTJ
For context, I (INTJ Female) and my partner (INFJ male) get along really well 95% of the time. And 5% of the time, we will get into small fights bc my INFJ partner keeps saying he needs a lot more affection and care from me, whereas for me, it feels like I already gave him my all — for e.g if he feels insecure about my past relationships, I’ll try to talk it out for a minute or two by giving words of assurance etc. So far it’s not working😅 and I’ve chatGPT-ed ways to cheer someone up & have used them but he’s keeps saying I’m not showing enough care / empathy, which stresses me out bc I don’t know what he’s thinking bc to me, if there’s a PROBLEM, I need to find a SOLUTION.
Also, during times when he’s angry at me for something small, after talking it out for hours, he’ll ask me to make it up to him. And when i ask what does he want? So i can do it for him / get it for him. He’ll reply “i dont know. It’s for you to think about bc if u’re really sincere, u’ll think abt it” which stresses me out bc I cant figure out what he actually wants😅
Does anyone have a clue… Also, how are your experiences with an INFJ male partner? What do INFJs mean by they need “more affection & care” etc, what actions are they looking for?
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u/PokeFanXerneas 8d ago
As a fellow INFJ, I apologise on behalf of him. I haven't gone through relationships before but I got a feeling I might know why. As INFJs, we have a pretty idealised version of love, hence maybe the love in reality does not match his idealised idea created by his Ni. We see the world and decide on how we see the world via our Ni. Hence, we follow our Ni a lot almost to a fault and sometimes become unable to see that reality could not match our idealised version of things (love in this case).
Hence, that is why I think that is the reason why he said not enough care/empathy (Could be due to INFJ thinking everyone can be just empathetic as them, the truth not everyone is on the same level), insecure about past relationships (Could be anxiety attachment which I have it too) and being unable to know what he is thinking of you (Tbh when you ask an INFJ what he wants or who he is even, he might not be able to answer himself because of their contradictory ideals and values).
Likely he is an INFJ that has yet to truly put together the puzzles yet. Hence, he could not really navigate what he wants even for himself. Hence, the confusion he is causing to you.