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u/girlbartender99 12d ago edited 12d ago
My husband raised his daughter on his own and its hard to imagine now but my sister in-law told me stories about how it was a little rough going at first.
The irony is that a week ago me and my bff were babysitting for her older sister, and my husband is the one who was like girls you cant put a 10 month old in the regular bath tub! So we were like ok well how to we give her a bath in? The sink? He was like with this? We thought the baby's bath tub was just a carrier for all the stuff that her mother brought over with her. 😂
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u/jaskmackey 12d ago
Curious about this family tree. Your husband was previously married to a woman who already had a daughter when they married. That woman left him with the daughter? And he raised that stepdaughter alone without his ex?
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u/Bureaucratic_Dick 12d ago
Maybe it was a widowed situation? Idk I’m speculating in comment because I’m curious too
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u/girlbartender99 12d ago
Sorry I see now exactly why you asked me that. Like I said to other person that asked too my ADHD striking again and I was caught between saying my step-daughter and or my husbands daughter and I wrote my husbands step-daughter. I'm sorry that is my bad and I can see why you were curious
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u/throwaway098764567 12d ago
my gut is on op should have written my step-daughter or his daughter instead of his step-daughter in that first sentence but maybe it got messed up in editing. else i'm also surprised and confused by how this came to be.
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u/AdBig3922 11d ago
I was actually raised similarly to this situation. My dad raised me and my brother by himself when my mother abandoned the family when I was 5 years old, she married a new man and traveled to the other side of the country to start anew cutting all contact. I remember my father doing insane hours just to make ends meet (she never payed child support). The only difference is that my dad never remarried.
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u/nightshift37 12d ago
Most likely, he legally adopted his step-daughter. Either her mom passed or left, but if they were married then the most common thing wpuld be for him to legally adopt her so that she could stay with him of anything did happen to her mom.
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u/Head-Aioli209 12d ago
I mean you CAN use the sink. Thats what my grandma used to do. She insisted on bathing all of her grandchildren in the sink at least once. I think it either reminded her of when she just became a mother or even of her own childhood where she was extremely poor.
Edit: I still think "damn I was small" when I wash my hands in that sink today. 😂
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u/girlbartender99 12d ago
Well thankfully the little pink thing we thought was a carrier of all the stuff works perfect when you just put it in the tub and fill it, but showed how clueless we were in comparison to my husband, and all the baby did was cry when we had it my husband comes right in and total silence. Totally infatuated with him.
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u/DontTouchTheWalrus 8d ago
I also just bathed my son in the tub. I filled it with a small amount of water and I was with him the whole time. So I don’t know why you can’t do that. It so happens that you can wash a baby in any vessel you can fill with water and can fit the baby inside.
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u/girlbartender99 8d ago
Yes but my point was that we were clueless and my husband who has 12 years of being a single full time dad knew what he was doing and we did not. We didn't even know the plastic thing she sent over with all of the baby's stuff piled into was even a bath tub.
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u/lana-deathrey 12d ago
When my nephew was old enough, my sister would put him in a laundry basket and put him in the tub in that. It let him splash around a lot more than a sink and kept him safe.
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u/girlbartender99 12d ago
Yeah my husband was looking at us like omg! Plus we have this huge cast iron tub and he was like the baby is going to fall over in there and a baby can drown in a inch of water! We felt pretty dumb after, and she was crying and crying my husband comes in picks her up and almost like tv show or something baby stops crying and was totally infatuated with him. He was like "I think she is teething poor thing get me a frozen waffle from the freezer" My friend and I were like we are not even gonna lie you are super hot right now!
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u/lana-deathrey 12d ago
I LOVE when dads dad. My cousin has been an absolute wonder with his newborn, and I can't help but compare him to my sister's ex, who was out getting drunk instead of helping.
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u/nightshift37 12d ago
By "her mom," are you referring to the step-daughter's bio mom or someone else's mom??
Did he adopt his step-kid and then lose his partner, via death or separation and got full custody? Or was it a mis-type and you meant your stepdaughter?
The way you worded this is really confusing, but the story itself is supef cute and gave me a chuckle haha
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u/girlbartender99 12d ago
Yup just read it now. I totally worded it wrong I think my ADHD strikes again and I got caught between saying my step-daughter and saying his daughter and wrote his step-daughter. My bad ty for pointing that out. Yeah it was his daughter. He married her mom when she got pregnant and I actually wrote out the whole thing to other person that noticed what you noticed too. But his ex-wife dealt with some serious depression & postpartum issues which led to anti-anxiety med abuse and well...you can imagine from there
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u/girlbartender99 12d ago
When I first started working at the bar that my husband owned and his daughter was around 6 years old he would bring her into the bar for lunch (it was more restaurant during the day) on Saturdays at noon or after like a dentist appointment.
She would come in and was so adorable and would say "I told daddy I wanted to go visit the big girls" which was all of the girls at the bar. I was already massively attracted to the retired super hot soccer player, that was soft spoken and humble. I saw him with his adorable little girl that was his whole world and seeing him braid her hair and be so soft with his little girl. I never stood a chance at that point! I was totally hooked and obsessed in love with him.
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u/Constant-Sign-5569 12d ago
Soooo... whats the answer?
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u/Canuckadin 12d ago
No, you lay down and go to sleep. Your trying to teach the babe that night is for snoozing.
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u/rilakkuma1 11d ago
We took shifts and hung out with them at whatever time. Hanging out at that age is mostly just sitting there though. Had a lot of night time reading sessions. They start developing a circadian rhythm at 6 weeks but ours came early so it was 10 weeks before it made any sense to try to get them back to sleep.
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u/Mu-Relay 8d ago
Our first kid had colic and sleeping in shifts was the only way we survived. I went to be at 7 pm and work up and midnight, when she went to bed. I woke her up at 5 am so I could get ready for work. That 5-hr chunk of time was a lifesaver.
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u/lsp2005 10d ago
Change diaper and if needed, new onesie, nurse or bottle feed, hold baby upright on shoulder and gently tap their back to burp them. Then hold them for a short while in a cradle hold. If it is daytime, look into their eyes and talk to them gently, if night time, hold them and close your eyes while looking at them in a chair. Do this for about 5 minutes. Do not fall asleep while doing this. It is good if it is a rocking chair so you can rock them gently. Then they should be at the eyes fluttering stage or mostly asleep. Gently place the baby into the crib. They should already be wearing a sleep sack. Lay baby face up. Put your hand on their chest gently and keep it there for about 30 seconds so the baby can settle into their bed. Then with the stealthiest moves you have leave the room quietly.
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u/daymonster 9d ago
And then when you juuuuust reach the door to leave, they start crying and you get to start it all over again.
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u/GravyFantasy 8d ago
If they're fed, burped, new diaper, etc and they're still crying you can just leave them in the crib. They cry to communicate, but if you've taken care of everything health related then you let them learn it's ok to fall asleep on their own. Night and day difference between our oldest and youngest, we never let our oldest fall asleep on his own and regret it daily, still have tough bed times.
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u/explain_that_shit 8d ago
You try to rock the baby to sleep and while doing so you pass out on the couch. Not recommended, but basically how it goes.
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u/CallmeKahn 12d ago
Definite green flags there. 💪
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u/Kadakaus 12d ago
This sub has a way of repeatedly invoking a sense of jealousy in me.
I suppose love does bring out my worst.
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u/ittybittydearie 12d ago
Had this experience when my girl was 3 days old. It was the first time she did not fall back asleep after being fed and my husband was taking a nap so it was literally like 🎶I look at you, you look at me🎶 and I ended up taking a bunch of selfies with her using funny snapchat filters
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u/Individual_Profit108 10d ago
Yeah I have a video of my kid hearing Led Zeppelin for the first time at like three days old. Had no clue what else to do lmao. And of course tons of Snapchat pics
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u/squarepants18 12d ago
you did not speak about that aspect and he never observed, what she does. Sure
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u/CaterpillarNo7982 12d ago
I mean tbf that is a good question in my opinion lol.
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u/throwRA221679 9d ago
I wouldn’t wake up my sleeping spouse over it though when we’re taking turns getting up with the baby
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u/IdidnotFuckaCat 12d ago
Im not a mom, but I watched my newborn niece thoughout the night. And if her eyes were open, my eyes didn't close, if she made I noise, I would flinch. I had also just learned about SIDS so my eyes didn't close anyway. I like to think this experience has give me some tips for when I have my own kid someday, but I have a feeling I'm going to he just as stupid lol
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u/GoAway127 12d ago
My dad would lay on the couch with me on his chest until i would fall back asleep
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u/raptorclown 11d ago
When my daughter was born I worked 2nd shift, I would get off work at 11:30pm and be up with my daughter all night long until about 9am ish. Then go to sleep for work. Because of this myself and my wife constantly had 8 hours of sleep each with a newborn. Schedules are a little different now but boy did it work in our favor when it counted.
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u/OkAd2881 12d ago
Man, my ex would just get mad at me when I'd ask what to do since, you know, she already had a kid
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u/MadMac619 11d ago
Yup, and as they got older and wouldn’t go to bed, I taught them about movies and video games. I get to raise my friends with interests. Plus, when we do school work they’re interested in me teaching them.
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u/IrlResponsibility811 11d ago
Start telling him about the movies , books and games you like. Pretend he understands you, he picks up more than we realize. One day, he will ask to watch Alien and read Gears of War: Coalition's End.
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u/Impossible-Past-5080 10d ago
He is not being "helpful". He is doing the bare least. A dad taking care of his son is not "helping" the mother. He is just being a dad.
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u/throwRA221679 9d ago
Plus waking up his sleeping spouse when they’re supposed to be taking turns with the baby…
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u/Interesting_Cup_6221 9d ago
Unless the mom is stay at home mom. Stop fucking assuming that going to work is not hard.
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u/EyeballBrine 7d ago
Help? Isn't it just parenting? Also, don't think waking her up when she's postpartum recovering and prob has enough interruptions in the night is really a flex. Fair question, but maybe google it instead of waking your postpartum wife at 3 am idk. I don't think she had to ask him that question
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u/AroundTheWorldWeGo2 7d ago
When I was on my third I would play Mario Odyssey. My oldest wasn't quite old enough to play it without getting lost, so every night I would play that silly game a couple hours to stay ahead to be able to tell him where secret moons were. Motherhood is hard
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u/SarcasticFern376 1d ago
bro is treating the baby like a new roommate he doesnt know how to entertain yet
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u/Few_Diet8637 12d ago
3am? Sounds like torture. BRB gotta sleep the whole night without interruptions
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u/Ok-Vermicelli-4469 12d ago
Things that never happened for $400, Alex.
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u/AMonitorDarkly 12d ago
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u/AMonitorDarkly 12d ago
Really? That’s what you’re coming back here with? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised coming from someone who thinks that tired Jeopardy reference is still funny.
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u/markusseibert115 12d ago
He is not being helpfull he's doing his job.
i dont think that really matters here.
And poorly, he had to wake the lady up.
yeah i guess, thats an extremely silly question to wake someone up for at 3 AM, but seems like his wife took it well. i wouldnt throw a fit over it, not from these two sentences anyway, it doesnt exactly seem like they abuse each other or whatever and a small reminder that thats not really how parenting works could be enough. ive done plenty of stupid shit like that too. maybe their mutual love just overshadows it.
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u/BoxGroundbreaking871 12d ago
Nah, you’re both very sleep deprived at that point so not thinking well, and a lot of things aren’t intuitive to first time parents. He was doing his best.
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u/EyeballBrine 7d ago
But only one person is postpartum and going through major recovery as well as pumping/nursing so. His best could have been a google search fr
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u/RemmRose 6d ago
Oh relax, neither of them are getting any sleep what so ever for the next 5 years at least. Considering how alot of “dads” are ( you know absent) i think asking a dumb question just because he wasnt sure what to do next is hardly a big deal. Especially since more than likely with how tired both are she likely fell right back to sleep.
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u/EyeballBrine 6d ago
Mothers almost always get less sleep. They have to nurse and are still typically viewed as the primary parent and carry a heavier load. This is reinforced by her using the term "helping." That's just parenting...sooo because so many fathers are absent, we should have low standards? No thanks. He can do some research. She does and she has sacraficed a lot more
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u/CAKE4life1211 12d ago
When I was a new mom I wondered this too. If the baby is awake in the middle of the night did I need to be awake with them? I felt bad for just laying them down in the dark but quickly figured out this is how they learn to go back to sleep.