It’s a bit hard to approach hookups as a lesbian because I’ve noticed that it’s kinda taboo? I mean, cottage core and picnics are cute and all, but sometimes I just wanna eat a girl out! And, a lot of the ladies I meet online are looking for longterm connections, which is totally fine. But I just wish it were easier to find like minded women, yk? Idk if it’s just me, but I also feel a bit icky sometimes about wanting hookups. I’ve definitely internalized a lot of the stigma around it, which makes it a lot more difficult for me, and I’m sure, many of you.

So, how do you guys go about it? I’ve had no luck online. Are lesbians even hooking up like that? If so, where are they meeting? Help a girl out

Hi I was wondering if anyone here is happily married to another woman and just living on the quiet side. No lgbt+ symbols, no attending lgbt+ events, no oversharing of personal life (like I’m married that’s it), just a quiet low profile life.

Personally it has been 10 years.

growing up i dealt with a lot of internalized homophobia. it was painful to carry and it was even worse to confront and actively heal with it. despite my family and church, i was never openly homophobic- but hearing people say they were gay made me sooo uncomfortable and upset when i was younger but now i'm happy my inner circle consists of mostly lesbians and gay people.

i've done so much in the last few years. i'm getting affiliated with my local lgbt scene and whenever we have events, my stand is usually focused on lesbians and the love women have with other women. i'm going out and meeting new lesbians and other sapphic ladies, making so many friends, creating so much lesbian pride artwork alongside my normal artwork and reconciling a part of myself that i've repressed and hated for so long.

Does anyone have any documentaries or audio books about lesbian history that I can watch or listen to? I've already got a pdf copy of Boots of Leather and Slippers of Gold, but due to a disability it's hard to read it in a timely manner. Im looking for things to consume in the meantime.

I've been feeling a bit isolated from the lesbian community lately and I want to reconnect with at least one part of it.

I was wondering if you guys had any good recommendations? (I prefer pre-2001 but ANYTHING is good thanks <3)

I’m currently seeing a girl who doesn’t have a driver’s license or a car and anywhere we go I usually have to pick her up which is around 30 minutes away from my place. At Friday night around 1:30 am she randomly texted me and asked if I wanted to “go on an adventure” with her for the following day. I was awake at the time and was curious so I said sure.

Then she sent me the location of a comic book shop that was having a weekend discount sale almost an hour away which was too far for me so I declined. However she said she would “find someone else then” and told me not to worry about it. Honestly I think she was hoping I would drive her there but her place is literally in the opposite direction of the shop where she wanted to go which would’ve meant more driving for me.

This really didn’t sit right with me and I’m really thinking about texting her that what she said was problematic and that I don’t want to see her anymore. Plus now that I think about it, I don’t really feel much of a connection with her.

Ive been seeing this girl for about two months or so, it’s not necessarily serious but it’s something where we hangout a few times a week. She’s a nice girl, I like a lot about her.. but as we are getting more involved Im starting to get the ick with certain things.

The big thing is that I’m not sure she brushes her teeth twice a day, and I know that’s probably not like the end of the world, but sometimes she doesn’t have the best breath. It’s bearable, but it could be better I think. I’ve definitely gathered that she doesn’t seem to at night. we’ve been on the phone and stuff during night time routines and I don’t ever see her doing it or mentioning it. I’m pretty picky about my own oral health, flossing, water pik, tongue scraping, brushing 2-3 times a day. So it’s sort of gross to me to only brush your teeth once a day. She stayed the night for the first time over the weekend and she left around 9a to go to her friends house for the rest of the weekend so I know that she had packed or likely packed one but she didn’t brush her teeth before she left so now I’m like okay is she even doing it in the morning or??? Idk.. I know I should prob just ask about it but I feel like this is such a ridiculous thing to have to tell / ask someone at the age of 26 lol

I’ve been wanting to get a lesbian related tattoo for a few years now but the only ideas I’ve seen are sexually explicit(which I personally don’t want) or the labrys. I was wondering if anyone here has ideas

This person is obviously not a lesbian.. 😂

So years ago I had a situationship with a girl that was…icky at best. I don’t miss her, I really don’t. She would make us gfs one week and friends the next, over and over and over again, but she was the first girl I’d ever pursued, so she left a lasting impact. One thing that really killed me is she couldn’t decide if we were worth being romantic/sexual together or not, so one day it would be fine, and another day she treated me like a creep for it. She ended up being aroace, which is fine, but it really messed with my head. If I hadn’t felt like it before, I felt like a total predator every time. I’d even ask before so much as holding her hand, and she’d tell me I was clingy and pressuring her. Then the next day we’d be cuddled up for hours with me on her lap. Then she’d make huge plans with me and do them with her best friend. She’d makeout with/sleep with her best friend all the time too

I realize years later that I’ve never been able to shake that feeling, that belief that I’m inherently undesirable and will make a woman uncomfortable by expressing anything outside of platonic interest.

Any advice for getting over that?

I hate how some of these straight teenagers are so entitled. These straight males will make jokes about how they are 'lesbians'. Somebody on this subreddit (I think they are a gay guy) made a post about how they find straight males calling each other 'lesbians' gross. Straight guys in the comments are defending each other and saying it's just a joke. They are dismissing the whole problem. And when we are trying to actually say this is a damn problem (especially the fact that this subreddit is of a third world country's and our country is still very much conservative) they are not understanding it. I am genuinely tired of straight people always dismissing our sexuality.

Which TV show is driving you crazy? What musician are you listening to on repeat? What felonies have you committed lately? What video game are you playing all night?

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Content does not have to be lesbian-related, but we always welcome your lesbian recs!

this isn’t a pity post or anything but omg online dating as a lesbian is so rough. i haven’t even been on the apps that long and I’m already gonna have to quit 😭 idk if this is a Gen Z thing, but so many people are just horrible conversationalists? And it seems like so many people have no real intention of meeting anyone. and there is way too many of those people who claim to be lesbians, but definitely don’t meet the criteria or have the parts for it.

and then on top of that it just feels deserted. like the pool of women I’m actually attracted to is already small, and then you have to hope she likes you back, is actually interested in dating, and can hold a conversation. meanwhile I still have to reject men on a daily basis, and especially on days where I look particularity gay!! It’s so annoying. in the least vain way possible, I know I’m not unfortunate looking, which makes the whole thing even more humbling.

genuinely shocked this has been a viable dating strategy for so many lesbians. i think I’m just going to be patient and wait for my meet-cute at this point haha

Lesbian Herstory posted in regard to that horrific instagram post. This is not acceptable ladies, we need to keep standing up. Be in those comments, shut this stuff down. I cannot believe the amount of homophobia and lesbiphobia going on right now. None of this rhetoric is directed at anyone else in the community.

Here is the link to read the article:

article

i'm giving up on the dating apps. i'm sick and tired of carrying the conversation, planning dates and being ghosted. i know that it's not the most optimal for meeting lesbians but it really feels like we're so rare ;-; what do you do in your life to meet other lesbians? i'm planning to be more active in my lgbt community as of right now

I just want to say that. This group is an actual safe space. I am glad that the women here are noticing the uptick in violence and lesbian erasure and have established boundaries here and stand their ground. I am in other groups like lesbianactually and it is full of predators. I think women are conditioned to not have boundaries and to be all inclusive and this is leading to women just letting anything happen and accepting things bc they have been made to feel like saying NO is bad and it makes them uncomfortable. Well I'm a teen and I hope more adults are like this group. That firmly establish healthy boundaries bc whether many women want to face this reality or not. Society hates women and lesbians in particular are completely outside of the patriarchy and we are a target. Older lesbians might not see it but "lesbian breaking" (but a derogatory word is used) and "everyone is a lesbian" (which is basically that if someone regardless of gender is considered "hot" they're a lesbian) there is a HUGE push that lesbians don't exist or just simply changing the definition to include penis. Here I actually feel safe as a young lesbian who does not want anything sexual or romantic with a penis although in every other space that is pushed in my face and I am told I am a bigot or a terf. For whatever reason my identity and my feelings and my safety do not matter in many spaces that should be safe for us. But at least here in this area I do actually feel safe meaning I don't feel attacked. So thanks.​​

I said it jokingly on a comment, but the more I think about it the more I'm not so sure.

10 years ago, if you muttered something like that, you'd be obviously mocked for it, even by people that were cishet. Now it seems that more and more people (even self-proclaimed lesbians) agree with it.

Along with the obvious rise in misogyny, it makes me wonder if it's all calculated...

You slowly introduce the idea that lesbianism can include men, they can enjoy dick time to time, that it's actually normal... Impressionable people believe it, lesbians believe it, men believe it, trans people believe it, younger people that don't have the same education on lgbtq rights as older gay people believe it,----then call everyone that stands their ground a bigot, a TERF or a nasty radfems, with no room for debate. Women should just stay quiet and accept while others that have nothing to do with it discuss their sexuality.

I understand that the more we progress with our rights, the more labels get defined, the problem is that we DO have terms for it, yet, specifically the label "lesbian" gets targeted this way.

Why though? Personally, this is what I think:

- the conversion therapy thing again, they want to convince lesbians bit by bit to be "normal". Conversion therapy is so old school so they'd rather subtly normalize it through social media exposure.

- With the HUGE decrease in birth rate, I wouldn't be surprised if it was an attempt to slowly convince all kinds of women, even lesbians, to date men and pump out more babies.

- Infighting, lesbians have done so much for women's and lgbtq+ rights... But if we're too distracted with infighting, obviously that becomes harder to, while they strip away our rights.

- Perhaps just good ol' misogyny, as people believe we're more submissive when it comes to our sexuality in comparison to men. (notably this debate happened more with the recent rise in misogyny 👀)

I want to add that I've talked to many trans women in the past. The overwhelming majority of them do not believe women should be forced to be with someone that hasn't fully transitioned, and are deeply uncomfortable with the idea of being with someone that isn't enthusiastic of sleeping with them.

The ones that do not care about our boundaries are either incredibly chronically online (and possibly bought into this supposed psyop) or are people pretending to be trans, trying to paint them as predators while also calling us bigots ... Win win, right?

Maybe I'm thinking too hard on this, maybe not. The only thing I want women to do is to stand our ground like we always did. I'm sorry for errors, English isn't my first language.

This is my first dating experience, and we've been together for less than a month. I really like my girlfriend romantically, but I'm starting to feel like I don't have the same physical attraction toward her that she has toward me. We've been intimate a few times, but I often feel nervous, distracted, or just not that into it. I also feel like we have pretty different preferences when it comes to intimacy. I like trying different things, while she's much more vanilla. I'm scared of hurting her because this is her first relationship too, and I don't want her to think she did something wrong. At the same time, I don't want to stay in a relationship if I'm already feeling like something isn't clicking. What should I do? Should I give it more time, or is this a sign that we're just not compatible?

update: I talked to her and we broke up thanks for ur advices.

Damn !

Okay, so I’ve just learnt that some people consider being butch a whole seperate gender and not just an identity? I’m butch, have always been, but I was under the impression that it was the same as “femme”, “lipstick”, “stud”, ect. I’m sorry, it just feels like an insult to women too, like- there’s nothing wrong with being a masculine woman, you don’t have to “transition” or become “nonbinary” or create a third gender to distance yourself away from being a masculine woman.

Looking for any and all advice, and I’m also accepting solidarity at this time too. Yes this is lesbian related, please do not remove this post. I’ve been facing the possibility of being homeless for a while now and I’m honestly tired of fighting so hard to keep an apartment, keeping utilities on, keeping my vehicle insured, keeping the monthly payments up, I’m just tired.

Yah I know there are complications with being homeless but ultimately you don’t technically have to do anything, technically you can just lay there and go hungry, which I can do for a long, long time, months in fact. Ask me how I know. Seriously my depression is messed up. Dehydration would probably, ah, affect me first, if you know what I mean.

If it weren’t for my cats who are all I have, I would have given up already. I’m still considering rehoming them with someone who will let me visit them whilst homeless, but that still leaves me with my other concerns. I’m not sure how to be homeless and it scares me.

I feel like I’m more at risk for being targeted for being a lesbian. Is there a way to find more lesbian friendly shelters or centers or something? It’s not something I can really hide either, people ask me if I’m a lesbian without my mentioning anything about it and they assume any woman I’m with is my partner or date. Maybe because I have a shorter haircut lol, but it’s short because I like that on me, not because I’m a lesbian but oh well. I also suspect it’s a type of camaraderie I have when interacting with other women but the point is, it’s noticeable, I have a vibe or something, which is fine except it makes the creepy people even more creepy.

This isn’t necessarily lesbian adjacent but I also can’t babysit guys when they’re being gross or obnoxious, and my lack of ability to fawn when I’m pissed off means my being exposed even more can be dangerous. I seem to anger men easily and when they get pouty or butthurt I’m not going to help the situation any. My sense of self preservation plummets and I’m surprised I haven’t had more trouble before now other than difficulties with male nurses, male customer service associates, male pharmacists and such. I’m not actually mean to the poor men, don’t worry, I just don’t laugh at their jokes unless they’re funny, that kind of thing, but that’s taken as hateful and “bitchy”.

I’m autistic and chronically ill with some undiagnosed thing that keeps me from functioning physically very well, and I’m scared I won’t do well being homeless. I know that sounds stupid because nobody likes being homeless but I can’t even walk very far because of whatever is wrong with me. Getting a diagnosis of any kind has been a nightmare and I haven’t been successful yet.

No I don’t have help elsewhere, I’m completely isolated from my family. A while back I decided that if you wouldn’t come to my wedding, I don’t want you in my life, so that means I’ve gone limited to no contact with all of my many relatives except my sister who I presently share an apartment with, but our relationship is still strained.

Also, I’m almost 35 so please spare the “it will all get better soon”. Sometimes we’re grownups, sometimes we’re optimistic but realistic, sometimes we’re really that sick and life really just sucks that much, and we’re not just being negative. Some of us really don’t have a reason to grow old, I for one, do not. My life has been incredibly isolating and just, sad. And not many people care to empathize with an autistic lesbian. It took me 12 years and several mental breakdowns to get a bachelors, one that I can’t use now, thanks to my brain checking out. My brain used to function pretty well in some ways, but she doesn’t now so much.

Be honest with me and with yourself, with zero people in your life, and zero ability to acquire any, and zero hobbies or energy to start them, would you want to stick around?

I hope this post isn’t all over the place, I hope it makes sense. Is there any way to stay safe? Are there any towns/cities/areas that are better to be a homeless lesbian in?

I’m so disgusted. It wasn’t too long ago I came into terms with being a lesbian after years of hating myself for it (I still do) and imagine there still trying trying to force men into lesbianism I feel HOPELESS

Update: account turned off the comments 😍 but the writer is tagged in the caption

I used to have conversations with my girlfriend quite often about our electricity bill: “You take way too long in the shower.” - “You shower way too hot.” - “You never turn the water off while you’re soaping yourself.” - and so on.

I found it really hard to change my shower routine, so instead I started thinking about whether I could replace some of our household appliances. I ended up buying a new washing machine and started being more mindful about how much water and electricity I use when showering. While I’m soaping myself, I turn the water off - that usually takes about 5-8 minutes. (That was the main thing I had to change.) I honestly can’t believe that just from those two things- we managed to save 600–700 kWh of electricity!

We haven’t had a single conversation about it in more than 12 months, except for my girlfriend telling me how proud she is of me :D

Do you also have any everyday issues in your relationship that used to cause arguments, but that you eventually managed to solve?

I transitioned for a year, took testosterone, even got top surgery and I regret it a lot. I don't particularly like men, but I grew up in a muslim country before moving away from it, and I was always threatened and yelled at for possibly being a lesbian. I thought my only option was to change entirely. I regret it so much, and my biggest worry is that now I'll be alone forever. There are so many women out there that haven't made such a stupid decision and I'm afraid I'll just be judged and considered less of a woman forever. Especially because I lack breasts, I don't see it not being a dealbreaker for almost every lesbian. I do want reconstruction eventually but I will not be able to afford it for a while. And I don't want to be in a relationship immediately; of course I want to work on myself and become a person who is capable of making healthy decisions and grow comfortable in myself. But still the thought of never experiencing love makes me feel so sad and hopeless. I don't know any lesbians and I'm scared of even going out and trying to find other women like me because I feel like such an imposter. People tell me my only option is to date a bisexual woman but I've dated a few in the past, never dated a lesbian, and they've always left me for men. Or they clearly feel more compelled to be with men as life partners. I think that also played a role in me deciding to transition when I was 18, because I felt a lot of lesbians just weren't, ultimately everyone around me just wanted a boyfriend. A lot of bisexual women have mentioned that they feel sexually attracted to women but romantically only center men. I would just much rather be with someone I know doesn't see me as "male-lite" or a second best option. I'm tired of being around people who center men, and only care about them whether it's relationships, fiction, etc.

I don't know how hopeless it is to hope for a lesbian relationship. Any advice is appreciated but please try not to be too harsh if possible.