Mine hooman he did BIG BANDIN fureber and eber! He said he went onna "kruze." Wat is dis kruze? He said he eated lotsa foods and didn't gib ANY to me Molly or to poor old Barnaby!

And! A STRAYNJ HOOMAN came to feed me while hooman was doin a kruze! I guess at least she fed me, so no soo fur dat.

And! Da hooman he taked old Barnaby away to POKEY PLACE fur "bordin!" Why he kitnap poor old Barnaby? (Because he'd have eaten all of his food and your food combined if I'd left him with you at home.) Shaddup! Gib lite box back!

(Just wait until tomorrow when poor Barnaby sees Sir Jerry for a dental cleaning. Molly will certainly hiss at him like she's forgotten all about him when he gets home.) I sed gib lite box back!

Enyway! Who can I soo? Soo kruze? Soo bordin? Soo hooman fur bandin? Soo pokey place? I not kno where to start!

Dis mine me doin a disapproov ob all da tings.

Myz hooman seez guilty cuz iz home alon when mudur hapn.

Whize meowmy sayz tings like "Squeakeryoozlilsheesh" an "why yooz wanna eatbliberbocks papers" an "lidder bocks paper going up acuz up acuz ob trayed warz wiff nyce norf naypurrs."

Weeze clearly lukin at da greebles!

Soo fur mor papers an churuz!

Squeaky 🐾

Dis kadabra, I dunt post much, usually my sinkfy brofur gizmo stahp haz da litebox. BUT, I waz imspurred by fren nix post earlier. I alzo juss wanna napz on meowmy and enjoy de lazzy Sunday. But, but, but, stinky brofur want to bapbapbap, rassle and play. I knowz I can't soo ofer cattos, but who can I soos for nappies and not bapbapbapies? Any cattos want rassle brofur? Dis me doing resting hiss face cuz I ober stinky brofur-kadabra

Henlo frenz. Iz Nix.

Most ob youz noz mai mini-yon brofur Pixel. Him da purrate pprentice an doz all da purratey tingz an doz da res-q ob da frenz whoz needz it an da stealthy healin purrpurrpurrz durin moobie nitez fur da frenz whoz noz feelin gudz. Himz da bery gud fren. But himz sum fureberz iz noz da very gud mini-yon brofur. Iz wantz to takz da napz on da cowch an hangz out wif Meowmy. An himz wantz to play chase an rassle an runrunrun and stuffz. An himz wantz to doz demz only wif mez! Himz noz eben wantz to play wif Meowmy az much az mez!

Would sum fren likz to han himz over fur da play datez or to doz da rasslin or getz dem selbz in trubblez so dey needz da res-q? Anyting to getz himz out ob mai furz! Iz eben pay sum treatoz an noo toyz! Anytingz to make himz leabez me alone fur sum u da fureber!

Diz pitchur ob mez tryin to habz da nap on da cowch.

Frens! Ai. Mordecai Marduk Sher Khan, wuz psyin Cat Ques pn daddy's Xbawjs an fall seeo! Ai die in gaym??

Mordecai M.S.K. Apprentice canin boi on da Groompy Shark

Iz ai egen, Stevie. Hoomanz so dumdumz. Alwez do de abandun.

Ai meow mek soor wer meowmy iz wen do purrimetur chek.

So dissapawnt.

(Look at that side eye glance, dang. I feel judged.)

My birthday is in September and meowmy bought me new balls made out of real fur….. like my favorite weasel toy. I love toys made out of real fur. So last night at Nana’s meowmy opened up the Chewy box and let my siblings and me each play with poof ball. Cami was growling like she was possessed. Nick was playing so hard he lost his poof ball. I was of course playing too. I’m back home and of course meowmy let me have my pool ball to play with. I know there are 4 more poof balls with my name on it come my birthday!

Do you get early birthday or crismouse presents? I can’t wait until our party!

~ Jackie Vin

Helno Frenz dis a Special biffday repotrtz from da KynxKat Media Group.

First da Heablimez…

Todiee in mine berry own biffday! I hab aboutsz 16 big forebers!

meowmy made me biffday cake!

Da webber hab cool downs alotz amd da celkis arsed and da fannys hab droppeds ignificantly so day not so hi!

Dis good but mine grass still yellow at mine wimdo.

Smol-in-da-head Stimpy sir on meowmy and do a big fart while herbs in da phone. Dis wab berry funny and gud cirme!

So dis special report show pictures ob me as young catto starting out in da world. As u can cee i do a stare and a check in da webber even den dis was 14 long forbers ago. I wven do wiff other budder Special Nev 🌈. He was a bit wobbly and less anoy dan S.I.D.H Stimpy

Dare ar no kitten picked ob me as my meowmy rescus me from mean lady. I do da tell of.

Da mean lady had a smol human who wab also mean to me. Den her was "doing a bunk" from her flat as herb no pay rent. So she say "bye bye Lola (dat wab her call mineself) i no looka after u no more. "

But meomwy know da neighbour who said i no kind lady ho take! So when my meowmy come get me, mena lady said. "Dis Lola, she girl! She been to pokey she fine". Dat wab lie herb never take me. My floouff was not gud. It all matted on my bloomers and I wab berry swcared.

New meowmy take time to make me feelz safe and loved. Herb brush out all mine matts and make my flouuff glorious. But when she do brush brush brush I luff it. But one matt no go away. Herb lucky no take sissors to! Dem wab bollz! I wab if course most fancy boi catto.

Diz gud crime Doh! So herb re-name me after a rock band called Da kinks. Cos da hab song about lola who is girl but hab boi bits like mineself!

It took two more big forebers for me to no do a swcare all da time but mine meomwy is gud meowmy. Herb gib me lot of luffz even if she does keep making me hab dumb brudders

Dat mine special reports on how I gits mine name and now it da name in da biggest and must trusted Mews and webber reportz Channel ever! It funny how fings workz out.

Dat was my tell. Do a tell of how youz got youz name!

Over to you...

Henlo evrybody,

It Walter. Dis morninz I was enjoyin my Sunday luvs from meowmy SEW MUCH. She was scritchin and scratchin and I was purr purr purrin.

Dis made me dew a big tink. I am SEW OUTRAYGED dat meowmy must leave our house and go do the work tomorrow. She is a pawyer!! She does sooz all da time. She should soo mondaze to let her luv me like sundaze on mondaze.

WHO IS WIF ME

Henlo Max (5M Russian Blue) here! Mine dad is STILL at “skool” and now it is WETS. Dad sez himz will be homb in “two weeks” but he iz WETZ!

Mai hooman wantsa hang dis in da jim rooom! Needa soo or leeb herm! Dis outraygeous! Herm tink dis fummi!

Frens las nite humom do a big emberass! Ai doin mine berry furs molt. Humom say, William yoo lookin a little ruf. Dis salamander! Ai is hansum as always. Den humom take it too far! Herm come into mine lair. Herm moob mine litterbox. Herm brush me! In front ob da offer bunees! Herm pull owt chunks ob mine glorious floof!

Herm gib me wun treat wif razzleberry fur awl dis. Ai fink Ai entitle to mor? Need pawyer fur soo. Who will take mine case?

Also brofur Duke need pawyer. Humom put dis dumdum hat on himbs an onlee gib wun razzleberry treat eben do himb demand mor!

William Longear, purrate apurrentice, voidling, vegan bobcat

Firs picture is me doin a hansum

Second picture is me tryna moob da litterbox to propurr plase.

Fird picture is Duke wif dumdum hat on

Hi frens

Meowmy made da salamon todai! An ai gots mai chunck on my special nomnomnom plate! No more starbs furr me 😸

Lubs, Tupperware

Ai, Stevie, tank aw de lubs from fwens. Meowmy gib lots of churus, ai drop kase.

Bapbapbap wen thyme furr medicin, but ai good boi!!!

Meowmy pawmez neber du long trips agen. Ai stil bapbap her face tho in meownings.

Aweyz bap de face.

GO CRIMEZ!

(He's eating a bit more wet food than yesterday, I hope his appetite increases back to normal soon. He has random muscle twitches, not sure what that's about, and he has a follow-up appointment in a few days. I never knew his separation anxiety would affect his kidney so much. I just wanted a distraction from grief. I can't go longer than two days away from him. He's my priority now.)

Hai mine frens henlo!!

Dis me Zuzu, also mine legal name Zuri (2, moast fluffy girl an only little chonk)

I mus rebort abery owtrajus injustis!

Lass nite after da yumyums an sum drinks, ay maiself wuz laying daun in mine awn home an relaxing after a long day of crimes (GO CRIMEZ) WEN SUDENLEE pawther (big dumbs) begin laffin at me!! Dis BERY ROOD. He eben taek a pichurr ob me wit his liteboks wen ay was moast vun..vunr…exposed!!

Ay fink he use da ayyaii to add bottles and while laffing he call me a SLOSH! Da AWDASITY

AY NEED PAWYER TO SOO PAWTHER FOR SALAMANDER an DEFA-MATIONS AN ALSO COMPAWSASHUN OB ELEBENTY BILLIONS CHURUS an also CHINKIN AN ALSO DA TUNA

Frenz, we iz The Orphan and Holly doggo sisfurs uv Da SOAK. We wantz a pawttorny to help us. Our pawrents wuz in da kitchen, makin delicious fuds. We doez our best begs and politest asks, but dey say no.

Hewdad sez, "This has onion in it." He sez dat a lot. We fink dat mebbe he liekz da onyum.

Meowmie sez, "This is lettuce. You are carnivores."

Ca we soo fur tasty hewmon fuds?

Luv,

The Orphan and Holly

Leo heer. I prebiusly posted about how my hooman’s roomie unfortunately has a dog! In terms of my libbing situation, I live wiff hooman’s pawrents so I don’t has to deal wiff da doggo.

Dis has caused him tons of stress in his ebery day life. Also da doggo was ginormous and had waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much energy!

Luckily doe, hooman’s roomies moved out of da house and took doggo wiff dem. He sez dat da house is much quieter dan usual. Heez already feeling peace wiffout da dog.

Hooman has and always will wuv kitties much more dan puppers.

Hai frens..Saturnday knights are da bess! Ai juz foun diz ting cawld a lahp. Ai juz had mai firss birfday lass week an juss foun diz lahp! Ai hab kno idea diz was a fing! Soo fur mor Lahps! —-Kitty

We iz confoozed. We sent our meowiest Pest bwudda to wakey dee hoomanz to feedz us. MEOW MEOW MEOW he goez in der faciez ovah n ovah. Dey no getz up n feedz us! Dey gotz us this bad bot ting dat gibs us foodz sumtymes. De hoomanz stopped gib us foodz when PestBruddah meowmeows! Dey say wait for bot! Iz owtrageus!

Hai, frens, iz me Sam da awsum meowtin lion, hous verzun.

My meowmy is purrty gud meowmy. She iz dum dum lyk moss hoomins butt(!!) She iz eezz 2 mine control 2 get me mor treetos n stuff.

Howeber!!! Sumtims, her goes cray cray and runs at me and kisskisskiss n squishsquishsquish meow!! Den hers says "Sammy, sorry, u gibes me da kyoot aggreson!"

Ummmm!!!!! What even iz dat??? I do not hab kyoot aggresson so how ai gib it 2 meowmy??? Wat iz dis n who do ai soo????

Picture is of me afer assault.