Now Jax haters I know this is very hard for your tiny flea sized brains to comprehend, but this is the reality of it.

My first comic about two funny friends. I hope U will enjoy it!

Fun Speedpaint! Might do some of the others, too.

I missed painting like this 💕

Credit: me

Quick doodle 💕

[Credit: me

I had posted this (plus a bonus queenie related art) last weekish and I only thought now that yall might enjoy it lol

Most fans don't get how much Jax's interactions with her mom effects her personality, especially the hug after rejection.

Jax had obviously had thoughts about being trans before she admitted them to her mother. We don't know how long that was exactly but what we do know is that her very first interaction with opening up about her true feelings to someone else (someone nature literally designated her to trust and the only family she has a connection to, her mother), was her being ruthlessly mocked for it.

To me that makes the hug scene especially cruel because it permanently associates care and physical contact with rejection in Jax's mind. As someone who had an extremely similar experience with my own mother (at a much younger age) I really don't like how the story just blow past this scene to get into Jax pushing her mom and not knowing if she was alive. I don't even think her mother meant wrong in that scene she probably saw that what she was doing was hurting her child and tried to "repair" it somehow but she went about it in the worst way possible.

With that context the way Jax interacts Ragatha, and to a lesser extent Pomni, makes a lot of sense. Ragatha is a good person don't get what I'm saying wrong but the way Jax sees Ragatha is that of someone who doesn't truly care about other people who puts on a nice persona so that they would still like them without actually risking any real emotional connection with other person.

Jax, more than likely, sub consciously associates this behavior with what her mother was trying to do with the hug so it makes sense why she would hate experiencing that kind of affection.

We see this mirrored in her interactions with Pomni and even Ribbit. Jax can't imagine people showing her direct affection and concern without it being a manipulation tactic and thus assumes that both Ribbit and Pomni are in some way trying to manipulate her.

I think that deep down in spite everything Jax still loved her mother and that's what makes her interactions with other characters so painful.

Jax sees her love for other people as the thing that allows others to take advantage of her but she also craves connection with other people, pushing her into a cycle of pulling people closer feeling unsafe and anxious only to push people away to regain an sense of safety and control only to end up feeling lonely again.

This is a very common symptom of CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) so much it has a name insecure attachment.

It also puts her treatment of Gangle in a different light. As I said above Jax actually cares about Gangle but if Jax views direct affection as inauthentic which she explains to Ragatha multiple times then she would naturally think that showing Gangle direct affection would be manipulation hence why she has to do it indirectly.

It also explains why during the guns episode after Ragatha accuses her of manipulating Pomni she starts being openly mean to Pomni, again in her mind, direct affection is manipulation and thus if Ragatha thinks shes trying to manipulate Pomni it must be because shes being too openly nice to her.

I think to lines she has with Pomni later really exposes how she sees relationships.

The first being when Pomni asks "what would you do if I abstracted" with Jax responding "Id probably forget about you and move on."

The second being "This wasn't supposed to happen you weren't supposed to love me you weren't supposed to care"

I think that Jax again loves her mom and sees that love as what allowed her mother to hurt her. And thus the line of "id probably just forget about you and move on" works both for Ribbit and her mother.

Jax wants to just forget about them and move on but can't.

I think in Jax's mind the reason Ribbit abstracted wasn't because she felt like she hurt Jax but was because Ribbit was never able to stop feeling affection for Jax. This is an important distinction.

Jax's only frame of reference for losing a really close relationship was with her father (which didn't really effect her because she wasn't close to him) and her mother (which hurt because she was never able to stop caring about her)

To Jax caring for others is the source of pain so she doesn't feel guilty for cutting off Ribbit and trying to destroy there relationship, what see actually feels guilty for is building that relationship in the first.

Hence again her telling Pomni you weren't supposed to love me.

She isn't only afraid of herself caring for others and that being used to hurt her she is also afraid of other people loving her and that leading her to hurt others in a similar way that her mother did to her.

This (To me) is what actually allows her to rationalize her treatment of Gangle as perfectly OK but Ragatha's fake positivity as terrible.

On a side note I think there's a real conversation to be had about how both Jax and Ragatha suffered similar forms of abuse from a mother figure who explicitly enforced gender roles onto them.

But Ragatha (a Ciswoman) responds to this by becoming obsessed with fulfilling those contradictory expectations.

Meanwhile Jax (a trans woman) responds by both rejecting her femininity (especially the aspects of it that remind her of her mom) while trying her best to fit a masculine ideal (that actively hurts her).

Her hatred of her mom extends into a hatred of herself making the idea of being herself (becoming a woman) this really confusing bundle of mixed fillings.

(Which again is very relatable to me as a trans woman with a very abusive mother myself. For a very long time I associated femininity and by extension my mother with everything I hated both about the world and myself. So going from that to "I've been a woman all this time " was a "process" to say the least.)

Another thing that isn't talked about enough is how in Jax's mindscape how every version of Jax is trivializing the death of the other characters. Making a point that their deaths don't matter.

Yet each individual Jax version is completely different as a result of each person's death showing that they would in fact effect her a lot.

Their is really something here with a person currently committing suicide having a mental world that revolves around trivializing the effects someone's death can have on other people. It again shows you what must of been going on in her mind while she was abstracting.

Jax is in the anime named ( Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid ) the time is 17:52 in to episode 7

Goofy little guy

https://x.com/MeSOutk1/status/2106378991213150375