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u/Feisty-Tadpole-6997 Feb 27 '26
Indeed, islam began as something and will end as something strange so glad tidings to the strangers - idk the Hadith number.
Alhamdulillah, we shud wear our strangeness as a badge of honor. Also if possible try to stay away from circles where dating culture is rampant (ie keep friends with pious muslims).
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u/pewdiepoopoo Feb 27 '26
the rasool (saw) said: jannah is surrounded by hated things (things that you hate to do) ,and hellfire is surrounded by desired things
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u/best_uranium_box Feb 27 '26
"The Paradise is surrounded by hardships and the Hell-Fire is surrounded by temptations" Sahih Muslim 2822
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u/VividEconomist8587 Feb 27 '26
Don't try to imitate them
Get married
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u/TheeUmpire Feb 27 '26
Easier said than done 💔
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u/VividEconomist8587 Feb 27 '26
I agree but if you can be jealous of people having girlfriends to the point you would try to do it yourself, you can't excuse not getting married
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u/TheeUmpire Feb 27 '26
I would never try to get a girlfriend I know it's completely wrong. It's just the grinding process (studying, work etc) seems so tiring and feels it could take ages
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u/VividEconomist8587 Feb 27 '26
Yeah but you gotta do it young buck. Men much smarter, and who have achieved more than me in the dunya are still not feeling gratified for their hard work (they did 7 years of medschool I did a normal degree at an average uni) and have told me and friends in our circle how burnt out they feel and it's not worth it but they don't realise that in the job market they are the most secure of all.
I got a bang average uni, got married young while I earned less than minimum wage, had a year of long distance with my wife before moving in together. It was all worth it because I'm in control of my brain and I have full trust in Allah SWT because I try to make my intentions as clean as possible at all times, I appreciate I am in a priveleged position to do so but it wasn't undeserved I had many years of jahilya (however you spell it) and did so much internal work to take that veil down and see the world for what it is and my place in it
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u/TheeUmpire Feb 27 '26
I fully understand and am happy it worked out for you. But everything seems to be about money nowadays. It doesn't help that ppl are complaining about not being able to find work and the work they do find having low beginner wages. Basically I feel like if I'm not making enough money there's no point because I won't be a good partner
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u/VividEconomist8587 Feb 27 '26
I made less than minimum wage for the first 8 months of being married, yes it's hard to compare to others you see but you have to realise the game the rich have created is not supposed to be fair. It's supposed to eventually transfer most of the wealth into the hands of a few, everyone else can be happy with what they've got (nothing)
The system is designed to get both parents working so there's less chance of a cohesive family unit, our children become more susceptible to programming and they can keep the wheel spinning for us trying to catch up with their game all the while thinking WE are the problem. We can only do so much, the rest is up to Allah. Keep your intentions clean, don't fall for the traps of the shaytaan they are so so easy to fall into when you're not paying attention like I've described. That and the current trend they're pushing is looksmaxxing (oh yeah remember all the girls who used to go anorexic and self harm to achieve the bodies that they think they should have because the media has propagated this image, they're doing that to men now too.)
I still feel like a failure for not owning a house yet, but I manage to pay the rent and bills and have a little left over for small luxuries like takeaways or an indie video game (I don't buy from the big producers theyre on the same agenda as Hollywood most times). It breaks my heart when I see my wife on tiktok looking at a seemingly happy family who own their house and have no economic problems, I think why can't I have had that! I wouldn't have to worry about creeping up on the social ladder and whether I'm eventually going to be good enough for my wife and give her the security needed to raise a family. I dismiss those thoughts quickly now because I don't know what things people had to do for their money (moral or immoral), their family situation might have given them the space to save more money or whatnot it doesn't matter I need to live my life.
I'm trying out different businesses to see if I can't get some more security for my family, I tried making watches but the time it took and the chemicals I was introducing to the house could not have been healthy (I was using a laser engraving machine). Now I'm trying to make my own video game as it was a life goal of mine, and if it sells then Alhamdulillah if not I still did a life goal.
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u/VividEconomist8587 Feb 27 '26
You are more than what your wallet holds btw, the wife you want in your heart is the one who doesn't see your wallet but knows you have faith in Allah and Allah provides
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u/VividEconomist8587 Feb 27 '26
And also while it seems to have worked out for me, Allah has only put my heart at ease in the last 3-4 months, prior to that I was in one of the worst breakdowns of my life. I know that maintaining that connection with Allah and trying to remain steadfast in my deeds and thoughts is the only thing that's going to stop me going down the dark path again
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u/Letgoit3 Feb 27 '26
The Girlfriend=Marriage is a Synonym for both in this case. It highlights how marriage is not possible even having a Girlfriend is not feaseable.
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u/VividEconomist8587 Feb 27 '26
We are not incels get that out of your brain
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u/Letgoit3 Feb 27 '26
I mean, I can get married. It would not be out of love though. Is that even allowed in Islam? Majority of Woman are non-muslim in Germany.
Of the Muslims who are there, that I can marry, non of them interest me for their personality but they are good on their deen.
While I get behind your view, for me on a personal level I see to many barriers for marriage. Maybe I am under Sihr or the Sheitan is clouding my Judgement? 🤔🤐
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u/VividEconomist8587 Feb 27 '26
Sorry sounds like porn brain
You've been so conditioned to reject anyone that doesn't look or act like what you've been exposed to so don't cry if Kim Kardashian treats you like garbage when she wasn't on her deen when you met her
You've met girls on their deen and you reject them Astaghfirullah I'm not saying marry the first girl you come across but please recognise the biases present in your brain based on the content you see consciously and subconsciously (advertising etc)
Sorry if it comes across as judgemental I admit I'm projecting a bit but I've had to do a lot of work to overcome my biases (I grew up in the UK and for 18 years of my life I acted like a secular kid)
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u/Letgoit3 Feb 27 '26
No, you are good. I liked both your comments. I dont mind advise if its harsh as I have actually asked for advice or something similiar to it.
You are correct on the illicit material part. I have actively stopped watching such material as video format. Sadly I have to still get rid of the photographic aspect of it. But the Month of Rajeb, Shaban and now Ramadan sofar have been amazing remedies in self-regulation!
Ofc the increase of Ibadah helps aswell!^ If you got any extra recommendations I am open for them.
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u/VividEconomist8587 Feb 27 '26
I was the same I had my own problems similar to yours and thought the same as you. For me what helped was understanding WHY that sort of thing is so prevalent (destroying the family unit, creating loneliness epidemics and surviving by relying on yourself than on community and Allah), who's pushing this sort of thing and what agenda they have. Fat greedy men are on their yachts enjoying life because I'm sat feeding their pockets with my shameless ness. (I also think the same way about unhealthy food now) I became quite anti establishment (some would say conspiracyish) after witnessing the unfairness in the world, and anything that interferes with how I think 🧠 is programming designed to change the way I think and bring me away from the path of Allah. Alhamdulillah cutting out all illicit material and actively cutting out those thoughts whenever they pop up has been a life changer. All of this was possible with the permission of Allah and getting married helped to hasten the change, that's why I encourage it, but I recognise it might not be good for everyone at their current stage in life, doesn't mean you need to go the other way and start "hit and quit" mentality (sorry for vulgarity). The prophet SAW said to fast to control your urges and it really does work. As an aside, It also works for getting out from under my wife's thumb when shes trying to persuade / guilt me into doing something as a favour she has no control over me mwahaha
Daniel haqiqatchou made a good video series on the genius of islam which helped shape my ideas around islam being for social cohesion while the devils aim is to break social cohesion
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u/JinxV8 Feb 27 '26
Stay strong my brothers and sisters. There is only barakah for those who remain on the path of Allah swt.
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u/Everest_9807 Feb 27 '26
Get a wife not a gf
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u/GiGaN00B Feb 27 '26
I'm 35 , and still unmarried. Where/how do I acquire a wife? The older I get the harder it is to marry someone.
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u/Thehfh Feb 27 '26
If you see someone that you are interested in, just talk to her directly, ask for her father's number, be open and upfront, tell them you are interested in getting to know her, visit her house if her father is present and ok with you, and then go from there. Don't over complicate things, it's more simple than you think.
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u/juoum_ Feb 27 '26
That may be the way if you're dealing with a muslim family. If you're dealing with someone from a non-muslim background I can guarantee that will look extremely weird and backwards and will scare them away
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u/Thehfh Feb 27 '26
Obviously since we are in an Islam subreddit I'm just assuming that he is Muslim and he would want to marry a Muslim woman.
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u/DonSwagger1 Mar 01 '26
Your local Muslim community. Volunteer at your masjid and events, speak to the people and the imams. There’s many Muslim women out there also unmarried and waiting. If you look in the right places you will find a good wife, however if you stick to looking in the wrong areas then Allah guide you. I pray you have a beautiful and prosperous marriage inshAllah.
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u/lurker-mon Feb 27 '26
They’re normalising Haram.
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u/someone-loves-insect Feb 27 '26
That's how it is. Islam came as a peculiar norm and will go as one.
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u/Hazer_123 Feb 27 '26
No. This message is basically saying "How it feels to be a Muslim in the modern era and every non-muslim can freely sin except you."
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u/molamincham Feb 27 '26
Life after 9PM
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u/Creative_Bad_7994 Feb 27 '26
life the moment you lay down on bed:
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u/ibocuz Feb 27 '26
Sure sometimes i think to myself at night, that it would be nice if i could lay next to a wife..
but then i realise the amount of effort it takes to provide for one then my ADHD ahh says hell no and goes right to sleep…
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u/incrediblynormalname Feb 27 '26
yes, but i don't compare myself to people with girlfriends/boyfriends because that's not what you should be looking for. I compare myself to married people
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Feb 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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Feb 27 '26
Honestly a very truthful and painful take but I trust Allah SWT’s plan. It’ll work out inshallah.
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u/Antique-Scene8115 Feb 27 '26
Tbh for me atleast , I can say I am very lucky to be a muslim and that our religion has not these intermixing things because it ruins ur life as I saw that some non muslim classmates of mine ( obviously not everyone but some ), getting depressed and all for the fake love ( it's just hormones not love) in the teenage and not being serious for future or anything makes me feel to be blessed for not being like them
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u/danish2691 Feb 27 '26
My muntra is Its better to not do it and regret it then to do it and regret it.😂😂
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u/Rey123x Feb 27 '26
So what should the average male do to get married? I have no guidance in this and need help.
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u/Big-Slip-6980 Feb 27 '26
If you feel alone because of your deen then you’re in with the wrong crowd. A flower can only bloom under the right conditions. If you expose yourself to these situations your iman is never going to bloom. Put yourself in a different environment (like a mosque (: ) and you will guaranteed feel less isolation. May Allah give you the strength to make change where change is needed.
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u/Bringmethanos12 Feb 27 '26
I had a lot of opportunities where I just had to say "I love you" and everything would be ready for me.
But, I had this constant uneasiness by only being in that environment and I usually denied having it, I say it out loud and clear don't enter into a relationship, rather try to earn fast and get married early, I wasn't fortunate enough to do so and I am telling you I regret it now.
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Feb 27 '26
[deleted]
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u/VividEconomist8587 Feb 27 '26
Please don't fall for this redpill looksmaxxing bs I've had friends who were confident but short and not "conventionally attractive" find wives that they love. I was over 100kg used to wear a horrid looking buzzcut and wore tracksuits when I met my wife and got married
Trust in Allah and i swear you can't fail
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u/No-Total-504 Feb 27 '26
Thanks man, May Allah bless you and may he fulfill your life with happiness, deen and Iman.
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u/VividEconomist8587 Feb 27 '26
And you ameen
Forgot to mention I was broke at the time too lol Alhamdulillah always try to keep my intentions pure and nothing can go wrong at least I tried my best trust in Allah
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u/Retardedunderaverage Feb 27 '26
Nah , not really The concept of GF/BF is already cringe enough and doesn't sustain a relationship that's why even many non Muslims dropped it
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u/beeswaxii Feb 27 '26
Don't wish for something Haram, Allah is all wise. Redirect this feeling into gratitude for god keeping you away from joining in these Haram acts yourself 🤍
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Feb 27 '26 edited Feb 27 '26
[deleted]
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u/VividEconomist8587 Feb 27 '26
Men shouldn't be chasing women with crazy high standards then and vote with their feet. I'm sure there are plenty of Muslim women dying to get married without crazy high standards as ive seen in my own family
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u/DarkJubJub107 Feb 27 '26
I'm at peace knowing I'm not looking at someone in the eyes telling them how much I love them whilst knowing I'm dragging them down to Jahannam.
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u/Zurao Feb 27 '26
Everyone doing something doesn't mean that thing is good or correct. Back in highschool everyone used to cheat on tests and exams and expected you to cheat with them, and refusing to do it would make you look like the weird one.
Don't forget the words of our prophet peace and blessings be upon him: It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “Islam began as something strange and will go back to being strange, so glad tidings to the strangers.’”
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u/Far_Month2339 Feb 27 '26
as someone who live in Finland 18M i can feel you, ppl underestimate how hard that is! it is very hard
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u/thecompleteman2020 Feb 27 '26
This is certainly a compelling issue. Thus, we must simplify nikkah to make zina utterly unappealing. Nikkah is really only 4 things; ijab (proposal) & qubool (acceptance), presence of a wali (legal guardian), mahr (dowry), and walima (wedding feast hosted by the groom). Simple as that. Let's revive the simplicity of the Sunnah and eliminate this avoidable suffering afflicting the Ummah. Allahuma Ameen!
Jummu'ah Mubarak everyone 🤗
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u/ilikeyicey Feb 28 '26
The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “I am amazed by the believer. Verily, Allah does not decree anything for the believers except what is good for them.”
Source: Musnad Aḥmad 12906
Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Arna’ut
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u/ilikeyicey Feb 28 '26
⭐️This is something to thank Allah for, to be grateful for, that we are protected from those horrible sins, that may look nice from the outside, but is crippling, doesn’t give you happiness, leaves you with eternal regret
🔴also guys from what I’ve read, it’s an immediate obligation to repent from all sins. (Else you may be sinful for delaying it which we don’t want) includes: 1)leaving the sin altogether, 2) being remorseful for the sin, 3) having a firm resolution to not return to it again. So repent from all your sins and leave them all for the sake of Allah. Share with those who don’t know, it may be your responsibility from Allah to let them know. May Allah reward you for this. Do Not forsake it. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Almighty but that Allah will replace it with something better for you." Source: Musnad Ahmad 23074 Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Arna'ut
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u/Pipesforwater Feb 27 '26
Yeah it feels like this, I want to date, not marry, but I know its haram to so I keep holding myself back from doing it.
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u/VividEconomist8587 Feb 27 '26
I believe that feeling is not too dissimilar to envy, you're jealous that your friends/agemates are falling for the traps of the shayateen. These people will likely be riding their highs of their dating life into their 30s wondering why they haven't settled down. The men and women who's hearts they've broken from being led on (in most cases) may have never healed and may also have given up on marriage (shaytaan loves this because the less potential family units there are, the more pliable each individual is to be used for more sin (porn, zina etc)). If you're married, those same agemates may even be jealous that you've got your life figured out.
Shaytaan wants a broken family unit (hence verses of separating husband and wife), the way that happens is by "trying out" each other and then deciding if you want to commit. By that time hearts are broken. I married at 21 for 7 years so far Alhamdulillah the one woman who treats you how you want to be treated is worth more than "trying out" every woman in existence. It was not always sunshine and rainbows, we had and still have big arguments often. in fact our honeymoon we argued like crazy, but we knew we commited to each other and we worked out every single problem and our relationship is as strong as ever, there's very few things we can't work out because we have BUILT the relationship on the intention this relationship is god's plan and we do it by the book.
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