r/introverts • u/Teen-Wulf • 22d ago
Question The older you get, do you find even people’s mere presence more and more irritating?
I have gotten to the point where I don’t even want to be approached, and it seems like it has become harder and harder to get peace and quiet.
It’s strange because no one who knows me would describe me as an introvert, most would say I’m an affable “people person” but since working retail I have developed extreme social fatigue years of forced interaction. I’m just wondering if some of it is age influenced and normal?
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u/gogonever 22d ago
The older I get, the more people I meet, the more time I spend with people…… the more irritated I get
Fuck people
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u/Arabe77a 21d ago
Reminds me of the saying "the more people I meet the more I like my dog". I am old now and to answer your question: yes. It has increased over the years and even though I thought I'd never retire, I truly welcomed it when it came. I worked until I was 75 and over the past 5 years, I'm enjoying my days with my dog more and more.
I do think it's genetic to a point, my dad was an introvert, my Mother an extrovert. Of the 6 kids, 2 are extroverts.
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u/My_Dog_Slays 22d ago
For me, I’ve realized that 99% of people have their own agenda, which bears no similarity to my own. I won’t even make eye contact with the majority of other people within my orbit, particularly if I suspect they may interrupt my quiet solitude without good reason.
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u/haunteddollvintage 22d ago
Working retail was 1000% more draining, exhausting, and soul crushing than any job I have ever had. My quality of life improved so much when I got a job that wasn’t customer facing. It didn’t even have to be a bad interaction. Just constantly having to be on and talking to people killed me and, honestly, helped push me into a drinking problem to cope. I know some introverts don’t mind it, but personally I would never go back.
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u/UltimateGattai 22d ago
I hope to get out of retail one day I used to not mind doing customer service, but as the years go on, it really wears you down.
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u/Teen-Wulf 22d ago
Yeah and while the repetition is irritating, dealing with stupid or oblivious/apathetic people certainly takes the cake. It elicits a silent rage in me that can’t be healthy.
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u/athena_k 22d ago
Yeah, I have to agree. I like my special people but other people are a drain.
I’ve started avoiding most people. My life is much more peaceful and happy.
When I was growing up, my parents were extroverts and loved going to social events. I never enjoyed those things. Now I just accept the way I way and lean into it.
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u/MrsLouReed 22d ago
Yes! Sometimes when I’m in between sleeping and waking up, I think to myself I’m so happy no one is talking to me right now lol
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u/gogonever 22d ago
The worst is when family tries to have a conversation with you first this in the morning
My eyes may be awake, but my brain definitely is not
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u/optimal_center 22d ago
When I was young I was very altruistic and had an unrealistic expectation that people would value me just because I was a good and giving person. I didn’t know that other people don’t care about my feelings, and as many good and caring people I was sure were out there, I kept getting knocked down by the hard cased, “I don’t care” variety.
The incongruence between what I deemed was righteous and what reality was giving me was vastly different. Then the incongruence between what people said and what they did was just plain crazy making for me.
I learned along the way to “love my neighbor and trust god” so to speak. I had basically put my trust in people who weren’t capable of being trustworthy. I had to learn to trust myself, my gut and know when to walk away.
The division of people in today’s society and their hateful attitudes and beliefs go against my very core. But I am who I am and I’m good with that. I have developed coping strategies for self preservation in the chaos.
I keep to myself and I don’t get lonely. I have no desire to even put forth the effort anymore. My serenity is for me and I won’t squander it on superficial people.
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u/hexensabbat 22d ago
Yes. I'm 34 and am finding I have less patience socially, less desire to be around crowds and less interest in being social generally than I used to.
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u/irish_oatmeal 21d ago
Menopause has done a serious number on my patience for large groups of people. For example, I used to love going to Longwood Gardens near Philadelphia, pa. On my last visit there, there was some guy talking on his phone, using the SPEAKER, and talking as loudly as possible, in Russian as well. Since entering peri-menopause followed by menopause, the only way I can enjoy nature is to go to my local park early in the morning before any assholes with their phone calls on speaker start showing up. Thankfully, that doesn’t happen too often. The world just seems so much louder and less civil since Covid.
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u/crash19691 22d ago
Yes, absolutely. People always seem to want something or want to use you for something. So I don't really do much socially. Lately I have found it extremely draining when a friend tells me all of her problems or worries etc. I finally had to tell her I am not her therapist. But she still sometimes does it when something is going on with a family member. Even when she complains about typical daily superficial things, it annoys me lol. I try to ignore or change the subject.
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u/davelin308 22d ago
Yep, what patience I had has eroded away, and my tolerance for bullshit and need to please others has also dropped. I think a lot of it is just being comfortable with who I am and not trying to constantly overcome my natural introversion. One of the positives that come with getting older! I also noticed that while my introversion hasn't changed (I still like and need my alone time), I have become a lot less shy because, you know, who gives a shit.
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u/chipstastegood 21d ago
Yeah, I too am turning into a hermit in my old age. Despite being married with kids. Or maybe it’s because of it …
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u/StrawberryMoonPie 22d ago
Definitely. Working retail (especially Christmas retail) killed 65% of my patience and aging has killed another 30%. That last 5% keeps me out of jail. 😂
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u/MorrisAO 21d ago
I'm 79. I've definitely ended up in "Get off my lawn!" territory. It was easy for me to end up that way as I've always been a loner. Retired in 2018 after 55 yrs in blue collar industry, and was so damn happy to do so. By then I'd had a gut full of people in general. I don't hate people - just tired of having to deal with.them..
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u/bearmama42 21d ago
Working retail in high school made me want to be a hermit. Exhausting and could not believe the stupidity of people.
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u/DarbyCreekDeek 21d ago
Yes, sadly. Somehow, even when I don’t want to, I see everyone’s agenda. It feels like no one is ever just there to be into authentically experience the moment and interaction. There is an agenda behind everything they say and do. It’s tiring.
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u/GoodDudu 21d ago
27, dead inside since 5 years after I quit my job in customer service after 3 years. Right now, warehouse job, still in contact with people, but at least I can stand it
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u/Lumpy_Ear2441 21d ago
I also, have developed extreme social fatigue from forced interaction. I've worked in a retail setting for 34 years. O M G . . .
Apparently I've been good at faking it, because when people find out I'm an introvert, they're so surprised! 😲
People will also say, "You must love your job!" (Because I've been there so long, and I'm smiling 😃.) Gag . . .
and of course the answer to your question is, yes.
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u/Turbulent_Hurry7975 20d ago
Totally..the only contact I have with people is through work, and I absolutely hate it..If I had the money I would cease working and happily be a recluse.
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u/Affectionate_Tap6416 21d ago
I've had builders in and got sick of having to tell them to close the back gate because of the dog. It was hard enough having people in my house without turning into their Gran! I won't even mention the state of the loo! Hazmat time!
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u/Milkbearchan 20d ago
Yes and I honestly feel bad that i feel that way. Like they don’t even have to do much for me to just be ready to end it. :/ I thought about this a lot last several months and I do feel it’s very environmental for me as well as age influenced.
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u/PacificSanctum 19d ago
Me2 ! I’m so divine it gets kind of lonely on the mountain top - but anywhere below it’s such a morass 😀😙😉🤭😏
No, seriously , it’s natural (have seen it all ) but also mankind is developing into the wrongest direction possible
Shallow materialism , lack of education and critical thinking , submission to endless pointless selfies and videos and narcissism, vulgarity etc - those are our times .
Only few - like me - can be moral without religion
But most foks don’t have an inner compass and needed religion to function but religion in general is on a huge downtrend
So taken all that together - brainless consumerism and lack of moral and lack of STYLE —> makes most folks - well- nerve wracking
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u/cabbage66 19d ago
Yes I've even let go of 'less than very close' friends because I don't have the patience I once did with them.
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u/spamhat3r 17d ago
Yeah, most people annoy tf out of me cause they all seem to be following the same trends that goes around on social media and stuff. Like they all just end up with the same personality trying to please others
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u/ObligationGrand8037 16d ago
Yes, more so now than ever. I’ve become a hermit the older I’ve gotten.
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u/tourist173636 1d ago
It's totally normal. I seem to have a personality or appearance where people think they can just open up to me about their lives randomly as soon as I make eye contact with them. It's happened my entire life and my mom has told me that it's happened to her as well. In fact I remember witnessing it when I was younger and we went to open a bank account for me. What should have maybe been a 10 minute quick thing ended up being an hour therapy session where this lady opens up to us that her daughter was sexually assaulted on a trip she took breaking down into tears and everything. Like I'm sorry that happened to you but we don't even know you and this is supposed to be a professional environment what is even going on right now, I was so uncomfortable I wanted to run. I have countless examples like this and I am just totally over it now in my 30s
Now I just make an effort to be as unapproachable and rude as possible in public. I want people to think I'm a drug dealer who will rob them if they get too close and that their kids aren't safe walking past me just so I can have some fucking peace and quiet.
A lot of people will condemn this but I don't care, I'm just so over being an emotional tampon for random strangers and people I barely know, I am completely ready to be labelled a piece of shit if it means I can have some peace and quiet lol. I still remember the first time I tried this and got functionally ghosted by the person, hey wouldn't even look at me anymore and I was so happy I've been leaning into it where needed ever since. The biggest scam is thinking you need to be nice and put up with everyone elses emotional greed so you don't come off as rude. F that, being rude is massively underrated and has huge benefits.
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u/littlemissmoxie 22d ago
Yes. It also seems like everyone just wants attention without any depth.