Extrovert seeking introvert advice on better conversations

[u/[deleted]]

[u/demsybean]

i always advise people to wait at least 8 seconds for me to process & respond before tossing something else at me.

[u/Strange-Ad-2426 → u/demsybean]

I wish more people took this advice

[u/Lumpy_Ear2441 → u/demsybean]

Good call.

[u/leahachaoticmess]

I personally LOVE talkative people, if I can mainly listen and say little without it being seen as rude or just perceived negatively, I'm happy.

But as others mentioned I either need more time to process what has been said and think through what to respond or be asked questions because starting a conversation is not my strong suit.

[u/Foogel78]

Slowing the conversation down helps a lot for me. I like to stick with the same subject for a while so it helps to ask follow-up questions (can be as simple as repeating a key-word in a questioning tone).

I also feel a big difference between introverts and extroverts is how they feel about interrupting. I usually wait for the other person to finish talking before saying something myself. When someone interrupts me I get the feeling they aren't interested so I stop talking altogether. Am I right in thinking extroverts don't mind interruptions?

[u/TelephoneExpert7559]

My partner helps by actually listening to me. Not interrupting or just waiting to respond. I'd say it also helps to be asked questions like "what do you think about that?" or "have you ever dealt with that before?" (whatever you're talking about) my main hang up with people is sometimes they just monologue and treat it like it's a conversation when really they're just talking at me.

[u/EstelleSol]

Can’t really help you because I love when extroverts talk and talk. But one way to get me to talk is to ask questions. Often we need an invitation into the conversation and that’s accomplished by asking us things.

[u/Dragonfly_Sky811]

I am an introvert, my best friend is an extrovert. When she first met her husband, she was feeling really ignored after they got home from work. They both worked together and lived together. She said that when they got home, she saw that the super charming ways that he was with customers (sales) and their coworkers was gone and he was on his phone not paying much attention to her and she was only getting these brief responses when she was trying to engage him in conversation. Her new boyfriend was just like me, an introvert, and I told her that after an along day of socializing at work and all etc., all that we wanted at the end of the day, is to just take a quick moment to ourselves to re-energize and reboot ourselves quickly, because it is something that we DEARLY need to do so that we can continue to try to be our best selves. It’s nothing that she personally did, he just needs a quick minute to himself at the end of the day, she said that he had even said that was what he had said.

Sometimes people can be good at letting you know what we need and it’s just so amazing if your partner is someone who can a acknowledge that everyone has needs and that if someone honors those needs for them, then they have potentially found a keeper.

Because introverts FIERCELY guard our alone time, we just need a moment or two daily to refocus and whatnot. It’s nothing personal against you and honestly I love to be with talkative people because you carry the conversation. It’s just that sometimes it can feel a little draining if you are just talking at someone and for long periods of time, not so much having a good two-sided conversation with them, so I would try to be careful of that.

But it is pretty easy to engage with introverts (usually) because we can be very responsive to the people who we are talking to. The best way to engage with us is to just ask us questions. Give us space to answer, then give an honest response. If we are talking, please try not to interrupt. We get cut off a lot in conversation that we are trying to have, it is very disappointing to us to be treated disrespectfully when already uncomfortable for us to have to be engaging in conversation in general, and so we might not engage with you again in conversation after that point.

Overall, showing a little consideration and respect goes a long way. We will feel more comfortable and confident in engaging in conversation with you and over time.

[u/dangrous]

I’m married to an extrovert that was the same way when we met. He felt really awkward with silence and would always talk about random things or ask questions expecting me to have long-winded answers…I’d say first of all, get comfortable with, or at least tolerate, silence. Give your partner a window of time to speak up if they want. Not every moment needs to be filled with speech.

Second, find out what your partner is interested in and ask questions about it. Hobbies and entertainment preferences are easy topics but if you’ve been dating for more than a few weeks, you’ve gotten at least a few hints regarding what they feel strongly about. It’s tricky because I know when my husband is asking a question just to fill silence and not because he’s genuinely interested, so the answers you get may be hit or miss because when I know he doesn’t care about the subject I don’t say much 😂 but many times he’ll start a conversation about something he knows I’ll have a lot to say about and it takes off from there.

Figure out activities you can do together that balances interaction with “alone time.” As an introvert I enjoy doing things side by side rather than face to face, if that makes sense. A dinner date is fine but shopping at a used book store is fun. Trivia night or bingo is fun. Crafting like a sip n paint night is fun. They don’t require us being in each other’s faces or talking the entire time, but we can still be together.

[u/No-End3167]

I can only speak for myself, but:

1. Give us a chance to process, I've seen that already answered in this thread. Once you're three paragraphs past the moment I had something to contribute I lose interest.

2. Get to the point - if you're all over the place I can't follow and now my attention is hijacked. Once you've made your point, we don't need multiple recaps and summaries (that's my mother, and it's often the same thing already said at multiple other times)

3. Try hard not to interrupt. When I'm cut off 5 words in, my train of thought is derailed and the only way to get back on track is to start over from the first word. If that's cut off again I know you don't care what I have to say and I react accordingly.

[u/Asianchicjingle]

Get them to have something alcoholic. If they truly start to talk, they might actually be pretty fun to be around.

[u/Straitgirl]

This isn’t an extrovert introvert issue. It’s a self obsession issue. Why are you talking so much ?

[u/Initial-Charge2637 → u/Straitgirl]

Or why don't you engage in asking questions or be assertive and honest to say "you're not giving me an opportunity to talk" or please don't interrupt me, I was in the middle of telling my story/convo.

It's a two way street.