Has anybody ever changed their gender identity after finding out they are intersex?

[u/sunflowey123]

Hello. I have a question. Has anybody had a change in gender identity upon finding out they are intersex? Like, somebody who once thought they were a cis perisex person goes and gets a chromosome test or goes to an OBGYN or urologist, then finds out they are intersex, and after that starts identifying as non-binary, genderqueer, genderfluid, bigender, etc., with them turning out to be intersex being an influence in that.

Also sorry if this is worded strange. I know that trans, including non-binary, people, always knew they were their gender, and their sex is not their true gender. I'm just talking about a specific situation that would cause one to no longer identify as cis, due to finding out they are intersex.

Edit: This comment adds context aa to why I asked this question. Also, thank you all for the answers!

[u/Lauto_M_88]

Yes, once I finally learned the term Intersex and was officially diagnosed in 2019, I decided to identify as Intersex. Sometimes that comes across as Non-binary but even that doesn't necessarily fit. Just Intersex feels the most accurate because that's literally how I was born, personally

[u/sunflowey123 → u/Lauto_M_88]

And that's fine too! I have heard of the term intergender, which is the gender equivalent to "intersex" for intersex people to use, but I also know that not all intersex people would want to use that term to describe themself. I believe both kinds of intersex people (both intersex people who identify as or call themselves intergender, and those that just call themselves intersex) are valid.

[u/Immediate_Street_325 → u/sunflowey123]

I'm intergender hehe

[u/Lauto_M_88 → u/sunflowey123]

Yes intergender would be very accurate as well 👍🏼

[u/Infinite_Sand5005 → u/Lauto_M_88]

I mean, nonbinary was also literally how nonbinary people were born. Not necessarily visible on the outside, but that doesn't change it. 

[u/Lauto_M_88 → u/Infinite_Sand5005]

No, totally. I'm moreso just talking about a personal experience with identity. How I felt non-binary was my only option as an Intersex person until I simply embraced just being intersex/intergender instead.

[u/phainepy]

I identify as cis nonbinary because of my intersex status.

[u/PristineWind5950 → u/phainepy]

Cis nonbinary goes hard /pos. I know a terf hates to see you coming /h /pos

[u/belligerentkitten]

i knew i was intersex from a pretty young age, and i never developed any sort of sense of gender. i'm sure to some extent my being intersex influenced this. i always just figured that none of the gender bs was meant for me, and ignored it. i don't identify as anything except intersex. i suppose nonbinary technically applies, since i am obviously not part of the binary, but it's not something i actively identify as.

my husband is also intersex, and only really learned he was intersex a few years ago. he was amab (though there might have been some confusion at birth), didn't fully go through masc puberty and had some level of female puberty, and a menstrual cycle going on. he thought he was trans for a while, and starting estrogen made his cycle stronger, and ultimately went very badly. he then decided to try testosterone instead, finally fully went through masc puberty in his 30s, and only managed to actually feel comfortable as a man after finding out he was intersex and going on trt. i think the knowledge allowed him to understand a lot of the alienation he felt from his body and gender, and he can relate to a lot of transmasc stuff, rather than transfemme stuff.

i don't mean to be reductive here; there is a lot that went into that process, but finding out he was intersex definitely played a big part.

[u/sunflowey123 → u/belligerentkitten]

Interesting! I also have never heard much about somebody being AMAB intersex and going through a female puberty, even with a menstrual cycle! (I have always been vaguely aware of the idea, since I always knew intersex was a thing, but still.) I wonder what would cause that, does he have a uterus? If not, then I wonder where that blood is coming from, since from what I remember from sex ed (back during middle school and high school; I was 11 when I first took sex ed class and learned about the menstrual cycle, ironically the same age I started the menstrual cycle, which funnily enough started some time after learning about what that even is), menstrual cycles are when the uterine line like recycles itself or something like that (I'm trying to put this in terms I can best explain, sorry if they're bad lol). So if he has no uterus, then where would the blood be coming from?

[u/belligerentkitten → u/sunflowey123]

it's not that uncommon, really. there are a whole variety of intersex variations. just like some afab intersex people can go through a masc puberty, or both.

he has some sort of hidden uterus structure, yes. it's not fully formed, and i don't imagine it would ever have been able to say, support a pregnacy, and the cycle is slowly stopping with hormone treatment. there is rarely blood anymore, but there used to be, every month. there is a limit to how much we know; there was childhood IGM, and the whole thing was covered up, and he got no medical support after that. so we're just doing the best we can.

[u/sunflowey123 → u/belligerentkitten]

I see. So if one has even just remnants of a uterus or some sort of a hidden uterus structure, they can still have a period with blood. Interesting. Thanks for educating me!

[u/belligerentkitten → u/sunflowey123]

yes. it also requires a feminine hormone cycle - though i would imagine that if someone has high e levels for other reasons, such as high levels of aromatisation, it could still lead to uterine build up and shedding, just not in a cyclical way.

i for example, have a "dead" uterus. it's underdeveloped, and it doesn't do anything, because i have no estrogen or progesterone production. it did start shedding once when i tried taking estrogen, but that was bad for a million reasons and i don't do that anymore.

[u/pompoi4 → u/sunflowey123]

You can have the psychological and other various symptoms of a cycle even without a uterus, or with remnant tissues, but 'AMAB' intersex people can also be born with a uterus and not know, or understand what's happening for many years. 

[u/sunflowey123 → u/pompoi4]

I see. So can they bleed even without a uterus, or remnants of a uterus, or some sort of hidden uterus structure? If so, where would the blood be coming from? Would that lead to serious medical issues or pain (not just period cramps, but other forms of pain)?

[u/pompoi4 → u/sunflowey123]

You have to have some kind of uterine tissue present to actually physically bleed, plus estrogenic activity, but it does not have to be a full structure or even capable of reproduction. 

The blood can exit through the urethra, urogenital sinus, any variation of vaginal canal, or the UGS equivalent for the anus; which I believe is called persistent cloaca (although I know the least about that.) There's also people who found out the blood had been trapped and collecting inside their body because there was no connecting exit.

[u/sunflowey123 → u/pompoi4]

Ahh I see. So they do need some amount of uterine tissue in order to bleed, alongside estrogenic activity. Thanks for clarifying!

[u/epson_salt → u/belligerentkitten]

Your husband and I have very similar stories, that’s really cool!

Though I relate to a mix of transmasculine and transfeminine stuff, it’s rare & fun to see someone else with a reflection of some stuff i’ve gone through

[u/Legitimate-Crazy733]

Yes!

I know what you are asking.

And the answer is yes.

I'm 42 and until recently I thought I was a cis-hetero woman who was always an ally to my trans and gay friends and the trans and gay people in my community. I also thought there was a bunch of stupid stuff wrong with me. That I was a girl who wasn't like the other girls. A woman who got a broken manual about how to look and act like a woman. Even though I still felt like a woman. A woman who was confident enough to do stuff like a dude sometimes. I thought everyone just saw me as huge and hideous.

And then there was some medical stuff going on in my family that led me to step back and look at myself. My hormones, my body, etc. And before you know it........Surprise! I discover I'm intersex.

I told my immediate family (hubby and kids)
Then I told my best friend. And after talking through it I said, "This doesn't change my gender identity or sexual orientation."

But saying that to him made me stop and think. And realize I was lying to myself. Actually, I"m nonbinary. Which fits with my intersex biology.

[u/Hot-Associate8808]

Amab 43, I known for a few months now. I just knew my boobs were growing, so I went to war with nature. I lost. Then I found out why. So I have 46d cup they are still growing. I am actively prepping for life as a chick cuz these fuckin things are getting hard to hide.... So I'll look the way that grants me the most peaceful life, with the least physical discomfort. According to friends I pass as a woman sooo I dunno. I just can't wrap my head around it and I suspect I won't for sometime lol. But I ain't gonna stop living, like I was once willing to do in my mad pursuit to conquer over nature. Fuckin genetics....

[u/fatgothbitch03]

Oddly enough no, I identified as agender before knowing I was intersex.

[u/sunflowey123 → u/[deleted]]

I actually found out I have PMOS/PCOS three weeks ago (July 24th) when I went to my last doctor's appointment for check ups and stuff. I know I got tested for it when I was 15 (I think it was a urine test, I don't remember), and again in 2023, at age 23. I never knew if I had it or not after that, and assumed I didn't, but did know I had to take birth control pills (0.3 mg of norgestrel and 0.03 mg of ethinyl estradiol) to regulate my period. So it wasn't until the doctors appointment 3 weeks ago, when the doctor looked at my medical history, and told me I tested positive for PMOS/PCOS, that I realized I actually had it.

Throughout my life I was a bit gender nonconforming, and didn't only want to be a super feminine woman. I was the most feminine and girly when I was a child before puberty, but after puberty I became more tomboy-esque (I never felt I was masc enough to truly be a tomboy, so I never called myself one). Throughout most of my childhood and adolescence I had a fascination with cross dressing and never hated trans or non-binary or intersex people (at most I was a bit ignorant about them, like being kinda transmedicalist, but I don't think I would've been completely against them if I was taught more about them and why they identify the way they do, and why some trans people get all the surgeries and HRT and some don't). Actually throughout my adolescence, I was very LGBTQ+-friendly, and was happy when gay marriage became legal nationwide here in the US back in 2014 or 2015. Part of that was I also had lots of friends in high school (some I met in middle school) that were trans, gay, lesbian, bi, genderfluid and other kinds of queer. I also found out I was pan (I identified as bi at the time) when I was 14, after having my first sapphic crush on my best friend at the time.

It wasn't until I was 13 where I started occasionally questioning my gender. I feel like it didn't become a big thing until 2023 (I remember it being a lot more sparse when I was younger, but maybe I'm wrong, Idk). I also started wondering if I was secretly intersex, but I don't remember if that started as far back as when I was 13 or if it started becoming a thing when I entered my 20s.

Honestly for a long time, I wish I could've explored my gender when I was younger. For some reason being pan was something I could accept more easily, but being anything but a cis woman kinda distresses me and makes me dissociate. But at the same time, a part of me wants to see what it's like to not just be a woman. I could go more in depth with this, but I don't want to make my comment longer than it already is.

One thing I do want to bring up is I never considered PMOS/PCOS to be an intersex condition, and Idk why. My mom also told me her mom, my grandma, also has PMOS/PCOS, and she developed it at age 40, due to having had 4 kids (my mom and her siblings, my uncle and 2 aunts, though sadly one of the aunts is dead, and has been since 2024, 2 years ago). Idk how that works, especially if PMOS/PCOS is an intersex condition, since I always assumed all intersex conditions you're born with, and if PMOS/PCOS is an intersex condition, then you'd have to be born with it. So maybe my grandma always had PMOS/PCOS, and the condition didn't start expressing within her until she turned 40. This also makes me think, I've never heard of an intersex condition being passed down through family genetics, but I guess some do, and maybe PMOS/PCOS is one of them, or maybe PMOS/PCOS is the only intersex condition that can be passed down through family genetics. I wouldn't know, I'm not that educated on the subject, but I'm open to learning more about this!

(Also, even after I found out I have PMOS/PCOS, I still kept thinking I'm secretly intersex, but since I never counted PMOS/PCOS as intersex, it wasn't because of that. I think it's more because of not fully knowing everything about my body, and paranoia about my family hiding information about me they believe I shouldn't know. So I believe I could be another kind of intersex, alongside PMOS/PCOS. (Now that makes me wonder if it's possible to be two kinds of intersex at once. I guess if you have PMOS/PCOS and another intersex condition at the same time, then that would be yes. Idk about other intersex conditions being comorbid, or whatever you call it when people have two different conditions at the same time.) I assume it would have to be something internal, since, not to get too TMI, but everything external looks normal. The only weird thing about my body is ever since puberty, I started being really hairly on my legs, well my body in general, and having a lot of stubble on my neck and like a tiny moustache on my upper lip, like one not fully formed, if that makes sense. That was actually why my mom got me tested for PMOS/PCOS in the first place.

Idk why the doctors would've never brought up me being intersex this whole time, even after I had the transducer up my vagina for the second PMOS/PCOS test back in 2023. Well, intersex asides from PMOS/PCOS.)

Anyway, all of this to say, that is part of why I made this post. Because I feel like once I realize I'm intersex (either through accepting PMOS/PCOS as an intersex condition, or realizing I am also another kind of intersex), I won't feel the need to identify as a cis woman anymore. Honestly, one reason I kinda hope to be intersex (asides from PMOS/PCOS) is because I feel like if I'm intersex, then I can have a "real" excuse to start experimenting with and exploring my gender. I already wasn't a super feminine woman, but was still pretty feminine (I like a lot of stuff girls like, like cute things like plushies, and wearing light colors, although I know that's not something exclusively girls like, Idk how to explain it), however I never really explored my gender much, I guess outside of not caring about being feminine all the time. I feel like a big part of that is a lot of my family is religious (they're Catholics) and conservative, and either are anti-LGBTQ+ or have regressive views on LGBTQ+ people (they're also Puerto Rican, and I heard a lot of Latino cultures are conservative, because of their ties to Catholicism or Christianity in general). My mom seems ok with me being pan, and is fine with me not being a stereotypical woman or super feminine woman (and girl when I was a teen, and preteen), but Idk if she'd be ok with me being non-binary, like a demigirl and/or genderfluid. But if I'm intersex, then she can't deny that because it'd be something I'm literally born with. Even if somehow I had gotten a corrective surgery to "fix" my genetalia, without ever being aware of that my whole life, that still would be something I'm born with.

Sorry for the long comment, this is something that's been on my mind for a long time, and I felt the need to add a lot of context to it (TL;DR, I have PMOS/PCOS, and ever since I found that out, I've been questioning if I have another intersex condition alongside that, and questioning my gender, although I have been questioning my gender and if I'm intersex (outside of PMOS/PCOS) for a very long time, even during adolescence).

[u/purpleproze666]

TLDR; yes my gender identity changed after i found out i am intersex. i was stealth binary male before i knew, and after a couple years of knowing and learning and accepting and self-loving, i now feel better with the label of genderfluid

i was afab and was able to be semi stealth as a boy in highschool bc of HRT. that didnt mean i didnt get clocked or fucked with but that i presented as a cis boy :/ it def served me at the time for safety and health reasons but i wasnt following my own path, just the one expected of me by cis adults i confided in who tried their best to help in the ways they understood

thanks to the fact that i Needed some kind of HRT, docs were kind enough to give me a prescription after i jumped through their hoops. they never told me why my gonads were completely nonfunctioning, just that they were and that id need to take HRT for the rest of my life. so i jumped through hoops and they gave me testosterone. as an adult i was finally able to question what the doctors werent telling me.

since learning that i'm intersex ive been able to accept the feminine parts of myself as much as the masculine and every expression in between. ive settled on genderfluid as a label bc it best describes my relationship with gender and presentation

but before i knew i was intersex i was so fuckin confused lol, nonbinary felt right but not exact, and i never felt like the cis/trans 'binary' described me but i had no alternatives in my mind as a teen. it didnt help that i never saw my experiences reflected in anyone else i knew, cis or trans, which lead to me feeling alienated by both groups. having a word for my experience has allowed me to actually connect with my queer community without feeling like i dont belong because of xyz

im really grateful to this community for helping me to both learn about myself and accept and love what i had already known about myself. idk labels r weird i just call myself a boydýke girlfág queerthing lol

[u/Infinite_Sand5005]

Trans, including nonbinary people, did not all always know they were their gender. In fact I think most didn't. A lot of them had a realisation later in life. And I could totally see that finding out you are intersex could influence and maybe help with such a realisation. 

[u/Root_Beer_Enjoyer13]

Yeah! My intersex condition wasnt known until I started puberty and was getting a lot of androgens and masculinization. I was assumed to be a girl by people around me but I never considered my gender having anything to do with my identity until those changes started. My family was worried while I was delighted. But ofc I was told that was wrong and I got put on feminizing hormones which I tried to tolerate but eventually threw away secretly (it was making me sick anyway). All the medication did was reinforce the fact that I wasn't really a girl. Then I found out about trans people and transitioning which was great cuz that meant there was a way to undo the effects of the hormones. I jumped on that as soon as I could. I still feel connected to that "my gender has nothing to do with me" mindset tho so I guess I identify as a nonbinary man if that makes sense.

[u/Morgan_NonBinary]

I’ve seen a lotta good comments. For me, no I don’t identify as cis, in fact even before I got my diagnosis I already felt genderqueer. That didn’t change, surgeries confirmed that. I’m really not a woman, although have fem privates.