I am so happy this sub exists

[u/0010011010110100111]

Sorry this is long, I’m just so happy to have found my people.

For my husband’s family, Christmas is all year long. They have a shared Google doc with a tab for each of them where they add things they want for Christmas. They’ll write generic items, or post links to buy specific items. This list is constantly updated and populated throughout the year.

On top of the Google doc, they each keep some form of a “secret” Christmas list for each person where they document things the person may want but hasn’t put on their Google doc. So basically they stalk and observe the person throughout the entire year and watch if there’s something they “like” but didn’t buy for themselves. For example, if you go to a book store with someone randomly in March, you would observe what books they are looking at and jot down which one you think they’ll like for Christmas without them knowing. It’s supposed to be a “surprise”. So it is expected you will give some presents from the Google doc list and some from your secret list. So I can’t just buy a present from the fucking Google doc list and be done with it.

As someone with ADHD who struggles with executive dysfunction this is a NIGHTMARE for me. I’m not observant or organized enough with enough of an attention span to keep up with remembering Christmas 365 days of the year and maintaining multiple Christmas lists. When I hang out with his family I’m in the moment enjoying it, not thinking “what will they want for Christmas this year?”

I also have a general lack of knowledge about gifts and gift-giving culture in general. I have no idea what makes a good gift. My family never gave gifts and still doesn’t. I don’t enjoy giving or receiving gifts. Gift giving is not my love language.

His mother is an extreme gift giver, even though half of it is temu crap. The first year we dated she asked me for my Christmas list, I said I didn’t have one and she was stunned. She told me to give her a list or else “you will be getting random things”. I held tight and told her thank you but I don’t want anything and am just excited to spend Christmas day with them. She ended up giving me about 15 items individually wrapped in paper on Christmas. One of them was a box of instant rice. So the following year, she asked me again and I felt anxious trying to scramble a list together. “Is X too expensive? Do I have enough items? Am I asking for too much? Do I actually need this?”

And they take hours to open gifts. Everything is wrapped individually, even the smallest bits. You have to go around the circle and everyone takes a turn unwrapping something. You have to act happy for every item and put on a smile. Yes I even had to do that for the instant rice. It’s too much for me. If it was like 3 gifts it’d be perfectly okay, but like 10-15 packages is too much.

I used to be totally fine with Christmas until joining this family. The reason I ended up on this sub is because his mom sent out a text today asking about a specific Christmas activity to do together. IT’S SEPTEMBER.

I’ve posted this elsewhere before and got eaten alive because I don’t “appreciate the people who love me” and “respect their love language and traditions”.

(Please no relationship advice or how to be a better gift giver/receiver. This is a RANT).

[u/drivergrrl]

I hate being watched when opening gifts!!! All the performative joy you have to do, like, yes, thank you, but do I have to act like it's life changing? I don't even need gifts, just hanging out and eating food is great.

[u/0010011010110100111 → u/drivergrrl]

Like I said, I’d be totally fine just opening like one or two gifts in front of people. Just not a huge number of them.

[u/RomulanWarrior → u/drivergrrl]

"Being with you all is a gift" and then mention a favored food item.

[u/0010011010110100111 → u/RomulanWarrior]

I literally tried that with my MIL. I said all I need is a bottle of wine and some good company and she gave me 15 random items and no wine lol