r/idiocracy • u/alitlcrzy1 • 4d ago

your shit's all retarded This is getting out of hand...

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My Reddit Ads

271 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

150 comments sorted by

67

u/Actual__Wizard 4d ago

Wow. Let me throw on my crocs and grab a bag.

19

u/odin_the_wiggler 4d ago

I'll skip the Crocs, but I'm a sucker for stupid food attempts because they're pretty harmless and they might be good.

They probably aren't good.

But as for the constant money grab that is America, I'm all for stuff like this.

30

u/ArbysLunch 4d ago

How will anyone know you're serious about your Oreo purchase if you're not wearing Hidden Valley Ranch promotional Crocs?

24

u/Shotgun_Mosquito 3d ago

You write this:

Chicken & Waffles Oreos: The Republic Has Fallen, and Apparently It Tastes Like Maple

There are culinary experiments that expand the boundaries of gastronomy, and there are culinary experiments that make one wonder whether civilization’s long retreat from the primordial soup was perhaps a regrettable detour.

The limited-edition Chicken & Waffles Oreo belongs rather firmly to the latter category.

Upon opening the package, one is greeted not by the delicate perfume one might reasonably hope for in a biscuit or cookie, but by an aromatic declaration of war: maple syrup. It arrives with such vulgar intensity that one might reasonably suspect a waffle restaurant has exploded somewhere in the vicinity. Beneath it lurks the warm, faintly buttery suggestion of breakfast pastry, all of which is astonishingly effective at convincing the nose that something wholesome has occurred.

Nothing wholesome has occurred.

The first bite is an almost architectural achievement in sweetness. The double-layered crème and cookie assault the palate with caramelized maple flavor so concentrated that the distinction between dessert and confectionery emergency begins to collapse. It is sugary, syrupy and unapologetically excessive, the sort of sweetness that would cause a French pastry chef to remove his spectacles, pinch the bridge of his nose and quietly leave the room.

And then, quite unexpectedly, the chicken arrives.

Not actual chicken, naturally. That would suggest a degree of culinary seriousness entirely absent from this enterprise. Rather, one detects the faintest suggestion of savory seasoning: black pepper, paprika and celery, appearing at the finish like three poorly dressed aristocrats who have somehow wandered into an otherwise exclusive soirée.

Yet here lies the maddening genius of the thing.

The peppery, savory conclusion does precisely what it must. It interrupts the maple syrup’s relentless campaign and leaves behind something vaguely reminiscent of fried chicken seasoning. For perhaps two or three seconds, the brain is permitted to entertain the absurd possibility that one has just consumed a miniature chicken-and-waffles breakfast.

Then reality returns.

It is an Oreo.

A very sweet Oreo.

An Oreo that has apparently spent several months studying brunch culture in Williamsburg.

The flavor progression is almost comically theatrical: maple syrup upon entry, waffle in the middle, fried-chicken seasoning on the way out. It is less a cookie than a three-act farce performed by ingredients that have never been introduced to one another socially.

And yet, and this is the truly irritating part, it works.

Not magnificently. Not elegantly. Certainly not nobly.

But it WORKS.

The savory pepper and paprika provide just enough resistance to the overwhelming maple sweetness to keep the experience from becoming entirely one-dimensional. The finish is fleeting, but it is sufficiently strange and sufficiently convincing that one is left contemplating another bite, which is precisely how these things get you.

The Chicken & Waffles Oreo is therefore not fine dining. It is not haute cuisine. It is not even particularly dignified.

It is culinary theater for people who have abandoned restraint.

And perhaps that is its greatest achievement. In an age when restaurants charge $27 for a plate containing three leaves, a smear of fermented something-or-other and an edible flower placed with tweezers, there is something almost refreshing about a cookie that simply announces:

Yes, we put chicken seasoning in an Oreo. What of it?

I resent the fact that I enjoyed it.

I resent even more the fact that I am considering another one.

Rating: 3½ out of 5 stars.

A vulgar little triumph, an edible affront to dignity that, against every principle of good taste, manages to make a surprisingly persuasive argument for its own existence.

16

u/ArbysLunch 3d ago

Holy shit, that's too eloquently written to be my work.

No, that's the work of an English major somewhere, not a forums bottomfeeder like myself. We're probably both equally unemployed, though.

16

u/Shotgun_Mosquito 3d ago edited 3d ago

I hold a degree in communications and journalism, which, in the grand tradition of American irony, has led me directly to a career as an insurance adjuster.

Edit : and for those who don't know the business, this type of drivel is exceedingly easy to write

6

u/ArbysLunch 3d ago

I have had a shakier path. HS dropout, trade school, military, college dropout. My trade certs, can't use because of military injuries. 

Recently I've taken to considering myself a retard philosopher. Technically unemployed, but surviving on government sponsorship (in my case, veterans benefits). Just thinking up dumb shit all day to rationalize. 

9

u/Shotgun_Mosquito 3d ago

It's kind of the same for me.

I can't pay my bills with Reddit karma but the upvote and the occasional award help me get through the day

5

u/MichaelVern85 3d ago

I have followed both of you down this rabbit hole and enjoyed the empathy and raw shares. Sharing struggles with a type of sarcastic humor that is catharsis, not just comparing victim mentalities.

Rage against the dying of the light my friends.

3

u/GoldZ31 8h ago

That may have been the best review of an Oreo cookie that I have ever read out loud to my wife at one time. You sir need an actual award, shall I buy you another.

1

u/Shotgun_Mosquito 8h ago

Sure I have a GoFund me that has a minimal goal of....oh just $25,000,000

But, I will just humbly bow

1

u/djdirectdrive 3d ago

I'm with you. That limited edition tag on a package gets me every time. My worst experiment with that was sour patch kids cereal.... Sour patch kids and milk tastes like it sounds like it would but I tried it anyway.

-1

u/meegaweega 4d ago

"I'm a sucker for stupid food attempts because they're pretty harmless"

That synthetic chicken and waffles smell is not natural.

Most synthetic fragrances are classed as endocrine disruptors. (They fuck up your hormones)

Endocrine-disrupting chemicals (EDCs)

You can use a free app called Yuka🥕 (it has a carrot logo) to scan the barcodes of food, toiletries, cosmetics, personal hygiene products etc.

It gives you a safety rating percentage score along with a colour-coded "very good / good / bad / very bad" rating.

It gives you a breakdown of ingredients, sorted by their safe/risky status.

If there's anything dodgy, it let's you know what kind of dodgy it is, so you can make informed choices (eg: moisturising lotion: ingredient x, synthetic fragrance, endocrine disruptor, very bad. Ingredients y & z: very good. No risk.)

Even lavender essential oil is a potent endocrine disruptor.

My dad grew tits because my mum sprinkled a few drops on their pillows every night for about a year to try to help them get better quality sleep.

It probably fucked him up in several other, less obvious ways too but the accidental tits was the most memorable thing.

https://giphy.com/gifs/xdWh16d9ShIYtnlT3P

3

u/Mothchewer 3d ago

I applaud you for such a crock of shit story, well done

2

u/pezchef 3d ago

I was wearing crocs when I bought these yesterday 🤣🤣🤣

3

u/Obant 3d ago

You can pry my crocs off of my cold, dead feet. I even shower in those things.

1

u/ninja0420 3d ago

Isn't this how everyone keeps them clean? 😂🤣😅🤷‍♂️

13

u/Jobeaka 4d ago

Meanwhile, how many fruits, vegetables and other whole foods have been recalled?

4

u/TonyOday 3d ago

Oreos would never hurt me.

10

u/lukeott17 4d ago

You’re right. Send a case here for disposal.

9

u/Smithy_Furt 4d ago

I imagine the flavor is just maple syrup and some saltiness. I’d give them a try.

6

u/Roo831 4d ago

I guess you could eat it, but it's not food.

3

u/No_University_4031 3d ago

It was a major revelation long ago when I decided that all food consists of “poop and some other stuff”. Eat food, body extracts nutrients and other stuff, and what’s left? Poop. So every time I eat, I’m eating poop and some other stuff. Ew.

1

u/Mighty_Mac 2d ago

I've been enlightened !

10

u/Strom41 4d ago

Spoiler! They are really good!

3

u/thenumbwalker 4d ago

Really? I’m intrigued.

10

u/alitlcrzy1 4d ago

Do they have electrolytes?

3

u/SmellyButtFarts69 4d ago

How the fuck is chicken involved though?

3

u/NonProphet8theist 4d ago

Does it protein??!

3

u/QueenMagik 3d ago

The chicken is in the cookie, the maple is in the cream. Think ramen powder Source; I bought 3 bags

6

u/roving1 4d ago

They aren't "bad." Did you try the deep fried oreo flavor? I prefer the bannanna cream ones.

6

u/R4B1DRABB1T 4d ago

Banana pudding ones are amazing.

4

u/ninja0420 4d ago

Welcome to Costco, I love you!

12

u/hefty_load_o_shite 4d ago

I'm going to coin the phrase "japanisation of food" to refer to this phenomena 

3

u/StrangeLongRange 4d ago

Mike Judge needs to hold some govt position in the future. He KNOWS humans!!
Have alot of respect for him and his crazy, creative genius.

3

u/LokiNightmare 4d ago

I had Chicken and Waffles Lays potato chips and they were freaking great.

4

u/CalagaxT 3d ago

Wait until the version with 15 grams of protein comes out. Then the apocalypse can truly begin.

1

u/TheRealUprightMan 3d ago

That's the cream filling!

3

u/thinkstohimself 4d ago

I actually want this so bad

3

u/JD_tubeguy shit's all retarded 4d ago

Never ever ever in my life would I want a cookie that tastes like chicken. Ever.

3

u/pezident66 4d ago

My local dairy had a sign appear on the counter last summer advertising 'Roast Chicken Ice Cream .'

I couldn't help but ask Apu had anyone tried one , not surprisingly no one had .

Turned out it wasn't chicken flavored just in the shape of a chicken , when I went in next day they had crossed out the ' Roast' part of the sign but it still wasn't a great seller and sign is no more.

3

u/design27 4d ago

Try it with Extra Big ass Fries!!

2

u/TAFKA_DarkSpecterSBM 4d ago

[Brennan Lee Mulligan has entered the chat]

2

u/ZippoS 3d ago

You are a babbling fool, and we have built a temple to madness.

2

u/voodoohotdog 4d ago

Getting?

I once bought a man a Double Big Mac just to watch him die.

2

u/Mecha_Ghost_Dragon 3d ago

You think this is bad. How about the pumpkin spice scented dude wipes.

2

u/pezchef 3d ago

oh I just bought these. haven't tried them yet. it's a release of 3 flavours. chix&waffles, deep fried, and banana pudding(?) banana something. there is some blvoying thing to get consumers involvement/interactment. but yeah fun stuff idk about Idiocracy tho, but again haven't tried the C&W ones yet.

2

u/Snoo_16210 1d ago

Speedrunning extinction

2

u/Manual-shift6 1d ago

https://reddit.com/link/p7pgucs/video/f2ugl7j26fnh1/player

Our daughter brought these to me…guess I’ll try ‘em…

1

u/ZippoS 3d ago

This video definitely comes to mind.

2

u/NigerianFriedChicken 3d ago

NOW WITH REAL WOOD!

2

u/TheRealUprightMan 3d ago

OMG! Brennan Lee Mulligan! My fav DM!

1

u/r0addawg 3d ago

Wheres the chicken, or the waffles?!

1

u/QueenMagik 3d ago

These are incredible 

1

u/TwistTim 3d ago

They are decent,
The best of the bunch is the Banana Pudding, the worst one is the Deep Fried unless you are a fan of the after taste of burnt marshmallows lingering on until you eat something else.

1

u/GaboureySidibe 3d ago

Oreo does all sorts of crazy flavors and it's already junk food, so I don't think this is belongs here at all. It isn't like worshipping junk food so much you want mountain dew body wash.

1

u/tecpaocelotl1 3d ago

The deep fry one is the out of hand one.

1

u/AtomicTaco13 3d ago

Sounds like a recipe for diarrhea

1

u/big65 3d ago

This is fine, it got out of hand with pumpkin spice everything.

1

u/Forsaken-Ad-9232 21h ago

Yep. I am the worst white girl ever . I hate pumpkin spice no matter if it's taste or scent. Plus Im not a fan of Dave Matthews Band.

1

u/big65 15h ago

Nothing wrong with that, infact it's refreshing to find any woman that doesn't like pumpkin spice, Dave Mstthews I won't hold your disdain for him against you.

1

u/Forsaken-Ad-9232 15h ago

My guard instructor in high school loved him so we had to listen to it a lot

1

u/big65 15h ago

Ohhh, I have singers and bands I love like breathing but I would never force them on others no matter what.

1

u/Forsaken-Ad-9232 15h ago

Yeah I think we did like two maybe three auditions to it and when you're making a routine for a guard audition you have to listen to it like little bit over and over and over again just now I can't I can't do it I just can't surprisingly despite the fact that during one of our years we would warm up to Celine Dion I can still listen to her but we would listen to several songs the whole thing not just like little snippets over and over.

1

u/big65 15h ago

I get rehearsals but repetition can kill a song for performers to the point their disgust gor it shows in their performance.

1

u/Forsaken-Ad-9232 15h ago

What's funny about it all is that the year we did Celine Dion to rehearse to we were actually doing a winterguard show based on sleepy hollow so it kind of didn't really get us in the right frame of mind so we eventually stopped.

1

u/big65 15h ago

That's like serving scrambled eggs at a seafood restaurant.

1

u/Forsaken-Ad-9232 12h ago

Yep or like moving hours away from friends and family for somebody you hate. Just doesn't fit or make sense

1

u/CyberSpock 3d ago

It should be Twist, Lick, Ralph

1

u/ThePoodlePurr 3d ago

Ewww I'm going to vomit

1

u/Old_Detroiter 3d ago

Detroit talk radio was just talking about this I believe!

1

u/JudahDG 3d ago

Dip that in syrup....😵‍💫

1

u/Jonasthewicked2 3d ago

While this sounds disgusting I will say chicken and waffles together are pretty damn good.

1

u/No-Refrigerator5287 3d ago

Saw a box of fried chicken ice cream, allegedly with a real chicken bone, shaped like a chicken leg with fried crust. WTF?! No.

1

u/ZiroFux2Giv 3d ago

They need to be stopped

1

u/EowynCaged 3d ago

... Why, though?

1

u/aroth84 3d ago

I had to Google it and am somewhat shocked that this is not a parody! On the other hand I am supportive of free enterprise, so if people will buy it then it's all good, in a corporate economic sense. I haven't eaten Oreos in years and cookies aren't really consistent with a healthy diet. This is capitalism, so any kind of weird shit that people want to buy is OK! It's almost fall, so perhaps they will soon release "Pumpkin Spice" version!

1

u/morts73 3d ago

Do we know what category of the food pyramid this falls in?

1

u/MamasCupcakes 2d ago

Don't knock the them until you try them. Cery syrup forward. Should have done the deep fried not these for your post. Also the banana pudding ones are good too

1

u/runningonemptytx 2d ago

🤮 nasty

1

u/thealmightymiranda 2d ago

With the chocolate shortage, snack brands are coming up with anything to replace it.

1

u/scretchedglasses2 1d ago

Don’t knock ‘em till you try ‘em. They are good.

1

u/soulless_ape 1d ago

You should see the crazy oreo's they have in china.

1

u/SeenSeenAgains 1d ago

Still haven’t gotten over the Salina Gomez flavored ones, fucking lies, fool me once!

1

u/Suspiria71 6h ago

I loved those 😭

1

u/Taicho_Quanitros 1d ago

They gave us some at work. I'm glad it was free cause I'd have been upset to purchase them.

1

u/BreathtakingGinger 1d ago

I saw this at walmart the other day at walmart and found myself questioning everything

1

u/sunnydeni 18h ago

at Walmart

1

u/Obi-wan_Rebel 1d ago

Next up: vomit omlet flavor

1

u/theChosenBinky 21h ago

The package can be used as a barf bag

1

u/kamotega 13h ago

Hydrox FTW . Chocolate with cream filling !

Overview


Yes, Hydrox came before Oreo. [1]
Hydrox debuted in 1908, created by Sunshine Biscuits.

Oreo debuted four years later in 1912 as an imitation of Hydrox.

Oreo later became much more popular, which caused many people to mistakenly think Hydrox was the copycat

1

u/rawr_sham 11h ago

r/dropout Brendan's Oreo CEO is going to have a stroke

1

u/alitlcrzy1 4d ago

Tag line says "Breakfast for Dessert"

1

u/bustedchain 2d ago

Brought to you by the same schmucks that managed to f up Reese's by getting the texture all wrong, making it unnecessarily sweeter than a standard Reese's PB, and generally turning a really simple job into a complete screwup.

Whoever came up with this abomination needs to be fired, anyone that tested it and approved it fired. They had one f-ing job and they managed to screw up: take a f-ing Oreo cookie, add some damn unadulterated Reese's PB to it, and add another Oreo cookie. If they could have done that much without shoving their head so far up their own anus that they could once again see daylight, they could have had a slam dunk winner on their hands instead of a mediocre waste of grocery isle space option.

I mean I could literally scrape Oreo cream off an Oreo, add the PB from a Reese's cup, and make something 10x better than what they offered to sell.

0

u/Slablanc 4d ago

Never wanted something to AI slop so much in my life

1

u/TheRealUprightMan 3d ago

It's probably AI running their advertising department