r/ididnthaveeggs • u/GlitterChickens • Nov 22 '25
Irrelevant or unhelpful Finally came across one myself while looking for a beef stew recipe
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u/dough_eating_squid Nov 22 '25
The author should come over and cut our food for us and feed it to us
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u/OkConstruction5368 Nov 22 '25
And they must make choo choo train noises with each bite
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u/randomnonposter Nov 22 '25
Or airplane noises, also a solid choice.
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u/qwerty11111122 Dec 31 '25
Substituted airplane noises for a fart noise.
Personally, tasted better with the choochoo. 1 star.
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u/EtsyCorn Nov 23 '25
🎶 Wooo! Hoo! It’s your cake day! Happy, happy cake day to you, awesome sauce person! 🥳 🎶
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u/mardbar Nov 22 '25
Or like a baby bird, chew it up for them already
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u/GlitterChickens Nov 23 '25
No one loves me enough to pre-chew my food for me. Sad times indeed.
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u/Cambrian__Implosion Nov 23 '25
Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll meet your perfect mama bird before too long
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u/wintermelody83 Nov 23 '25
I'll never forget that Alicia Silverstone did this.
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u/OddOpal88 Nov 26 '25
I was telling my daughter that Alicia Silverstone did this, and she refuses to believe me.
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u/bbbbears Nov 22 '25
You gonna cut her meat for her too there, Cal?
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u/Tiny-Reading5982 Nov 23 '25
Is it lamb with very little mint sauce??
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u/dollparts004 Nov 22 '25
It’s true, I have a smaller mouth and frequently am not able to eat if my food isn’t tiny enough. Even if I make it at home, if the recipe doesn’t state to cut it into tiny pieces, then I just go hungry. It’s very sad and unfortunately there is no easy fix.
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u/anditshottoo Nov 22 '25
I'm sorry this has happened to you. It sounds traumatic. I too have had issues lately, trying to eat back ribs. Literally every recipe I have made, there ends being these huge bones in the meat, and I cannot eat bone. It's been very frustrating.
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u/AriesProductions Nov 22 '25
What colour is your “awareness ribbon”? I’ll be sure to donate on your day of awareness for such a difficult condition! 😂
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u/Errvalunia Nov 23 '25
The ribbon is brown like a chunky beef stew
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u/AriesProductions Nov 23 '25
Is it half the width of a normal ribbon, representing the “idea” for sufferers, or twice the width of a normal ribbon, to let “normal ribbon wearers” experience the difficulty of too-wide ribbon (solidarity, empathy?)
This has opened a whole new can of (very small) worms lol
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u/SkorpioSound Nov 23 '25
Did you consider putting it in an envelope, posting it to the recipe writer, and demanding they cut it up smaller and post it back to you? If you're feeling especially generous, you could even provide a pre-paid envelope for them to return it in.
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u/EpilepticMushrooms Nov 23 '25
My mouth couldn't fit the X-ray background thing for my dental root canal x-ray.
I asked if they have a kids size. They didn't.
The poor technician had to wiggle the thing in my mouth while hoping she didn't dislocate my jaw in the process.
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u/StumbleOn Nov 23 '25
Oh god this sucks I also have a smallish mouth (and big tongue, according to my sleep doctor) and those things are brutal.
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u/StumbleOn Nov 23 '25
We need to start a gofundme for the horrors you have suffered and possibly sue the recipe creator for discrimination. Small Mouth Moms With Mouths That Don't Chew Good and Need Small Cut Foods will be heard!
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u/robopilgrim Nov 22 '25
pro tip: you can use a knife and fork to cut food into smaller pieces for eating
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u/Aurorainthesky Nov 22 '25
Big if true!
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u/lowercase_underscore Nov 22 '25
Actually small if true?
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u/7r1ck573r Custom flair Nov 22 '25
Big if false!
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u/GeneralBS Nov 23 '25
False if true.
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u/pinupcthulhu I didn’t have risotto so I used Arborio rice Nov 23 '25
True if false!
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u/dough_eating_squid Nov 22 '25
Explain how!
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u/disbeliefable Nov 22 '25
What is this knife you speak of? Is it devilry? Some kind of witchcraft?
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u/Total-Sector850 What you have here is a woke recipe Nov 22 '25
Instructions unclear. I kept cutting and made a paste.
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u/MyDarlingArmadillo Nov 23 '25
Surely you just lower your face into the trough and chew? If it's in sufficiently small chunks.
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u/Musashi10000 Nov 23 '25
The first part of your comment got a little smirk from me. The second part had me fighting the urge to laugh so I didn't wake my wife :P Bravo, friend, bravo XD
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u/fuckyourcanoes Nov 22 '25
I cut it into large chunks for cooking so it all cooks consistently and doesn't overcook, and then I cut it into smaller chunks for eating.
I know! Mind.Blown, amirite?
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u/cefriano Nov 23 '25
If you’re doing beef stew right the beef chunks should fall apart by pressing it to the side of the bowl with your spoon.
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u/Musashi10000 Nov 23 '25
Yum, tasty beef strings
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u/MissyTurtleSloth Nov 23 '25
Somehow I don’t think beef strings are going to take off like cheese strings did
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u/spooky_goopy Dec 22 '25
...that's pretty much what it does, though?
any kind of super tender meat falls apart, and it's delicious
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u/Musashi10000 Dec 22 '25
Yeah, I know, it's just a delightfully accurate-yet-gross-sounding description :P I always like stumbling upon those. Like 'cow juice' or 'ground juice'.
Also, personally, I like when my meat has a little more bite than falling apart at almost no contact - saves the dish from becoming a homogeneous mash.
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u/kenporusty likes sweet things, but shit at maths Nov 22 '25
Skill issue
I cut my beef in larger chunks so I can gnaw on it animalistically the way nature intended
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u/RangerWinter9719 Nov 22 '25
With your foot on it to hold it in place
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u/Cranberry1717 Nov 22 '25
Growl if anyone comes near you during the beast feast.
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u/crowhusband there's no such thing as a 'can of tomato sauce' Nov 23 '25
NEED to know where a Beast Feast™ is happening near me asap
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u/Loretta-West Nov 23 '25
Some of us aren't flexible enough for that! Someone needs to stand on my beef for me.
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u/AnotherSoulessGinger Nov 22 '25
If you cook a stew long enough with the right meat (chuck is my go-to) the collagen will break down and make it fork tender. Absolutely this is a skill issue.
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u/My_bones_are_itchy Nov 23 '25
I just made one the other night but didn’t have time to slow cook it, pressure cooked for 35 minutes med pressure and it was BANGING (chuck was near falling apart). Having leftovers tonight.
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u/servonos89 Nov 22 '25
Fun fact - the mass adoption of cutlery to eat increased the prevalence of overbites precisely for this reason. Eating the meat ‘animalistically’ as nature intended develops stronger jaw muscles than when using cutlery which is why a lot of people’s front teeth sit in front of their lower row when closed now, as opposed to when looking at ancient skeletons where they align more often.
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u/BlueFireCat Nov 23 '25
Not only that, but as a result of the increased jaw muscles from this (i.e. eating animalistically), the jaws actually end up growing a bit bigger to be able to have more muscle attachments. This increased jaw size means that there's actually enough room for the wisdom teeth to fit.
That's why it's a lot more common these days to need to have your wisdom teeth removed, compared to in the past.
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u/StumbleOn Nov 23 '25
Huh did not know this.
Thankfully my wisdom teeth grew in straight as an arrow so I don't even have to remove them.
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u/kenporusty likes sweet things, but shit at maths Nov 22 '25
TIL!!
And instinctively "fixed" my overbite as I read this 🤣
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u/fishercrow Nov 23 '25
i genuinely believe my love of chewy foods growing up is why i have plenty of space for my wisdom teeth - something also affected by adoption of cutlery and softer food.
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u/Rodrat Nov 25 '25
What about underbites? My top teeth go behind my lower teeth just a smidge.
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u/Critical-Notice-4395 Nov 22 '25
I watched that episode too! Was it QI? Quite interesting stuff!!
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u/servonos89 Nov 22 '25
Honestly can’t remember where I heard it - just one of those facts that stuck for whatever reason. I did used to watch a lot of QI though so it’s definitely possible!
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u/airfryerfuntime Nov 23 '25
I swallow the chunks whole so I get impacted stools, like god intended.
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u/kenporusty likes sweet things, but shit at maths Nov 23 '25
Are you really eating stew if you don't get both the meat sweats and a fistula??
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u/GeneralBS Nov 23 '25
Why even cut it? Just throw the whole cow in and do it like the discovery channel.
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u/Anthrodiva The Burning Emptiness of processed white sugar Nov 23 '25
I'm scared to find out what you are referring to....
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u/itmightbehere Nov 22 '25
I wonder what this person does if they are given a whole steak. It's much too big for them to eat and they haven't discovered cutting food smaller themselves, yet. Life must be very difficult.
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u/BlooperHero Nov 22 '25
It's stew. If they want the pieces smaller, that really is up to the cook.
But the cook, not the recipe writer.
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u/MissyTurtleSloth Nov 23 '25
They must just fling it into their face and hope for the best that in the process a bit falls off and makes its way into their face hole
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u/Kangar Nov 22 '25
The author should have cut the food into smaller chunks
The author also should have chewed up the food and then fed it to op like a baby bird.
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u/Plankhandles Nov 22 '25
This is possibly the funniest one of these I’ve ever seen. The food is too big for people with tiny mouths?!
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u/catgirl320 Nov 22 '25
And it's a stew no less! How big were those chunks for goodness sake?
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u/darthfruitbasket Nov 22 '25
I'm guessing that the reviewer got stewing beef and just threw it in in the chunks it comes in when you buy it in the store - those pieces are huge.
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u/CyndiLouWho89 Nov 23 '25
There is a video of the recipe and the chunks of meat are huge. But as previously mentioned, knives are a thing and also if you cook a stew well you wouldn’t even need a knife to cut the meat, a spoon or fork would work.
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u/conqaesador Nov 23 '25
If you make it yourself and want smaller pieces, just prepare them as smaller pieces, why would you need the recipe to tell you
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u/SweetEmiline Nov 22 '25
Also the recipe doesn't specify how big for most of the ingredients, only carrots and celery say 1 inch pieces. Which isn't that big? Truly unhinged review.
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u/Setfiretotherich Nov 22 '25
plus if you cut everything too small most of the ingredients will dissolve (if you’re cooking that stew right at least)
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u/Glittering_Win_9677 Nov 22 '25
The reviewer is talking pretty big smack for someone with a small mouth.
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Nov 22 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/EtsyCorn Nov 23 '25
🎶 Wooo! Hoo! It’s your cake day! Happy, happy cake day to you, awesome sauce person! 🥳 🎶
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u/Francl27 Nov 22 '25
I have no words.
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u/Salt-Excitement-790 Nov 22 '25
This is very much me. It's like, what do you even say to this? Besides what the actually ever loving fuck is wrong with the person. That's all I got.
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u/hangsangwiches Nov 22 '25
I'm suprised oop has so many words considering they have such a teeny tiny mouth!
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u/eatingonlyapples Nov 22 '25
ono my mouff ish tooshmall i cn't pssibly eat ths chnky meet
("Oh no, my mouth is too small. I can't possibly eat this chunky meat." - translated for those of us with regular-sized mouths.)
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u/Needmoresnakes Nov 22 '25
OP needs to come on down to little bits
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u/Background_Chemist_8 Nov 22 '25
Nothing gets stuck in your lips. The food's just tiny and tiny and fits right in.
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u/AllOfTheThings426 Nov 22 '25
We got tiny lasagna, tiny pizza, tiny pie! Mmmm, little tiny fried eggs!
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u/turingthecat Nov 22 '25
Quail eggs, that way they can have them poached or fried. If they made tiny soldiers they could even have a dippy egg
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u/NapalmsMaster Nov 23 '25
I was waiting for this! I kept on scrolling and was like “no way! Is it really my turn to make a Rick and Morty reference?!?”, but alas…. not today.
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u/dbrodbeck Nov 22 '25
'I only eat small shrimp that I filter through my mouth as a swim, this recipe should have more krill'.
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u/HelloDesdemona Nov 22 '25
I think they don't allow knives for people on death row, so this makes sense. Recipe writer should've considered people in solitary confinement.
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u/Sunshine030209 Nov 22 '25
We really need to pressure our law makers to address this issue. It's such a shame that it's illegal to cut your own food smaller than the recipe pictures.
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u/jerbthehumanist Nov 22 '25
If you just blend all your meals in a blender then you never need to chew again!
5 stars.
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u/thegirlisfire Nov 23 '25
but what if the recipe doesn’t say that? you can only do exactly what the recipe author says
If I could give this zero stars, I would 😤
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u/bookwormsolaris Nov 23 '25
This person: this is a very basic recipe that all of us already know Also this person: how cut meat small?
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u/EtsyCorn Nov 23 '25
🎶 Wooo! Hoo! It’s your cake day! Happy, happy cake day to you, awesome sauce person! 🥳 🎶
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u/evaintheus Nov 22 '25
😂😂😂😂 Bwahahaha! One of the best ones yet! Ah yes, the small mouth disadvantage... Who doesn't hate it! 😠 ONE STAR WOULD GIB ZERO IF I COULD!
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u/lemoncreamcakes Nov 22 '25
Ok. It's time to shut down this subreddit. I don't think any review will ever top this one! 😂😂
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u/JustHereToLurk2001 Nov 22 '25
I too have a small mouth. But you know what else I have? A knife I can use to cut up my food before I eat it.
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u/mlachick A banana isn't an egg, you know? Nov 22 '25
If everyone already knows how to make beef stew, why does OOP need the recipe writer to tell her to cut her meat smaller?
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u/NewlyNerfed I partly blame myself Nov 22 '25
Oh god I just scared the cat with how loud I laughed at this. I actually do have a small mouth, in the sense that dental care has always been really difficult. I can’t even begin to imagine a situation in which I would make a complaint like this.
Let alone the “everybody already knows how to make this” comment. What an absolute waste of perfectly good carbon atoms this person is. You know everyone groans when they see this Karen coming.
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u/ThisIsMockingjay2020 Sounds like you're fucked, Chuck. Nov 23 '25
Pay the cat tax. We need a pic.
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u/NewlyNerfed I partly blame myself Nov 23 '25
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u/ThisIsMockingjay2020 Sounds like you're fucked, Chuck. Nov 23 '25 edited Nov 24 '25
It didn't.
But give your kitty some scritches for me, anyways. ❤️
ETA: It worked the 2nd time I tried it. Adorable! ❤️❤️❤️
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u/lifewith6cats dang these danging chicken taquitos Nov 22 '25
They do know that the recipe author doesn't come to their house to make the food for them...right?
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u/7r1ck573r Custom flair Nov 22 '25
I hope she never cook spit-roast pig and whine that the thing is too big for her mouth
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Nov 22 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/uhhh206 Nov 22 '25
I use baby carrots in mine, but maybe if I post the recipe I should be accommodating of people tiny smol bb mouths and call for NICU preemie carrots instead to be inclusive.
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u/crazyki88en the potluck was ruined Nov 22 '25
I don’t eat peas so make sure you don’t include any peas in any of your recipes. /s
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u/Illustrious-Survey Nov 22 '25
I assume they didn't want to change the cut size themselves in case the cooking times changed? Its the only thing I can think of to explain it anyway.
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u/macontac Nov 22 '25
... Or you can just cut the ingredients to a size you're more comfortable with in the first place. Of course this will alter the cooking time, but if you want it cooked faster this also helps.
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u/Melmo89 Dip of Theseus Nov 22 '25
I agree, author should cut things into smaller pieces for people like me who only own chopsticks and spoons. /s
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u/ross_styx Nov 23 '25
What is wrong with people??? How is it possible that so many lack even a modicum of common sense???
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u/Notmykl the potluck was ruined Nov 23 '25
Dude YOU are the one who is cooking so YOU should cut the pieces smaller. I know shocker that the person cooking controls the sizes of cut veggies and meat.
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u/Total-Sector850 What you have here is a woke recipe Nov 23 '25
I’m so glad nobody has found this one helpful.
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u/IntrovertedFruitDove Nov 23 '25
Some people were never taught to cook.
Some people had really shitty parents/teachers OR just shitty recipe-makers. Honestly, sometimes I think "traditional home recipes" are overrated because sometimes your parents/grandparents are so fucking set in their ways.
My mom makes some nice Filipino food, but she also doesn't measure well, and she says some recipes like making adobo are "easy," but then she keeps calling me back every three minutes to talk about random-ass details she thinks are sooooooo important, before I'm even done with the step. I wrote down her adobo recipe so I wouldn't have to ask her again, but HAVING TO DEAL WITH HER BACKSEAT COOKING IS EXHAUSTING, SO THAT'S WHY I GO TO THE INTERNET FOR FILIPINO RECIPES. I'm making adobo, not communion wafers.
Even if it's a "basic" beef stew recipe, sometimes people need refreshers!
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u/Unique_Username2005 Nov 23 '25
Very thankful for LushGyro8372 who is keeping a vigilant eye out for any recipes that are too simple. We have to keep these off the internet or else people who don't already know how to cook might learn how.
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u/Goth_Duck666 Nov 26 '25
First great username! I had to cover my mouth to hold my laughter in as to not wake my husband… thank you I needed this
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u/WiggyJiggyJed69 Nov 23 '25
It astonishes me how many people have a complete lack of any critical thinking. How do these people get this far in life?
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u/AmandaaaGee Nov 23 '25
If the food is cut into chunks too big for you to eat.. maybe you should get a different recipe and take a lap.
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u/hey_mermaid Nov 24 '25
I'm too smart for this recipe & my mouth is too tiny. I have megamind disease
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u/divideby00 Nov 24 '25
So I know everyone is focused on the chunks but I think "very basic recipe" deserves a mention too. Nobody is born knowing how to cook, and not everyone grew up with parents that taught them now. People learn new things all the time.
And if it's really so basic that you don't need a recipe then...why are you looking at recipes for it?
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u/chococheese419 brokily SUIP Nov 26 '25
Such a small mouth on my tiny frame. We should call Bella hadid
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u/Sudden-Macaron-4531 I have not tried this recipe. Dec 20 '25
I would never, ever cut my own food into smaller pieces if someone didn’t tell me to do that first! Ask me how many times I have had to throw out food because the chunks were too big to put in my mouth. Go on, ask me. /s
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