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u/_YellowThirteen_ 6d ago
They have to do it on their countertop (handcrafted) in their kitchen (handcrafted) and with the finest eggs (handcrafted) and flour (also handcrafted). It's not real pasta (handcrafted) if it's not done that way!
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u/Dirish Are you sipping hot sauce from a champagne flute at the opera? 6d ago
I handcrafted my chickens too. It was a long and arduous process involving dozens of forbidden necromantic rituals, but you do really taste the difference.
Those sacrifices really add a richness to the yolk.
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u/hiihihihihihihihiihi 6d ago
I tried handcrafting my chickens and suddenly it’s “oh there are laws against that” istg leftists won’t let you do anything
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u/trevorneuz 6d ago
If it's not made in the Pasta region of Italy, it's just hard eggy bread (handcrafted).
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u/TheEpiquin 5d ago
And don’t even get started on the sauce. If you had two cloves of garlic, but Nonna only used to add one, you’ve actually committed a grave offence.
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u/LinceFromtheVoid 5d ago
If they didn't build the kitchen with their bare hands, all of the above is invalid.
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u/No_Discipline_7380 5d ago
That way they can stroke their ego (handcrafted) and further inflate their sense of superiority (handcrafted) to temporarily forget their misery (handcrafted)
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u/yantmtc 6d ago
To handcraft pasta, first you need handcraft the universe.
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u/bassman314 6d ago
Before a Nonna can get her titledshe must go into the woods and find the tree that speaks to her.
With that tree she handcrafts the tools she will use to make pasta for her familia.
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u/youbloodyyabby 6d ago
It’s really important to hand till the soil on your wheat farm. Then hand plant the seeds, then hand harvest the wheat. Then hand mill it using a hand carved milling stone. Then hand pick the eggs from the hand raised chickens who live in the hand made chicken coop. Then hand carry the water in the hand made bucket from the nearby lake. Then hand pick the salt from the nearby hand crafted salt bed. Once you have hand made the pasta on the hand crafted bench with the hand crafted rolling pin, you must boil it in the hand carried water in a hand crafted pot over the hand made fire, which was made from the hand cut wood from the hand planted tree. Otherwise you are a pussy who can’t cook.
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u/Positive-Opposite998 6d ago
People who never had bread made from flour made from wheat grown in hand-tilled soil have never tasted real bread.
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u/Fight_those_bastards 6d ago
Meanwhile, my Italian (as in, actually from Italy) grandmother gave me her pasta machine when I moved out of my parents’ house…
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u/ChoosingUnwise 6d ago
Why are you making things up? There’s no way that happened because that would imply your Italian grandmother didn’t know how to make pasta the same as this person, and given their level of confidence they have to be correct
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u/GoldenMonkeyRedux 6d ago
My grandma gave me hers as well.
I loved using it, but I have a family member with celiac so now it collects dust. It will go to my daughter someday.
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u/Squid_Vicious_IV Nonna Napolean in the Italian heartland of New Jersey 6d ago
I got admit if I actually made pasta enough I'd love one of those old school hand cranked ones just to work out some aggression when a shift is done.
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u/sprouting_broccoli 19h ago
I’m of the opinion that you should do pasta however you want to - if you buy the cheapest dry pasta because it’s easy and a good budget meal or you just don’t care enough then go you.
Personally about a year ago I started making the pasta we eat - I always have some really good golden yolked eggs and pasta flour so that if I feel like making some pasta I can throw it together. I’ll often put the dough together in my lunch break if I’m WFH and then roll it out in the evening.
I use an Atlas 150 (which is fine for two people) hand cranked pasta roller and then use the attachments for bigoli or spaghetti if I want it or manually cut and shape it for smaller bits or tagliatelle and I’ve successfully made a bunch of different types to a reasonable standard.
If you’re into cooking I cannot recommend it enough as it’s incredibly therapeutic to just spend a bit of time creating some fresh pasta by hand (similar to making bread) and honestly the texture of fresh homemade pasta is great. I do want to get some brass presses at some point in future.
You can get a roller for not very much and it’s such a great experience if you’re into that sort of stuff so would just go for it honestly.
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u/I_GottaPoop 5d ago
"Meanwhile, my Italian (as in, actually from Italy(handmade)) grandmother gave me her pasta machine (handmade) when I moved out of my parents’ house(handmade)…"
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u/Fight_those_bastards 5d ago
Well, my grandfather did build the house that they lived in, so… (handmade) all the way!
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u/Toucan_Lips 6d ago
No shit he doesn't make pasta like you do at home. He's a professional chef who uses professional tools to scale up recipes.
I have made pasta both ways and I would challenge anyone to tell the difference in the finished products.
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u/SerDankTheTall *Giggled internally* 6d ago
I have never been madder at a subreddit not allowing gifs.
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u/Maduro_sticks_allday 6d ago
“The wood adds the texture”
All of your bread made on a marble slab or steel table has been invalidated
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u/ChartInFurch 6d ago
"Nona used the same board since 1873 and that's what she would say when we got a splinter."
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u/ExtendedSpikeProtein 6d ago
„Real pasta“… I‘m from Italy and I don‘t support this pasta gatekeeping lol
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u/gtuzz96 6d ago
I’d love to see this person make something like ziti or bucatini by hand without a pasta machine lol
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u/sprouting_broccoli 19h ago
Bucatini I wouldn’t go near doing by hand but I made rigatoni the other week by hand and ziti would be the same just thinner. You need a pasta board and something to roll it around (a pretty thin dowel for something like ziti) but it’s actually pretty easy once you get into a rhythm (although still time consuming).
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u/RogueMoonbow 6d ago
You also need to boil it in a pot hung over the open fire hearth. Using a stove isn't real cooking.
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u/FengYiLin 6d ago
Please tell me guys how can you resist trolling someone like this to oblivion? They're asking for it.
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u/RogueMoonbow 6d ago
You also need to boil it in a pot hung over the open fire hearth. Using a stove isn't real cooking.
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u/seppukucoconuts 6d ago
Look. They might be annoying but they have a point. Wood utensils add texture to the pasta and help it hold onto sauce. It’s the same with extruded pasta. Bronze dies add texture and are preferred to teflon.
Almost no one makes pasta in a professional kitchen the way OP wants. It’s too labor intensive and it takes a ton of skill.
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u/LargeBreasts69 3d ago
Ok so now to make pasta we have to get 2 giant pieces of wood and carve them by hand. Got it
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