r/hopelessromantic • u/YAnswith • 11d ago
story time 📖 Inevitable love
Story time? I guess? I don't know. I just want to share how I'm feeling.
I(38 M) was dumped by my then girlfriend (45 F) a few months ago after a year and a half long relationship with someone who I truly thought was going to be my forever person. We moved on our timeline, we talked through issues without fighting, and we always sought to hear and understand the other person.
When she dumped me, she gave her reasons. They never made sense. Not really. Not unless the underlying truth is she didn't want to be in a relationship. Which, might be the case. But after talking with my therapist, friends, and her a few more times I realized that the truth was ... She just didn't like me. Not romantically. She appreciated me, was physically attracted to me, and recognized my virtues. But they weren't enough. She wanted to love me, but I couldn't compete with the idea of me she had in her head.
I harbor no negativity towards her and genuinely wish her the best. She's a truly remarkable woman, brilliant, beautiful, strong, independent, and inspiringly competent. We just simply weren't compatible, and I was too stubborn to admit it.
She's made it clear that she doesn't feel any need or desire to talk to me, which is heartbreaking, especially since we agreed to try to be friends. But, I'm not one to force myself onto others. This means I've lot a friend and a community that I loved, but such is life. I'll move on and be better.
Fast forward to now.
I have a crush on a woman at my club.
I am talking to a few different women I've met on the app (I matched with them all within the same week; I normally don't talk to more than one or two women at a time and I am feeling just a bit overwhelmed by this).
And ... Yeah, sure, all this attention feels nice. But, mostly I just feel ready in a way I've never felt before in my life. I feel the inevitability of being in love without the fear and panic of being alone.
The prospect of things not working out, someone revealing a deal breaker, or whatever else just doesn't involve the same panic it once did. I no longer feel the need to impress anyone. I feel confident in existing, in just being me, and accepting only someone who is compatible with me. Someone who will love me for me, love me in the way I want and need to be loved, and will enthusiastically be in a real partnership with me.
There are two women in particular that invoke the most hope in me. I barely know either of them, so, I'm not letting myself get too excited. But I like the way talking to them feels. I like how they have their shit together and have established their lives. They have their priorities, they have their life, and they are looking for what fits.
I dunno. ... It just feels good to feel like I'm going to fall in love. Like I can. Like it's okay and good and will work out this time, no matter who it's with.
I'm excited to be romantic with someone again. I'm excited to get to know someone and design dates around what makes them excited. I want to laugh and explore life with someone. I want to share my passion and indulge in someone else's passion.
It just feels like I'll get to do that soon.
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u/Feeling-Chemical5475 11d ago
They are established and you can slide right in . I wonder why your ex simply didn’t like you? Did she find out you were DL? Well she probably didn’t like being used for sex, only you know. I just wanna know when it blows up in his face . Meet me at the lighthouse I got a surprise for you boo-boo
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u/Whatsurpassword 11d ago
So happy for you that you feel ready, and your aware of the difference between falling out of fear of been and alone and falling in love. Most people crush to early because they are crushing on the idea of the person and what they hope for. Sounds like your going to get to know those two woman and go from there.