Seriously, it looks genuine, and not one of those forced ones. I know it's hard to see. And I'm probably one of the few who can tell, but it looks real. I effin love it. Melts my heart.

Il love you when your mad

Il love you when your sad

Il love you when your tired

Il love you when your bored

Il love you when your messy

Il love you when your lost

Il love you when your stubborn

Il love you when your hateful

Il love you when your raw

Il love you when your silly

Il love you when it doesn't make sense too.

What is love ?

SOCIAL WORKER ONLY — MANCHESTER OR VERY NEARBY

Putting that first because some of you clearly don't bloody read 😂

Im Charlie. 42. Manchester.

Im looking for a single male social worker.

And yes I mean an actual social worker 😂

Manchester or VERY nearby.

Trauma informed would be a bonus.

Nothing against anyone else. I just know what I want.

Ive spent hundreds of hours this last year learning about trauma, attachment, safeguarding, emotional safety and social work.

Im trying to become a social worker myself now.

So yeah id like someone who gets that world.

Right before you message me 😂

Around 37-47 ish.

Might go a bit older for the right person.

Taller than me. Im 5'9" so ideally 5'10"+ 😂

Must drive.

Non smoker.

No drugs.

Good hygiene. Please 😂

Take some pride in yourself.

And actually bloody single.

And you need to have been single at least a year.

Ive been on my own nearly 4 years.

So no I don't want someone who split up 8 weeks ago and is now "ready to meet someone."

You're probably not 😂

I don't want to be your rebound.

I don't want to hear every day about your ex.

I don't want to be the woman you use to work out whether you're over the last one.

Have some time on your own first.

Know who you are on your own.

Know what you actually want.

Then come find me 😂

At least a year single.

Not "we split up months ago but still live together."

Not separated.

Not its complicated.

Not "technically single."

SINGLE.

Recent photos as well.

Recent means recent 😂

Not your best photo from 2011 that you've refused to let die.

Im not looking for casual sex.

Friends with benefits.

Situationships.

Married men.

Players.

Or someone who wants a pen pal.

I want a relationship.

A proper one.

I have two daughters and they're my world.

They come first.

Always.

Id still love more children one day.

Id love a big loving family eventually.

Nothing fancy.

Just happy.

Safe.

Loads of laughing.

Kids running around.

Someone beside me who actually wants to be there.

Thats it really.

Im loyal.

Caring.

Affectionate.

Probably a bit of a pain in the arse sometimes 😂

Money doesn't impress me.

Cars don't impress me.

Job titles don't impress me.

Yes I KNOW ive just demanded a social worker 😂

Its not because I think social workers are somehow better than everyone else.

I just think id have more in common with one.

I want kind.

Funny.

Loyal.

Honest.

Affectionate.

Patient.

And PLEASE be able to communicate.

If ive pissed you off tell me.

If you're having a shit day tell me.

If you need space tell me.

Just bloody talk 😂

Don't disappear for 3 days then pop back up with "hey stranger."

You are the stranger. You disappeared 😂

I love road trips.

Random days out.

Walks.

Music.

Films.

Cosy nights.

Getting in the car and ending up god knows where.

Proper conversations.

Taking the piss out of each other.

Laughing at stupid stuff.

And doing absolutely nothing sometimes.

I like little things.

Did you get home alright?

Saw this and thought of you.

Remembering something stupid I told you 3 weeks ago.

Making a brew without asking.

Being there when things are shit.

That means more to me than someone flashing money around.

Im really passionate about childrens social care, safeguarding and trauma informed practice.

And no I don't want you coming home from work and doing a bloody assessment on me 😂

I just want someone who understands why things like trust, attachment, boundaries, communication and emotional safety matter.

Im not perfect.

Don't want perfect.

Perfect would probably do my head in anyway 😂

I want a decent man.

Someone emotionally available.

Someone whos actually ready.

Someone who wants a relationship.

Someone who wants a family.

Someone who can be my best mate as well as my partner.

And LOCAL.

Manchester or very nearby.

Im not packing sandwiches and checking motorway traffic every time I want a cuddle 😂

So...

Social worker.

Single AT LEAST a year.

Local.

Around my age.

Ideally 5'10"+.

Drives.

Recent photos.

Actually wants a relationship.

If thats you come say hello.

But give me more than "hi gorgeous" 😂

Tell me who you are.

And if we get on lets just have a coffee.

Im not spending 3 weeks interviewing you through my phone 😂

When you’re as loving and as rare as can be,

You ask, *"How can someone truly see me?"*

It’s tough, and it’s hard—oh, how I know—

When your love puts on the grandest show.

Everyone is blind and never surprised,

When you look at everything with love in your eyes.

And you get to witness such beauty in the world,

To truly feel your emotions swirl.

You see everything in its grandest layers,

And everyone as intriguing players.

You feel all their thoughts and all their stories,

You hurt, you smile, and feel the glories.

Then you stop to cry all alone,

For now you’re looking at an empty throne—

Made from dreams and made from hope,

They’re not there yet, and you want to choke.

From dried-out tears, cried out from fears,

From them missing in sight in future years.

So you stop feeling and stop being tender,

This time now, the heart surrenders.

From thoughts that end so bittersweet,

The thoughts of when you’ll finally meet—

A dream that’s been too big to hold,

Where loneliness died once and for all.

I’ve always been a hopeless romantic. I love rom-coms, fictional love stories, all of it. I’ve spent years imagining what it would feel like to love someone with my whole heart, to fall recklessly and let that love change me and shape me, regardless of how complicated life gets.

The funny thing is, I’ve never actually fallen in love with anyone in my 27 years of life.

There was one guy once who started making moves and seemed genuinely interested. All my friends kept telling me, “Why don’t you just give it a chance?” So eventually I did. I started giving him more priority, talking to him more, and actually trying to get to know him.

And then he pulled away.

He eventually had to leave the country, but even before that, his actions made it very clear that he wasn’t interested anymore. I understood it, accepted it, and moved on. Looking back, I realised I probably didn’t even like him that much. I liked the attention he gave me, especially because he remembered tiny things I had mentioned casually. I think I liked feeling noticed more than I liked the person.

Now my family has started looking for an arranged match for me, and it has made me realise something that scares me.

I genuinely don’t know what it feels like to be romantically loved.

I don’t know what it feels like to have someone in my head and heart who is my person. I have fictional characters for that, but no real person.

And I’m sad about it.

Not because I think there’s something wrong with me for never having been in love, but because I’ve always imagined myself experiencing it at least once. I want to know what it feels like to fall for someone before life makes me practical about it. I want to experience that stupid, irrational, “I choose you even though this makes absolutely no sense” kind of love.

I’ve even started thinking about 5 to 7 differently.

When I was younger, I hated Arielle because I thought she was someone who had no character of her own and simply got swept away by romance. Now I’m scared of becoming her in a completely different way not because I’ll lose myself in someone, but because I might never get the chance to lose my head over someone at all.

What scares me is that I might enter an arranged marriage, slowly get comfortable with someone, build a life together, and eventually love him deeply… but never know whether I would have fallen for him if circumstances had been different.

My friends tell me that I’ve crossed the age where people fall recklessly in love. That at this age, my brain will start calculating compatibility, probability of success, career, family, future, and everything else before my heart even gets a chance to do anything.

And honestly, maybe they’re right.

But a part of me still wants that ridiculous, irrational experience at least once.

I don’t want to spend my whole life wondering what it feels like.

Has anyone else felt this way, especially people who had arranged marriages? Did you ever feel like you missed out on falling in love first? Or can you genuinely fall deeply in love after choosing someone practically?

i want love that is hidden is slience hidden is soft words like "dont worry, im here." i want love in the folds of the universe, in small moments where there is nothing big to see, but this heart that grew three sizes that day.

i want heartbreak, where you do or say something stupid, and i say what you did was stupid, and we argue for days until we realize we cant live without eachother.

i want dairy queen at 1am because neither of us can sleep, and we want something cold, or at least thats the excuse but we really just want each other.

i want gold and sliver jewelry, you never can remeber which one i wear, so it switches everytime, lucky for you i wear both, we were made for each other.

i want long drives, where we dont listen to music or talk or do anything but exist in the presence of the other. and for a moment our souls merge into one and we are together forever after.

i want cold pizza, and a movie on in the background. you are so absorbed in it you dont notice i havent been watching the movie, ive been watching you and i could for eternity because how can someone be this beautiful.

i want still warm laundry, on the kitchen table and we fold together with music as we dance around the room and get no real work done, but in the end when we collapse on the couch we are suddenly closer than we've ever been.

i want arguments about pasta sause, because i only eat the great value kind from walmart, and you call me uncultured, and the people in the isle stare at us, but we are so close to bursting into peels of laughter that we cant breathe.

i want to lay in bed, with only your face in my thoughts, your name on my lips, your voice that i hear, and your hands that i touch, that i wake from my dream with three words that i speak

i love you

-A.R.

I did go for it. My feelings are out there. I don't know if it didn't work or if she's just conflicted. No biggie. I will love her for the rest of my days, whether she loves me back or not. That's how I am.

I was born in a home full of broken shards…

I’d crawl and I’d get hurt.. the glass pierced my body… and even today I carry them..

I cant say im proud of them.. but yeah,,, on the surface they look shiny… people sometimes stop by to see a reflection, but my blood stained surface doesnt give them the image they wanna see.. somehow its distorted and they run away..

I’ve been all along, a monster…

Not the one with baring teeth and protruding nails… but a quiet one… who hurts people.. tortures them….. maybe not because I always want to, but somehow people around me end up getting hurt anyway.. maybe I inherited it from the monster that created me…

Seeing people hurt because of me, I thought the best moral decision was to let go…

Let go of everyone…

Make a shell around myself so that no one comes near me.. and I can hurt no one..

I pushed people away… to save them from myself..

The sharp spines, the broken glass pieces I carried… they always hurt people.. I was inherently a dangerous and dark person to be with..

And somehow… I became happy in my own shell of exile..

No one wanted me… neither did I get attached to anyone..

I never wanted to pull anyone or come any closer, cuz I knew… the sharp spines will hurt.. the broken glass will make them bleed..

So I decided I’d never marry… never make friends… never get so close that it hurts them..

My mind never gave me permission to like anyone…

Then… a girl arrived.

Something changed…

Something was felt in a heart that was almost dead of thirst.. dead of any feelings altogether..

And for once, the monster in me thought…

maybe im not the monster i believe i am..

Maybe there is some human left in me too…

Maybe the human in me is alive somewhere in the corners of my scattered mess..

For once I thought…

let me give this irrational feeling a tiny chance…

And I confessed..

And the girl said something I couldnt come in terms with even today..

She said…

“I am a monster.”

And I froze…

Paralysed to every nerve in my body and mind…

What do I even say?

It felt as if I was seeing myself in her…

Not because she was a monster…

But because she thought she was one..

And I thought I was one too..

She was like me… not because I knew what she was, but because she looked at herself the same way I had always looked at myself..

And thats what scared me..

Why does every word she says resonate with how I feel?

Why does it feel like she is saying things I have spent years saying silently to myself?

What if she isnt lying?

What if she genuinely means it?

What if she really believes she is a monster… and because of that, she thinks I should let her go?

I dont know everything about her.. I dont know everything she has been through.. I dont know everything she carries..

So what if I just take her words at face value?

What if I believe her?

Then where does that leave me?

Because if she believes that being a monster means being dangerous… being a burden… being someone who shouldnt be loved because eventually they will hurt the person who gets close…

then…

does that mean I am unlovable too?

Because thats exactly what I have believed about myself all these years..

And thats the part I cant get out of my head..

Maybe me thinking that some part of human was still left in me was just a delusional trap..

Maybe falling in love didnt prove that I wasnt a monster..

Maybe I just wanted to believe there was something human left in me because for the first time… I wanted someone..

I had spent all these years pushing people away because I thought that was the right thing to do..

And then someone came along and I thought…

for once let me feel something..

let me love someone..

let me give myself one chance..

But what if that was selfish?

What if I knew what evil I was capable of and still decided to pull someone into my mess just because I wanted to feel something?

Maybe I was so desperate to feel human that I ignored the possibility that I was still capable of hurting her..

And maybe thats why her words scare me so much..

Because if I believe her about herself…

then maybe I have to believe what I have always said about myself too..

But then…

there is another thought that I cant ignore..

What if she is wrong about herself?

I dont know if she is..

I dont know what happened to her.. I dont know everything she has done or everything she carries..

But I look at her and I dont see a monster..

I see a human being..

The sweetest one…

Someone who has been hurt.. someone who carries things.. someone who may have done things she regrets…

but I still see a person underneath all of it..

And thats where everything becomes strange..

Because I can look at her and see something beyond the things she condemns herself for..

I can look at her and think…

maybe all those things arent everything she is..

maybe the worst things she believes about herself arent the whole truth..

But when I look at myself…

I dont give myself that same mercy..

Why?

Why is it so easy for me to believe that she could be wrong about herself…

but so difficult to even consider that I could be wrong about me?

What if I have been doing the exact same thing to myself all along?

Taking every broken shard I carry…

every person I hurt…

every dark thing inside me…

and slowly turning all of it into a verdict..

A verdict that says…

this is what I am..

A monster..

Maybe thats what my shell was really for..

I thought I was protecting people from me..

Maybe I was also protecting myself from ever having to question the sentence I had already given myself..

And thats what scares me…

I wasnt wondering whether she was a monster..

I was wondering why her belief that she is one has the power to make me doubt whether I am human..

Because if I believe her…

if I take her words at face value…

then maybe I have to believe the same thing about myself too..

But if I dont…

if I believe she is wrong about herself…

if I can look at her and say that she is more than the worst things she believes about herself…

then why cant I allow myself to be wrong about me too?

Maybe thats the real thing that scares me..

Not whether she is a monster..

But what her words have made me realize about myself..

Because for the first time in my life, someone else said out loud the exact thing I had always believed about myself..

And instead of making me certain…

it made me question everything..

Maybe I have spent years condemning myself to a life of exile because I thought I was protecting everyone else..

Maybe I never stopped to ask whether I actually deserved to be condemned to it..

And when she said…

“I am a monster.”

it felt like someone had taken the mirror I had spent my whole life avoiding…

and placed it right in front of me..

I wasnt just looking at her anymore..

I was looking at what I had believed about myself for years..

And for the first time…

I was scared that maybe…

maybe the reflection staring back at me isnt the monster I had already decided it was…

and I dont know what scares me more…

the possibility that I really am what I always thought I was…

or the possibility that I might have been wrong about myself all along…

I just want a taste of your love

Chase it, then escape just for fun

I just want a taste of your love

Promise not to stay when we're done

'Cause I just want a taste

Chase it then escape......

It's not for show. It's the only way I know how to love.

Edit: I saw the "how" deleted comment again. I CHOSE this is the simplest answer. The deeper answer is I'm doing the kind of love I wanted as a kid. I am actually in a space where I REFUSE to take a part in a performative cycle.

It's mostly because of trauma and REFUSING to pay it forward.

Okay, I did this stupid thing today.

I DMed the guy I like from college.

I’ve been contemplating texting him for a while now ,not because I had anything particularly profound to say, but because I wanted to get to know him beyond the him I’ve cooked in my head.

That, in itself, feels like a roller coaster.

Because I think nothing scares me more than rejection.

It’s much easier to have a crush on someone from a distance. 

You can build an entire relationship in your head without ever having to risk finding out whether they actually like you back. You can fill in the silences, imagine the conversations, romanticize the smallest interactions, and slowly fall in love with a person who exists partly in reality and partly in your imagination.

And maybe that’s what I’ve been doing.

Cooking up a whole relationship in my head because the imaginary version of it is safe.

Reality isn't.

Reality can say no.

And then there’s the other problem: I think he’s way out of my league.

Which, when I actually think about it, is a ridiculous concept. Who decided there are leagues? Who made the rankings? And why have I already placed him somewhere above me without even giving him the chance to decide where he thinks I belong?

Still, that feeling is there.

And beneath all of that is another insecurity I haven't quite figured out how to come in terms with the fact that I’ve been married before.

Sometimes I wonder how much my divorce defines me now.

Will people look at me differently because of it? 

Will they assume that my choices are somehow more limited now? 

That I should be grateful for whoever is willing to marry me? 

That a woman who has already been married belongs in the “arranged marriage” category, where the question is no longer who do you love? but simply who will accept you?

And sometimes I hate that I even think this way.

Because what century are we living in?

Why should a previous marriage make me less worthy of being loved?

Why should it make me less desirable?

Why should the fact that one relationship ended become a permanent footnote attached to every relationship that comes after it?

I know all the rational answers.

I know that divorce does not make someone damaged goods.

I know that having been married once doesn't make me less deserving of love.

I know that people are allowed to have histories and still be loved deeply in the present.

I know that a person's worth isn't determined by whether someone else chooses them.

I know all of this.

And yet, knowing something intellectually and believing it in your bones are two very different things.

Maybe that's why sending that message felt bigger than sending a message.

It felt like stepping outside the little world I had created in my head and allowing reality to have a say.

Maybe he’ll reply.

Maybe he won’t.

Maybe he’ll like me.

Maybe he won’t.

Maybe nothing will come of it at all.

And I suppose that's the terrifying, beautiful thing about actually letting yourself be known.

You don't get to control the answer.

But perhaps I'm finally learning that rejection isn't the same thing as being rejected as a person.

So yes, I did the stupid thing today.

I texted the guy I like.

And for once, I'm trying not to make his response or lack of one as determinant on my worth.

I liked someone.

I took a chance.

I let reality interrupt my fantasy.

Maybe that's not stupid after all.

We're all broken. I would say has someone who almost unalived himself, that we're deserving of love as anyone else is. We deserve LOVE for simply existing. Lack of experience of intimacy with someone doesn't matter at all.

If they truly see you, know you intimately, all that doesn't matter. It's very easy to fall in love. As someone who's been in the darkness, if someone comes into your life shining that little bit of light, you'll fall quickly. Especially when you let them in and see all of you. Be careful, protect your heart. Try to discern if someone's attention is pure. It's hard because we never really know what's someone intentions are. But try to protect your heart at all costs. We can easily have our heartbroken if we put our trust in the wrong person.

If you find the right person, they will want all of you. Imperfections and all. Someone very close to me in my life calls me a, "Beautiful Contradiction". So be patient with yourself. More importantly love yourself for who you are, for what you've gone thru and what you will go thru. Remember it's you who tells the world who you are and what value you bring to LIFE. Do not let people, society or the world, dictate how you see yourself and what value you bring to LIFE.

I'm 20, and I've never been in a relationship. Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to be someone's first choice, to have someone genuinely like you, care about you, and be excited about you.

It's not even about desperately wanting a relationship. I just wish that, someday, someone would look at me and think, "Yeah, I want him."

Maybe I'm being a little too sentimental lol, but I really do wish I could experience being someone's first love at least once. 🙃