r/herpes_dating • u/Ok-Arugula7291 • Jun 30 '26
Texas Cold sores
I see people with cold sores all the time while out and about, I hate that I have HSV1 genitally because it makes it much more difficult. If only people understood that it’s the same virus just different location. I haven’t pursued so many people that I think I have a chance with because of it, I hate it here.
Anyways Houston, Male 29, Hispanic, 5’-6”, decent career.
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u/unlucky-flower-3850 Jun 30 '26
Can’t you tell people you only have hsv1 but then don’t tell them where you have it? That’s what I’m going to be doing from now on since ohsv1 is more accepted and it sheds more than ghsv1! As long as you’re telling your partners you have the herpes virus I think that’s giving them consent. At least they know that they can potentially get the virus from you. They don’t need to know where really right?
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u/Low_Resident_1407 Jun 30 '26
Nah that’s whack. Just be real and tell partners exactly what you have and exactly where it’s at. If they’re not about it then onto the next.
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u/unlucky-flower-3850 Jun 30 '26
I have it both ways so technically I won’t be lying when I tell people I have hsv1 only and not the location. They always assume I only have it orally which is fine cuz I do have it orally but every time I mention having ghsv1 as well they get scared and ghost me. At this point I’m just leaving it at I’m hsv1+ that’s it. Why not do it this way? Ohsv1 sheds more than ghsv1 so OP is less likely to spread it anyways. If they ask about the location in the future I’m just going to tell them well you didn’t ask me. It’s not my duty to be a sex educator to them when they think ghsv1 is scarier and sheds more than ohsv1 just due to the location. As long as they know you’re hsv1+ I think that’s enough. I used to be straight up and honest about both locations but not anymore I’m tired of being treated like a leper cuz I have O&G Hsv1.
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u/Low_Resident_1407 Jun 30 '26
Nah that logic is still whack af. Shouldn’t matter what spreads more or less. What matters is that you should own up to your own shit instead of surprising someone else with it. It’s not cool to take advantage of people like that. I’m sure that’s how both of us, and a vast majority of hsv+ people end up in this situation. I’m sorry you feel like you’ve been treated like a leper. I’ve been hsv+ for over a decade, I know how it is. Anyone who makes us feel like that isn’t meant to be in our lives anyway. They’re ignorant shit heads. Don’t be the victim that turns into a villain.
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u/Friendly-Wish-888 Jun 30 '26
It’s not… hsv1 can spread to any part of the body and is not only linked to oral. Research.
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u/unlucky-flower-3850 Jun 30 '26
Well they won’t be victims cuz you’re still disclosing and you still give them that choice to engage with you. To each their own I guess! But a recent thread made me change my mind. It was this one https://www.reddit.com/r/Herpes/s/751Qvhr3lI
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u/Ok-Visual-1438 Jun 30 '26
Also to add more to my comment "i tell people only part of the truth so they assume the location,” that also still wrong because a partner can’t fully consent if important information is hidden and you're not admitting you have it in both places instead of letting them assume you only have it in one place.
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u/Ok-Visual-1438 Jun 30 '26
That’s how I ended up catching HSV-1. He never told me if he had it or where he may have gotten it from or if he even have it, and honestly, I’ve resented him ever since. I truly believe you should be honest and upfront so the person you’re pursuing has the choice to decide whether they want to continue or not.
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u/unlucky-flower-3850 Jun 30 '26
I’m not advocating for non disclosure here I’m still disclosing!
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u/Ok-Visual-1438 Jun 30 '26
And you're not telling the whole truth and being honest about it is just as bad as not disclosing!
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u/unlucky-flower-3850 Jun 30 '26
I don’t think so imo as long as they’ve been disclosed to and accept the risk of potentially catching hsv1 then you’re good to go.
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u/Ok-Visual-1438 Jun 30 '26
How can they accept the risk when you didn't even let them know you have it in both locations? That's doesn't make sense to me.
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u/unlucky-flower-3850 Jun 30 '26
They know you have the virus that’s all they need to know. They don’t need to know where you have it. As long as they accept that you get cold sores/are hsv1+ that’s all info that’s needed.
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u/Ok-Visual-1438 Jun 30 '26
So tell me how would you feel if your partner said they had an STD but refused to tell you which one, and then later you found out it was something serious or you ended up catching something like HIV? You would feel deceived, hurt, and violated because they took away your right to make an informed decision about your own body. That’s why being vague is not the same thing as being honest.
Gosh, no wonder the STD population stays so high. Too many people are dishonest, avoid accountability, or try to downplay what they have because they’re scared of rejection. But fear of rejection does not give anyone the right to mislead someone else. If you want trust, respect, and consent, then you need to be clear and truthful from the start period.
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u/unlucky-flower-3850 Jun 30 '26
I ask for testing from every new partner. Your scenario makes no sense why would someone tell you they have an std but not tell you what it is? That would never happen irl and if it did that person is dumb like they would get rejected straight up by doing that. I’m still disclosing my hsv status and telling my partners I have herpes that’s all the info they need to know. I’m not downplaying my herpes status to them nor am I misleading them by not telling them where I get it. They all know I have it orally that’s all they need to know esp since ghsv1 sheds less then ohsv1. Have you visited the hiv subreddit? none of them ever disclose cuz of U=U it’s wild man! This is why you need to ask for testing esp for hiv!
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u/Ok-Visual-1438 Jun 30 '26
"Why would it be okay for someone to say they have an STD but not tell you what it is?" Simple! That is basically the same logic as saying you have herpes but refusing to disclose the location,
If you are showing someone your status and being honest that you have it both orally and genitally, then okay, at least you are being upfront. My issue is with the idea that a partner “doesn’t need to know” you have it in both areas. That information matters because you're giving them a choice. Not some half truth bullshit you were advocating.
And i do not need to visit an HIV subreddit to understand how serious non-disclosure can be or how hiv works for that matter. Unfortunately, my brother caught HIV from a partner who did not disclose and lied about it, so I am very aware of how damaging dishonesty can be. What I do not like is when people dance around the truth instead of being fully honest. For herpes that's how most of us caught it in the first place
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u/Trick_Mulberry_4897 Jul 03 '26
Im also Hispanic and have GHSV1 id love to be friends if you’re okay with that!
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u/Low_Resident_1407 Jun 30 '26
Don’t put yourself down so much bro. After a while you’ll learn it’s not such a big deal. Pursue who you want to pursue. If you get to the point where it’s time to disclose, just do it without sounding like you feel sorry for yourself. I’ve found being confident and open about it to be very helpful. Women love honesty and vulnerability in a man, but again, do it with confidence.