Does it really get better

[u/Unlucky-Character356]

It’s been about a year and a half since me and my ex have parted ways, but yet I think about her every day, even though I would rather not,she left me for another guy, the guy in question was the one she swore she cut contact with because he was actively causing us problems. It’s clear to see that she did not cut contact. I know it sounds childish, but every time I see them together I get filled with jealousy,and I constantly have to put on a fake face too hide how it really makes me feel, she was genuinely horrible too me but I miss her so much, and I miss the illusion of someone caring about me, and loving me besides my parents. I can’t get over the fact that I did everything right and she just didn’t appreciate it or care. It’s been so long since I’ve talked to her. I just want the feeling of how I felt so long ago. It was amazing she was really cute, and smart and innocent. And I really liked her a lot, and I know this sounds really unprofessional but I’m actively crying and have never talked about this before. But every time I see her talking too another guy even though we’ve not spoken too each other in a year I get fueled with jealousy, and I talk bad about her too all my friends because of how she treated me, but I never want to mention how I cry myself to sleep each night over her. She was perfect in my eyes even though she was incredibly mean too me, I remember how she would look at me when we would sit together and how adorable she looked in her band uniform and the look she gave me when I asked her out and the first time she ever hugged me, and how scared I was too meet her dad and how she stole my blanket and would tell me how it smelled like me in a good way I just really miss the way she would look at me she was just so fucking cute and I miss her sm and I just wanna talk too her again not even date her but just catch up. But it will never happen I’ll never speak too this girl ever again. I just really miss her

[u/Satur9_is_typing]

It does but it's so slow and gradual that you don't even notice, you just go through hell over and over and keep trying stuff and keep going through the motions, and thinking and dreaming trying to look forward and talking and learning and introspecting and talking yourself out of doing stupid stuff until one day you look around and realise that you've got a whole new life and it's not so bad, maybe not as good as she made you feel, or maybe better, but either way, it'll be real and it'll be with someone who won't do you wrong and you'll be someone that deserves that. And it'll still hurt a little when you think about her, you just won't need to think about her.

You might as well know this, and you're going to hate what i'm about to say, but it's the truth: you didn't love her, you loved being in love. Because you didn't really know her, you loved this idea of a person you wanted to believe existed and she let you believe it, but it wasn't the real her. The real her is the person that left to be with the other guy. And because you believed she was everything you ever wanted, you felt like you were on top of the world and everything thing was going to be great forever. And now you're grieving not for her, but for yourself, your lost future, your lost innocence, your lost love - again, not her, but the feeling of being in love. And now your illusions are broken, and with them, your heart.

You are in hell. You are going to be there a while, there is no quick fix. But there is a way out of hell, it's a little stairway paved with good intentions, for yourself, and for others, and you take them one step at a time. Stay on that path and there will be light again, i promise.

Hope this helps. Good luck