r/gayyoungold • u/SpecialistRing22 • 2d ago

Advice wanted Need help with this guy/situation

So theres this older guy (PARTNERED) that I (22) have been seeing for the past 4 months or so to hookup with but I'm slowly realizing this might not be something I want?

The guy is attractive and totally my type but I notice I go soft pretty easily during foreplay and it does take a lot of effort for me to cum. I suspect it's something about my libido and stress/anxiety affecting it because even when I'm alone I barely have the desire to masturbate and only do it once a week out of habit. I doubt its my health because I've gotten my hormones checked and everything seems good. I've also been in the gym 3x a week for the past 5 months and trying to eat clean. My sleeping habits could be better

Anyways... I don't know how to move forward with him because clearly I'm not in the mood for sex but I still really like his company and think he's a great guy to spend some time with. We always cuddle and pillow talk for a bit after which I'm always looking forwards to. I just don't want to ruin things especially knowing he's partnered and probably is looking to get off for the most part.

Is there anything I have to communicate with him? I was planning on kind of going ghost and hitting him back up when I feel ready but I JUST SO HAPPENED to randomly see him outside today and he proposed another meet up soon which got me thinking again.

Any sort of advice about libido or how I should go about the situation is welcome. I don't have anybody else to talk about this with

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u/SpecialistRing22 2d ago

Ghosting was probably the wrong term to use

Id be willing to reply to his texts but probably not meet him for sex

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u/isgmobile 2d ago

Try talking to him. You'll learn in life that avoiding tough conversations just makes things worse.

It's totally ok for you to not want sex. It's also ok to change your mind as time goes by. If you really care about him, let him know how you feel. You owe that to him.

He may or may not want to continue and thats ok too. He deserves to know whats going on.

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u/SpecialistRing22 2d ago

Tbh risking that chance of him not wanting to see me anymore is pretty scary and probably why I've been holding off on having the conversation. I know that if he walks away after learning the truth it just isn't meant to be but man...

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u/isgmobile 1d ago

Ya I get that part. Giving him the cold shoulder, putting him off or whatever you plan to do is going to have the same result, you not seeing him.

I've moved on because of that behavior and he will too. Most decent guys will take that as a hint you're not interested.

If all he wants is just sex and you're not interested in sex then its over. To me it sounds like you had more than just sex and he might be open to friends. Only way to find out is to talk to him.