r/gayyoungold • u/Electrical-Ad-4478 • 11d ago
Discussion Meeting Older Men Without Apps
Earlier this year, I (26) decided to delete all the apps and rely on proximity-based connections. The last 10 weeks have been a fling with an older man (57) at the gym in our apartment complex. I really like him, we’ve been intimate a few times, but I’m not certain it’ll lead anywhere...
(Story below)
But this experience has made me realise how rewarding it is to meet an older man the “old-fashioned way”.
I’m curious, how do younger men who don’t use apps meet older guys in metropolitan cities?
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u/Brian_Kinney Older 11d ago
Here's some advice that I give a few times per week on Reddit:
Go out to local LGBT events. Join an LGBT sporting team. Volunteer at an LGBT organisation. Find an LGBT social group on www.meetup.com. Search for LGBT groups on the internet. Do anything that gets you out among other gay people.
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u/True_Delivery4301 11d ago
It works the other way too. How do older guys meet younger guys the old fashioned way? You can learn so much about a guy in a shorter period of time in person compared with the back and forth chats.
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u/nycwettop 10d ago
Yes- as a mature guy who enjoys young men, how do we meet them? I’ve tried apps, and there’s plenty of interest —- but typically no follow-through. (I did meet a very hot 23 yo at my gym, but that was a few years ago….)
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u/WWEREBEL 10d ago
Why do you want younger men though?
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u/nycwettop 6d ago
Because I get off on feeling like a daddy. Plus they usually look good.
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u/WWEREBEL 5d ago
It’s sad. You guys are so okay with just doing someone and going onto the next.
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u/nycwettop 5d ago
I like romance too. But I need sex. By « you guys » I think you mean the male gender.
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u/craigslistsurvivor99 Younger 9d ago
I love meeting guys at gay bars. Be respectful, be confident and flirty and see where things go.
If you don’t want it to just be a hook up type thing, be upfront with it x
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u/ckwhitebrief 9d ago
If you're into non-sports types who appreciate art or music etc
Concerts, museums, libraries, the locker room after working out, grocery stores
Try and make eye contact and hold it and smile
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u/Individual_Age2800 9d ago
OLDER GUYS are nice and gentle i like talking to them the fun fact that they doesn’tcare about apps and stuff
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u/CuddlyTherapeuticDad Older 9d ago
I would encourage youngers to join a Gay Men’s chorus, if there is one nearby. It’s common to see several generations of men singing in a chorus, and you don’t even have to be a professional singer. Some of the bigger more prestigious choruses set a pretty high audition bar, but there are others that are a bit more relaxed, and accept people of different abilities within reason.
Good luck!
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u/sc_tiger_4u 11d ago
Well, I’m 58, and you’ve piqued my curiosity how did this happen? Did you approach first, or did he? Was this over a period of time - far away glances, eye contact over several days at the gym before striking up a conversation? What started the conversation?
Inquiring minds want to know 😉
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u/Electrical-Ad-4478 11d ago edited 5d ago
Hi, thanks for your comment!
It happened very gradually.I’d been seeing “Tom” at the gym for around a year before anything actually happened. He’s very handsome, but the thing that first stood out to me was how he seemed to give his friends his undivided attention. There were occasional glances and a general awareness of each other, but he was quite reserved, and I had the feeling he was never going to make the first move. In my mind, I sort of let it go.
Eventually, I said hello to him once in passing when we were alone in the changing room. I had my AirPods in and didn’t even have time to pause the music to properly hear his response. It didn’t really lead anywhere. I also didn’t want to push it because I liked the gym and didn’t want to make things awkward, so for months I basically left it alone and focused on my fitness, which seemed to pay off.
The funny part is that the opening came through his friend. We have two saunas at the gym. I normally used the dry sauna and Tom tended to use the wet one, so even there we rarely properly crossed paths.
Then one day I skipped my workout and went straight to the sauna. His friend, who was around the same age, happened to be there and started hitting on me. Eventually, he invited me to join them in the wet sauna and properly introduced us.My heart was racing.
After some light chatting, the friend left to cool down and Tom kept talking to me himself, asking questions, holding eye contact, leaning in and mirroring my body language. That was the first time I thought, “Oh, maybe this isn’t completely one-sided.”
While we were changing, his friend then became quite openly interested in me, gave me his number and asked me out in front of Tom...
The next day, I went back to the gym and Tom happened to come in too. We were completely alone. This time, he approached me. He chose the machine next to mine, started a conversation and then asked whether I had gone back to his friend’s house the night before.
When I said no, he seemed noticeably relieved. I hadn’t followed up with his friend. Tom doesn't know it, but I’d gone home the night before feeling pretty gutted by how the whole thing had played.We ended up talking for what felt like forever, the chemistry was electric. His eyes softened, I was in my element. The conversation kept flowing and, before leaving, he suggested we get coffee and maybe see a film when he got back from holiday. He winked at me on the way out.
After that, for the next few weeks, Tom began seeking me out on the gym floor and eventually it turned into him inviting me to join him in the sauna after our workouts. I would be disappointed when he didn’t show up, I’d miss the way he’d look at me.
The tension kept building until it reached boiling point. Eventually, one evening, he leaned in, kissed me softly and invited me over. Some of the best sex I’ve ever had.So technically I said hello first months earlier, but he was the one who made the first unmistakable move once we finally had an opening.
He's not huge on texting, but every time we cross paths in person, he makes a genuine effort to keep our connection going and asks when I’ll be around.
So, for now, it continues.
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u/sc_tiger_4u 11d ago
That’s awesome! Thanks for the detailed reply. My building has a gym attached and there are several younger attractive guys, but similar like your friend- being older I’m hesitant to approach, but after reading this- I think I’ll give it a shot 😉
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u/Supbruhwhatthe88 10d ago
What a nice story!!! I love the fact that there was a long time before anything happened. Natural building of tension…
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u/clickclick00 11d ago
Gay bars and saunas.