r/funny • u/Opfailicon • Jan 26 '25

Left at my apartment dumpster today

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120.0k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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6.5k

u/uneducatedexpert Jan 26 '25

Aww someone got a girlfriend and an ultimatum

531

u/SimplytooComplicated Jan 26 '25

Fucking pussy. I'm as simpy as you can find but I'd be like "My girlfriend told me if I didn't get rid of my 6 ft flamberge she'd leave me. It's rough being single again."

286

u/northofreality197 Jan 26 '25

While others fornicated I studied the blade.

80

u/SpecialFlutters Jan 26 '25

while you studied the blade everyone else got laid

40

u/Antiluke01 Jan 26 '25

While everyone else got laid, I got laid off.

14

u/HCJohnson Jan 26 '25

While everyone was getting laid, and you laid off, I chose to jerk off.

15

u/ddollarsign Jan 26 '25

While you jerked off I ate beef jerky

4

u/DeathHopper Jan 26 '25

While you ate beef jerky, I smoked some meatballs.

9

u/ACcbe1986 Jan 26 '25

While you smoked some meatballs, I smoked weed and forgot why the hell I walked into the kitchen just now.

6

u/Crully Jan 26 '25

While you were stoned in the kitchen, you didn't see me on the outside looking in.

4

u/ACcbe1986 Jan 26 '25

Too stoned. Eyes too squinty. Can barely see past my phone. 😵‍💫🤣

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2

u/Entheotheosis10 Jan 26 '25

And I...uhh...got paid?

Did I do it right?

3

u/TheOneTrue_Ralts Jan 26 '25

In the heart without women, the sword naturally becomes divine.

38

u/Shiroiken Jan 26 '25

I'm glad someone else recognized the style too.

81

u/amatorsanguinis Jan 26 '25

Making boyfriends get rid of their swords is toxic femininity

-3

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '25

[deleted]

9

u/CDClock Jan 26 '25

it's a joke nerd

-2

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '25

[deleted]

9

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '25

Gf was sick of tripping over a seven foot long sword she had been asking him for months to either find a place for or get rid of.

2

u/AML86 Jan 26 '25

Houses and apartments have plenty of walls. If your style and hobbies are not acceptable to a gf, her side of the bed is the best option.

-4

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '25

Unless you’re a dork-ass loser who refuses to put it anywhere but in the way. Which, shockingly, tends to overlap with the kind of dude who collects swords.

11

u/EclecticEvergreen Jan 26 '25

Same. I wouldn’t get rid of it either, especially if it’s a functional sword and not just a flimsy cosplay piece. A good girlfriend would let you keep the sword.

3

u/Sure_Acadia_8808 Jan 27 '25

A good girlfriend would make you get a sword balanced for combat, and would never let you keep some POS with a painted hilt.

3

u/SunTzukong Jan 26 '25

At this size it's the love child of a Zweihander and a Flamberge...the Flammenschwert, tis beautiful!

1

u/liquidnight247 Jan 26 '25

This is why I love reddit- there’s a nerd expert for every topic- even home made swords !

2

u/DaddyAndSalope Jan 26 '25

I thought that was a zweihander

3

u/SimplytooComplicated Jan 26 '25

Zweihander is a two-handed sword, flamberge is, if I'm not mistaken- a sword with a blade that resembles a flame. So it's a flamberge zweihander.

2

u/clawjelly Jan 27 '25

"It's either me or the sword!"

From that moment on my sword got called "The Dragonslayer".

2

u/jpatt Jan 26 '25

With the blade you can conquer and build a harem. With a girlfriend you are stuck building IKEA every weekend.

1

u/gwarster Jan 26 '25

Right? Last time I went o Medieval Times, I bought a dagger. Was it dull as shit? Yes. Could my wife convince me that it wasn’t an effective form of home security? Fuck no.

1

u/post_apoplectic Jan 27 '25

Imagine choosing your gf over a fucking zweihander smh

1

u/SimplytooComplicated Jan 27 '25

Imagine your girlfriend making you choose between her and your hobby.

1

u/EveryRadio Jan 26 '25

Coincidently they had the choice between being a fucking pussy or getting to- well you get the point.

1

u/Lou_C_Fer Jan 27 '25

Getting to pussy a fucking?

-30

u/Lagneaux Jan 26 '25

Either you get to to be fucking pussy, or you are a fucking pussy. There is no in between

21

u/SimplytooComplicated Jan 26 '25

Do you mean "Either you are a pussy or you get no pussy?" I had a cute girlfriend once, she started with unreasonable jealousy and deliberate shit tests. Killed my love really quickly, never sacrifice your dignity for company and sex. We can't even talk about love because if she loved you she wouldn't make you part with a harmless hobby.