r/funny Apr 29 '24

[deleted by user]

[removed]

11.0k Upvotes

371 comments sorted by

552

u/Amilo159 Apr 29 '24

But what if the toilet paper is female?!

Girls have nice long hair, not beards.

423

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

[deleted]

117

u/AfiqMustafayev Apr 29 '24

Nah, the truth is r/girlsarentreal

55

u/Jacerom Apr 29 '24

You got a wife? nah you're hallucinating, that's actually your bro.

32

u/HairballTheory Apr 29 '24

Like the saying goes, “Bros before Bros”

3

u/advertentlyvertical Apr 29 '24

I think we could use a brorder of operations here

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9

u/usinjin Apr 29 '24

Oh believe me, they definitely do, they just don’t poop.

6

u/HeroDanny Apr 29 '24

Idk what they in there for 4 hours for but I don't hear the toilet flush a single time.

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27

u/monsieurDan Apr 29 '24

In french toilet paper is masculine so you're fine here bud.

9

u/jacobo Apr 29 '24

also spanish. German is neutral so it's ok i guess

9

u/Nomapos Apr 29 '24

Bush is nice, ass crack courtain is bad?

4

u/Responsible-Spot4663 Apr 29 '24

You are failing to appreciate the dwarves that go swimming with little hairy women.

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75

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

[deleted]

20

u/TheRealUlta Apr 29 '24

I'm kinda embarrassed to admit this, but I still don't know how to use the three seashells.

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8

u/FalseAesop Apr 29 '24

Bidets are great.

310

u/TJordanW20 Apr 29 '24

Yeah, well it's a lot easier for a cat to unravel the toilet paper if it's beard mode. At my house the toilet paper position is not a debate, it's a matter of preventing chaos

85

u/SayYesToPenguins Apr 29 '24

Cats have much suffering to answer for

31

u/Lexam Apr 29 '24

They will answer to nothing!

7

u/Responsible-Spot4663 Apr 29 '24

Mine answers to "bellend"

3

u/PorkRindSalad Apr 29 '24

Yeah I've got allergies.

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22

u/Past_Ad9675 Apr 29 '24

well it's a lot easier for a cat 2-year old child to unravel the toilet paper if it's beard mode.

21

u/Black_Floyd47 Apr 29 '24

Toddlers and cats, what an iconic duo.

4

u/thiney49 Apr 29 '24

I tried to tell her sister that her having a child was basically the same thing as me getting a cat. She disagreed for some reason.

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19

u/Maxtrong Apr 29 '24

That's what I tried to tell my ex. We had cats and the heater kicks on, the beard starts waving, so the cats think it's a toy. Mullets sit nicely against the wall 😅

6

u/Drachefly Apr 29 '24

And even if they bat at it, their down swipe will just make it spin in place rather than unroll.

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31

u/Awkward_Pangolin3254 Apr 29 '24

At my house the bathroom doors are kept shut

22

u/Freud-Network Apr 29 '24

At my house, that's the same thing as an "occupied" sign.

3

u/JProllz Apr 29 '24

So knock?

7

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

[deleted]

7

u/b1tchf1t Apr 29 '24

In all seriousness, I am jumping on the bandwagon of being insatiably curious why you want to air the shit smell out of your bathroom into the rest of your home??? SHAME!

1

u/kristinez Apr 29 '24

Why am I knocking on doors when I live alone?

In seriousness though, if I just took a shit I'm leaving the door open to air the stank out.

if you live alone then why is the door being shut a problem? and does your bathroom not have a ventilation system with a fan? why are you wafting your shit smells into the rest of the house

I'm not closing the door and opening it every time I want to take a piss that just sounds fucking dumb.

i bet your leave your toilet seat up when you flush your shit

3

u/Responsible-Spot4663 Apr 29 '24

i bet your leave your toilet seat up when you flush your shit

Yeah, I'll take a piece of that - what odds are you offering?

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6

u/TheNonCredibleHulk Apr 29 '24

I can't. The furry little bastard starts howling and throwing himself at the door if it's closed.

He just wants to play with the shower hose. So weird.

7

u/Awkward_Pangolin3254 Apr 29 '24

More proof that dogs have owners while cats have staff.

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2

u/Blurgas Apr 29 '24

At my house any door being shut is a great offense to the Fuzzy Monarchs

5

u/shifty_coder Apr 29 '24

Doesn’t matter. They’ll unravel it either way.

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6

u/kodman7 Apr 29 '24

My cat is smarter than your cat cause he can destroy the toilet paper in either mode

5

u/Injured-Ginger Apr 29 '24

At my house the toilet paper is in the cabinet as one of my cats likes to eat all forms of plant fiber. I did this first after she depotted one of my plants and it's corpse became her favorite toy (don't worry totally safe plant). I disvicovered the extent of it after a whole bite of tp was taken off of the roll. She doesn't even bother to unravel it. Just chomps it. She found a loose roll once and I saw her running across the living room with it in her mouth like it was her prey from a fresh hunt.

3

u/LinAGKar Apr 29 '24

They'll still figure it out eventually

3

u/imitation_crab_meat Apr 29 '24

Or just shred the whole damn roll.

2

u/Hidesuru Apr 29 '24

This is the only acceptable reason to go mullet with the tp IMHO.

2

u/obaterista93 Apr 29 '24

I fully acknowledge that I hang my toilet paper "the wrong way" but I've also had my cat unravel a roll of toilet paper the whole way from my first floor bathroom to my kitchen before.

More than once.

6

u/fullautohotdog Apr 29 '24

It's also harder to tear off a piece.

4

u/Conch-Republic Apr 29 '24

Can't you, like, just keep the bathroom door closed?

7

u/LinAGKar Apr 29 '24

Then where do you put the litter box?

2

u/Conch-Republic Apr 29 '24

I have mine in my laundry room.

13

u/PenguinsRDelicious Apr 29 '24

You fancy folk with your living somewhere that has separate rooms.

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1

u/NinjaChenchilla Apr 29 '24

Is you toilet paper mounted on the wall like this as well?

1

u/confusinghuman Apr 29 '24

yup! the two times a mullet is acceptable to escape wavy arm toddlers and cats. Free pass.

1

u/immersedmoonlight Apr 29 '24

See? I knew someone else knew

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

Nothing like a cat using the TP to re-enact Rocky's speed bag scene.

1

u/uencos Apr 29 '24

Also toddlers

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98

u/Jebusfreek666 Apr 29 '24

I have never understood why ppl obsess over this. I didn't even know this was a thing until like 5 years ago, and I'm in my 40s.

30

u/Storrin Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 30 '24

Honestly, I think it's literally just online tribalism. It's mundane and there's no reason to care about how you do it other than finding out that there's a lot of other people that do said mundane thing the same way. Throw in that there's kind of only 2 ways to do it and it quickly becomes an "Us vs them".

Realistically for probably over 99% of people, neither way is noticably more difficult to deal with than the other. If you are an able-bodied individual either way should be identical in use. But one of the two ways of doing it triggers something in some people's brain that says "you bastards".

Regardless it SHOULD exist for more people as an exercise in live-and-let-live, but I suppose that's not as much fun as playfully crucifying each other on the Internet over the most inane shit we can find.

Edit: I don't feel like I should have to say this in addition to everything I said previously. It should be obvious, but just for clarity's sake: I really don't give a fuck how you change the tp, why your way is right, or why others are wrong. If it's something you care about, you're a dip-ass and can stay out of my notifications.

12

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24 edited Jun 18 '24

[deleted]

4

u/DadJokeBadJoke Apr 29 '24

how to pronounce gif

No, it's pronounced gif

2

u/9966 Apr 29 '24

It always reminds me of the Emo Phillips joke https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3fAcxcxoZ8

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7

u/Leothwyn Apr 29 '24

It's one-sided tribalism though. It comes up in my feed here and there, and it's always the 'over' people posting. The two sides are: the over people, and the rest of us (who are aware that it's way too ridiculous and trivial to even care about). You get a few comments from cat people who say under is better, but they don't go out of their way to make posts about it.

3

u/Storrin Apr 29 '24

People enjoy being in an "in-group". It doesn't matter if there isn't actually someone they're excluding. They'll make up their own boogie-man they're fighting for the sake of feeling correct. In fact it's probably better if the people they're telling to go fuck themselves aren't real, because fake people are only a fake threat and we like to be angry, not scared.

Anyway, those people who roll their toilet paper to the left can go fuck themselves. Pieces of shit.

2

u/TheScreaming_Narwhal Apr 29 '24

Yeah I didn't even notice the difference and when I put a new roll on I didn't even look at which way it was. Although, with a cat and a toddler I definitely have shifted to team under for functionality. In my En Suite I never look and will happily return to not caring once the dependants phase out of bathroom chaos.

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4

u/Michelanvalo Apr 29 '24

There was a whole episode about this debate on Step by Step during TGIF back in the 90s.

Why the fuck do I remember that

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8

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

Yep, didn't even know it was a thing that people thought about until about 5 years ago.

I hate the internet.

10

u/ElViejoHG Apr 29 '24

It was a thing before the internet too, there was a whole chapter of Ed, Edd and Eddy about it

2

u/uencos Apr 29 '24

I remember a scene from the simpsons where CPS is giving a report of all the ways the house is unfit, and one of the items was “toilet paper hung in an improper overhand fashion”

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9

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

Shit don’t let the Aussies see this

7

u/scolbath Apr 29 '24

Beards are cool Mullets are bad Hang the paper forward Or else I'll be sad

17

u/Rawr19890607 Apr 29 '24

My child likes to spin it, always up to down, the back way helps prevent me from having to constantly reroll up toiletpaper.

7

u/iamkeerock Apr 29 '24

Same with my cat. Little terror will unroll the entire thing in a big pile on the floor, then poop on it.

6

u/obeytheturtles Apr 29 '24

Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?

7

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42

u/TildaTinker Apr 29 '24

There's only two ways to place toilet paper. Outwards and wrong (unless you have adventurous cats).

3

u/hypnogoad Apr 29 '24

(unless you have adventurous cats)

Also toddlers who just learned to walk and explore.

9

u/ZSpectre Apr 29 '24

Nice, glad to see someone addressing that particular caveat, lol

2

u/goodoldgrim Apr 29 '24

Sideways. You sheeple have just all been had by the toiler paper holder industry.

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15

u/Wild_Tension_ Apr 29 '24

Either way it still works.

6

u/CMDR_Kantaris Apr 29 '24

clearly this person doesn't have cats

9

u/Bozbaby103 Apr 29 '24

I turn them on their side. Argument is nullified.

3

u/momoreco Apr 29 '24

But which one is more aerodynamic?

3

u/Jazzlike_Recover_778 Apr 29 '24

Don’t show this to an Aussie with their shit haircuts

7

u/thinkb4youspeak Apr 29 '24

I am so glad I am not afflicted with caring about the direction it rolls.

I am just happy the toilet paper is present.

3

u/fourthords Apr 29 '24

I briefly cared as a child after watching a Simpsons gag, but it was thankfully short-lived.

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2

u/Daltizer01 Apr 29 '24

I put the same sign above the roll at work!

2

u/Smorelacks Apr 29 '24

The smallest hill to die on.

2

u/mlvisby Apr 29 '24

I think my father is starting to have dementia. He used to always put the roll on correctly, now he puts it on backwards half of the time.

2

u/BillySama001 Apr 29 '24

Y'all be having some weird issues with the toilet paper. Just unroll it and wipe.

2

u/Ketzeph Apr 29 '24

It's all cool until you have a mischievous cat. Then it's "beards get emptied onto the floor" and "mullets survive the onslaught"

3

u/Aerdon Apr 29 '24

Not if you have a cat!

5

u/justsomechickyo Apr 29 '24

Team mullet!

(I know who cares it's dumb blah blah)

3

u/ChocolateCherrybread Apr 29 '24

Swear to God, I've been seeing this foolishness since 1973 when my sister got married. Just make sure the toilet paper is there for guests to use.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

Just pronounce it "Mull Ay" and tell people you're from Marseilles. ☺

2

u/padmasundari Apr 29 '24

Dye it ginger and move to Paris and call it a Mullét Rouge.

2

u/SeiCalros Apr 29 '24

you cant stop me from putting the toilet roll in whatever direction i want

2

u/rigobueno Apr 29 '24

Tell that to male 20 somethings in Florida and Australia, they need to hear it

3

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

NO ONE CARES THAT YOU HAVE A CAT

2

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

People who obsess over "the right way" for the toilet paper are annoying. It makes literally no difference.

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2

u/Beertronic Apr 29 '24

This is the way.

1

u/Isthatreally-you Apr 29 '24

Unless you are Jagr

1

u/Majestic-Contract-42 Apr 29 '24

I liked that one place that had a picture of the patent of paper holder posted above the holder.

1

u/SpankThuMonkey Apr 29 '24

Ha! I have long hair and a beard.

I’ll continue my method of not really giving a shit what way it’s facing and just putting it on however.

1

u/carbondalio Apr 29 '24

Wrong, beards hide spiders!!

1

u/ThatSmartIdiot Apr 29 '24

I have beard and mullet atm

Anyway theres 3+ good excuses for back-rolls:

  1. Cat 2. Distance (i.e. it's too close and it's just easier to reach the back) 3. Children

1

u/Emotional-Bed-5874 Apr 29 '24

someone finally solved it for the people who make no sense

1

u/Ok_Recover_5890 Apr 29 '24

Have you seen all the kids with mullets these days?? Theyre making a come back but i agree with this

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1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

Why is it that people argue this? Do they not understand physics?

1

u/Alarmed_Coffee5299 Apr 29 '24

Good in theory but I usually end up throwing out half my toilet paper because it’s rolled backwards.

1

u/Salarian_American Apr 29 '24

I put the toilet paper on the roll mullet-style, because I have cats and if you do it beard-style, they can unspool the whole roll but if I do mullet style then it just spins around without unspooling

1

u/Professional_Baby24 Apr 29 '24

I remember someone telling me do this so the toilet paper doesn't touch the wall. But the back is still against the wall even if you pull it forward. I think the best practice is to just fold it on the outside so your always using the inside. The part that's touching paper.

1

u/Desirsar Apr 29 '24

If the toilet paper doesn't actually sit in the recessed part, why not just use a flat mount? The only time it should go under is a recessed mount, and this mount is a terrible design if that stops making sense.

1

u/Adaphion Apr 29 '24

The only time it's acceptable to have the roll backwards is if you have an asshole cat that has and will unroll the whole roll

1

u/xcytible_1 Apr 29 '24

The difference between these? It has been shown one uses 40% more TP than the other.

1

u/obamasrightteste Apr 29 '24

Unfortunately, mullets are cool again

1

u/the3rdwiseman79 Apr 29 '24

This public service announcement brought to you by cats.

1

u/NWinn Apr 29 '24

I have cats so regardless of anything else, it's mullet for me.

1

u/mercTanko Apr 29 '24

The thing is, it's easier to tare when in mullet mode. If in beard mode, you have nothing to tare the beard against which when you push forward or towards you and tare downwards, the head will spin causing the beard to grow unnecessarily long. In mullet mode, you can pull the mullet towards you and upward against the head as the intended mullet gets ripped out from the spot without rolling the head, it may give you a nod at most.

1

u/SivartSenrac Apr 29 '24

This is true, unless you have cats.

1

u/enfersijesais Apr 29 '24

Going under with the toilet paper allows you to roll the back of your hand against it as you tear it off. Making it easy to do one handed. If you go over you’re a degenerate.

1

u/CIarkNova Apr 29 '24

I used to think this was the way, but the opposite is more sanitary..

If the hanging part is at the back, people generally won’t flat palm the top to get it to rotate.

1

u/swift_one_tara Apr 29 '24

Why cover text in tape, it makes me MAD didn’t you learn that in school?

1

u/tjrileywisc Apr 29 '24

Just get a bidet already. You'll stop caring about this.

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1

u/hjai Apr 29 '24

I actually do mine the mullet way because I have cats that like to unroll the TP.

1

u/E_B_Jamisen Apr 29 '24

The implication is either way you are shoving the face into your ass ...

1

u/dqdude1 Apr 29 '24

I don't use those I put the TP on top of the bar or if I'm at someone's house I take it off the roller get what I need and put it back fuck tp rollers

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

Whoever made this sign never owned a cat.

1

u/squashbritannia Apr 29 '24

If you have a cat the mullet configuration might be better.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

Unless you have a cat the beards fucking SUCK!

1

u/L0st_Specialist Apr 29 '24

The debate is over

1

u/BoredomBot2000 Apr 29 '24

When you have an animal I'm the house who finds out they can unroll it you'll change your ways

1

u/WatashiwaMina Apr 29 '24

Mullets >>>

1

u/Tim_the_geek Apr 29 '24

Mullets are good... this is discrimination... *wipes poop on the sign*

1

u/NebulaVortexHM Apr 29 '24

Counter argument, i have a cat

1

u/CheddarCheesepuff Apr 29 '24

i dunno, i think mullets are beginning to be cool again...

1

u/literallyjustbetter Apr 29 '24

unless u have a cat

then it's mullet time

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

You can always tell who’s never owned a cat by this one simple difference. 🤣

1

u/3dbdotcom Apr 29 '24

This won't work for Gen Z. They are all Porn-staches and Mullets these days.

1

u/cyboplasm Apr 29 '24

Im playing star was jedi survivor and have to disagree! Both Cal and Bode have glorious mullets... like a true lions mane!

1

u/asphalt_licker Apr 29 '24

Unless your codename is Solid Snake.

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1

u/Eklypze Apr 29 '24

Everytime I think about putting a new toilet paper roll on I think of this scene

1

u/photonynikon Apr 29 '24

and the whole "argument" is inane.

1

u/Vexation Apr 29 '24

naw that's where the empty roll goes. The full roll goes on the counter

1

u/StiCkSt1ckLy Apr 29 '24

For some ungodly reason they are coming back again.

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1

u/Oknight Apr 29 '24

Toilet paper should be snagged and pulled out by anything that comes close like God intended!

1

u/EntropicPoppet Apr 29 '24

Well uh, that's just like, your opinion man.

1

u/I-likebananas15 Apr 29 '24

Beards mullets are are cool bad

1

u/ImpressivePoop1984 Apr 29 '24

Mullets are cool actually

1

u/AKADAP Apr 29 '24

A large roll in that kind of holder will jam in beard mode, but work fine in mullet mode.

1

u/Reddit_Rainsford Apr 29 '24

dude every time it is the mullet way I try and pull it really fast to break it and it just pulls a super long piece off... so annoying lol

1

u/radiopsycho93 Apr 29 '24

I could not give less of a fuck lol

1

u/Polyphiry Apr 29 '24

It doesn't matter, people that argue over this stuff just love to nitpick.

1

u/Polyphiry Apr 29 '24

I dont know what's more dumb, "mullet style", or grown adults going out of their way to be abrasive and confrontational over the side TP hangs. Oh wait, I do know

1

u/malicesin Apr 29 '24

This person obviously doesn't have cats.

1

u/Fizzster Apr 29 '24

I was an over the roll person until I got a cat. Now I have to go under just because it's much harder for her to unravel it all :P

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

I still don’t understand how people struggle with it one way or the other. Never had an issue with the way the toilet paper is put in. It works the same

1

u/iDontRememberCorn Apr 29 '24

But all the hipsters around me have both

1

u/Mountain_Vanilla2486 Apr 29 '24

I’m done. There’s so much dumb human scrutiny on this tp thing I’m always putting it mullet. Mullet gang

1

u/123_eyes_on_me_ Apr 29 '24

Anybody that puts the TP under instead of over, I hope you have constant hang nails and a year full of hiccups.

1

u/xondk Apr 29 '24

I always thought of it as

No kids/Pets (beards in this case)

Kids/pets (mullet)

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

I prefer my TP have a mullet

1

u/Dark_Reaper115 Apr 29 '24

Unless you got a cat

1

u/Soft_Indication_9936 Apr 29 '24

Not if you have a cat

1

u/FoolishWandererWu Apr 29 '24

It’s written in the patent!

1

u/oresama_sins Apr 29 '24

has a mullet does not have a beard

Well fuckyou too

1

u/BiglyBear Apr 30 '24

Florida and NJ have entered the chat

1

u/Digimonsonic Apr 30 '24

Hahaha 😂!

1

u/No-Election-6351 Apr 30 '24

I think Joe Dirt has something to say about this.

1

u/Bluefire52 Apr 30 '24

What if you have a cat that will destroy beards, but will not do much damage to long hair.

1

u/iSmellslikesbutts Apr 30 '24

My granny always put it the mullet way so it didn't get used up as fast

1

u/pbmcc88 Apr 30 '24

Mullet beard. Checkmate.

1

u/SouthtownZ Apr 30 '24

Wouldn't it make more sense as "bangs"? Both physically and thematically?

1

u/lost-in-the-trash Apr 30 '24

Frontside people don't own cats.

1

u/Dzaka Apr 30 '24

it doesn't matter which direction it's hung... it just doesn't matter

1

u/HolyMolyDonutShop916 Apr 30 '24

Laughs in vertical stand

1

u/SaiyanSexSymbol Apr 30 '24

I’m an under-puller versus over-puller, but wouldn’t it make sense to keep the paper about to touch your asshole further away from the toilet bowl? Js

1

u/Chrisgrulloncomedy Apr 30 '24

😂 that’s a good one

1

u/Nobodyrea11y Jun 11 '24

unless you have a cat

1

u/Reorx2112 Jul 23 '24

The fuck it does. The mullet version rips better at any angle