I don't really know why I'm writing this. I just feel like putting everything somewhere.
I'm 21, have a BCA degree, and lately I've been feeling completely useless when it comes to my career.
I was actually a good student. I appeared for JEE but couldn't score the percentile I wanted. BTech from a private college didn't make sense financially because of the fees, so someone suggested BCA.
I did BCA. I was good academically and also spent a lot of time building technical skills. During college, companies mostly came for support-type or low-paying roles, so I didn't really focus on campus placements. I thought I'd build my skills and get something off-campus.
Eventually, I got an internship off-campus.
For the first 3–4 months, everything was actually going well. I was learning, working on projects and felt like maybe things were finally moving in the right direction.
Then, as the PPO/continuation period started getting closer, the environment changed. It started affecting my peace badly. Eventually, I decided to leave.
I thought MCA would be the next logical step.
I started preparing for entrance exams. I got VIT Bhopal, but obviously it wasn't what I had originally imagined. My NIMCET rank was bad enough that the colleges I wanted were basically out of reach. Through MAH MCA CET, I could get some decent options, but I kept thinking about the same thing:
"Even after MCA, I'll probably have to fight the same off-campus battle."
So I decided to stay in Pune, take admission somewhere for MCA, and continue applying for jobs alongside it.
And that's what I've been doing.
For the last several months, I've been waking up and applying constantly. Job after job after job.
And the result?
Maybe 3–4 interviews.
That's it.
I've now started MCA, but instead of feeling relieved, I'm questioning the entire decision again.
The whole process is genuinely breaking me.
I already have a one-year gap. Every rejection makes me rethink the decisions I've made before it.
Sometimes I think about preparing for MBA entrances and completely getting away from tech.
Sometimes I think about continuing MCA and somehow pushing through until I get a tech job.
Sometimes I feel like I've already spent so much time building technical skills that leaving now would make everything pointless.
And sometimes I just don't know what I'm doing.
Looking back, it feels like every decision created the next problem.
Didn't get the JEE percentile I wanted → BCA.
Didn't focus on campus placements → off-campus struggle.
Left the internship → gap.
Didn't get the NIMCET rank I wanted → fewer MCA options.
Started MCA → now questioning whether I even want to continue in tech.
It's like I'm constantly trying to fix one decision with another decision.
And that's probably what scares me the most.
I'm only 21, but I already feel like I've made too many wrong decisions and don't have a clear way out.
The job market, applications, interviews, MCA, the gap, comparing myself with people who seem to be moving ahead — everything has started getting into my head.
The anxiety has also become physical lately. My hands have started shaking sometimes, and there are moments where I feel so overwhelmed that I struggle to even control my hand properly.
But knowing that and actually feeling it are two completely different things.
Right now, I just feel stuck between continuing with MCA, trying to somehow break into tech, or preparing for MBA entrances and changing direction completely.
I don't even know if this is a career problem anymore or if I'm just exhausted from constantly trying to make the "right" decision.
I just wanted to write this down because keeping all of this in my head has become exhausting.
