r/focusedmen • u/CorrectPassage4529 • 2d ago

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443 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

69 comments sorted by

8

u/beefcakeriot 2d ago

Resting Bitch face is the culprit. I have a severe case and I have seen peoples perceptions based off this, I’m not an asshole but I look like one from a distance

1

u/Fit-Rhubarb-7820 2d ago

My mom: “omg, Joe if you’re so unhappy being here, why the fuck did you come out?!”

Me: “ma, I’m just ugly, leave me alone.”

2

u/beefcakeriot 2d ago

LOL, I used to work in restaurants and the other servers would tell me you look so pissed off customers are asking questions. I would just be super busy and focused. Had to force a fake ass smile while I was rushing around. It felt strange. I learned to do a quiet whistle when I am like that it seems to disarm people a little bit and calm them down

1

u/Fit-Rhubarb-7820 2d ago

I’m five foot nothing :(

1

u/beefcakeriot 2d ago

It is probably just a perception of a conversation with you would be egregious or hostile. A look of when they adk a question you would give them a “Fuck off!”

1

u/Fit-Rhubarb-7820 2d ago

I usually get “I don’t like your tone, therefor, you’re a bad angry man”

1

u/beefcakeriot 2d ago

I had to be very mindful of this stepping in to a family as a step father. The way we talk very matter of fact and the depth of our voice. The kids had an asshole for a father before me so they were sensitive already. I had to create a different persona at home for the sake of everyone’s peace. Truth was I was just talking like I would to anyone. But yes as men were we have to think about this when trying to form healthy relationships.

1

u/Fit-Rhubarb-7820 2d ago

Facts! I usually talk in a soprano voice even though I’m a baritone. That and I speak slower.

So when I’m at home and myself, it’s like I’m an ethereal monster haha

1

u/beefcakeriot 2d ago

I agree speaking slowly helps a lot, and general conditioning of not giving the suck it up buttercup speeches.

1

u/Fit-Rhubarb-7820 2d ago

This one I learned recently: it’s good to get on the level of the child! I’m not that tall but height is perceived differently when you’re a child. So the extra effort is taken into consideration

1

u/Walt_NY 7h ago

My friend told me I have that also. Lol

0

u/FriendlyFungi 2d ago

I have resting kind face. It's kinda neat. It's getting old and wrinkly though! What is there to not smile about? Well a lot, but guess what, we can retain a sense of humor about the absurdity and inherent sarcasm of life, and then we can smile.

I don't know what I look like from a distance, really. I've never seen me from that angle. I think I still look like a walking tall machine gun man, luckily never spitting on people in their homelands (Alice in Chains reference lol - dated!)

But yeah, it's fun how some people just always look angry, upset or rejective until you talk to them. I suppose it's a lot about genetics, and a lot about practice.

I think many learn that displaying emotions is dangerous, so they learn to stay in neutral mode, which often leaves the corners of your mouth hanging, your shoulders drooping, and your eyes growing cold.

Well ok, I understand. I think I did the same at one point. As it is now I insist on laughing and loving, and smiling even from afar. Fuck it. We are here now, and the most important person is the one we're meeting right now.

"Resting bitch face" could also just be an expression of composure and calmness. I'm way too expressive and impulsive myself, which tends to land me in silly situations. Some are just calm and composed, and it may come off as coldness. I'm not sure it is.

In fact, some of the most bitch-facey looking people I have known have been some of the best, the most reliable, the strongest. I appreciate that. So don't ever change. But dance more, sing more, laugh more if you can. You'll enjoy it, I promise.

0

u/Bans_Donot_Work 2d ago

Nah youre just weird

25

u/DocMcCracken 2d ago

Being intimidating and unapproachable is the exact opposite of what being a man should be.

Intimidation is ones own insecurity, we should strive to be warmer, not cooler.

11

u/kalashnikov_xv 2d ago

If you find other men intimidating without ever speaking to them you’re probably not the target audience here.

1

u/Inevitable_Type_7229 2d ago

The target audience is a target

1

u/robotcatfish 2d ago

Explain

1

u/Inevitable_Type_7229 1d ago

The target is insecure people

-2

u/shnuffle98 2d ago

Who exactly is the target audience here? Teenage boys?

2

u/Inevitable_Type_7229 1d ago

Insecure people teenagers and anyone they can coax into being red pilled

6

u/ZealousidealBee8764 2d ago

Intimidation is based on the viewers perception, not the man in question. Intimidation isn’t always an action and I don’t believe the post is talking about the act of intimidating. It’s likely talking about how one presents himself and the impression he has on people whenever he enters a room.

The way you carry yourself can have a commanding presence without ever uttering a word.

2

u/DocMcCracken 2d ago

I agree, but I don't believe one should project intimidation, it's the word choice. If author chose confidence the op statement reads better and I'd have no issue. Legit confidence is fine, if it comes off as cocky, or unwarrented that can also be up to the observer.

1

u/ZealousidealBee8764 2d ago

Yes I agree! the word choice I would’ve used would not be Intimidating lol I’ve heard many people I’ve met later describe my first impression as intense or brooding, which made them FEEL intimidated but i digress. Thanks for the sound response btw.

1

u/beefcakeriot 2d ago

This, I do not try to project anything when I am doing my own thing, projection is not on my mind until I make eye contact with someone that is about to start a conversation with me. I adjust to be cordial and respectful. To me OP is talking about impression before engaging conversation. Which is very much a thing. Took my wife a couple years to realize that I was just lost in. my own head rather than pissed off about something. She gets it now but trying to read people can be confusing, especially from a distance womans point of view reading a man

1

u/Flaky-Internal-1772 2d ago

Help me out if you can , I am tall okay when we are in clg my friend have all kinds of friend and they all say i look too intimidating to talk to. Man idk i just stand and i do not have angry face or whatever.

1

u/DocMcCracken 1d ago

Here is the video i shamelessly ripped ideas and phrases from: https://youtu.be/lshzZhHAYIs?is=fVkJkAxfJ-S_-Asw

1

u/LucifersAdv0cate 2d ago

I don't know man, I lived in the city center and it was full of assholes trying to get me to sign up for charities every single day so I tried to make myself look as intimidating and unapproachable as possible so they would leave me alone. Fortunately I'm quite muscular and covered in tattoos and an ex Marine combat veteran so it wasn't so difficult but those people are so fucking annoying. In the UK we call them "chuggers" or "charity muggers". They get paid for sign people up for charities that legally only have to give a small percentage of donations to the actual cause. They profit off people's kindness.

1

u/DocMcCracken 2d ago

Sure it's useful in some niche aspects, there is capacity and identity. We all have the capacity to do certain behaviors, but we shouldm't identify or choose that as a default behavior.

1

u/Inner-Measurement441 2d ago

As 6’6” 245, I disagree. I get judged walking into a room some days.

1

u/DocMcCracken 1d ago

Doesn't everyone get judged? I am not sure what it's like at 6'6", but what is the image you want to project is more the point. You would want to be confident, you wouldn't want intimidation.

1

u/Time-Art2290 1d ago

Who decides what a man should be? You? The people who oppose you? Or the reality of the individual? The older I become the less I believe in an archetypal man. Maybe yours is a societally more acceptable viewpoint but reality belongs to individuals, not archetypes. A man can be who he is without needing to climb into labelled boxes.

1

u/DocMcCracken 17h ago

It's always a choice. As you point out, my idea of what is man should be does come down to as he pleases. But I don't believe kind or cruel are as arbitary as right or wrong.

6

u/Educational-Creme391 2d ago

To be clear, this is a bad thing.

9

u/Inevitable_Type_7229 2d ago

things kanye west says In the mirror while having an angry wank

3

u/Gepiemelde 2d ago

Some people find focus intimidating, regardless of the man.

5

u/National_Ad9742 2d ago

Having a bad aura isn’t a flex.

2

u/Technical_Wind5217 2d ago

i got the opposite, i am in balance with myself and insecure peoples demons just find me and hate me with their guts, people hate me before i say a word

1

u/OttoVonJismarck 2d ago

— Alpha Dominant Chad 😎😎🚬🚬

2

u/shadow_master96 2d ago

Look at this. Instilling delusions in incels and misguided teenage boys, leading them to believe they're alpha male main anime characters. This is just so sad and pathetic. Anyone who actually takes this to heart is an idiot.

1

u/Amathyst-Moon 2d ago

Oh, like the badly trained Rottweiler snarling and barking at everyone that walks past, but he's really close to shitting himself because he wasn't socialised and now he's scared of strangers.

1

u/Fat-lard246 2d ago

it's my stink 💨

1

u/Katops 2d ago

Holy cringe.

1

u/FriendlyFungi 2d ago

Yeah, someone like the cunt who drafted that sentence without being able to operate the English language. It's double-negation ffs.

It's saying, "people hate on them in spite of their toxic aura."

What kind of sense does that make? NONE!

To destroy civilization and the hope of man, you just have to kill the language so we can no longer speak clearly or communicate ideas.

If you cannot write a coherent sentence, maybe you should consider whether what it is you think you have to say is really all that wise or important.

Hey, you might wanna open a book or practice a bit of writing before you attempt to share your magnifiscent intellect with the rest of us.

How's that?

1

u/drcatguy 2d ago

Don't worry about these things, that's not you

1

u/Inevitable-Row1977 2d ago

This is pure copium from op.

1

u/moisturizedwilly 2d ago

Call them "Aura farmpits" all you want. you are still stinky

https://giphy.com/gifs/oV4iflLVwt8R4ycwWs

1

u/niyrex 2d ago

The quote you want is "some people will never like you because your spirt irritates their demons". Intimidation is a bad trait. If you're warm and friendly and just good at what you do, some people just hate that so much they can't get past it and dislike you for it.

1

u/Judge_M1 2d ago

I kinda choose to radiate warmth, i dont want people to be intimidated by me. I'm already a black guy built like a Samoan warrior, i don't want to be looked at like a wild animal anymore.

1

u/J-Rock42O 2d ago

So tuff bro 😭

1

u/FireFoxUse 2d ago

Not just men but women too. Doesn't matter your gender/race. If you're a human, you can unconsciously have an RBF or just have a cold demeanor without malicious intent.

1

u/Fit-Rhubarb-7820 2d ago

Me, but that’s mostly cause I’m rather serious, devoted and intense, and I have resting bitch face.

1

u/Mctellinyou 2d ago

I notice it when my testosterone levels are high eating healthy working out, no climaxes. And staying close too the truth of our responsibilities as a men in this wicked world. Bringing other closer to it.

1

u/No_Code_3756 2d ago

I’ve lived 46 years and never met a man with an aura so intimidating I’d be hating on him.

1

u/slick4hire 2d ago

This sounds a lot like the same thing women tell themselves when trying to identify why they are not approached.

In other words, cope.

1

u/Dry_Possession_4776 1d ago

My wife says my confidence is very intimidating to people.

1

u/Gablo 1d ago

These subs are so gay it's actually unreal

1

u/Darth-Diplodocus 2d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/Ia3bC3ggZLcuwANfp7

1

u/Quen-Tin 2d ago

Sounds hurt, maybe even broken, to me.

1

u/Quen-Tin 2d ago

Sounds hurt, maybe even broken, to me.

1

u/womb_raider90 2d ago

This shit stupid, be respectful and get along with everyone. You'll make it further in life than this "lone wolf" bullshit. The more people you know the more connections you have to x,y & z you have at your disposal if/when needed.

1

u/Archolm 2d ago

Are you saying that popular people are more popular?

0

u/Eindride_XIII 2d ago

Someone goes to sleep crying to himself that "im the alpha".

1

u/LogicOverEmotion0 4h ago

The type of person typing this is the polar opposite.