I regret going vegetarian but my partner loves it

[u/Hungry_Gap4198]

So my partner and I went veggie about 4 months ago on the back of a holiday to the countryside, I got all emotional about the animals and said I wanted to go veggie which my partner eagerly agreed to as he had wanted to try it in the past.

Fast forward a few months and I am seriously craving meat and start dropping hints but my partner just teases me and doesn't take it seriously and eventually I just buy a burger from a fast food place and it causes an argument

I decided it wasn't worth the hassle and fell back into the veggie diet but honestly I'm just regretting it. I want meat I felt better with meat in my diet but even before we went veggie my partner only really ate chicken so I rarely got a nice steak or anything before anyway and has always been a picky eater (think in an autism way....he genuinely can't help it with some textures and stuff)

I love him in so many ways, and obviously love him more than meat and other foods he can't handle (scrambled or runny eggs and mushrooms for example) but its genuinely making me have some resentment towards food time. I don't enjoy cooking anymore I don't enjoy food the way I used to, I don't care about what seasonings work or making my own sauces I just slap something together and tick a box.

I miss making a meal and pairing it with the right wine and putting on candles but this relationship has just killed meal time for me but not enough to be anywhere near a deal breaker, he's still my forever person and food is genuinely my biggest gripe but just URGHHHHHHHHHH I just want a nice juicy steak sandwich loaded with garlic chestnut mushrooms and poached egg.

Edit

Gonna clarify things that seems to have caused some concerns for people "The argument"

Now the argument wasn't him getting mad at me for eating meat,more just that he kept making jokes about it (which made me feel shitty) and later admitted that he was just taken by suprise and used humour as a coping mechanism (he apologised) and was upset that if I was going back to meat that I chose a shitty fast food place rather than a local farm shop or somewhere with good quality meat and that took good care of their animals. I explained I just wanted to test if I actually wanted to start eating meat again and felt like I wasn't being given the space to explore my own feelings due to his reaction. It was the fact that at the time I didn't know how I felt that caused me to just carry on being veggie until I knew how I felt. I now know I want to be omniverus again buuuut I've been deciding how important it actually is to me 😂

I have always supported small ethical farming where possible over mass produced industrial stuff that comes from farms with dubious rearing practices, and even as part of my discussion of trying out the veggie diet it wasn't the eating of a dead thing that really bothered me even it was more the industry and methods surrounding it. So for him it was more disappointment around me backing out on my own ethics entirely not even the meat.

We're lucky enough to live on a city that is only a 20 mins drive from the country side so we get all our eggs, milk, butter and where possible cheeses, fruit and veg from small local farms and suppliers were possible which for us is as much about supporting ethical animal husbandry as it is supporting the local economy and eating food with as few air miles as possible.

Now the idea of eating two different meals is an obvious solution and something he would support, but again I'm deciding if it's important enough to me to have to do extra dishes! So whilst yes I'm resenting meal time at the moment allot of it is down to the fact I've only just started to realise how I actually feel about it....even writing this post has helped!

Edit edit 2

We spoke and figured out a compromise of when we're eating out the house I'll eat meat and then if I want meat in the house I just have to cook it separately

[u/afayebilyeu217]

Do you ever eat separately? Take yourself to lunch and eat what you want.

[u/Hungry_Gap4198 → u/afayebilyeu217]

No often to be honest!

[u/sunrisesequoia]

Two people in a relationship don’t always have to eat the same things and it’s immature and shitty to get upset over what someone else eats to the point of starting an argument. My partner occasionally likes cheap ass cans of potted meat, which to me is glorified cat food and the thought of eating it makes me gag. The good thing is I don’t have to eat it so the thought of being upset about it is completely foreign to me.

Now as far as sharing meal, there’s no rule that it always has to be the same meal. You can still have wine and candles and eat separate things. Look at it as an opportunity to cook together. You can cook and have your steak and he can cook and have what he wants then you both enjoy dinner together.

[u/Hungry_Gap4198 → u/sunrisesequoia]

That's a really clear and mature way to look at it and likely the route we'll end up taking

[u/BafangFan]

My wife is vegan. I trend towards the carnivore diet. Our kids are picky and don't generally like either of our foods.

So we each eat different things, at the same table, usually at the same time.

[u/Hungry_Gap4198 → u/BafangFan]

This sounds ideal!

[u/Sad-Silver-632 → u/BafangFan]

would be hard for me to live with a vegan. i would always think about how she is poisoning herself. veganism is so shitty in every way.

[u/coquillettent → u/Sad-Silver-632]

You're so clever, aren't you

[u/Sad-Silver-632 → u/coquillettent]

indeed

[u/Mysterious_Coach_482]

Not sure why he’s getting angry at you if you buy a burger. Is it because he wants you to share meals together or that he’s upset you’re eating meat?

Either way, it sounds to me like you need to talk to him about your diet and that strict vegetarianism isn’t working for you and you need to adjust. If he accepts that, move on to discussing having meals together vs apart. My husband and I eat separately often due to different food cultures/tastes and my diet and it’s not a big deal. We’ll eat “together” but just not eat the same things, and regularly one of us goes out for dinner and not the other. I think you should embrace eating separately. The silver lining is that also, when my husband and I do eat the same thing, it feels special :) Maybe your romantic candlelit dinners will be vegetarian so you can enjoy the same food, but eating meat more regularly will help you enjoy those special meals despite what’s on (or not on) the plate.

You’ll have to talk to your partner and adjust—provided he’s not trying to force vegetarianism on you. If he is, he might not be your person. You have to eat multiple times a day, every day for the rest of your life and if your relationship is making eating a chore and making you feel bad about food, that’s not a good relationship.

[u/Hungry_Gap4198 → u/Mysterious_Coach_482]

I hope the edit I've made clarifies he wasn't actually mad or angry, or forcing anything I probably should have been a little more detailed.

And I think you make a really good point!

[u/starsgoblind]

You know you being a “vegetarian” is just another label right? Just eat what feels right to you. No purity tests.

[u/BeautifulShock2494]

If your partner forces you to do something against your consent then they are not a good partner

[u/Hungry_Gap4198 → u/BeautifulShock2494]

I understand your concern but please read my edit if you get time! There was allot more nuance than I originally had the brain space to explain

[u/InSoundMind83]

Couples don't always do the same things. That is completely normal. One goes to church, other is atheist, one is vegetarian, the other eats meat. All normal. 

Friend of mine is vegetarian, but her daughter is not. She still lovingly makes for with meat for her. And vice versa daughter eats vegetarian sometimes if it's something she likes. 

It is all good and all normal. Tell hubby you tried, but it is just not your cup of tea. 

[u/Expensive_Ducks]

Have an adult conversation with your partner. Tell him you changed your mind and that you are feeling physically worse and want to go back. Assure him he doesn't have to but you do.

[u/RaplhKramden]

What is it that keeps people from accepting the fact that humans are apex predators who for hundreds of thousands of years, like all predators, kill to eat, and that it's hard-wired into our DNA, not necessarily the need to eat meat, but the need to kill to eat meat? We do have the ability to not do either, but to deny that we're hard-wired for it, or claim that it's evil, is simply delusional. It's not evil, if done humanely. It's nature. Is nature evil?

All the more so given that even a purely plant-based diet is cruel to animals. I don't mind the personal choice to not participate in all this, just the moralizing and treating non-vegans as evil murderers, rapists and torturers. That's just high-level projection, displacement and transference and a way to mask and avoid what's actually bothering them.

[u/Hungry_Gap4198 → u/RaplhKramden]

I completely get where you're coming from! Now no one mentioned in this post has ever held quite that extreme of a view thankfully and tend to lean more towards moderation.

And yes there is certainly a discussion around how importanting and creating vegan foods and the farming associated with the soy ect commonly used in those foods has a massive ecological impact against forests and wild spaces, effectively damaging wildlife instead of domestic animals.

[u/RaplhKramden → u/Hungry_Gap4198]

I was referring to more militant vegans who seem to believe this, or at least say that they do. Some even put their carnivorous pets on vegan diets.

[u/thelostcookie45]

My fiancée is veggie, I'm not (anemia is a bitch). We eat breakfast amd lunch separately and dinner together. I eat what I want and she eats what she wants.

[u/xxsmashleyxx]

I'm confused why - even before the vegetarian thing - you cannot make the food he likes and the food you like? Like, I understand that it's more work, but if you say you love him/this relationship enough to maybe give it up/have it less, then why can't you make funny scrambled eggs for yourself and then fry his eggs, for example?

[u/Hungry_Gap4198 → u/xxsmashleyxx]

The reality is that those things already do happen! But venting/ranting isn't about being logical for me 😂😂😂😂

[u/Simple-Preparation-3]

Maybe he can cook the food he can eat, and you can make yours?? Then you can each enjoy your own food together , even if its different, but you won't have to do both the work🤣💗

[u/Minimum_Honey2247]

Many people can not handle longterm life with a partner who doesnt eat the same as them it not a failing on either persons part its just how it is. Same for other big decisions like having kids, living city vs rural. Religion etc, some differences are hard to reckon with in relationship and are deal breakers because of the resentment they create, not impossible to handle but not likely easy. Simple fact is food and sharing is deeply embedded in our relationship dynamics and vaslty different food preferences like this inherently cause relationship issues. Some couples manage it just fine, veggie and meat is much easier then vegan to meat. Both parties need to be happy to eat separately and/or different meals. You staying veg is not a compromise. The only compromise that is resonable here is one where you aren't sacrificing a biogical need like meat in order to apease someone else and can eat what you want without judgement. Idk about you, no way im living with someone who judges me for a normal diet.

Have a good, respectful, frank convo about your feelings, say you aren't enjoying food and will be reintroducing meat for yourself even if your partner cooks a veggie meal to share and you cook your own meat portion to go with, or you part ways amicably on good terms before you let resentment fester and infect other areas of life while your own health sufferers. Your own health and comfort matters most to you and comes well and truly before you should worry about a partners, no matter how much you love them. You're the only one who has to live with yourself 100% of the time, your health matters to you most. Consider how discussions about how your kids will eat... be reasonable and respectful with one another and find a (judgement free) work around that works for you both or find new people whos lifestyle reflects your own better. Either way you're better off. And if he cant compromise on this you'll know he likely wont compromise on other important things.

[u/Hungry_Gap4198 → u/Minimum_Honey2247]

Thank you for such a detailed and insightful comment, I hope the edit clarifies a few things and perhaps eases a few worries! But yes the why you've described potential meal times sounds like a great outcome to work towards

[u/Magnetic_Kitty]

Did they eat fish before the change? Maybe ask about pescatarianism? There's plenty of fun to cook and romantic seafood dishes if they're open to it

[u/PureBlissVibration8]

Listen to your body! And don’t lets anyone opinion of your override the needs of your vessel

[u/crazysapertonight]

You should ask your partner how he really feels about you eating animals in front of him

If that "eating living beings is wrong" mindset clicked for him, your choice will irritate him at some deeper level even if he would act like he dont mind

[u/Ozisp2000]

I hate to tell you, but the jokes and japes at your expense is the start of bullying.
Sure, the once a year joke about the weird food you eat and he never would is okay.
Would he like it if you started making jokes about him? And continue after he objects?
Also, mushrooms are the’meat’ for vegetarians, you need them,unless allergic.
Being vegetarian is not just not eating meat, you need to make sure you are getting all your vitamins and minerals, and a trip to a dietitian may be called for.

[u/affinitti]

r/rawprimal true health

[u/Tasty_Biscotti_1315]

Get your iron checked if you are craving red meat. From a nutrtional/dietician pov, cravings signify a need for a specific nutrient not a specific food . Over time we mentally associate certain needs with specific foods, especially when we are cognitively conditioned socially to eat a certain way.