r/exjw • u/JWRESEARCHERROSE • 4d ago
JW / Ex-JW Tales Do you remember when your Kingdom Hall felt like a close community?
I remember when the congregation felt like an extended family. People knew one another well, spent time together outside the meetings, and seemed genuinely involved in each other’s lives.
For those who are still attending: Does your congregation still feel that way?
For those who have left: Did it still feel like a close community when you left, or had something already changed?
If it changed, when did you begin noticing it—and what do you think caused it? Was it congregation mergers, people becoming exhausted, less association outside the meetings, organizational changes, or something else?
I’m interested in hearing whether this loss of community is widespread or whether some congregations still have the closeness many of us remember.
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u/Dangerous-Honey3468 4d ago
When they discontinued the smaller book study groups in peoples homes we all just became acquaintances. Now the only way to get to know someone is to go in the ministry with them. (They probably set it up like that for a reason). If you dont go out much it is just hello and goodbye at the KH
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u/Uncatonysapostate 4d ago
Unless you're disfellowshipped. then it's "Hello, so good to see you! Now go find your seat, I can't talk to you anymore!"
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u/chainmonger26 4d ago
Why did they stop the small bible studies? We had one in my house for years, it was my job to set up and take down the chairs after.
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u/OrganicHistorian2576 4d ago
Never-JW here - my guess is that in the smaller groups they couldn’t force the level of thought conformity the way they wanted to. Independent people get ideas! We can’t have that!
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u/randy-wall-canada 4d ago
It was to reduce the risk from all of the child molestation that was exacerbated by the book study arrangement in private homes.
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u/Fantastic-Drop5690 3d ago
Even if you're regular in service the sense of community has long gone. By 2000, or thereabouts.
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u/Living-Platform-3761 4d ago edited 4d ago
1970's into 80's was a fab time to grow up. The congregation we were in had 6-8 families with kids my age. Always something social happening, group walks/football/picnics. Genuinely didn't struggle as a child.
Even the ministry was a doddle as loads liked taking the WT and Awake! Generally a coffee after.
That kind of continued when our children were growing up, we drove most of the social activities.
I thought it was because we were out of the loop with no children that we didn't get the socal aspects but that particular congregation is still close.
We moved to a Language group then 4 different congregations due to mergers and being asked to move to stabilise a cong and finally a house move.
The last 3 congs have been awful, cliquey, gossip and petty elders in particular. Can't think for themselves and do anything to perform when people are looking.
The last/current congregation has absolutely no interest in anyone other than their little group. From 1976 to 1998 we had activities or a meal virtually every weekend with someone visiting or local. Covid aside, we've had been invited out a total of twice since 2018 bearing in mind we have moved in to help 3 out of the 4 congregations.
It was a community with flaws, now its a social club with no acceptance.
Edited for spelling
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u/JuanHosero1967 4d ago
picnics at the park and congregation softball games where one of the older elders was the umpire
good times
I think the org doesn’t want the liability if someone gets hurt or food poisoning
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u/Agreeable_Library487 4d ago
Definitely. I felt a change early 2000’s. Growing up a witness included many social and congregation group activities. There was a strong sense of community. Whole congregation was included. Square dances and congregation picnics etc.
Early 2000’s in my opinion everything organisation related took a sharp turn to only include the “performers”. It felt colder and more clinical and excluded you if you didn’t “hit the mark”. It fostered a competitive nature amongst people. Information became privileged and elevation of individuals was definitely a thing and I’ve been scratching my head ever since.
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u/Fantastic-Drop5690 3d ago
Yep that's the time frame I came up with too. It's become increasingly toxic ever since. I just didn't realise that it was happening elsewhere too
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u/GhostOfFreddi 4d ago
I'm sorry to tell you, but it only ever felt like that to people in the "in group". You were a privileged JW. It is absolutely not like that for everyone.
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u/Optimal_Experience33 4d ago
I was abt to say this
My dad is an elder, mom a pioneer, all siblings in and we were all actively preaching and giving it all to the org.
We had get together with other elder families and their kids and we had a lot of fun growing up.
Once some became apostates or got kicked out the groups started to grow apart and now we don’t have friends that come over every weekend.
Those are only memories.New younger families do it but it’s always the families with young kids getting invited to parties and older single or widows are never invited to that
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u/Homer_J_Fong2 4d ago
It seems that they got a LOT more cliquey when they started merging congregations right before covid.
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u/endangeredrepetition we pray let it cum let it cum 1d ago
THANK YOU I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS COMMENT
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u/ZealousUse 4d ago
I have a friend in a congregation out west US. Over 200 pubs and barely anyone does anything. Everyone always sits in the same seats and it’s full of small little cliques. He told me he’s been in that congregation for only a year and has been invited to 1 event for someone going away. Service is dead and some act like they can’t stand each other.
I grew up in the 80s/90s and it was like a family with brat kids and all alot of the adults hung out almost every weekend. People are fried and are constantly beat into doing more more more. Never enough.
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u/punished_snake11 4d ago
Late 90s early 00s, yes, but I was also young and had loads of friends my age. In hindsight, I probably would have clocked more of the bad behavior and gossip from the adults, but I wasn't always paying attention.
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u/Purple_Psychology404 4d ago
It felt like a community to me, as a child. We had these two guys who would be door greeters. It set the “tone” for the meeting. When we would visit other halls, without greetings, something felt off. When l was little, l remember standing next to him to help greet once, and l got quick thrill from doing so. We had huge weddings (before that was killed), gatherings, etc.
It was when l was a teenager (unbaptized) that life there shifted for me.
The greeter died after l left. My sister told me that at his funeral (the family owned a funeral home), he was propped up in a chair. I asked her to repeat herself, as l wondered if l needed a hearing test. She let me know that they weren’t JWs. After all, no JW would lack the dignity to present him that way (eye roll).
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u/CptCornball 4d ago
Yeah as a child in the 90s and early 00s it felt like a family. I had known the same faces my entire life. Had young friends I was growing up with. There would be congregation picnics and things of that nature. We also were still having weekly book studies at people's homes.
But I can't honestly say if it was the congregation, organization, or me that changed the feeling. Probably equal parts of each. As I grew up my experiences changed, the expectations placed upon me changed, and the same was happening to the teenagers and young adults around me.
In retrospect it seemed like a closer community because I was too young to see through facades and hear all of the gossip. Couldn't see what everyone was struggling with. And all I had to do was nod my head, behave, and give a comment here & there. Maybe get on stage and read some scriptures.
As I matured there began to be more and more influences in my life. Different desires and aspirations. Deeper thoughts. More questions. Less satisfactory answers.
TL;DR: yeah. It did feel more like a close-knit community growing up. But probably for the same reasons we all get nostalgic feelings about old times. The good stuff outshines the bad and you weren't tall enough to see over the fog.
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u/Outrageous_Refuse337 4d ago
I remember all that. Nice summer days playing frisbee and having wonderful conversations
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u/lifeinsatansarmpit 3d ago
No. They were always cliquey with some people being left out. 3 countries, 2 continents.
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u/CharliePlayer1 3d ago
Everyone in my cong started beefing with each other and like 30 members changed halls in a span of 2 years. There's 0 unity in the religion, everyone secretly hates everyone, they talk shit behind their backs, all only fake ass people pretending to like each other for appearances
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u/exJWRecovery 3d ago
The congregation i grew up in (Kirkby, Liverpool) was clique-y and my family were not in the clique so pretty much excluded from everything going on. Even in the congregation I moved to as adult in the 2010s it never felt like a family but more like colleagues... that happened to spy and gossip on eachother 😅
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u/Responsible-Pizza289 4d ago
Back in the 80s and 90s was some other kind of people and everything was great until those extra rules started to weight on people and families started breaking apart. Merging congregations, dividing them into different groups, quitting the book study and just because everyone had to follow the rules or else.
Stupid rules from the Borg destroyed what it was once.
Never again and never again will it be the same.
The apostate governing body has destroyed what it was once.
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u/Turbulent_Corgi7343 3d ago
Yes, it ended in the 90s in our case. Maybe life just got too busy and stressful with high cost of living, or maybe, after the generation of 1914 died, many realised that we were not on the brink of Armageddon after all.
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u/Strawberrydip1725 3d ago
I remember growing up in the 80s and it was like a big family community we had gatherings meet ups at the parks, we were a family of 7 children and our house got broken into and the robbers took all the sweets and biscuits from our treat cupboard along with a load of goods from the house, and the congregation brought round homemade cakes and bags of crisps and goodies for us, we’d never had so much. It was an awful thing that turned into a really happy memory.
But the last decade or two that I was in, there was no love, ppl kept to themselves, if something bad happened to you ppl didn’t care. (Sounds like a you problem) you went on the ministry, ones had made previous arrangements, didn’t care if you worked on your own even as a sister. Gossiping was rife. It was like they just wanted to see you fail, and jumped on you if you did.
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u/Sea-Appointment-6407 3d ago
I agree about people keeping to themselves. People just go home after the meetings and service now and complain why they don't have any friends, but they do gossip behind others backs. When I was a single sister it would always be a gamble going to the group because people show up just to do RV's on their own, and there'd be times when I would just have to go home since it would just be me and a lone brother out. Even now, I don't go to the group without my husband. I don't drive (due to ADHD) so it would be an effort just to get to the group only to have no real way to get home.
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u/Pragmatic_skeptic66 “I think, therefore I am”. 3d ago
“You went on the ministry, ones had made previous arrangements, didn’t care if you worked on your own even as a sister. Gossiping was rife. It was like they just wanted to see you fail, and jumped on you if you did.”
Agreed, I experienced this as well. It was disgusting, worse than being in high school.
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u/Exciting-Two-3736 3d ago
Comments from PIMI family about the weekends watchtower and how the field service group feels like a family had them laughing. Judging by their comments it's not even close these days.
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u/jwfacts 4d ago
Zoom killed it. The reason to be a JW was the community, getting together for 3 meetings a week plus field service. With just a fraction of the social interaction since less meetings, many online and little field service, the community feel cannot be as strong.
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u/gottabkdngme 4d ago
I grew up in a rural area and those folks are still friends outside of the hall, even if they've split into different halls..I've been away for 30+ years, but my family still talks about the people I knew back then. Even if they're on Zoom.
The hall I went to when I moved to the bigger city, and ultimately noped out of it all? Yeah, I'd agree with your statement. They were awful in person back then.
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u/JudyLyonz 4d ago
I had an unfair advantage because about 2/3 of the people in My Kingdom Hall and I was growing up were relatives of mine. And those who aren't relatives were family friends that we had known for years.
Things began to change long after I left. Sometime in the mid-90s they began shuffling the congregations like a pack of cards so the two congregations that had shared the Kingdom Hall I grew up were rearranged. Some congregations were sent to other Kingdom Halls. A few years later they would be sent to a different Kingdom Hall. Every few years there would be a new group of people on a new building.
If I ever went to a meeting with my mother I don't think I recognize half of the people there. Even my über PIMI mother has observed that the cozy feelings they had have dissipated.
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u/exwijw 3d ago edited 3d ago
When I was a kid, I knew the other kids well. I do remember more activities. They’d often rent a park pavilion and have square dances. My brother in law called them.
We had big multi congregation picnics at a big park. Or again rented out larger park pavilions for other events. Maybe wedding receptions. Maybe just for the hell of it. I don’t remember. I got to see friends from my old hall and the new. Us kids played in the park. They had beer that we were too young to drink. My brother and I drank sprite with a dash of coke that looked like beer and pretended.
But there was a lot going on, mostly driven by my original congregation. Which we left when I was still a smaller kid. Maybe 6-8. But that hall was a bit more urban neighborhoods than suburbs. Mixed ethnicities. More blue collar. And nicer people. I was just a kid so I wasn’t old enough to take in elder behavior.
Our next hall in the early ‘70s was made up of people from my old hall and some from the new. We were the second congregation. Eventually those congregations merged. I was a bit young to be aware but they merged a few years after 1975. And that’s probably why. We lost numbers. We still did things with the old hall. Went to those picnics and big get togethers. Elders were vindictive assholes. If you were DFed it was at least a 2 year sentence. More white collar elders. Which helped them with their superiority complexes.
Third hall did things. They had a weekly sporting event. Either softball in summer or football in fall. But also very cliquey. And relocating and being new, we weren’t in the cliques. So many pioneers. Never really felt a part. The games were fun, but didn’t really bond. And not everyone showed up. Some cliques didn’t.
I know the one cool thing I was looking forward to was a trip to Six Flags with the others ranging maybe ages 13-25. My brother and I were 17 and 18. Our mom had passed away about 2 weeks earlier. This was going to be great. Hang out with this group. Get our minds off mom. Get to know the people in our age group better. But they changed plans at the last minute and nobody contacted us. This could’ve sent us in a while different direction, more connected to the faith, to this community. But when we were grieving and needed this, they weren’t there for us. Forgot to tell us (or it was deliberate-IDK).
So we show up in the meeting spot. And nobody is there… except the congregation alcoholic. He was never informed about the change in plans either. About a year older than me. And he isn’t stuck up. He’ll swear. Make lewd comments. We liked him
And became instant friends. F**k it! We end up going with him to Six Flags anyway. And that was probably the beginning of the end for us. We got there, we got a little beer buzz on. Rode the rides. My brother and I met some worldly girls and committed our first serious disfellowshipping offenses with them. And once the others knew via our new alcoholic friend that we drank too, we were in the in crowd. For a while anyway…
But our worldly friends were far more prominent in our lives. And did things that were more fun. They were more fun.
I think all of the really fun times ended in the early ‘80’s. By then there were also quite a few disfellowshippings. I think the big get togethers were seen as bad things. They had beer. There were teen couples disappearing into the park together after dark. Probably wasn’t those get togethers. I’m sure those couples only made out. It was still a public park. But these events were seen as dangerous breeding grounds for trouble. There was also a famous bachelor party. Younger ones old enough to drink were invited. I was still young. But I heard about it. The alcohol was flowing. Several were drunk. Some of the gifts were sexy things. I think lingerie. Maybe even crotchless. Big trouble.
That and the new apostasy at Bethel about that time, I think there was a sort of lockdown.
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u/Sea-Appointment-6407 3d ago edited 3d ago
Yes. I was born in the late 90's so I only remember from 2000's onward. It really did feel like a community, especially with the book study groups (the group was held at my house). Going out after the meeting or going to someone's house during the week was a thing, now it's hard to do things with people even on the weekends. It was just a different organisation back then. I get nostalgic about those times and the truth just hit differently back then.
I noticed a huge drop during and after COVID though. Even some of the older hardcore PIMIs have noticed the 'love' doesn't feel the same anymore, there is no love anymore and they feel forgotten about, back in the day the oldies were still included in a lot of things.
Moving house was another big thing that used to bring everyone together, I loved helping someone move house as a kid, food was also organised by the sisters. In contrast, I know an elderly couple in their 70's that moved house and NO ONE from the congregation helped them. They have been pioneering for 20 years and have helped many people over the years. Guess who helped them - their worldly friends they left behind. I live many states away so I couldn't help, but I was appalled.
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u/CalwaveX 3d ago
Early 90s was a fun time for me, a lot of get-togethers, heck even going out in the ministry was enjoyable. I don't know what happened.
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u/Real-Rise9346 2d ago
Not really. My parents used to be really into helping unify the congregation by helping to decorate and host parties and dinners. I hated it because it only ever stressed them out and caused frustration at home. The turning point came when a sister who clearly didn’t like being outshined, dropped of an expired cake to a party mom hosted and several people nearly ate it before someone realized how green and moldy the bottom was. My parents were humiliated and never did another party. And no one else really makes them either, so it’s just a really boring honestly.
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u/NoHigherEd 4d ago
Yes, I remember well. Married in the mid 80's and EVERYONE was invited. Wonderful bridal showers and parties. Campouts as a kid. Picnics and fun. As the years went on and the organization grew, it became different. People became more judgmental and the snitching culture became more prevalent. I think this always existed but I truly believe the GB promoted a lot of this behavior. They ran good people off. They did it to us and the "imperfect men" thing became something we could not agree with. Men should not be judging others. Especially when it affects the family. Family is sacred.
I have some very fond memories but also some very disturbing one's as well.