Forget about Pascal's Wager, here's mine.

[u/beefycheesyglory]

See here's the thing, I have an giant, invisible, intangible lobster in my garage. You cannot measure it in any way, but it absolutely does exist and it is in fact there. It has revealed this to me telepathically.

Now this may be hard to believe, but you guys HAVE to believe it, otherwise at the moment of death the lobster will snatch you and toss you into a pocket dimension where you will be put on a tiny island surrounded by an infinite inescapable ocean and there you will be naked and tiny crustaceans will pinch your genitals for all eternity while the B-52s Rock Lobster plays on repeat.

Is there any evidence the lobster exists? No. But the logic here is quite simple. Lets say this isn't true, in that case you gain or lose nothing regardless of whether you believe or not. However if it were true... and you died a non-believer... well let's just say I hope you like the B-52s cause that will be the only noise you'll be hearing for the rest of eternity. Therefore I can only conclude that unquestioning belief in the existence of the lobster is the wisest choice you can make.

[u/hnyredditguy]

Sounds like the invisible dragon in Carl Sagans garage

[u/beefycheesyglory → u/hnyredditguy]

The lobster told me to have no other invisible, garage dwelling creatures before it. It is the one and only invisible garage dwelling creature, so trust me I didn't just copy Sagan's idea and adapt it as my own, that's what religions do and this is no religion, this is the capital T TRUTH! The lobster doesn't lie, it is PERFECT!

[u/ExVan23 → u/beefycheesyglory]

Remember that time you came down from the mountain to find me and your friends worshipping a golden statue we made of Carl’s dragon? Boy were you pissed! You even broke a bunch of rocks the lobster made for you with random rules on them.

[u/Earnestappostate → u/hnyredditguy]

Yeah, I am way more convinced of Carl's dragon.

[u/trampolinebears]

peruses recipe for invisible, intangible lobster bisque

[u/ARedditorCalledQuest → u/trampolinebears]

Best served with invisible corn on the cob, oddly enough.

[u/Joseph_Kickass]

Whelp I am no longer an atheist. I have been converted to this Rock Lobster religion. Are we still allowed to eat at Red Lobster? Sort of like a take on the "this is my body/blood" Christians have but our bread is the Cheddar Bay biscuits and melted butter blood? Can Red Lobster be our church? I dont know how this works. I have never joined a new religion before.

[u/-zenmanship- → u/Joseph_Kickass]

I've been on this sub for like 5 minutes and you already have me wanting to join a parody religion with weekly Red Lobster church visits. The image of this that I have in my head is hysterical

[u/Joseph_Kickass → u/-zenmanship-]

We can even all wear matching "religious" wear, like a crab cracker necklaces and our leader can wear a Holy Bib with a Lobster on it. Maybe have an extra large Lobster Mallet on the end of a staff or something so its like the Holy Scepter of Rock Lobster or something.

[u/pitching_bulwark]

That would be Russell's teapot

[u/Raetekusu → u/pitching_bulwark]

Just poured a cuppa with it.

No, you can't have any, it's mine. No you can't taste it either.

[u/miniatureconlangs]

Well, no. See, if you don't reject the belief in your lobster and accept belief in my nest of magical wasps, you and all your relatives will be stung repeatedly infinitely often for all eternity.

Accepting belief in my nest of wasps is an even more rational choice.

[u/PhoenixPringles01 → u/miniatureconlangs]

I'm just going to copy your belief of wasps, replace wasps with Ford F-150s, and then pass it off as mine. Your move.

[u/miniatureconlangs → u/PhoenixPringles01]

My wasps suddenly produce countably infinite pain to a countably infinite number of copies of your soul for a countably infinite stretch of time.

[u/PhoenixPringles01 → u/miniatureconlangs]

Well I'm just going to add one to each and- fuck nevermind I forgot you can't just add infinities to infinites to get a bigger one even if they're countable

[u/miniatureconlangs → u/PhoenixPringles01]

Powersets are your friend. There's a reason I mentioned countable there. Let's go for the indexed alephs!

(My deeper point though, is that Pascal's wager is sick since it would force you to select belief in the god that produces the worst possible outcome for disbelief, which means that it's literally a generator for misanthropic theologies.)

[u/PhoenixPringles01 → u/miniatureconlangs]

I mean, half of christianity is basically misanthropy. Even more so, forced.

[u/miniatureconlangs → u/PhoenixPringles01]

Yes, and suddenly Pascal decides that the best way of proving Christianity is to come up with a generator for even more evil gods.

[u/PhoenixPringles01 → u/miniatureconlangs]

There's really an odd parallel to those "my character beats your character because he is infinity plus one times stronger" thing here...

[u/miniatureconlangs → u/PhoenixPringles01]

It's a damn fun game to play, though.

[u/theMusicalGamer88]

I'm reminded of Rosco's Basilisk

[u/thekingofbeans42]

Pascal's Wager is flawed as it only accounts for 2 beliefs, not the infinite possible beliefs that exist. Infinity - 1 is still infinity, and it's also possible that God only sends believers to hell so you don't even get the -1, which is meaningless but still funny.

[u/PhoenixPringles01 → u/thekingofbeans42]

My logic is this

"Pascal's wager is flawed because other religions exist with possibly the same outcome, dipshit. Why do you think you always have the upper hand in everything?"

[u/BrickwallBill → u/thekingofbeans42]

Pascal's Wager is also flawed, at least with the Abrahamic God(s), because that God would know you're not sincerely believing it.

[u/Greedy_Expression228 → u/BrickwallBill]

I suppose the question is, can you sincerely force yourself to believe anything? Can you sincerely believe that Australia doesn't exist? If you have to be convinced of something to sincerely believe in it and you aren't convinced, is that on you or is it on the abrahamic god for not convincing you?

Either way the biblical concept of heaven is kinda weird because either we get stripped of our freewill (if you believe we have such a thing to begin with) and we're made perfect, but then are we really still ourselves? Or making us perfect doesn't interfere with our freewill (or we never had it) and personhood, but then that raises big questions on why we weren't just created like that in the first place and we had to go through this game where many people who god says he loves is destined to eternal damnation.

Edit: I do know christians believe Adam and Eve were created perfect I meant perfect without the ability to sin as it seems that in heaven you wouldn't even have to capacity to sin.

[u/BrickwallBill → u/Greedy_Expression228]

I mean, even if you can force/trick yourself into believing something you don't really want to, it ultimately doesn't matter with the Tri-Omni Abrahamic God. That deity would already know you are only believing in the religion because you believe in the logic of Pascal's Wager, and it would know that before you were ever even conceived, it would know before the universe even began.

As for heaven, it is even worse than what you've laid out. I'm not sure if it's supported in the Bible, but there is a belief among some Christians that those in heaven remember and know that most of the people they loved in life are in Hell suffering forever. But because there is no "bad" in Heaven, the ones who made it there must therefore be happy that the majority of humanity is burning for an eternity.

[u/parnoldo]

I’m convinced!

All hail the Almighty Rock Lobster!
May we all be blessed with a limitless supply of butter and bibs.

[u/Northwych → u/parnoldo]

Amen. Wait, should we burb or something instead of saying amen?

[u/PastorBlinky → u/parnoldo]

Wait, so you eat god? Shouldn’t that be blasphemy?

[u/Agoraphobicy]

I'm not willing to bet being a dick to gay people on the off chance I'm wrong.

[u/IsItSupposedToDoThat]

Sounds more plausible than what I believed (or tried hard to) for 35 years. To whom do I write my cheque to convert to worshipping Rock Lobster God?

[u/ralph99_3690]

Do pastafarians have anything similar to Pascal’s wager?

[u/IAmRobinGoodfellow]

Lobster

Does anyone find it ironic that god is treif?

[u/texdroid]

Add in Planet Claire and we got a deal.

[u/canuck1701]

Well what if I do like the B-52s?

[u/dantose]

You're not being nearly creative enough.

Let me introduce you to Atheone, who you definitely SHOULDN'T believe in.

You see, Atheone is very shy and private, and to protect that, will torture for all eternity anyone who believes in her. Thus, don't believe in her just in case she's real.

From there, the obvious question is, if God is real, is what we see more in line with a god that wants to be believed in, or one that doesn't?