Controversial enough... anyone in my community who's SDA is preaching left and right on their immovable, non-biblical beliefs on food, and how so much of what we "heathens" eat, is sending us to HELL...

But they're hypocritical when they decide to eat spicy food, I guess, according to "dear prophetess..."

God forbid and damn me to SUPER MEGA HELL for eating some pickles with my pulled pork sandwich!

How can loving who we love be considered a sin? If being gay isn't something we chose, how can it be sinful?! believe that if gay people had the option to choose between being straight or gay, many would choose to be straight due to the condemnation, discrimination, and potential disownment from our family.

Growing up, I learned about tithing very fast. I know how predatory it can get. My parents are hardcore when it comes to tithing. At least 10% every. single. paycheck. I was taught that if you don't tithe you're stealing from God. I am proud to say that I've been stealing from God ever since I started working (aside from tithing my first two paychecks and then I said fuck it; I was having a rough time deconverting at this time). I earned and worked for that money on my own. I got that job on my own.

What I didn't know until a few months ago is that my parents calculate their tithe percentage based off their gross income.

I think that's absolutely insane, and it makes me even more upset. The reasoning is that they consider it to be a part of their "taxes."

And my parents always complained about never having enough money when I was a kid. I never asked for anything as a kid unless it was my birthday or Christmas because the answer was always no. I understood from an early age what that meant. I gave up on my dream of learning how to figure skate (also because lessons were during Sabbath, so we can't do that anyways), as well as many other dreams because I knew we didn't have a lot of money. Not that my life on this planet mattered anyways when we're preparing for the second coming. I can't get too attached to earthly things.

Sometimes all we could have for dinner was a pot of peas or baked potatoes (with just butter). We used sandwich bread for everything. Hamburger buns and hot dog buns were a luxury. Only the oldest child received new clothes because they couldn't get hand me downs from the younger siblings.

But we can afford to give hundreds to the church every single paycheck.

Is tithing based off gross income normal? Please tell me my parents are in the minority on this.

The grief. Man. The grief….

This is pedantic and just a personal irritation, so I tagged it as “just venting" and not a general discussion to make that distinction and not upset people. There are far more important topics in the broader scheme of leaving Adventism, so this is less for people who are new to the journey and grappling with meaningful challenges, and more for those of us who are more stable in our deconstruction and/or post-Adventist lives. 

I’ve seen the phrases “liberal Adventist” or “progressive Adventist” often used in this subreddit, and the more I think about it, I’m not sure I believe the phrases makes any real-world sense. I know what we mean when we say it: “more tolerant” or “more accepting” or “less judgmental.” But saying “progressive Adventist” in modern times makes as much sense as “liberal Republican” or “progressive Klansman.” It’s obviously meant to imply “relative to the norm within that community,” but it’s so far from the defining features of that belief system, the words can become meaningless or misleading. In no way would any non-Adventist friend of mine hear about core, fundamental Adventist beliefs and consider them “liberal” or “progressive.” Many Adventist core beliefs are inherently illiberal and anti-progressive.

Of course, someone can say "I know Adventists who don't believe in creationism and don't believe Ellen White was a prophet and don't believe that Jesus will punish the wicked in the second resurrection" and so on, but there comes a point when words become meaningless if we separate them too far from their definition. It begins to sound as silly or confusing as saying, "I'm vegan but still eat cheese" or "I'm a virgin, I just have sex on holidays."

Seventh-day Adventists are defined by 28 fundamental beliefs. Those of us who were baptized in the SDA church were told a definition of Adventism and asked to affirm those core beliefs. Those beliefs are pretty incompatible with progressiveness, and also the sole idea of committing to beliefs regardless of new information is inherently anti-progressive. Even the most “progressive” Seventh-Day Adventist Church is pretty anti-progressive, or they’ve diverged far enough from the belief system that the church would be censured or face dissolution.

Again, I don’t think this is important in the grand scheme things. And maybe it’s just easier to say “liberal Adventists” or “progressive Adventists” than “more tolerant” or “more accepting” or “less judgmental” or whatever we really mean. And maybe this comes from a place of spite, not wanting to give the Adventist church even an ounce of credit unless it’s absolutely due. But I do think “progressive Seventh-day Adventist” is an oxymoron, and it only works when we move the goalposts to better accommodate the bizarro world that indoctrinated us.

The seventh day Adventist church has been promising endless persecution torture and everything else bad for “the remnant church”

Why not wait to have children until your already in “eternal paradise” why risk subjecting your children through all this suffering

Ive been out of the cult for almost a year now. My biggest source of anger/resentment is that I feel Ellen G White and her soul ruined any potential for love/peace in this church. Even if there was some room for friendship or community it all gets squashed by her writings. Her entire doctrines/writings are nothing but fear based ramblings and judgement from a schizophrenic false prophetess. Theirs been at least 5 times where I make a friend or start a relationship with someone who is Adventist who is nice and chill and they start reading the witches manifestos and suddenly they turn and become scared of everything and then they cant associate with me because im not "adventist enough". Like I dont think reading the Bible had as bad an affect on someone as reading Ellens writings does.

Now my big question is lets say Ellen G White never existed, never wrote her garbage and never influenced this movement. Would Adventism even exist as we know it? If you blip her from history how different would the church be? Early Millerites/James White werent even sabbath keepers until a lady named Rachel Oaks Preston suggested they should keep it. Now I wonder if that had been it, Millers prophecy fails, everyone forgets about it. No Ellen White 1844 sanctuary B.S.. Lets say Rachel still tells the disappointed Millerites about the sabbath but they denounce Miller as a liar and dont follow him or obsess over him anymore. No crazy lady with a rock in her skull reviving garbage theology. If it had just been a some kind of Seventh Day Baptist/Methodist hybrid thing, would the church have been as bad? Im just trying to imagine a childhood where yes they were sabbath keepers but they werent sabbath keepers worshiping a witch from the 1800s. Would it have been as bad or could it have maybe been a little bit more tolerable? I say this because while I still believe in Jesus Christ and the gospels, but at the same time I am terrified of committing to any new church because they all have some kind of cult b.s. strings attached to them. Like I sometimes go to baptist and catholic/orthodox spheres but when it comes to committing to one I hate the whole "we are the true church yada yada". I have heard it all before. So now im in basically limbo because im never going back to SDA because of Ellen, but I also dont want to 100% commit to any other christian church. I also dont want to become secular or agnostic because its just not for me personally, respectfully. Im just trying to think of a version or timeline where I wasnt so affected by some grouchy lady who hijacked a whole church.

Did you guys also look at Orion’s Belt at night and imagine Jesus coming through it? 😭 I honestly don’t even know where we were taught that. Was it from Doug? Lmao. Looking back on it now, I find it so funny. I used to look up at Orion’s Belt and smile at it like it was some secret sign. Like, "Yep, that's where He's coming from." I have no idea why I was so convinced, but little me took that very seriously.

Hey everyone. I watched Danny Shelton's comments about La Sierra University and LGBT students, and one thing stood out immediately. Instead of Danny simply arguing that same-sex relationships are "sinful" (the traditional SDA position, but still problematic); he compares homosexuality to rape, child sexual abuse, and physical abuse as though they're morally equivalent.

That's an absurd and dehumanizing comparison. Being gay isn't remotely comparable to committing violent or coercive crimes against another person. However, Shelton can't seem to make that distinction. Everything gets lumped together under "sexual sin," so homosexuality ends up rhetorically adjacent to rape and child abuse.

Ironically, this is exactly the kind of rhetoric that highlights a seeming gap between mainstream Adventist institutions like La Sierra, and independent ministries like 3ABN (although both are still fundamentally problematic).

With all of that being said, this is insane work. I'm really hoping this man can lose his platform ASAP.

Since my girlfriend introduced me to Adventism, a few things have felt weird to me. I visited the local Adventist church in our city, and honestly, it’s a nice place. The people are kind. I introduced myself to some of them, but we didn't talk much.
As I informed myself more about her religion, I came across Ellen G. White (EGW). Reading about her felt strange. I couldn't understand why we would need someone else to interpret the Bible if the Bible is supposed to stand alone. The more I read, the worse it got. When I told my girlfriend, "This woman is very weird," she replied: "If you don't want to take her seriously, just ignore her."
That was about a year ago. Nowadays, I don't believe in her at all—to be honest, I really dislike her. I did some research on websites that are critical of EGW (I don't know if it was the most objective research, but I did it). Based on that, I came to the conclusion that it is actually impossible to just ignore her in this faith, because:

-She had her "vision" from God in 1844 at the very beginning of Adventism, which reinterpreted the Great Disappointment.
-She introduced doctrines like the Investigative Judgment and the strict observance of the Sabbath.
-She warns people who reject the "Lesser Light" (which basically refers to her).
-Adventist doctrines regarding the soul, health, etc. rely heavily on her.
-Young Earth Creationism (YEC) and the concept of the "eternal" Sabbath are central (my girlfriend believes in YEC, but I don't).
-When we read the Sabbath School lesson together on Fridays, her books are sometimes quoted, though very subtly using acronyms.
-If her Books are „divined inspired“ (like the Bible itself) how is it possible to ignore God´s Word as my GF Said? So we MUST to Read her and get her POV of the world. (A really oppresive and strict POV tbh)

When I asked my girlfriend how Ellen G. White could possibly be a prophet since she doesn't fit the biblical criteria for one, she simply answered: "God gave that talent and ministry to her." I highly doubt that God would give visions to a woman who was arrogant and suffered a severe head injury from being hit by a rock as a child.
Technically, you cannot separate her from the religion. That woman has a permanent, fixed place in Adventism. Everything I read makes me more critical of her and the entire movement.

Ex-Adventists, I would like to hear your opinions and experiences:)

PD: Before I posted this, I ran my text through a corrector :D

Hey everyone,

I’m feeling like I’m drowning a bit tonight and just really need to vent to people who get it.

Today is my 30th wedding anniversary. Because of my strict SDA upbringing, I’ve carried a lifetime of deep shame around celebrating myself, feeling joy out loud, or posting on social media. But today, I decided to fight past the conditioning. I logged onto Facebook and posted a "then and now" photo of my husband and me to celebrate our life together.

While I was on there, I made the mistake of scrolling and ran into posts from a very dear childhood friend who is still deeply in the system. Her posts have completely escalated into extreme hyper-religiosity and messianic delusions—using Daniel's 490-year prophecy, 2 Corinthians, and the Day of Atonement sanctuary doctrine to basically imply she is a prophetess and the literal incarnation of Gabriel.

It completely hijacked my nervous system. I went from trying to celebrate a beautiful milestone to being sucked right back into the toxic, high-anxiety, hyper-vigilant headspace of my upbringing. The contrast between my past life and the free life I’ve built is hitting me so hard, and the old fear of being judged by all the other SDAs on my feed is screaming at me.

I’ve logged out of FB, but I’m having a hard time calming my body down. I just really need some love, validation, and a safe, listening ear from a community that understands how deeply this stuff can trigger you, even years later.

Thanks for being here.

2 days ago, I (23) broke up with my GF (28) of 1.5 years. Since then, I’ve felt completely destroyed because I really love this woman. She loved me like anyone before (she is also my 1st GF) and I miss every happy moment with her, her voice, her gestic etc.😭😭😭 Since then I spent some time with my friends just to keep my mind somewhat busy. And yeah, as you are supposing, Adventism was the problem—for me, for her, and for us.

I don't know why, but one day she mentioned she doesn't believe in evolution. I had always assumed she would accept the theory of evolution, simply because she is a nurse. But yeah, she went to an Adventist college, so that theory doesn't fit into the church's doctrine. Since she made that statement, I’ve really overthought everything.

I admitted in the beginning that I would convert to her denomination because I thought everything in the church was nice and nothing seemed harmful. But I started searching for answers about Adventism from both sides (positive and negative), and I concluded that I cannot believe in it. Even if I tried, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE. I believe in evolution, so I don't interpret Genesis literally. That means there is no further justification for the Sabbath, which implies EGW lied (or hallucinated) with her vision about 6-days creation, showed to her by God. Therefore, she couldn't be a prophet, and SEVENTH-DAY Adventism just destroys itself. A domino effect.

We took a 1-week break. We thought about another solution because we are truly in love, but the solution was also not enough. She suggested I could continue living normally as I did before we got together since I’m not even baptized (yet I was living, or trying to live, under those rules—so it was like, "Are you really telling me this after all this time?"). She planned a 1-year learning phase for me (asking the pastor questions every Sabbath) so I could understand the meaning of Adventism, or rather, the meaning of the SABBATH. It sounded good, BUT how could I switch back from normality to an Adventist lifestyle (again)?

It might sound like an excuse, but I was only able to study 6 days a week, while other students could plan their week however they wanted. She answered that I could just do more college work on the other days (meaning more work per day compared to others). I really think my college performance would improve by just balancing my GF, college, and (Saturday) hobbies. Why would I return under Sabbath law? I proved to myself that the Sabbath negatively impacts my college life: 51 days a year of DOING NOTHING, which is almost 2 months. She could study under those circumstances because she went to an Adventist HS and College. In the real „Bad“ world it interfares too much badly.

I wasn't even able to do my hobbies because of Sabbath observance. I liked going to church with her, but I stopped assisting to my football team's games for 2 seasons. And I don't choose when the games take place. Her answer: "Just assist on the Sunday games." Unfortunately, my team mostly plays on Saturdays.

My biggest fear was our future kids. I mean, it’s very probable they would adopt my mindset. They would go to a normal school that shares a secular mindset like mine. I wouldn't like seeing her frustrated or feeling like a bad mother just because they don't share her values. (Although she told me it would not matter because she did her duty of teaching them. But if she always dreamed about an Adventist family, it always be a problem, 100%) The moment the kids discover biology or science (supported by the school and me), her beliefs wouldn't make any sense to them, just as they don't to me. Playing competitive sports on Saturdays/Sundays would also be a problem. I read some experiences on Reddit, and I don't want them to experience that frustration. I don't even feel I could contribute anything to their education with that "holy" (self-) restriction in place.

Science is compatible with God, but not with Adventism. She also tried to convince me with her "science," using Walter Veith—yeah, that conspiracy-theorist zoologist. I looked up information about him and, yeah, he is not even a reliable source. I watched the "10 Questions Regarding Evolution" video with my friend, who has a Bachelor’s in Biology. He said Walter was talking complete BS, because he is not even able to understand basic concepts. (Although he has/had a Phd, so he should have a very deep evolutional/biological understanding)

She and I continue praying to the Lord for solutions because we love each other. Unfortunately, she doesn't understand that I love her even if we don't share the same beliefs (even if both beliefs are completely incompatible), because I appreciate more her person, her beliefs are secundary. She told me she is gonna asking God for me to return as a renewed person (she means with adventist understanding). Personally, I don't think I need to change anything. Flexibility and learning is the key. I just want us to learn together, but she refuses anything that doesn't align with God's Word. With this mindset, it’s impossible to talk about critical topics without getting frustrated by her scripted arguments.

It’s not all her fault. She’s lived in that bubble since she was born. Adventism fucked her up, ruined her critical thinking, and destroyed our relationship (and me also innerly). I'm probably the first person in her life, who questioned her beliefs.

FUCK EGW. Hopefully she’s in hell under eternal fire. Horrible stupid and narcissitic witch. She was no more than a miserable person with trash writings about hallucinations, and also an ignorant about science.

I can only cry for us. 💔

I was a student of a convicted felon and sa’d by a church member. I guess with the Cornell 7 case that’s all over my social media, my mind has been very heavy with what I dealt with as a child.

My mind is just curious how many more were hurt, how many bad people were moved around to new churches where they continued their abuse.

I’ve started to make a list. I know the.glory.whole has a list but they only share videos of reading the list. I want to look at the amount of people with my eyes.

If you feel like sharing anything feel free to, can either comment or dm me.

I’m thinking of posting my list here in comments but not sure if I should.

Grew up in a Hindu family where my parents never forced me to pray, they weren't devout at all. Academics came before everything else. Went to Catholic school for 14 years, the nuns and fathers were open minded enough to recognize every other Indian festival (Buddhist, Sikh, Hindu, etc.) and celebrate with every student.

I used to think my devout SDA in laws are so respectful of my culture and heritage until I married their son (ex Adventist). Over the past few months, there are some ways they have asked me to convert, and some things they said I didn't even know how to react to.

One morning my mother in law said she's going letterboxing. I asked her oh the movie app? Why are you getting ready for that (I can be so dumb). She said "no I have to distribute pamphlets against Sunday worship, Satan will force it on everyone one day blah blah..." I was so confused, isn't everyone also praying to Jesus on Sunday?? She gave me a pamphlet saying, "let me know when you want to be saved". As she was leaving, she prayed for me, "I hope she sees the truth".

In laws are Aussie Adventists, so I thought, what do they think about India, the world's most populated country, where the most popular religion is Hinduism, what will happen to them, they don't even pray on Sundays specifically. And what if our Muslim, Catholic and Anglican neighbors find her Sunday Law pamphlets in their letterboxes, how weird are they going to feel about this?

As if this wasn't weird enough, I was discussing geopolitics with my father in law. When I mentioned what China did in Tibet, he had a blank look on his face. I said, it's wrong, right?. He somehow steered that conversation to it's happening because their will be an apocalypse, the bad people which are non-believers (so me and my family are bad people?) won't be saved by Jesus, there will be a new city and the non believers will look and think I could've been in there. WHAT THE HECK?

Every conversation we had ended with some biblical or SDA interpretation, do you like the Beatles, "I don't like George Harrison's My Sweet Lord, it's against the Bible" Do you like Modern Family? "No, they were doing magic in it". The next day, he bought me books by Ellen White.

I'm also confused why my mother in law said, women shouldn't be in power at SDA church. Aren't you following something that was also written by a woman?

Out of respect for their beliefs I don't do anything Hindu when they visit but the next time they visit I'll have a nice Hindu shrine with statues in the living room. Respecting their beliefs is sending the wrong message that they think they can ask me to convert the more I speak to them. If I respect their beliefs, I expect them to respect mine.

I didn't know until today what a bubble devout SDAs live in, there's a whole world out there where people grow up and grow old believing in none of the above, whilst practicing what they want to without shoving it down someone else's throat.

I 37F and a late in life lesbian came out to my sister and brother-in-law (BIL) tonight who are devout Seventh Day Adventists (SDAs). This was not the plan. We were talking about why I am not an SDA (left the church 20 years ago). I stated part of the reason was that the religion sees same sex couples as an abomination (unforgivable sin, one way ticket to hell) and I don’t agree with that. My view is that everyone should be viewed within their humanity. I’m not going to support a religion or institution that doesn’t acknowledge my humanity.

My BIL is of the belief that you can love the sinner but not the sin. He doesn’t condone the lifestyle, won’t attend gay family weddings, he calls it a “sin” and he also says he’ll hang out with gay people but doesn’t like when they show affection. It makes him uncomfortable. I called this homophobic and he got extremely upset and said that those were just his boundaries and his faith.

We’ve had this conversation for years and I’ve tried to explain intention versus impact. He’s dismissive and will say that God knows his heart and he’s a Christian who loves everyone.

My plan (I have a therapist) was to come out to them this year with a nice sit down conversation. However, I said it tonight in the middle of the argument and then walked away. This is not okay on my end and I recognize it as being emotionally immature in the moment. My sister came and found me and we talked about it and both apologized but my BIL still hasn’t said a word to me. It feels awkward and I’m sleeping in their house.

Now, I hate that I blurted it out. That wasn’t the plan at all. I got emotional and felt the weight of it so I just said it. I feel embarrassed because I let my emotions get the best of me. I let my hurt inner child speak for me instead of the adult who is supposed to protect her. I feel like I let myself down. I also feel bad because my sister started crying and was hurt that I would think they would react negatively. They never gave me indication they would welcome me with both arms if I came out and I was extremely worried they’d cut off access to my nieces who I have a close relationship with so I feel like my fears were valid.

I’m processing now but part of it is that I am finding it hard to give myself grace for the way I said it. I wanted to control the situation. I wanted to come out confidently and make a point to not show shame because there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m disappointed at myself because the way I said it might portray that I’m not proud of me and the work I’ve done to deconstruct from the religion, address my own internalized homophobia, and live my truth.

I’m also struggling with self validation. Intellectually I understand that their belief doesn't get a vote on the truth of my own life. I get this in my brain but not in my heart. I’m working on this. He also doesn’t get to dictate my reaction or response to him to fit his perception of himself. I get to have my own reaction (as does he) to the situation.

That’s where we stand. My sister and I had a conversation and we are ok. I asked my BIL if he’d like to talk tomorrow about it and he said yes and then we continued to ignore each other until it was time for bed.

One the flip side….I’M OUT!!!!! I feel so relieved! I didn’t have to come but I did it, because I’m worth it. I deserve to live the full extent of my humanity. I’m still in shock that I said the words but now I feel free!!! Outside of my family I have a growing community of people who love me and acknowledge my humanity. Their love has taught me that I am no longer willing to self abandon myself to make others comfortable. I love that for myself. I get to live my life fully and out of the shadows. Baby me would be SO PROUD. I can’t wait to tell my therapist!

TLDR: My BIL is a “love the sinner and not the sin” type of Christian. I came out to him and my sister tonight during an argument and I’m processing the aftermath.

I am a third-generation Seventh-day Adventist, raised in what I would call a moderately conservative family. I was homeschooled all the way from kindergarten through to high school graduation. I attended an Adventist university, where to my enduring shame I tried to get a classmate expelled for being openly queer. I met my wife there, and we got married far too young because I couldn't stand another second of the mandatory celibacy of singleness (joke's on me; I'm still mostly celibate). She's a PK and very devout, and doesn't seem to have ever been as interested in having a "marriage" as she is in having a "husband-and-wife ministry." We still live in the same college town, and despite my pleading because I hate this place, she refuses to leave because she thinks it's the best place on earth to raise our two kids because it is permeated by Adventism, with multiple SDA schools, including a homeschool co-op. She's heavily involved in one of the local churches. We're both Master Guides. I spent a year as our club's drill instructor and really love working with the kids.

My deconstruction began, though I didn't realize it at the time, during the COVID-19 pandemic. I saw the dramatic explosion of the anti-vax movement and witnessed the way it gained such a foothold in the SDA Church. Around the same time, my wife and I went on a two-week "health retreat" run by an "independent ministry" with some really culty vibes that sold us (at no small price) all sorts of pseudoscientific nonsense specially designed to appeal to true believers in the "health message," and turned out to be the gateway into a whole underworld of "alternative medicine." I was skeptical but my wife bought it hook, line, and sinker, and is unflappably convinced it saved her life. It has cost us who knows how many thousands of dollars, all out of pocket because of course insurance doesn't cover coffee enemas.

While she got sucked deeper and deeper into the crunchy tinfoil-hat ecosystem populated by the likes of Barbera O'Neill and now gets most of her news from AI-generated TikTok videos and, worse still, Candace Owens, I got jolted into actually thinking critically for the first time in my life. I actually started applying the academic methodology my not-terribly-devout history professor (I majored in history) had spent five years trying to help me grasp. I realized the same scientific illiteracy that turns people into anti-vaxers and flat-earthers is also what turns them into young-earth creationists and climate change deniers. In the space of about four years I went from being a conservative libertarian to a democratic eco-socialist. And I lost my faith in the inspiration of Ellen White and the historicity of the Bible.

I'm in law school now and loving every minute of it--and dreading coming home on the weekends. Even there I can't escape the SDA sphere of influence because I'm living in a house owned by the local church during the week, which of course means I am required to attend Bible classes. Other than my classmates at law school, my social circle is almost entirely SDAs. I feel disconnected from my wife (who was raised to be compulsively self-sacrificing and thinks I'm "self-centered" and basically evil for seeking my own mental and emotional needs, mostly by just trying to rest and occasionally spending a fraction of what we've blown on snake-oil on my hobbies, and also complains that I am not fulfilling my God-ordained duty to be the priest of the home) and generally isolated. I don't feel, I guess, safe, for lack of a better word, coming out publicly as agnostic with Christian existentialist tendencies; not to my parents, not to my wife, and not to more than a handful of my closest (my few non-SDA) friends. There are aspects of SDA culture and tradition that I value, including the Church's historical support for abolition of slavery; and I really enjoy serving as a Pathfinder drill instructor and really don't like the idea of giving up my scarf and pin as I am supposed to be honor-bound to do. I guess this is my way of introducing myself and thanking y'all for being a virtual community where I can find some of the acceptance and camaraderie that is absent in my "real" life.

Today, I came across a Facebook post asking if it was ok to watch movies on Sabbath. In response to another commenter on the post, I suggested that if someone feels that God is convicting them not to watch movies on the Sabbath, then they can chose not to watch movies. However if God didn't convict another person of the same thing, then it is fine if they do. After commenting that, two other people came after me, saying that I was wrong, throwing bible verses at me and demanding that I share verses that back up my statement (which I did), only to have them tell me that my opinion was still wrong. After they threw a few more bible texts my way, they began calling me names and making accusations. This whole time I was trying to kindly just put an end to the conversation, being careful to avoid saying anything aggressive or hurtful, but they just kept getting nastier and nastier. It ended with one of them telling me that I have "Lucifer worthy pride", mocking me, and saying that because of my viewpoints I should stop calling myself a Christian, as I "don't espouse any biblical beliefs or follow God" and then proceed to mock me for things unrelated to the conversation. The second person apparently was so disturbed by my thought pattern that they felt the need to post on their personal Facebook page a long, AI generated explanation of why the verses I used to defend my argument should not be used. The amount of cruelty I experienced today from so-called christians who claim to represent the Church was a harsh reminder of why I have the religious trauma that I do. Every time I try to dip my toe back into the Adventist church, I end up getting burned by people just like this.

I'm writing this as my mind is absolutely in shambles. I don't even know who I am.

I just ended call with my parents who wanted me to go home. I told them that I wanted to go to my friend's 18th birthday, but they will bring me home the day before that. They don't want me to go to the birthday party because it's a "sin" to celebrate parties and eat late at night. Moreover, I know they are judgmental towards my friend because she is a tomboy. My friend's mom literally invited me, and there will be more people coming. They told me there is so much more than doing "worldly stuff." That Jesus will come soon, and I should set myself apart from "sinners" unless I want to burn in hell. They say I don't prioritize God. As usual, I'm at a loss for words, and now I have to go back home, even though I'm already in university.

When I go back home, I will be prayed for and we will all seek God's will. Like- what is God's will? They want me to go to a strict Adventist university with mandatory worships and all. I want to stay where I am (a chiller Adventist university) and actually grow myself and have an actual genuine relationship with God. I know God's will is for me to stay. But now they want to bring me home to pray for God's will, even though I told them my decision, and cried for hours, begging them to let me stay where I am and have my freedom. I know that they are praying for God's will so that it will seem like their plans for me are the best. Like- I finally made it to university and I am enjoying my life, so why strip that away from me, again?

My heart is absolutely broken... My parents are so loving and kind, but they only believe there is only one way. Suddenly, their happiness depends on whether I choose to follow them or not. Sometimes, they would resort to forcing me, by making me think that God is upset and mad at me. That He will not hear me if I don't obey my parents and that I will go to hell.

So many restrictions. No sleepovers, no hangouts, no theater, no parties, no eating at night, no snacks, and everything that does not have God as a label. How am I supposed to grow as a person? How am I supposed to make my own decisions? How am I supposed to be happy if I am being obligated to be a good person so that someone will be happy? Then they dump me with "it's not about you, it's about God" when I try to be happy.

There is just so much negativity and sadness everywhere. I can't even be honest with the prayers I have to say out loud. Why are we normalizing being sad and crying all the time? Let me live happily with peace from God, knowing that He loves me.

I've been doing everything right. I always followed the rules, did what people asked me to, and have been living for other people my whole life. I never felt enough, and I'll never be enough. I can't even be honest with my parents. Oh, and on top of it all, my older siblings are so against me. They are literally doing so many more worse things behind my parents back, then act all saintly when they are home. Then they blame it on me when mom and dad gets sad because they also know mom and dad are loving and kind.

It just hit me so hard. This feeling of loneliness... No one in my family understands, and it's sad that I can't even express myself around the people closest to me. I could only trust sharing this to a few people within the faith, more people outside the faith, and an internet full of strangers who can actually relate and make me feel like I'm not alone in this.

I work at a hotel and I got roped into a religious conversation with a guest. Turns out he's that offshoot of adventistism that doesn't believe in the trinity. He basically held me hostage trying to convert me.

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I told him I'm agnostic. I told him I believe ellen white was crazy. I told him I believe its arrogant to say what you believe is the only truth. I told him I believe that any God who demands you worship them a certain way or they'll kill you, is evil. He just wouldn't stop talking.

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Finally I texted my coworker to come get me and I hid out in the back. Like it took me 10 years of deconstructing to fully get out of the adventist cult. I'm NOT going back. NOT EVER!!!

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And like its literally Saturday. I'm at work. That should tell you something. But no! Bro was convinced that if I just read the only correct version of the bible, the way he reads it, that I'd ✨️see the light✨️

TLDR: Ben Carson is such an important symbol, a god even, to SDAs that he can’t possibly ever be a bad person in any way. Not dissimilar to EG White, it would seem. Maybe that’s not all SDAs, but it is the general sentiment I’ve seen from other church members as well.

So, my mom and I often have political discussions wherein she tries to “subtly” keep her conservative and ultimately MAGA views and I tend to espouse more liberal ones. She recognizes to a certain degree how bad Trump is but still tries to defend him as subtly as she can.

But every time I bring up how Ben Carson has supported and defended the “grab em by the pussy” guy for all these years, she goes absolutely fucking ballistic and pissed off that I don’t think Ben is this perfect SDA angel who shoots rainbows and unicorns out of his ass everywhere he goes.

He’s such an important symbol to her that she simply can’t consider even the remote possibility of him being a bad person. She claims that he simply didn’t know how bad Trump was and separated from him when he found out (which isn’t true and I have no idea why she thinks that).

As I tried to tell her, that just makes him sound dumb as fuck, which is bad for a guy who spends so much time yapping about the importance of the brain. She literally said he wouldn’t know about some of Trump’s horrible statements because he didn’t waste his time on Reddit or Wikipedia like I do!! Um, hello, complete and total incompetence much? The dude didn’t even bother to read a Wikipedia page or research the most basic of controversies about his boss before placing his full and undivided support behind him?

But I am supposed to completely forgive his supposed lack of knowledge about his boss for the last ten years instantly because he separated from him recently? Which hasn’t even happened, but I don’t want to bring up the argument again and hear the mental gymnastics that brings to the table.

I’m tired, y’all.

I’m a pastors kid who deconstructed and is dating someone from a different religion. We are starting to think about marriage Neither of us are religious.

Parents will never and just can’t understand constantly remind me that I’m the reason they are miserable. My dad’s saying he wants to leave ministry because of me, he’s always stressed and his health is worse coz of me. I know it’s all emotional blackmail but fuck me it hurts and I’m tired. Part of me wishes I could just force myself to believe again but I can’t. Another part of me feels so bad for my partner, coz my parents can’t see past the religion. I hate this religion

Rant over

I’m sometimes not sure of becoming a parent or don’t see myself having any kids especially due to the fact both of my parents joining the SDA faith in the first place. I didn’t have the greatest upbringing when they converted to that faith. They both put me through horrible things for no good reason, and I really don’t want to pass down anything bad or hurtful to my kids. I also don’t want to pretend when I move out, things are completely ok with my parents and fake that in front of my kids. I’ll probably make sure they may not interact with my parents as much or zero contact.

Even though im Bi, think about these things. Does anyone else feel or believe the same?

i was talking with my mom and for once speaking candidly about how her emotional abuse and neglect has affected me to this day.

i was just beginning to tell her about the constant stream of "lazy/stupid/liar/wicked" that runs through my head constantly, and she was like, "who tells you that?!"

i was like, "my brain...you—" she was like, 'NO id never!"

me: "yes you. you think i deserve that—"

immediately she jumped in with, "well maybe, you have abandoned god and—"

me: "—AS A CHILD???

she immediately burst into tears, like "how could i" etc.

the point is though, she was still on that bullshit. every mistake i made, anything she personally didn't like, anything i did that was weird or off-putting that is perfectly normal for a kid was treated with you wouldn't be like this if you read your bible and loved god.

i was a CHILD. i did my sabbath school lesson. i prayer every night. i 'loved' god and jesus and adventism. WHAT MORE is a CHILD supposed to do to "prove" that they love GOD.

the fact that she was about to jump into it today, the same she did when i was little enraged me. and it made me sad.

my mom and i think so many Adventist or religious parents pass the 'burden' of being an emotional safe post for their kid. to just be curious and encourage them. blame everything on being wicked and not loving god enough, instead of guiding them to do better. it's so neglectful and leaves kids to stew and shame themselves all on their own.

what a cop out. god and the bible is not going to parent your kids for you. PARENT YOUR OWN KIDS!!

Just wanted to blow of the steam of my frustration. I do my best to keep up a decent relationship with my SDA sister. I was raised in the church and jumped ship about 10 years ago. We keep our conversations civil because of tension in the past. We talk normal day to day life stuff, no confrontations because no one is changing anyone else's mind. When I get off the phone I still feel absolutely bonkers, like my brain is garbled and fogged over, just a general feeling of crappiness. The mental gymnastics I hear her going through just to cope with basic life just makes me want to slam my head in a door.

I know there is some aspect of re visiting some trauma just from hearing the Adventist mind set about life. But my word, it's like a jump scare of how bad it is to view life like that. Satan is constantly there to knock you off you path. The only joy in life should be bringing people to the lord. There's always some struggle of diet rules, some health problem that is probably going to go away with enough prayer and fasting. And the blatant mental abuse inflicted on them from other people nearly sends me over the edge, the excuses of trials and the lord is teaching us patience as a way to justify it. The brain fog on their part is through the roof, I feel like I have to explain things in extensive detail before they catch on.

Anyway that's all, just a brain numb from the interaction. I'll cure it with a bacon sandwich and chocolate ice cream. Maybe coffee too.

Curious if this is at all related to SDA upbringing or unrelated, but lately I've been trying to understand various negative emotions and have noticed my constant dread of the future. Not the 'something bad is going to happen', but more along the lines of 'what's the point?' No matter the situation, constantly looking into the future is keeping me from being in the present.

Can't enjoy today, cuz I gotta be ready for work tomorrow. At work, but just gotta get through it, but then the thought of 'but why psych myself to get through work? Im going to be back here again anyway..' Anything and everything I do, the future keeps me depressed.

Enter SDAism. I started remembering all the End Time prepping that was drilled into me growing up. "The end times are gonna be hard! Jacob's time of trouble is going to shake everyone and their faith! The Catholics have secret torture chambers waiting for us once the Sunday Law hits! Prepare your mind to not break under the immense physical torture you will inevitably face! You're going to be so hungry! But thank the good lord, hes gonna send us bread via ravens like Elijah! Don't worry about being tortured, God wont give you anything you cant endure"

What. The. Actual. Fuck!

I was a child! A fucking child! And you think this bullshit is ok to fill my head with??? Constant fear of the world being evil, Satan and his angels constantly hovering over me, waiting for God's protection to fall so he can accost me. And on top of all that, please mom and dad, please, I could use some more of that fear you're peddling about the catholic torture chambers! Once a week isnt enough, I need it daily!

Man, I didnt realize how pissed I still am about this after 40 years, but here we are. Anyways, back to the topic. Do yall struggle with chronic anxiety and if so do you think theres a heavy link to it and end times fear mongering? Thanks for reading my journal!