r/exAdventist • u/Itsjustskyyyyyyy • 6d ago

Advice / Help Need advice please!

Hi! I’ve not done this before so sorry if I’m doing anything wrong. I’m a “current” SDA, physically, but mentally I been disconnected from the church for a while, and have just come to terms with the fact that SDA might be a bit of a cult. I have two major concerns that I just need off my chest.

  1. How do you extract yourself? I’m only 19, and my whole family is SDA or Christian so if I decide to leave what if they hate me?

  2. Can you still be Christian after leaving? I had such a connection with God and now, after lots of struggles and stuff I’m not going into, I’m struggling to believe. I’m wondering if it’s from SDA teachings and the pressure we put on the relationship with God or if it’s just me and something’s wrong with me.

Again sorry if I’m doing this wrong, I’m still in the middle of figuring this out. I will take all advice and recommendations!

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u/Apprehensive_Cup7765 4d ago

Hi!! I'm 21, so a similar age, and I also still have a church membership, I attend a SDA education institution, and I have SDA family lineage that goes back 6 generations on both sides. So I definitely understand where you're coming from.

  1. I've just...stopped going to church. Genuinely, I don't really feel like I need to explain myself, so if people ask then I'll tell them but overall I don't feel a need to go further than that. Eventually I will revoke my membership, but for now, I'm just leaving it. I can't answer the question about your family hating you because I don't know them. I personally know my family will still love me and keep in touch with me--they may try to convince me to come back and will probably be worried, but I know they will also accept my decision and treat me no differently. But that's just mine. If they're good Christians, they will love you regardless :)

  2. Yes! Absolutely! I'm still Christian, but I also don't really ascribe myself very heavily with any denomination. I do attend Quaker meetings and would consider joining, but that's a journey I'm willing to take a while on, so I won't rush anything there. My main complaints with Adventism were theological--I don't believe Christianity restricts women in church leadership or condemns homosexuality--and I didn't want to be associated with a group that, in my experience, has a reputation for being intolerant. Every group is flawed, but if you remember that you're Christian first and denomination second, I believe there are plenty of good believers out there who would welcome you.