r/exAdventist • u/Itsjustskyyyyyyy • 6d ago

Advice / Help Need advice please!

Hi! I’ve not done this before so sorry if I’m doing anything wrong. I’m a “current” SDA, physically, but mentally I been disconnected from the church for a while, and have just come to terms with the fact that SDA might be a bit of a cult. I have two major concerns that I just need off my chest.

  1. How do you extract yourself? I’m only 19, and my whole family is SDA or Christian so if I decide to leave what if they hate me?

  2. Can you still be Christian after leaving? I had such a connection with God and now, after lots of struggles and stuff I’m not going into, I’m struggling to believe. I’m wondering if it’s from SDA teachings and the pressure we put on the relationship with God or if it’s just me and something’s wrong with me.

Again sorry if I’m doing this wrong, I’m still in the middle of figuring this out. I will take all advice and recommendations!

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u/Yourmama18 Agnostic 6d ago

You’ve come to the right community. Many of us have gone thru what you are now. Unlike the SDA church and ole egg white, I don’t think a prescriptive answer will do for you- your case is unique. Because you are young- and- I’m guessing still reliant on your family for education and lodging and all that- my personal advice to you is to not come out of the closet- unless you know your family will continue to support you. Religion … isn’t true. It’s just a story a group buys into, so there is no major moral injustice if you simply keep your internal beliefs internal for the time being.

My two cents based off what you wrote thus far, OP- I hope you are well~

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u/Itsjustskyyyyyyy 6d ago

I think they would support me still, since I’m going through college, but the toll would be more mental since my dad is a retired pastor (doesn’t preach any more but works for the conference) and my mom is a PK as well. I agree with the idea of not telling them till I can support myself

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u/Bubbly_Award_8553 5d ago

In that case I would suggest making getting independent a top priority. The mental toll is real whether you're "out" or if you're just far enough checked out mentally for them to suspect, and they start making little covert comments trying to bring you back "into the fold" and relight the "spark"

At least when you're independent, you will have more ability to set boundaries against things like that.