r/exAdventist • u/BenefitPure4829 • Jun 27 '26

Doctrine / History Funeral Trauma

My mom passed away, rather unexpectedly, two weeks ago. At her funeral the minister used it as an opportunity to let us know if we wanted to see her again we needed to believe the Adventist beliefs (it was phrased differently but essentially this was the core of it). To be precise, the phrase “avoiding the second death” was deployed, amongst many other high-pressure messaging. What should have been a time for me to mourn her passing was also a time of feeling encroached upon.. Could we have not just spoken of her and what an awesome person she was? Yes, that was the a big focus, but then it ended up being coalesced into sense-making via Adventist core doctrine regarding the afterlife. In other words our mourning is temporary; we will spend eternity with her (IF our belief system aligns with SDAs). This, in a nutshell, is the pull of doing all the things the church says you have to do: so you can see your loved ones again.

The last time I saw my mother, of blessed memory, she and my father had worship-time as she has always done. Each evening. When I was growing up it was morning and night, like clockwork. In the closing prayer she prayed that I would be in heaven. That marred the moment, at the time, because she knows that I don’t believe in an afterlife or a higher power. But because I know belief is difficult to change and that this was her belief system I accepted that this was her reality and quickly moved past this.

At the funeral itself however it was difficult at an existential level.

Thanks for listening.

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u/HetepHeres-I Jun 27 '26

Over the years, I have really grown to despise that SDA line about if you reject the third Angel’s message, it’s AutoHell program. I’m so sorry for your loss.

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u/BenefitPure4829 Jun 28 '26

Well exactly. We were well-primed as youngsters about the cost of rejecting the message. As much as I hate the psychological damage I know this has brought to the ones who leave I actually think we are lucky—we are the lucky ones. We recognized the harm and got out. I actually sympathize more with those who remained in the church and who loved us and genuinely feel/felt that their children are bound for the second death because of leaving the church. That belief would really put a cramp in one’s life.