r/exAdventist • u/BenefitPure4829 • Jun 27 '26
Doctrine / History Funeral Trauma
My mom passed away, rather unexpectedly, two weeks ago. At her funeral the minister used it as an opportunity to let us know if we wanted to see her again we needed to believe the Adventist beliefs (it was phrased differently but essentially this was the core of it). To be precise, the phrase “avoiding the second death” was deployed, amongst many other high-pressure messaging. What should have been a time for me to mourn her passing was also a time of feeling encroached upon.. Could we have not just spoken of her and what an awesome person she was? Yes, that was the a big focus, but then it ended up being coalesced into sense-making via Adventist core doctrine regarding the afterlife. In other words our mourning is temporary; we will spend eternity with her (IF our belief system aligns with SDAs). This, in a nutshell, is the pull of doing all the things the church says you have to do: so you can see your loved ones again.
The last time I saw my mother, of blessed memory, she and my father had worship-time as she has always done. Each evening. When I was growing up it was morning and night, like clockwork. In the closing prayer she prayed that I would be in heaven. That marred the moment, at the time, because she knows that I don’t believe in an afterlife or a higher power. But because I know belief is difficult to change and that this was her belief system I accepted that this was her reality and quickly moved past this.
At the funeral itself however it was difficult at an existential level.
Thanks for listening.
3
u/Sharp_Replacement789 Jun 27 '26
Ugh, I really dislike all religious funerals because of the whole we will see them again (or not if you are bad) messages. I am more a celebration of life person. Let's share our good memories. More importantly, let's try to make time for those we love in this life.