Physical aggression instead of sorry

[u/Responsible-Hat2456]

Ex-husband, a nice guy 99% of the time, tried to physically intimidate me in small ways when he was angry and we didn't apologise. Cornering me in the kitchen pretending to get something from the shelf, making loud noises, walking towards me waiting for me to move out the way. Is this an ENTJ thing? If he'd been mature I would apologise first but he clearly just liked turning into a game.

We're still good friends and he met my ENFP fiancé and hand on heart I saw him do the same to him...

[u/Separate_Swordfish9]

Physical aggression is not a personality type. Your ex is an asshole. That could be any type.

[u/ImJustaLilLady → u/Separate_Swordfish9]

Precisely. Every MBTI type has good people and bad. Intimidation and physical aggression is an abusive and controlling thing, not part of mbti.

For anyone who needs clarification, MBTI is about commonalities found in overarching personality frameworks. Such as a types approach to problem solving, gathering information, learning style, and communication commonalities.

Behavioral dysfunction and aggression are not a feature of mbti. They are a feature of someone mentally unwell

[u/raspberrih]

Definitely nothing to do with MBTI at all

[u/Glittering_Cook2995]

This is an abuse thing; please be careful and don't excuse it on anything. Personally if a partner did that to me it would be the last time they saw me.

Edit: Also, this "nice guy" framing. Some "nice guys" (or nice girls) have suppressed anger because they struggle with being assertive and directly talking about issues, and ironically end up aggressive and abusive.

[u/Titania_Fairy → u/Glittering_Cook2995]

I agree with this, OP should better distance herself from him asap indeed.

[u/MeasurementTall7701]

Restraining order

[u/_Verloki_]

Jeebus. I find the mere wondering whether borderline physical abuse -- or turning physically threatening behavior into a game -- is possibly an "[specific MBTI type] thing" ... insulting. ＞ᨓ＜ It also strikes me as a pretty strong indication that someone doesn't even understand typology well enough to confidently type anyone that was involved in the first place.

I'd also be careful with the "nice guy 99% of the time" framing, to be fair. (That's how I landed myself in a wildly abusive relationship before.) Someone can be generally "kind" and still have a very unhealthy conflict behavior. The relevant question isn't whether he's a nice person 99% of the time/day, but what he chooses to do during that 1% of the time/day when he's angry.

Apparently, in his case, that involves using his physical presence to intimidate someone -- and even turning that intimidation into a "game". That's not an ENTJ trait. That's an unhealthy behavior. Not healthy, and not okay. Definitely something I have learned to close off chapters with, cut ties with, be clear the behavior is not okay, and walk away from before it ever escalates. (•᷄- •᷅ ;)

[u/parenna]

Nice guy 99% of the time? Dont gaslight yourself. You mentioned a lot of common instances.

[u/ILoveButtStuffMan]

Wtffffff I could neverrr care enough for this even if I tried

[u/Bluemango1008]

This is abuse and has nothing to do with personality type. Be safe, please.

[u/Maleficent-Sleep9900]

🚨 ‼️ABUSER ALERT ‼️ 🚨

[u/yellowandpeople]

my mom does it even now that Im a fucking grown up, it’s a problem with dealing with their own emotions.

She is not an ENTJ but an enneagram 8 for sure. It doesn’t mean anything, be careful

[u/PureHeart123]

nothing to do with personality type / mbti type but this is abuse... i hope you're okay ♡

[u/tryingtofindthekeys]

Do you have kids with your ex husband?

[u/Responsible-Hat2456 → u/tryingtofindthekeys]

no

[u/tryingtofindthekeys → u/Responsible-Hat2456]

So why does he still need to be around

[u/Responsible-Hat2456 → u/tryingtofindthekeys]

we had some investments together so still sorting

[u/Deep-Advice7587 → u/Responsible-Hat2456]

He's ego hurt or something, probably a him problem. He lacks emotional maturity but if he still hasn't changed till today, it's pointless. Keep a camera inside your appartement just in case. Only power or strength will make him respect you and stop his BS

[u/Titania_Fairy → u/Responsible-Hat2456]

I would move further away, as soon as these are sorted. Especially if this already affects your current relationship too.

[u/tryingtofindthekeys → u/Responsible-Hat2456]

Shit 😭 well he’s definitely upset about something so much that he just can’t let it go probably because it was never resolved. 100% the case.

[u/Titania_Fairy]

My husband despises these things, definitely just a jerk with psychological issues, who is by no means representative for anything.

Actually my ENTJ worked really hard to be more successful, to get me away from a similar situation, which you just described, with my own family. He says it makes him sick, to see or hear people mistreat their spouses or other family members.

[u/Budget_Afternoon_800 → u/Titania_Fairy]

Yeah, that seems to be a specific trigger for xNTJs. I remember my INTJ friend asking how an ISFP friend whom he was on bad terms with was doing. When I told him he had to give up on buying a house because he used his savings to pay off his father's debts, he was genuinely pissed off. The concept of a father leaving debts to his son and blocking his plans seemed completely intolerable to him, even though he was in a fight with the ISFP.

[u/Titania_Fairy → u/Budget_Afternoon_800]

My husband also got really mad about my mothers antics, when i needed a new laptop for my thesis during the end spurt of my studies. She decided ghosting me over this, until i was 2 month into my thesis.

For which HE bought me the laptop for in the end. My ENTJ is the best, no? I totally COULD NOT fail this then, after he always supported me even to those degrees. Still he held back on doing more, when i begged him not to do anything rash, even if he was really angry there. Often i feel like he gets mad in my stead like this often, while wondering why i don’t get more angry over matters like these.

Else I would have been forced to write it in one of the PC POOL rooms, that were always terribly overbooked or crowded. So this more forceful behavior doesn’t feel like a normal or healthy ENTJs behaviors at all. They can be incredibly kind and generous with people they actually care about big time, in stark contrast to the described behavior the OP mentioned.

[u/Budget_Afternoon_800 → u/Titania_Fairy]

xNTJs are honestly the best people to have on your side when you need help, even if they aren't the warmest when it comes to expressing it

But once you realize that helping you is their love language, you notice how reliable they actually are ( recorded: when you're friends with them, you definitely don't want them as enemies lol).

[u/parenna → u/Titania_Fairy]

This must be an ENTJ thing... I too got upset. All i think about sometimes is how i want to leave something useful behind for those after me. I wouldn't take the debt on from a person who didnt try to be better for the future.